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Forty-five: Josh
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2021-03-02 19:10:21Just like Owen has told me, I messaged Taleen a while ago - by a while I mean an hour - and I still haven’t heard back from her. Owen left thirty minutes ago, saying that he had a project to work on. Even if he doesn’t have anything and he wants to leave, I totally understand. Nobody wants to be in a constant state of stress.
I’m staring at my phone, hoping to see a message or receive a call from her. I want her to talk to me. To yell or scream. She can do whatever she wants, and I’d understand.
Idiot. I’m nothing but an
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My brain can’t grasp the thought that I’ve agreed to date Josh. I don’t regret saying yes. I love him and I want him. As I told him, there’s no point in denying my feelings for him. I thought I can avoid dating, but it turns out that Josh is the one who moved my heart, who made me change the whole way I look at dating.When I’m with him, happiness automatically finds its way to me. He doesn’t even have to try. Just the tiniest gesture from him makes me over the moon. I never thought I’d meet somebody who would have this effect on me; not at such an early age like that. I’m just nineteen.
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“Call me once you get there, yeah?” Josh says as he shoves my suitcase into the trunk on my car. When it comes to my being on the road, he is super nervous.“Don’t worry. I’m a good driver,” I assure him. He literally wanted to drive me to my parents’ place, scared that my bones may give up on me. My body has been in a good state lately, so there’s no need for him to worry about me. I’m all good now and my body is reacting well to the medicines I’m taking.“I
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I’m meeting her family tomorrow. I’m really meeting her family tomorrow. Not as her friend, but as her boyfriend. My nerves are all over the place. I swear, I can feel my heart shaking in my chest. This step is too early. I didn’t plan for this. Yes, I know I’m bound to meet her family, but this is happening too soon. I’m scared that they might think that I am not the right man for their daughter. Of course, I know I’m not the one their daughter deserves, but they know nothing about my dark side. Taleen should be with another person. Somebody who won’t drain her energy. Somebody who isn’t too demanding. But she thinks I’m the best boyfriend she could ever ask for, and this breaks my heart.I will do my b
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Josh and I walk inside after we bring the gifts he bought. The house is much warmer than how the weather is outside. My parents decided that we won’t have breakfast until he is here. They want him to be included through every single activity and I want that too. He is so nervous. I should be nervous since he is my first boyfriend and he is about to meet my family, but I don’t know why I am not nervous at all. I have this feeling in my guts that assures me they will love him.“Hey, Josh. Merry Christmas,” Layan says, smiling once she sees him. Layan already likes him. She has liked him since she first saw him.
Last Updated : 2021-03-02Inevitably Captivated Fifty: Josh
Christmas this year was special. Spending it with Taleen and her family is something I’ve never imagined. It was fun and they were all welcoming. Meeting her family wasn’t the easiest thing for me, but it went smoothly. Her brother was indeed scary, and he almost made my heart drop because he appeared to hold a kind of disapproval towards the age gap between Taleen and me. In my point of view, I think it’s not huge; just three years.I’m back home now. I left on December 26th. The day I left I took Taleen out on a breakfast date. I let her choose the place since I knew nothing in her hometown. She chose a lovely place. We kept talking ab
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Josh gave me the best New Year’s Eve. I was the happiest person on Earth that day. We danced, talked, laughed, ate, and kissed. Everything felt so good that I didn’t want the night to end. It was everything I’ve dreamed of and expected; something was beyond my imagination. A week has passed, and I still remember every single moment of this night.He went above and beyond when he bought me the dress. It looked so good on me. I loved everything about that night. It was perfect and unforgettable. However, I always feel like Josh is scared; I think he believes that I might run away from him, that I would be fed up and leave sooner or later. I don’t want to leave him. He hasn’t given me a single reason to leave. I just feel that he exhausts himself. He always thinks that he needs to think outside the box to win me when he can just win me by overcoming his addiction.I don’t want any expensive dates. I don’t want him to surprise me w
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“If you don’t want to go, you don’t have to,” Josh nervously says. I’m literally zipping my bag and he’s extremely doubtful. “I don’t want you to be pressured. I don’t want you to feel forced. This is something you should never be forced to do,” he rambles as he paces around a little.I let out a heavy sigh and make my way towards him. I gently wrap my arms around his torso and look up at him. “Our flight is in five hours. I’m not going to back out now and you’re not forcing me to do anything, okay? I’m going with you because I want to, do you get that? So please, calm down.” I stand on my tiptoes and kiss his lips. “Plus, don’t you want to take me to LA? I’ve never been there!” I beam, keeping my eyes on him.I’ve never been the one who has the ability to hold eye contact with anyone, but I’ve learned that Josh becomes more confident when I loo
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Taleen is fascinated by LA. I can see how much she’s amazed by everything around her just by looking at her face. It’s already seven-thirty, so the sun has set and the street lights are illuminating our surroundings, making LA more beautiful in her eyes. “I can’t wait till I walk down these streets,” she gushes, making me chuckle. “Pick a day and I’m going to take you shopping,” Avery tells her. “I can take her shopping,” I interfere, hoping that I wouldn’t be stuck at home without her even if it’s just for a few hours. “It’s going to be a girls’ day, Josh. Sorry, bro,” Avery says. She has made up her mind and nothing can change that. “Let the poor gi
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Inevitably Captivated Bonus Chapter!
It’s funny how one small thing can change your whole life and turn it upside down. As for me, what changed my life was nowhere near small. Dating Josh changed me a lot. It changed the way I now see life and how I deal with people. It’s been ten years since I last saw Josh— well, face to face. I have seen him on TV and the news. I can’t be any prouder of him. Yes, we haven’t been in touch, but I know that he has come so far. He is now in charge of Dahlberg’s enterprise, and he has achieved nothing but success. He has also founded a charity foundation for helping addicts. He has been open about his addiction and how it has affected his life. I love how he is not ashamed of his past and how open he is about his journey with drugs. He has been clean for nine years and every time I hear him talking about it on a tv show or in an interview, my heart swells with pride and love. Yes, I still love Josh. Romantically. I dated only one person after him and w
Inevitably Captivated Epilogue
In our lives, we make decisions that may, later on, be thought of as nothing but mistakes. They may be considered our biggest regrets, what we wish to erase from our memories. They may be our main source of disappointment, the thing that pains us once it crosses our minds. Some may think allowing Josh into my life is one of the decisions I certainly regret, but this isn't the truth. I would never regret a single moment I spent with Josh because even if he brought me pain at some point, I can never deny the joy he brought me. I can never deny the happy moments we spent together. I can never forget all that he taught me.
Inevitably Captivated Eighty: Josh
I’ve done a lot of unforgivable things in my life, but I have decided to commit the most sinful act today. I chose to die in front of her because I wanted her face to be the last thing my eyes could ever witness before I’m taken to hell. There’s no way somebody like me would go to heaven. My sins outweigh my good deeds, so hell is my eternal destiny, but before going there I made up my mind that I want to steal a little bit of heaven.In that terrible state, I have driven and I am not sure how I have made it here, but here I am, in front of her apartment building. I can barely see. I have takendrugs,I have alcohol in my system and I have even swallowed some pills. I’m tired of living. I&rsquo
Inevitably Captivated Seventy-nine: Taleen
Ten more days have passed and I like to believe that I am used to his absence in my life. My family now knows I’m not with Josh anymore. I think it was a shock to them, just as much as it’s a shock to me. I think a part of me thought that Josh and I would be back together soon despite the breakup because we simply cannot stay away from one another.Maybe we have finally learned how to do that; however, I don’t think I have mastered that lesson yet. I still don’t know what I’m going to do if I see him before my eyes. I don’t know how I’m going to feel if he and I are invited to the same event. There are a lot of things I’m not ready for and I’m not sure when I am going to be ready.
Inevitably Captivated Seventy-eight: Josh
Meaningless. That’s how my life is without her. I still can’t wrap my head around what happened between us. She left. She packed her stuff and walked out of that door. I expected that to happen and to be honest, she took so long to leave, but why does it feel like she made that decision so early? I haven’t had enough of her yet.I long for her. I long for the warmth she brings whenever I take her in my arms when we both go to sleep. I long for the way she puts her head on my shoulder when we watch tv. I long for our cooking dates. I long for her presence.
Inevitably Captivated Seventy-seven: Taleen
“Come on! You need to get out! This isn’t healthy for you.” Lisa tries to get me to leave the apartment, but I won’t budge.“My muscles hurt,” I lie, pulling my fuzzy grey blanket over me. It’s a lie I have been using a lot to escape from any outing. I’m curled on my dark blue couch, having my tv on and doing nothing. For the past week, I have enjoyed doing nothing except for going to work and college. I think I have memorized every single detail about this apartment. The more I stare at the walls, the more I realize they’re actually ivory white and not cream-coloured,if there’s even a difference.
Inevitably Captivated Seventy-six: Taleen
Not again. He promised. He told me he wouldn’t approach drugs this month. He lied. I’m fed up and tired. I’m drained. I have given him my all and I don’t think there’s something left in me to give.Because of him, I have gone against my morals, against every single thing I believe in. I lied to myself, doing my best to convince every cell in my body that he can get through this ordeal. There’s nobody to blame but me. This is my fault. I believed him when he said he didn’t need anybody else but me. I have to admit, I have always beensceptical, but I brushed off every doubt, feeding myself lies, so I would push myself to continue this journey.
Inevitably Captivated Seventy-five: Josh
Almost two months have passed. Taleen didn’t leave. She refused to give up on me even though she should have done that a long time ago. I wish I could say I got better, but I keep on relapsing. I keep fucking up no matter what she does and I don’t know why she hasn’t left until now. I’m stressing her out. I’m giving her a hard time. I’m holding her back from living her life and she’s still here. She shouldn’t be here. She shouldn’t be with me. She should leave my sorry ass. College started a week ago an
Inevitably Captivated Seventy-four: Taleen
We reach the hall where the event is held. Avery is not with us. She said that she was tired and she would be in a terrible mood if she came. It’s one of the Dahlberg’s hotels, of course. It’s amazing. The walls are high and they’re painted in rich grey. There are hints of gold here and there, placed artistically to make the placemore classythan it already is.I glance at my reflection in one of the mirrors as we pass and I realize how close I am to Josh. In fact, our arms are linked together. I look at him and I see how handsome he looks despite his relapse. I fight the urge in me to kiss his cheek because I don’t want to earn weird looks from anyone and I still want him to know that I
