*Heidi*Needless to say, I barely closed my eyes last night. I don’t know why I feel so anxious to have dinner with Cal. He never once mentioned this was a date. Not officially, at least. Would I be wrong to assume it is if he didn’t expressly say the word ‘date’? In my experience, if a man wants to spend New Year’s Eve with a woman, he probably has romantic intentions.No matter how polite and respectful Cal is, I don’t believe for a second that this is strictly a business meeting. Or, maybe I’m just thinking about it too deeply.I’m probably not the type of woman he’s used to dating. I imagine him with someone who has tattoos, piercings, and isn’t afraid to hop on a bar and dance… But the way he looked at me the past few times we came into contact makes me wonder if he might be interested in me, the way he’s constantly orbiting around me, wanting to know more about me…. There’s no way I’m imagining it.I shake my head and look around. I’ve finished unpacking my things and organize
*Cal*Heidi looks stunning in the dress I picked for her, even better than I imagined. As soon as my eyes fell on that dress wrapped around her beautiful curves, I knew it had been made for her.I hadn’t prepared myself to actually see her in it, though. It took everything in me not to jump on her as soon as she opened that door. Until that moment, I had only seen her in jeans, sneakers, and big sweaters, nothing too revealing or sexy, and that had been enough to leave me drooling and waking up in a cold sweat. But this dress…Even now, as I drive us to the restaurant that Tony reserved for us, I’m struggling to keep my eyes on the road instead of on her. Her presence is consuming all of my senses, her intoxicating perfume invading my nostrils and making it hard for me to breathe.The way the silk fabric clings to her tiny frame makes me wonder what it would feel like to run my fingers along her curves, hold her in my arms, and…“Where are we going?” Heidi asks after minutes of pure
*Heidi*This has to be the most beautiful place I’ve ever been to in my life. Not that I get out that much, but I don’t think I would have had the opportunity to dine in such a luxurious restaurant with a spectacular view of Manhattan if it wasn’t for Cal.I’m glad I didn’t push him to tell me where he was taking me because I actually do like surprises. When they’re good surprises, anyway. I wasn’t necessarily lying when I said I don’t normally like them, but then, I wasn’t expecting a surprise from him to be this magnificent. He really managed to surprise me. The fact that we’ve gone all the way to Stanton Island is one thing, and then the view through these enormous glass windows is breathtaking. From this distance, with the water separating us from the mainland, Manhattan seems peaceful somehow, not the chaotic city I’m used to.“Do you like it?” Cal’s voice reaches my ear, and only then do I realize how close to my neck his lips really are. It causes an electric current to cours
*Heidi*The drive back to Manhattan is excruciating. I can still feel Cal’s hands on me, his lips hungry on mine. Every cell in my body is alert, anticipating the continuation of our kiss on that rooftop.I can tell he feels the same. His grip on the wheel is so tight that his knuckles are turning white. Neither of us says anything, the sexual tension inside this car making it hard to breathe.I don’t ask where he’s taking me. I just look outside the window, hoping we get there as soon as possible or I’ll combust right here against his leather seat.When Cal pulls the car inside the underground parking garage of a luxury apartment building in Midtown, I realize he’s taking me to his place… not back to mine. A part of me scolds myself for agreeing to go to a man’s apartment on a first date–a guy I barely know–but I shove that unwelcome thought aside.I don’t want to think tonight. I just want to feel. I just want to let Cal treat me like the woman that I am, someone who deserves atte
*Heidi*“Oh, my…” I trail off, unable to finish my sentence while Cal’s tongue flicks out and ravishes my clit with enthusiasm. My whole body shivers, my muscles tightening and breaking into spasm as my orgasm finally reaches its peak. Every cell inside of me is so sensitive to his touch, I wouldn’t be able to form a proper sentence at the moment, even if my life depended on it.My fingers are tangled in his hair, keeping his head trapped between my legs, even though he doesn’t seem to be ready to get out of there yet.I drop my head back, closing my eyes to savor how good it feels to reach climax with only his mouth on my body. If he’s this good with his tongue, I can only imagine what he can do with his dick inside of me.The wave of pleasure starts dissipating when Cal pulls back, and I allow myself to take a deep breath. If I want this to keep going–which I absolutely do–I need to pull myself together first.I feel my cheeks burning when I realize Cal is staring at me, completely
*Cal*I can’t wrap my mind around the fact that I finally got to have Heidi to myself. Taking her on a date had been a surprise already, but when she agreed on coming here with me, I was stunned. I thought she was going to freak out once she realized I had brought her to my apartment, but one look at her, and her expression told me she was more than pleased. I didn’t think it was possible for her to look sexier than she had when I first picked her up, but she managed to prove me wrong.A completely different woman showed up in front of me once I began to entice her. The look of lust, desire, longing, and yearning that crossed her face had me on my knees. Literally. I’ve had plenty of sexual partners in my life, lots of different experience, but even so, Heidi brought out things in me that I’ve never felt before.I couldn’t get enough of her.And never once have I brought a woman to my apartment, let alone my bed. This is my safe harbor. My home. The only place I feel like myself.
*Heidi*Being practically dragged out of Cal’s bed and his apartment is not the way I imagined ending our date. I hadn’t originally planned to sleep at his place either, but after the best sex of my life, I didn’t have the strength to leave his arms, get dressed, and call for a cab.I didn’t think Cal would have let me do that even if I’d wanted to, but now that he’s basically told me to leave, I’m starting to doubt my instincts. He reassured me that he didn’t want to go either, and I could tell by his expression that he was being honest with me. But as he drives me back to my apartment, I wonder what got him out of bed so early.I don’t think our relationship is close enough for me to ask him–even though we’ve seen one another completely naked and vulnerable–so I stay quiet the entire time, watching the empty, snow-covered streets out the window. Even with my coat on, and the heat from the car, I’m shivering. I also think it has something to do with Cal’s eyes on me. I feel his gaz
*Cal*Taking Heidi to her apartment this morning and being forced to leave her after the incredible night we spent together was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do, and that’s saying a lot.I cursed Tony the entire way to my bar, but I have to admit it ended up being the right choice after all. I don’t know how he did it, considering none of my men succeeded when they investigated it, but Tony managed to confirm that Mateo’s cartel was involved in the attack on Christmas’ Eve.He didn’t confirm who took that picture of Heidi leaving my bar, but that wasn’t necessary. I have all the confirmation I need already.When I asked him why he couldn’t tell me this news over the phone, he showed me a picture of two cars, one of them which I immediately recognized as being the one who attacked me that same night. Tony gave me some confidential information on how to track down Mateo’s men and told me he’s trying to find out who is leading them now and why they are targeting me and not
*Cal*I consider going after Heidi. Following her upstairs, grabbing her by the arm, turning her to me and crashing my lips into hers, hoping she can feel how much I love her and how much I’m willing to fight for us.But that’d be a lie.And also unfair to her.Because if I truly was willing to do anything for her, I’d accept turning my back on the mafia and the Irish Kings without a question. I wouldn’t hesitate. I wouldn’t consider anything other than having her by my side.But I can’t.I can’t give her what she wants. I can’t promise her something I’m not ready to do. Therefore, I’d rather she hates me now, while she still has any feelings for me, then watch her fall out of love with me while we are together. That’d hurt me more than anything.Realization begins to sink in. We’re truly over now. There’s no turning back, no saving this relationship that’s barely even started. I try to convince myself that this is for the best. Heidi will finally be safe away from me. She can return
*Cal*“What does this mean?” I want to know. I need to know. “What did you come here to talk to me about?”Heidi stares at me for a bit until she inhales sharply and turns her gaze to the ceiling. She is clearly uncomfortable with my questions, but I can’t move on not knowing what’s going through her mind.Does the fact that she came here to have sex with me in my office mean that she forgives me? That she’s willing to put everything behind us and start anew? That she belongs to me completely, no questions asked?Knowing her, I doubt that's what it means.But I need to hear her say it. I need to understand what she’s thinking. Otherwise, I might misinterpret all of it and ruin everything–again.“Heidi?” I call softly when she doesn’t answer me.She looks at me again, her beautiful, big eyes watching me intently. I push her hair out of her face, and lean forward to kiss her lips. It’s a soft kiss, but I try to convey all of my feelings for her through it.“I don’t know what this means,
*Cal*I spent most of the night and the morning trying to get something out of the cartel’s man I found lurking outside Heidi’s building. Anything useful at all that will help me put an end to all of this nonsense. The interrogation took several hours, and I was so fucking mad that I didn’t let any of my men deal with him even though I was exhausted. It was ugly, to say the least, and I split my knuckles multiple times as I tried to force some words out of his mouth. But in the end, I didn’t get much. The guy eventually murmured some addresses to me, but so far, my men only hit dead ends with the investigation on the De La Cruz cartel.At some point during the night, Tony showed up and helped me a little bit with the interrogation, and then he left, saying he would ask his men to start investigating as well.So far, I haven’t heard from him.The sun was rising in the sky by the time I came to my office. I sat down in my chair to clear my mind, hoping I could think about what I heard
*Heidi*“Are you sure you don’t need me to come with you to talk to this guy?” my grandfather offers for the millionth time in the past hour. “I’m positive I can convince him to sell me the shop at half the price he’s demanding.”I chuckle, shaking my head.“I’m good, Grandpa. If he doesn’t accept my offer, I’m sure I can find another great place somewhere else. As much as I love this one, I’m not willing to pay more than it is worth.”Grandpa nods, finally conceding.“Well, I have to get going,” I say, getting up from the chair. “You guys have to get ready for dinner, and I stayed for too long already. I don’t want them to forbid me to come visit you next time.”“They wouldn’t dare,” Grandma murmurs, standing and pulling me into a tight hug. It instantly makes me feel like I can fight the entire world. Her embrace charges my battery, and I feel renewed. Determined. Ready for whatever the world throws my way.“Thanks, Granny. I love you,” I tell her. Then I pull away from her to hug m
*Heidi*Despite my hopes that I would drop into a deep slumber and not wake at all during the night, my dreams were haunted by faceless men following Cal and I around town. Inevitably, one or the both of us got shot in each of my nightmares. In one of those dreams, these men get to my grandparents. That’s when I wake up sweating and unable to fall asleep again.I get up from bed and make some coffee before the sun is even up. After that, I grab my laptop and start searching for shops to buy again since my meeting with the owner of the Greenwich Village store yesterday wasn’t successful. The guy wasn’t willing to budge on lowering the price, and since I don’t even have the insurance money yet, I couldn’t commit to something I couldn’t afford.I spend the entire morning on real estate websites. However, none of them really stick out to me. I don’t particularly love anything I see, and by the time the clock strikes eleven in the morning, I’m tired of looking at the computer screen, my ey
*Heidi*As soon as Cal’s out the door, I’m left desolated, as if I’m drifting. My mind is numb, and I’m momentarily frozen in place, unsure of what to do. Nothing makes sense and, for a moment, I think I might be dreaming that all of this is just a weird fantasy, some sort of illusion I created in my head. How can Cal–this sweet, sexy, and kind human being–be a criminal?It’s absurd…Lifting up from the floor where I’ve been static for a couple of minutes, I walk toward the window, eager for some fresh air. I pull it open, breathing in the cold evening air. It feels like a wake up call, the wind brushing against my face, drying up the tears streaming down my cheeks.The night is so beautiful, the moon shining so bright up in the sky. It contrasts sharply with the chaos and the destruction that I feel within my heart. I’ve never felt this broken before in my life.Maybe when my parents died, yes, but I was too young to remember exactly what it felt like. But now that I’m mature enough,
*Cal*“Fuck!” I hiss, punching the wall next to the elevator outside Heidi’s apartment. Thankfully, there’s no one with me as I head downstairs after being told to leave her home, so I’m left alone with my anger and frustration.I should’ve seen this coming. It was bound to happen from the beginning. Of course, she would find out. How did I ever think I could keep it hidden from her forever?I could’ve treaded more carefully, but as soon as I heard her saying over the phone that she thought she was being followed, I saw red. I rushed to her apartment, not even trying to control my feelings and emotions. I was all over the place, all sorts of scenarios running through my mind until I could make sure that she was all right.She immediately picked up that I was hiding something from her. Once I decided to come clean with her, everything just poured out of me, and everything I’d been struggling to keep from her was completely exposed.As soon as I get to the building exit, I hesitate, hal
*Heidi*I blink once, twice, my brain struggling to make sense of the words that just came out of Cal’s mouth.Irish Kings? What the fuck is that?Why do I recognize this name from somewhere?But where…?Then it occurs to me, like a meteor hitting me straight in the face.Irish Kings… That’s the name of the Irish mafia gang in New York. I have no idea why or where I remember it from, but I might have read about them at some point in the past, or heard about them on TV or in the news.“The Irish Kings…as in, the mafia?” I ask, hoping that saying it out loud will convince me that that isn't what he meant because that would be utterly ridiculous.The whole idea is stupid. Even repeating the name sounds idiotic to me. There’s no way I fell in love with a mafia boss. Is there? This is not a fucking movie. This is real life.I remember joking about it once with him in the car right after we met. He slammed on the brakes so hard that we were almost rear ended. I had no idea how close to ho
*Heidi*Visiting Grandma and Grandpa at the nursing home feels somewhat bittersweet. I’ve missed them a lot, and I wish I could spend more time with them like I used to. But they have a new routine now, and it’s not like I can come by everyday to check on them and spend time here.I need to get back on my feet, to get on with my life. I need to get my job back.On the cab back home, I look out the window, contemplating the past few weeks and how much my life has changed ever since. Everything revolves around Cal. He told me he loved me last night. He shared his heart, and the things he said about me and how he thought he wasn’t worthy of me, it was all so sweet that my heart still skips a beat whenever I replay it in my head.Is this what I want my entire life to be like? Sharing it with Cal, no matter what?I still have my doubts about what I found in his closet, it’s true, but I’m sure Cal will tell me the truth about everything one day. Despite what I said to him, and how I feel abo