Going Down

{ Aiden }

Being in a trial relationship with Madison only makes it clear that I'm not ready for a real relationship yet.

I'm not emotionally involved or mentally present when I'm with her and I’m not vulnerable enough to form a true bond. I can be myself with her, but to a certain extent.

I've never been able to be fully myself with anyone except Lily. And I didn't even try; she just brought it out of me.

For fuck’s sake, I hate that everything comes back to her, all the time.

I haven't seen her in almost three weeks and I plan to keep it that way. I've done everything possible to avoid my entire family as much as possible and for the first time in my life, I'm realizing that I'm not really a robot without feelings who just works, processes data, solves problems and gets things done for others.

It turns out I like enjoying life too. And even fucking up sometimes… it hasn’t happened yet, but maybe I will do something wrong just to see how it makes me feel.

I like going o