Chapter 9

Emma

Axel lay down next to me, arms crossed to his chest, scowling at the ceiling. He was adorable. Axel didn’t love when things weren’t done the way he wanted, he didn’t like to lose control, but he had to learn to do it, otherwise, it would only get worse. Since we were little he had always wanted to have control over everyone, everything around him, sometimes it also turned out to be stifling, not for me. When he had one of his crises, it was like I could see the chaos threatening to come out at any moment, and every time I didn’t think, I didn’t look around anymore, the only thing I saw was him and that pain that I felt like it was mine and I wanted to do everything I could to help him, to make sure that his mind and his body, I was always trying to distract him and, As time went by, however, I learned what was relaxing during one of his seizures, so I got into the habit of taking them off, slowly letting him know he had to let go.

I knew very well that Axel in those moments wanted to choke me, but it didn’t make a difference, he just listened to me and did what I ordered. Needless to say, part of me was always super happy because I was the only one who could do it. Sure, Uncle Nate talked to him and he could calm him down, but Axel listened to me, just me.

I looked at him again, my eyes fixed on the ceiling and the ragged blond hair that fell on his forehead, my hands itched, I wanted to touch them, move them, let my fingers get lost in his silky locks.

I shook my head and took a deep breath, trying not to think about the fact that her perfume was filling my room, not thinking that I probably wouldn’t open the windows for days not to lose it, and I started talking about my trip. Trying to distract him from the idea of his cell phone.

It wasn’t long before her eyelids got heavy and her body relaxed. After just five minutes, Axel had collapsed, and fallen asleep blissfully in my bed, as if it were the most normal thing in the world.

I watched him, after spending the evening crying and eating ice cream, now I found myself there, with the person who made my heart gallop like a race, with the person I wanted more in the world, that I loved more in the world but that I couldn’t have, I didn’t have to, because it was immoral, yet it seemed the most natural thing in the world. The right thing to do.

Why? Why did it seem like my whole life was turned around just to be around him? Why, when I was alone I felt so wrong and when I was with him I felt complete?

I sighed and did what I should not do, that I could not, I approached him and put a hand on his chest, where his heart was beating, at a regular rhythm to which mine also conformed, as if it were his other half; I rested my head on his shoulder and closed my eyes, Let me be carried away by the moment, no one would know the next day.

I stiffened the moment Axel moved, fearing that he had woken up but simply removed his arms, put one under my head, and with the other he grabbed me by my side, pushing me against him, gluing my body to his. I held my breath until her body relaxed again, and then I started breathing again and looked at her profile, wedged in her arms, her heart galloping through her chest. I rested my chin on his collarbone and I looked at him, I don’t know how long I stayed with my eyes fixed on his angelic face, I just know that at some point I fell asleep. Happy and complete.

************

I woke up to the sound of doors slamming and my mother’s voice ringing all over the house. My body was boiling, completely wrapped in heat. I sighed in my sleep and rubbed my nose into my pillow, only to find my pillow particularly hard, and it smelled so fabulous that I groaned slightly.

I stretched, trying to take control of my body, realized that my legs were stuck in two other legs, my hands were clinging to a body and suddenly I remembered.

Axel was in my bed, and I was clinging to him. I opened my eyes wide and slowly tried to unwind from his hot embrace.

Axel tensed up, the grip of his arms around me tightened, and he sighed as he woke up. He turned around, lying on his side, but kept his grip on me, as if he didn’t want to let me go. He attached the body to mine, even more than before so that our chests were glued, our breaths mixed and our faces with a few centimeters to divide them.

Axel’s warm breath tickled my skin as my heart beat so hard that I was convinced he could feel it too. Butterflies fluttered inside my stomach and I felt myself floating.

Axel sighed again and then one of his hands slipped under the shirt of my pajamas, gently stroking my back with his fingertips, the trail he left seemed to catch fire, and sparks covered my body. I dared not open my mouth, I dared not do anything but enjoy the feeling of his hands on my body.

The other hand slid into my hair and pushed my head towards him, then placed a light kiss on my forehead. I felt him take a deep breath and close his eyes, basking in the sensation of his lips against my skin, I breathed deeply, trying to calm my treacherous heart beating furiously in my chest. 

Axel was motionless, I thought he was asleep, so I put my hand over his chest, and then I put it up, and I caressed his skin, and I put it on his shoulder. I felt as Axel’s heart began to beat furiously, his beats going to join mine, almost as if our hearts wanted to come out of our chests and unite to become one.

I opened my eyes and looked up, at the same time Axel opened his eyes and looked down. Our eyes met and remained glued together, never wanting to stray from each other again, as if the moment they did, the other would vanish into a dream, which seemed to be all that was happening at that moment.

Axel lowered his head and put his forehead against mine, maintaining eye contact. My mouth dried up and I struggled to swallow the saliva that was accumulating in my mouth.

"Axel..." I said in a whisper, insecure about what was happening.

"Don’t say anything," he said, his warm breath tickling my skin "Please."

I bit my lip and kept looking into his eyes, not knowing exactly what we were doing.

Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.

My mind kept shouting it loudly in my head, so why did it seem like her arms were created to be around my body?

"What are we doing?" I whispered.

"I don’t know," Axel replied.

"That’s wrong," I said, looking away from his eyes and moving him to his lips, hearing the call they had of comparisons of mine.

"I know," Axel said.

I passed my tongue over my dry lips as I kept staring at his, it was as if I was thirsty and the only source of water was his lips. I felt his chest vibrating the moment I passed my tongue on my lips and his hand in my hair pushed my head even closer to his. Now our mouths were only separated by a few millimeters, barely touching.

I wanted to, at that moment I didn’t care what my morals were trying to scream at me. I wanted to taste him, I wanted to feel his lips on mine. 

I closed my eyes and leaned toward him, at the same time Axel did the exact same thing and our lips touched.

The rest of the world vanished completely, the whole world, the universe, could even catch fire, it was just me and him and our mouths together.

Axel breathed through his nose and a growling sound came out of his mouth, it surprised me, and I opened my lips, he took advantage of it and stuck his tongue into my mouth. As soon as his tongue touched mine slightly, a groan escaped from my lips, and my whole body felt on fire.

Axel also put his other hand in my hair, pushing my mouth even more against his. My whole body quivered as our tongues collided and our lips moved in sync as if they were a team for a lifetime. Our bodies were united, and it seemed as if they were created to be united.

I couldn’t get enough. It seemed like the most right thing I had ever done in my life, it felt like I was only born for that moment, just to be in his arms.

It seemed like we were one person. And we were because we were cousins.

Reality struck me like a bucket of ice water and I immediately pulled myself away from his lips, trying to calm down my whole body that wanted to claim him. Axel sighed, snorted, and moved the hair that had fallen on my face. He opened his eyes and I met his blue irises veiled with desire. 

Lust for me, but it was wrong.

He didn’t have to feel desire for me, he couldn’t, just as I wouldn't want him that way, I couldn’t allow my core to throb like that, anxious to be touched by his fingers or his mouth.

"It’s wrong," I repeated in a whisper.

"Then why does it feel like the only right thing in my life? Tell me that what you feel it’s wrong, Em, and I’ll leave, I swear to you," he said, looking me right in the eye.

I bit my lip, trying to calm the struggle that was happening inside me. I couldn’t say it. I couldn’t say I didn’t feel it too. For the first time, I felt that I was doing something right.

I sent mentally my moral to fuck off, I stuck my fingers in his hair and pushed his head violently against mine, bumping our mouths into what became a ravenous kiss. Full of desire, lust that had accumulated over all those years. 

Axel groaned in my mouth and I surrounded his waist with one leg, passing my heel over his uncovered leg as I devoured his mouth as if I had been in a desert all my life.

I found myself lying on my back, with Axel on top of me, tucked between my legs as our tongues collided. Axel rubbed himself against me, rubbing his erection against my core, I could feel how much he wanted me, letting a groan escape as I grabbed his shoulders, sticking my nails in his flesh as I pushed him against me.

I couldn’t get enough, I couldn’t, not now that I had tasted him, from now on I don’t think I could have stayed away from him. I was like a junkie and he was my drug. I knew it would hurt, but I wanted him anyway.

Axel put his hands under my shirt, stroking my breasts as my nipples ached from how swollen they were. He squeezed one breast and I groaned, lifting the pelvis and rubbing it against him and making him grunt.

He squeezed a nipple between my fingers while with the other hand he massaged my breast, I moved my hands from his shoulders and stroked his chest as I groaned in his mouth completely without shame. I went down more and more until I reached the elastic of his shorts, I didn’t think twice and I put my hands inside, beginning to caress him through the fabric of the boxers he was wearing.

Axel groaned and pushed the pelvis against my hands, inviting me to touch him. I was dizzy and I thought I could only come with his touch on my breasts. I was wet, I felt my panties completely wet and I needed the clutch that would allow my release. 

I grabbed him through the boxers and I lifted my pelvis, rubbing his hard cock against my completely wet core. We both groaned softly and felt a fire burning inside me.

I did it again and she felt the walls of my pussy tightening and my body stiffening, God. I was just about to come while rubbing against him. I’ve never been able to come with a guy, never, I only come when I touch myself.

I was about to put my hand in his boxers when a voice broke our bubble. 

I came back to reality as my mother’s voice reached my ears and I froze completely, as did Axel.

Our lips stuck together and our eyes opened wide, our eyes entwined before we realized what we were doing.

In a second we pulled ourselves off and out of bed, one on one side and one on the other. The wheezing and the swollen and red lips.

"God no," I said.

Axel looked at me, not knowing what to say "Emma..."

"If Mom sees you here, she’ll have a heart attack," I said, going straight to the door.

I tripped over a pair of shoes, I couldn’t walk decently, my legs were like jelly, while my pussy was still throbbing, looking for the contact it needed so much.

Axel’s erection was hard and straight, widely visible from his pants but I tried not to look at it, I tried not to think about how much I wanted it in my mouth, how much I wanted it inside of me.

Sick. Sick. Sick.

I pushed him against the door, and I opened it, and I looked down the hall, trying to see if anyone was there.

"My phone," Axel said.

His eyes were completely lost, just like mine. What did we do?

I threw myself on the bed and took his phone from the bedside table before throwing it at him and opening the door.

"Please forget everything, it’s wrong," I said, I saw him nod slightly and I closed the door in his face.

I leaned on the wood, my heart in my throat galloping as I thought about what I had done. I was sick. What I had come up with.

I could feel my lips beating and I was perfectly aware that they were red and swollen. I carried my fingers and touched them, not being able to avoid the small smile that popped up. I sighed and put my head at the door, closing my eyes.