Chapter Six

Chapter Six

                                               Jamie

Jab! Jab! Jab! Jab! Kick! Jab! Jab! Jab! Jab! Jab! Kick! 

Over and over again I hit the punching bag with all my strength, I have been going at it for hours, it seems like, trying to clear my head of all the thoughts that are flying  like little miniature jets all throughout my head.  

I am starting to exhaust myself but I can’t rest, if I rest it will give me time to ponder those thoughts and I don’t know if I want to do that right now.

Most of all I can’t stand the way he is the one that is holding me back! He is the one that makes me question everything! If I did have feelings fro Roman I can’tell because he is in he is in the way!  I fucking hate him so much!

Jab!

I hit the the punching bag so hard I let out a cry, letting all my anger go vicariously through the hit! 

And then my father pops into mind! How fucking dare he not tell me that I have always known Roman! How dare he come into my life and continuously push me away while simultaneously lying to me constantly!

And then I hit it again, my breath becoming furrowed, even still managing to let out a cry. I start to feel a tear escape at the thought of my mother, what she had gone through because of men that come from this world. 

I start to stagger in my steps from fatigue but it doesn’t stop me from taking one more big swing at the bag as I think of  all my conflicting attractions, and feelings for Roman. As my hand hits the punching bag I stumble back, and collapse to my feet, and then it’s like a great tremor overtakes me, and the tears all start racing down my cheeks. I am sure my wrapped hands are throbbing from going for so long but I can’t even feel it.  

I am on the ground with my legs hugged to my chest just crying, I hate the fact that no matter how strong I get physically, emotionally I will always be weak. It’s so hard to not cry when you feel like crying, it’s so hard to hold it in when there are people around to see, and I always do. Which is why I have moments like these where I break, and where I explode. The only person that has seen me this way is someone that I will never see again unless I want I to die….

After what seems like way too long, I start to calm myself, and check the time on my phone, and it’s eleven A.M. I have been here all morning long. I don’t know how I am going to have the energy to go to this gathering tonight but I know I am going to have to. That’s the whole reason I was brought here. Besides, my father will be there, and I need to speak to him, whether he likes it or not. 

I have exactly eight hours to get ready, and that is more than enough time to take a nap at some point after I meet Roman for lunch in the dining room. He said there are some things he has to tell me before we go so I can be prepared.  

I am a little shaky from working myself so hard, but I manage to bring myself to stand, and I put my brave face back on, it should be able to hold until my next mental breakdown here in the next twenty-four to forty- eight hours.

I wipe myself down with a plush towel that’s sitting on the organized shelf hanging on the wall stocked with linen. Before leaving I give myself a onceover in the mirror covering one of the walls in the room, making sure I don’t look like I have been crying. Hopefully the redness will only be assumed to be from the workout. 

I rush down the hall, my legs feeling shaky, hopefully a hot shower will do me some good. 

Entering my chosen room on the left, I go directly to my bathroom and turn the knob getting the water going.. I strip myself quickly, eager to get in the hot water, already loving the steam that is starting to take shape in the bathroom. 

The water feels amazing going down my back, as my skin grows used to the water, I fully submerge myself, almost moaning a little at how good it feels. 

After enjoying the shower for a little bit, I finally start to wash my body, and  hair in my favorite scent,  japanese cherry blossom, and before I know it I am clean, and  shaved in every place on my body I can think of. 

I start to feel light headed, so I quickly turn off the shower, and try not to slip on the red, and tannish checkered marble floors that feel cold at my feet.

I get ready for the next hour, trying to make myself presentable, but only my presentable. I have to be in a long tight dress for the whole evening tonight so I refuse to put on anything dressy. My routine black leggings will do just fine for now. 

As soon as it’s time to head down to the dining hall, I am out the door, and walking down  the hall eager to know what else everyone has been hiding from me. I wonder if my brother knew about all this? Are the only two people that I have to call family misleading me? Why would they think that I can’t handle the truth? 

I mean in all honesty it wouldn’t matter whether I could handle it if it has to do with me. Because if it has to do with me, it’s my right to know. They are spending so much time protecting me, and taking care of me they have forgotten that I was the one who took care of my little brother for years. I think I can manage to look after myself.

I am finally in the dining room where Roman is waiting for me, he doesn’t notice me yet because he’s on the phone and he seems really angry at whoever is on the other end. He is speaking so fast in Russian I can’t make out what he is saying. My russian is not that advanced yet for me to even really put sentences together yet anyway. I can only make out some words but I usually can put two and two together if I hear the right ones

Not this time though, I can’t understand anything he is saying, and as soon as he takes notice of my presence, he ends the conversation, and hangs up the phone. 

“Everything okay?” I ask as soon our eyes meet from across the room. This is the first time since his confession to me last night that we have been in the same room. Not that it’s been that long but something in the air is definitely different between us. It’s not awkward but it’s not the same either. 

“Nothing for you to worry about. Sit with me, I have to discuss this with you before tonight. Did you eat breakfast?” He sounds tense, but I don’t press him further about the phone call because my curiosity for what he wants to tell me outweighs what is going on with his business ventures, I’m sure that it has something to do with drugs, and money. That's what it is always is.  

“Yes,” I lie to him. I don’t want him to know that I skipped breakfast, and then worked out all morning. I have a feeling he will scold me like Josh always does.

“I don’t know why you even bother to lie, Olivia told me you did not come down for breakfast at all, and that you have been in the gym for hours.” He says raising his one eye brow at me.

“Are you having the maid spy on me now? ”I fold my arms to my chest, and raise my one eyebrow back at him while taking a seat  next to him at the large square table in the middle of the room.

“And what exactly would you do about it if I was?” He questions me with a smirk, showing his pearly white teeth.

“Don’t underestimate me pretty boy...my father, brother and you have  taught me well.” My eyes glare back at him in warning. But he only shakes his head, and gives me a laugh. 

“You’re cute.” His harmonious laughter makes me smile, and forget that he is making fun of me. I don’t think I have ever really heard him laugh before, and that rare smile of his seems to keep happening more and more the longer he is around me.

“Okay...that’s enough making fun of me. What is this about?” I urge him to pretend we didn’t just have a cute moment. Right before he starts to speak Olivia brings us out some BLT sandwiches, and seasoned fries, and it looks absolutely amazing. I realize how hungry I am when I literally feel the slightest bit of drool at the corner of my mouth. 

Olivia is a cute old lady with the whitest hair I have ever seen, and she has the lightest blue eyes. She gives a big smile, and speaks something in Russian. 

“Olivia told me to tell you to never skip breakfast again, or she will have your head.” Roman translates for me simultaneously as she gives me a stern look, and sticks her tiny fist out at me playfully. I laugh at her as she gives me a small grin, and then turns away to go back into the kitchen. I think I already love her. 

She reminds me so much of....

Never mind, I won’t say her name, it makes me sick.

“Are you okay?” Roman asks me with a concerned look. 

“Oh, yeah I am fine.” I reassuringly tell him. I guess the expressions on my face are a lot more obvious than I think they are.

“Please just tell me what’s going on. This conversation has been put off long enough.” I take a bite of my BLT as I hear him make a long sigh. 

“Okay...well as you know your father will be there tonight. I don’t know if you know this but your father has built a lot of respect within all the crime families. He has never failed a job, accept...once of course…” He says standing up quickly and walking over to the cabinet and pulling out a big bottle of Crown, and pouring himself a glass. 

“Anyways,” he continues as he takes a big swig “Your father realized a long time ago that him and his family needed protection. This was shortly after your mother had told him to leave. He thought he could get your mother back, and his family back if he had proven to her he can keep you guys safe.” He takes another big swig of crown, and seems to be getting more tense by the minute. But he continues on no matter how hard it seems to be for him to get the words out. 

“So he made a deal with my father that would ensure your protection, and your mothers, that's what later led to Josh, when he came back. I guess at first your mother was all for him coming back but she changed her mind, and I guess we found out the details of all later on. Our families have always been close but after this deal your father worked for no one else other than my father. Was, and still is only loyal to my family, Jamie if we would have known what happened to your mother……”

“Where the hell is this all going Roman?” I interrupt him angrily, I don’t want to hear anything having to do with my mother………

“What did your family want in return for our protection? What the hell did my father agree to?” I have a feeling I already know what it is…

“My father wanted proof of your father’s neverending loyalty, so they agreed that you and I would marry when we became of age…..and before you start...” As soon as I hear “You and I would marry” whatever he said after that is history. I reach for his gun in his holster under the table, and come to a very fast stand, and before I know it I am standing in front of him pointing a gun at him.

“Jamie...what the fuck are you doing….put the god dam gun down...NOW. You need to listen to me….” I shake my head at him, I am not listening to a goddamn thing he has to say. 

“I will not be forced to marry anyone! Not by Marcel, not by my father, and not by you!” It burns my tongue when I say his name, and makes my heart go a thousand beats per minute.

“Jamie! If you would just listen to me you’d hear that I have no intention of forcing you to do anything! Don’t do anything you will regret! Put the fucking gun down babe….please…” His men come out of nowhere and are standing behind him in a fierce stance, all of their guns pointing at me. He looks behind him, and motions for them to lower their weapons in a fierce, and angry manner. 

“What the hell are you even talking about?” I yell at him getting his attention back on me, and me loosening my grip on the trigger. 

“Put the gun down, and I will explain.”  I take a few seconds to calm my ragged breathing, and eventually find myself lowering the gun, and then dropping it to the ground. Roman motions for one of his men to go and pick it up, and then he waves them all out of the room. 

The way Roman has his men in check is much different than Marcel, he’s not as close to his men as Marcel was. I mean that’s at least what I observe, there’s always a possibility that Roman has ordered them to not speak  around me, or to me. Ivan has spoken to me a little but not much. 

They all scatter from the room, not even questioning him, I have a feeling it’s a good idea not to question any of his orders. After they are all out of sight, he brings his concentration back to me, and immediately starts explaining himself.

“Jamie, your father wants the marriage to happen, your father is obsessed with this marriage happening. He thinks this is the only way to keep you safe, but I am not going to force you. I told him that it’s up to you, and I know after what that Italian swine put you through, you would never agree to an arranged marriage.” I almost want to defend...him, I understand why he goes about things the way he does. He was raised in a dog eat dog world. That’s all he ever knew was taking what he wanted, but at the same time Roman is not wrong either. Just because I understand why he is the way he is does not make it right, or give him valid excuses. 

“Okay? So then what's your plan then Roman? What if I don’t marry you? What's going to happen?” 

“It won’t matter, because everyone is going to think that we are getting married.” He says crossing his arms, and coming closer making me stiffen. 

“What do you mean? Why does me being married to you change anything?” My face has confusion and discomfort all over it.

“Don’t you think that’s kind of a stupid question? First of all if you're my wife, you are protected by practically an army. You will have money, power, and the Petrov name at your disposal. You would belong to me in the eyes of all the other families, therefore no one will be able to touch you.”He gives goosebumps the way he is talking to me like that, making me shiver the closer he gets, and the more he speaks.  

“Not that you aren’t worth it to risk a war over princess, I would go to hell and back for you, but Marcel won’t. He just freshly became the Italian Don, he is too weak right now. I would destroy him, not that I couldn’t anyway. But he would lose everything.” He’s now inches from my face. He takes my chin in his hands, making me look him in the eye.

Destroy him? I don’t want him to be destroyed….

“Don’t look away from me.” He says to me as I try to avert my eyes away. It feels like he is piercing my soul everytime we lock our gazes. 

“Bottom line is it would keep you safe, and that’s all I care about. And he will never be able to touch you again. I will die before I let that happen again.” His eyes look down to my lips as if he was going to kiss me again. I tried with all my power to tell him with my eyes that he could. I can’t tell him out loud because that would change things even more if I ask him to.

I am so confused

“I want to kiss you...but I want you to beg me for it the next time we kiss. I want you to know that you want me just like I want you. That the Italian dog means nothing to you.” It’s like he taking my words from my mind….it’s like he really does know me inside and out. 

“Tonight at the gathering, we are going to announce our engagement, and we will eventually announce later on that our wedding is going to be small and private. It will all be fake up until you realize that you’ve fallen in love with me. “ A playful smirk starts to build on his face lessening some of the tension, but I don’t think he is joking. I think he really thinks I am going to fall in love with him. 

I think he’s insane, and way too cocky for his own good. 

“Alright….fine. I can deal with that plan. Just don’t get your hopes up pretty boy.” I warn him while pushing him away so I can create some space between us. 

“Is my father okay with this?” I wonder. 

“No. He’s furious that I’m not sticking to the original deal. But I know part of him knows it’s better that we give you a choice.” My original thought about my father being a completely different man than I remember him is fully confirmed. Now I know why I am so screwed up in the head, I definitely got it from him. 

“I think I am going to rest for a while before I have to get ready. You’re lucky you told me all this. It would obviously not be good if I would have found out at your gathering.” I say with a slight smile, but it doesn’t reach my eyes. 

“My sweet Jamie, you’re lucky you're you, because you’re the only one who will ever get away with pulling a gun on me.”  I shake my head at his cockiness, and start to walk away.

“But I have to say I am impressed.” He yells at me, but I don’t even turn around to look at him. I just keep walking because I know I impressed him, I just swiped Roman Petrov’s gun from him, and he didn’t even see it coming. 

I’m a fucking bad ass