A Days Without A Rake

I am Marisa Glacey Crossel-Haidey. I am married to a guy name Claymon Diel Haidey, for our company and my parents, It's not that I don't like or I like him, I just see a lot of sadness in his eyes and the cold eyes that he always gives me and a disgust looks just like how my mother disgusts me, that's why I choose to stay for him.

Did I ever love him? 

I don't know. 

Did I ever hate him? 

No. 

Did I ever think of leaving him even though he's doing shit in front of me? 

No, because I like seeing his calm face when he fuck, his secretary while I'm in front of him. 

But that night was so painful, hearing him he doesn't want me. Hurts me, perhaps, I'm starting to like him at that time, and now I hate his secretary so much! 

I want to hate him but how can I hate him? If he has that kind of face. If he has that kind of smile,

I'm jealous of his secretary because Claymon is touching her, while he can't even touch me because he disgusts me, 

This is not love, it's pity. 

I pity Claymon because no matter how hard, he tries to touch me, he always disgusts me. 

This is the fault of my mother, she never regrets anything, even Claymon doesn't say anything, my father can say everything.

This Isn't Love it's Pity, 

"Maybe the goddess knows that we will meet up, that's why she makes us like this, I always waited for you to say that you love your secretary, guess you are just doing that because you want me to suffer right, Claymon?" I said while touching our wedding picture frame, 

"If you just tell me everything, if you just blame everything on mom, if you just tell me that you hate me because I'm her daughter. If you just, let me comfort you" I said and my tears fall without knowing, 

I don't love you, I pity you. 

"Whatever your reason, cheating is cheating, I also did it once, and call me a jerk, but I don't think I regretted it, a mistake can't be responded to by a mistake but I know you won't care, because if you did? We won't end up like this, Claymon" I said and throw the picture frame in the trash can, 

I also throw the ring, "Let me also throw you from my life" I said and get the trash and go to the backyard then put in some gasoline and fire it, 

"I decided this not because of him, If I said I love you to him, and I never admit that to you, the problem is me, but to be honest? We both have problems, and that's why I hate relationships without communication! tsk," I said while my arms close and watching our picture getting burn, 

"Now, let's see how Don Harreld, snatch me to you, you never call me yours though, well! He will make a move, because he made a deal with me, and some devils, whispering that he will make a move," I said to myself and smirked, 

It's not a girl's instinct, it's a devil's instinct, "So funny, how can I think of him! While being dramatic, thinking of Claymon?" I said and get water and put it to the fire, 

I enter the house with a smile, "Finally, I am already free from my pain" I said and go to my room, 

"For 5 months? did he ever care for me?" I ask myself and lay my body on my bed, 

"What am I saying!? of course, he did! he's my husband! He just didn't show it because he disgust me, but if he really care for me? Why would he disgust me? And why would he do that in front of me? What the heck is my problem? If I love him why would I let him fuck someone!? And if I care for him, why would I go to a club and let someone fuck me!? And I also said I love you to that guy! Agh! I'm thinking of that Harreld again!" I said while smashing my bed in anger, 

"Dear goddess, give me a break"

A day After

"Wow, lots of rumors are spreading, I didn't even do anything," I said and eat some bread, 

that Harreld is making his men work so hard, did he really want me? To be endangered in a near future? 

I can see his face if danger comes to me and he will say 'don't get too close to me, it annoys me,' how did I know? Well, Harreld is that kind of man, and a devils whisper it to me,  

If that time comes? Well, I don't care, I can live on my own anyway, 

"I kinda miss him," I said out of nowhere, 

"Heck? did I really? Gush! This is the third time, right? No, we can pretend that it never happened" I said and sip my coffee, "This is a problem, the deal was just made recently, and I fucking miss his kiss, did he use some love magic on me? No calm down, I have a husband! But my husband is cheating on me for 5 months, and he disgusts me! But Harreld never disgusts me! What the fuck! What the hell, I am saying?" I said and slap my head many times in the corner of the table, 

"What are you doing?"

I look at the one who speaks, "Claymon? Wow, for the first time you go home, why? Did you suddenly feel guilt? After months, you keep fucking your secretary in front of me?" I said in anger, 

he sighs and rolls his eyes, "I'm tired, there are so many paparazzi in the company, and a lot of stockholders refund their money" he said and open the refrigerator and get some water, 

"Is that my fault? Am I the one, who gets caught by the world, cheating on his partner?"

No, 

"Is it my fault? That you disgusted me? And push me away, then spend your time with your secretary!?"

No, that's not what I want to say, 

"Is it my fault that you choose her over me your wife!?"

that's not what I want to say, 

"I waited for so long for you! I waited that you will touch me too"

No, I'm not, that's not what I want to say, 

"If you don't plan to love me! You should just not marry me!"

This is not what I want to say, 

"I-I'm sorry, I know I force you to marry me because of my family, I'm sorry, I'm so selfish," I said while crying, 

I was supposed to leave but Claymon unexpectedly hold my arms and hug me, "Should we get divorced?"He said that made me shocked, "W-What? do you love her?" I ask and he shakes his head, 

"Would you believe if I say that Instead of having feelings for her, I made a feeling for you? But you deserve someone better than me, this is not love, it's pity. I can't love you the way a couple, I can't even touch you without thinking I disgust you, I am a bastard, I can't become better for you, you really look like her, seeing you, remind me of them, and my mom, I know you are nothing to do about it,  but you really look like her, how I supposed to love you?" he said and I feel his tears falling to my head, 

I was about to release his hug but he was so strong, "Just let me do this, because after this I know, you will leave me, your ring is not on your finger anymore" He said and touches my hair, "But I'm disgusting" I said and smile a little, "I will just, think I don't know your appearance" He said that made me feel a little pain, 

"You are not mine, since the beginning, I'm not yours, since the beginning. So, I will set you free, I'll talk to my attorney for our divorce," I said and push him away and wipe my tears, "Just email it to me and I'll sign it immediately, but your mother won't like it though" He said and put his hand in his purse, 

"I can kill her but she's still my mother and I don't think you will like that," I said and sighed, "her being killed is not enough, she needs to take responsibility for not regretting anything, I'll make her suffer in jail," he said and close his arm, 

"Do you want some evidence?" I ask and he laughs,

this is the first time I see him laugh, what if we can be no we can't because if we can I should not meet Harreld, 

"Pfft!" I giggle which made him look confused, "Why? Is something funny?" He asks but I shake my head, "So do you want some help?" I ask and he smirks "Nope, I already had enough," He said

I look at him and inhale and exhale, "I won't take your house, someone is planning to bring you down, I'm gonna go stop him because you won't get your revenge, if I let him destroy your company, I'll tell the world too that I cheated too and we married because of my mom, I can make lies too" I said and wink at him,

"So you know? I thought you are just stupid, who follow your mother like your father" he said that made me laugh, "Father loves her so much, I'm lucky to have him that's why I feel pity for you too, anyways, don't you feel shocked when I said I cheated too?" I said that made him giggle,

"That day, when you run, I have a hard time pushing my secretary and immediately follow you, I saw you enter a bar, but I didn't go to you, because I feel guilty and I feel that, I should not comfort you, and I'm right, Don Harreld come to you and you madly complain to him about me, then you ask him to have a night with you because I said I don't want to touch you because you are still v and fresh, I didn't stop him because when he accepts you, that's the first time I see you smile like that, then I came back to the office while crying because finally, you will be free from me," he said while his tears are falling in his eyes, 

"So, we can't really try to fix right?" I ask which made him confused, "fix what? There is nothing to fix, we are not 'not okay' or 'okay' you don't need to blame this for yourself, you are a loyal person, I am the one to blame here, no matter what my reason, I shouldn't do that in front of you, but I did, don't forgive me, because you are right, I shouldn't marry you if, I can't love you and touch you" he said and smile, 

"I'm going now, I'll ask someone to get all of my things, I don't want your house anyway," I said and turn back to him and smile, 

"Your company is already stable, you can take it just don't let your parents find out," He said that make me look at him, "you don't need though," I said and he laugh, "I said...I give it to you, not to her, take care, Marisa, be careful, he has a lot of enemies, hurry up and become that company CEO so you will be safe in the meantime," he said and walk to the stable,

"Do you think no one won't try to kill me because I'm the CEO of that company? Hello, that's nonsense" I said and cross my arm, "You can make that bigger and after that, we will do an alliance" He said that made me smirk, 

"Looks like you really want to end our marriage," I said to him, "actually no, but I'm trash too if I treat you that bad, but still want to keep you, so just leave and I'll be fine soon," He said and smile a little, "since then and now, you improve, Claymon," I said and get out in the house, 

"No worries, the goddess loves you enough to forgive you, I hope you will heal from your past, it's sad that I can't be with you, but I'm happy that we are already free from each other," I said and take a look back in the house, 

In this view I can see clearly, Claymon regretted not trying to open up to me and regretted everything he has done to me.