Chapter 4

Six years later, when I returned to this city, I had completed both my undergrad and grad studies at Futura University.

During those six years, I lived away from home, working part-time to pay my tuition. I never came back or contacted anyone from my past because I was afraid, afraid to face what I’d left behind. Thinking about Xavier, especially, was like an open wound I wasn’t ready to approach. I knew I wouldn’t be able to hold it together if I did.

My mother still lived in the same old apartment. She was only in her forties, but years of late-night gambling and living carelessly had made her look bloated and aged. Her once beautiful face was long gone.

When she opened the door and saw me standing there, she froze for a full minute. Then, she wiped away a tear with her rough hand.

“You ungrateful girl, why are you back? So you remember you have a mother? Your brother had more heart than you ever did! If he were still here…”

“He’s been gone for six years.” I cut her off coldly.

Stepping into that apartment again felt like walking into a place stuck in the past but with all the life drained out of it.

My mother wiped her tears and brightened up. “It’s good you’re back. You’ve been in school all these years, and now you’ve made something of yourself. I knew it. Finally, something’s going right for me. I’m counting on you to take care of me when I’m old.”

I looked at the couch, piled high with dirty laundry, and sat at the dining table instead. I stopped my mother, who was heading to the kitchen to make tea.

“Don’t bother. I’m just here to ask you one thing. When you sent Xavier away back then, did you tell Mary he was allergic to nuts?”

“Of course I did!” My mother’s eyes went wide. “I made it crystal clear that kid couldn’t go near nuts—peanuts, cashews, or anything with a shell! Mary promised she’d be careful. Plus, Xavier was twelve. He knew his allergies and was always careful.”

I didn’t say anything more. Ignoring her attempts to get me to stay, I left that apartment, taking with me only a photo of Xavier that I’d snapped on his twelfth birthday. In the picture, he was smiling wide, his eyes crinkled, showing off a set of pearly white teeth.

I had the same picture, but I couldn’t leave him behind in that apartment.

Later, I arranged to meet my father at a café. He hadn’t changed much. It seemed men aged better than women.

“It was an accident,” he said urgently the moment he sat down, like he needed to clear his conscience. “I told the housekeeper, Georgina, that Xavier couldn’t have nuts. But that day, Georgina made an almond tart and left it on the table. She forgot to tell Xavier it had almonds in it, so he ate it without thinking. The next morning, when Georgina went to wake him, she found…”

“And where were you? Didn’t you notice anything wrong the night before?” I couldn’t stop myself from asking.

My father avoided my eyes. “I had a business dinner that night, so I wasn’t home for dinner. Mary said Xavier had a slight rash after eating, but he didn’t mention feeling unwell. He just went to bed.”

I stirred the black coffee in front of me, my heart wrenching as if a giant hand was crushing it into a ball.

How horrible must it have been to suffocate to death? Did Xavier struggle through the night, all alone? Did he try to call for help? Did he think about reaching out to me, his sister?

These were the questions I’d spent six years avoiding, terrified to face. Now, they flooded over me like a tidal wave, leaving me helpless.

“After it happened, Mary fired Georgina immediately,” my father added. “It was a tragic accident. Mary and your half sister, Cindy, loved Xavier. When he passed… Cindy cried the hardest.”

I took a sip of the coffee, its bitterness filling my mouth.

Pushing down the emotions threatening to overwhelm me, I forced a sympathetic smile. “Father, let’s not dwell on the past. It hurts us both.”

He looked visibly relieved. “Yes, yes, there’s no point in bringing it up. It’s better to move on. So, what are your plans now that you’re back?”

I gave him a small smile. “I majored in finance management. I’d like to join your company.”