5- Frazzled

Noor smiled as she slipped into the warm bubbly waters of her bath, piling her long locks at the top of her head, inhaling the scented bath beads as they fizzled and foamed into a turquoise blue lather.

Hearing the commotion outside her bedroom door, she smiled and picked up the remote, increasing the volume of the TV as she soaked and relaxed, ignoring her aunt who was at the other side of the door.

She closed her eyes and leaned into the tub, allowing the water to sooth the ache in her muscles but instead of the darkness that she sorted, whiskey brown eyes stared back at her. She gasped, her eyes flying open as a tingle ran down her spine when she remembered the man from the night before.

She remembered what it felt like as he stared into her eyes with his bottomless, rich tawny wood-like and expressive eyes before he had retched on the floor, missing her foot by mere inches.

Of course, the inappropriateness hadn't stopped her from noticing his fine features; slightly crooked nose, squared jaw which seemed to have been carved out of stone and too full lips she felt jealous of.

The moment his eyes had clashed with hers, she felt him peeling off the barriers she had erected. He hadn't just looked at her, it felt like he had seen right through her soul and that tid bit part had made all of her insecurities rush back in.

Sighing, she stepped out of the water which had gone cold and shrugged on the robe she had discarded by the side, switched off the TV then waltzed into her room, refreshed and a little bit happy until she wasn't as she stilled, staring at the figure who sat on her bed, eyes fixed on the monogrammed name on her black sheets.

"Baba?" she whispered softly, her heart rate skyrocketing as the man who had sired her raised his dull brown eyes to meet hers in an endless battle of will.

She was the first to look away, bending her neck unknowingly in a motion of submission.

"You have returned from your tantrum exile and caused quiet a ruckus today biꝺꝺo*, my wife is not happy about it. What do you have to say about your actions?"

"I apologize Baba," she replied, wincing inwardly at how docile she had become. "It wasn't my intention."

"Very well," he nodded, taking his gaze away from her as he rose from the bed. "It will not repeat itself again, do I make myself clear?"

"Yes Baba."

"Now dress up and come down, there is something I would like to discuss with you and your brother," he stated, moving towards her.

Noor flinched, expecting to get a smack on the face but instead, she was rewarded with a kiss on the forehead. Frozen, she stood still wondering if he had been possessed or if it was another ploy of his to get her to warm up to him and then crush her again.

"Is that clear Noorul-Huda?" he smiled fondly, tracing his calloused finger across her cheek.

"Ay Baba," she nodded, watching as he made his way out of her room.

{••}

Her Mama had named her after the one thing she craved the most in her life; light. Every day, she would tell her that she would grow into someone special, into something she could never begin to imagine. She would spin her around in her arms and call her her world, her life...her Noor.

Her Baba had named her Huda—right guidance—, his guardian, his tiny little babe that would help him stay on the right part.

She never understood what she meant when she told her that one day, she would find the true meaning behind her names; Noorul-Huda— light of the right guidance.

One day, she always said, Noorul-Huda would understand what it meant but that day never came, it couldn't come. Her Mama should've been named Noorul-Huda because she was her light of the right guidance because the moment she had stopped spinning, Noor had too and her light extinguished, leaving her bathed in an endless pit of darkness, straying from the part she was supposed to take.

She wasn't light, neither was she right guidance, she was undeserving of her name or so she thought.

Donned in a black Jelbab lavishly embroidered with gold thread around the neckline and sleeves, she stared at herself in the mirror trying to feign a look of sincere happiness.

She tried to make herself believe that she was more than just a pretty face, more than a statue in designer clothes, more than what her surname entails. Somewhere in her broken body, there was something living; she too had a soul.

{••}

The air was still, filled with palpable tension as the Al'amir Belkos sat on the dinner table, the youngests wrapped in their own worlds while the elders talked in hushed tones as their food was served to them.

Al'amir Belko cleared his throat, fixing his gaze on his children before returning to the woman beside him who had orchestrated the whole brunch thing. He saw no reason to it but he was willing to try and become a good husband to her; she deserved that at least, after all he had put her through.

"Juwairiya has something to say," he stated, smiling tenderly at her.

She smiled uneasily at him but as he leaned down and whispered calming words into her ears, her uneasy smile morphed into a huge one. She squeezed his hand then stood up, glancing at Noor and Khaleed before returning her gaze to him. His eyes softened as she looked at him and she knew without a doubt that she had made the right choice by staying. But who was she kidding? There was no way she could have left him not after everything she had done to make sure that he was hers alone. No, she shook her head inwardly, she wouldn't go there. They were having a fresh start.

Noorul-Huda narrowed her eyes at the display of affection, wondering if she had somehow woken up in an alternate universe where her father-The Al'amir Belko- was smiling at his wife and acting almost smitten with her. She wanted to throw up. Hell, she wanted to be anywhere but there. She wasn't fond of her father but seeing him smile at another woman that wasn't her mother cut too deep.

It has been long since the demise of her mother and her father's abrupt decision to marry her twin but it still got to her everytime she saw them together. Like the saying went; out of sight, out of mind, she temporarily forgets about the betrayal but now, the pain roars fresh in her heart.

"I know that I haven't been the best mother to you and..."

"Because you're not our mother," Noorul-Huda interrupted, glaring at her.

"Noo..." her father began but Juwairiya placed a hand on his shoulder squeezing tightly as she shook her head.

"I know that you still object my marriage to your father and you think that I am trying to take your mother's place but I want you to know this Noor, it was never my intention. My sister was a special woman and I know that I will never hold a candle to her. I hope that someday, you'll be able to accept me, it is what she would have wanted."

"Don't talk about her like..." Noor began but clamped her mouth shut when Khaleed placed a hand on hers to stop her rant.

"What's the purpose of this Aunt?" he pinched the bridge of his nose, fed up with the sappy banter going on around him. He wasn't opposed to his aunt's active role in their lives, he just couldn't care less, his father was an adult and he could marry any person he wanted.

"Your father and I have made a decision," she smiled, ignoring Noor's glare as she clapped her hands excitedly. "Life is too short to keep on holding grudges and we're a family for God's sake."

"DNA doesn't make us a family," Noor narrowed her eyes, her lips turning in distate.

"Noor," Khaleed admonished lightly.

"Fine," she rolled her eyes. "I'll be quiet."

"What I'm trying to say is that...." Juwairiya paused, looking at her hands as she fidgets nervously.

Khaleed raised a brow, alternating his gaze between his father and aunt who now refuse to look at either of them.

"What is going on?" he all but shouted, feeling annoyed that he stood Nadia up just to listen to his aunt rant and now shut down as if she was scared of them.

"She's pregnant," Al'amir stated, getting tired of the suspense.

"She's what now?" Noor blurted, pushing back her chair as she stared at her father as if it was the first time she was seeing him.

"You heard me."

What Noor was feeling at that moment was beyond description, it was like when you got an extremely bad news- which in this case she had- and you suddenly want to run to the bathroom and throw up or do more than that.

You feel like the ground had disappeared beneath you and you are standing on air with nothing to tether you, blood rushing loud in your ears, the edges of your vision darkening. You feel like your body’s so far away from the world. Yet, you still sit unmoving, wishing the horrible feeling would go away.

"So you mean you two...," she spluttered, managing to yank herself back to the now.

"Yes Noor," Al'amir replied in such a manner that he would a four year old.

Noor stared at him as if he had lost his mind. Yeah, she was sure he was either possessed or she had woken up in an alternate universe. She still couldn't get over his display of affection earlier and now that, it was too much for her to handle.

'Wake up,' she pinched herself. 'This isn't real, there's no way it could be.'

"I want us to be a real family," her father's voice cut through her haze and with a disbelieving shake of her head, she rose from her seat.

"Yeah, like we've ever been one," she scoffed, throwing down her napkin on the table. Suddenly overcomed by anger, she stormed out of the dining area ignoring the calls of her father to return.

She didn't care about what the consequences of her actions would be, all she knew was that she couldn't stay there not after the bombshell that was dropped on them.

Thinking back about it, she hadn't heard Khaleed say a word ever since their father had declared his wife pregnant. Was he as angry as she was? Or was he too confused by the sudden dynamic in their lives?

Their Baba was acting differently and if that was not a cause for worry, then surely his wife being pregnant was definitely something to worry about.

She wanted to burn the house down, set the whole place on fire and mayhap once he had inhaled the stale smoke her father would come back to his senses.