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Trying to be Okay
Last Updated:
2022-05-14 18:24:19Related chapters
I See You, Rockstar Leaving?
"I beg to disagree, Ms. Debate genius." My forehead furrowed as he stood up in his seat as if he were really debating. "Isn't it nice to know people without looking at their physical beauty but to look at what's inside their hearts? Isn't it nice to be casual and friendly with everyone, even with your enemies? Is it nice to not see people faking smiles and rolling their eyes at you?"I smirked. "In all the questions you'd asked, ‘no’ is my answer. None of them are nice or good to experience." I sighed before smiling bitterly. "You'll only look stupid and people will take advantage of you.""Isn't it nice to love a person with your heart and your heart alone?" Gelo sat on the chair before he gave me a salute. "You're doing just fine, Meredith. Don't discredit all the efforts you've done to live a normal life just because of your prosopagnosia and that lump in your chest. Not everyone can handle what you've successfully conquered.""But I think it's back," I said weakly before lowering
Last Updated : 2022-05-14I See You, Rockstar Marry Me?
Why does someone leave? Why does someone leave a person behind? Why does someone leave without giving a proper goodbye?"People don't come and go. But people choose when to come and when to go." Rupert stood up. It's time for him to say his argument and defend their group's stance; a person leaves because he hates the person he has to leave behind. "If you love a person, there's not enough reason to leave. But if you hate a person, that hate is enough drive you to walk away. It's simply because hatred fluorish anger and then destruction."Hatred is a strong emotion. When you feel angry, it will eat away at your logic and right thinking. Then, you'll end up doing the wrong things and irrational decisions.I've been there."I've been there," Rupert continued, putting me into a halt. My gaze stayed on his blurry face as he carried on, "I hated you, Meredith. I was so close to leaving."I was stunned by what Rupert said. I blinked multiple times before I was able to process what he just s
Last Updated : 2022-05-15I See You, Rockstar Acceptance
I slowly walked into the hospital church. I expected it but it still hurts. My biopsy results stated it was malignant and the stage of my cancer was in grade two or three. Further tests would be conducted to assess my cancer's grade. Eian suggested mastectomy again as my only way to free myself from the curse of cancer. I think that's what bugs me the most. Wasn’t it enough that I would go through the fight against cancer again? Why did I even have to remove my breasts? When I was in the first row of seats, my cellphone in my pocket vibrated. I checked it and my heart ached to see my Dad's name on the caller ID. "I'm sorry, Pa." I turned off my phone. Right now, I wanted to be alone first. I wanted to deal with the turmoil in my mind and the heavy pain in my heart by my own. I just wanted a time to accept my biopsy results. I sat on the empty pew in the second row and turned my gaze at the big cross in the middle of the church's altar. The hands on my lap turned into fists whi
Last Updated : 2022-05-16I See You, Rockstar Sacrifices
"This is more emotionally and mentally difficult than what I thought. I cried a lot last night. It's hard to accept it. It's hard to believe it." I chuckled, placing my hand on top of the white marble. I traced her etched name on the surface as if I was touching her face. "Mom, do you think I can handle it again? Can I survive for the second time around? I am hurting Papa again."I sighed before a small smile returned to my lips. I was sitting on the grass, across from my mother’s grave. Yesterday, my biopsy result revealed that my cancer came back and I had to deal with it again. Rupert was there with me to receive the bad news. But I asked him to leave and give me my 'me' time to process everything."I met a guy, Ma. His name is Rupert. I've done a lot of crazy things with him and I'm sure you're going to scold me big time if you’re still here," I laughed at my own story. The first day I met Rupert came back. He was my definition of living freely back then. I took the risk with him
Last Updated : 2022-05-17I See You, Rockstar Plot twist
"I have to undergo chemo and then surgery to remove my tumor. Then, I have to undergo radiotherapy after the surgery." "I will hold your hand throughout those treatments, Meredith. I will always be waiting for you outside the therapy room and the surgery room," he said, making me immediately smile even more. He interlaced our fingers together and then kissed the back of my hand. "After your treatment, we will have our church wedding." I took a deep breath. I needed to tell him. "My doctor suggested mastectomy." He stiffened. And that scared me. "My doctor said I am susceptible to the recurrence of my cancer because of my genes. He thinks mastectomy can be a help to free myself from the curse of cancer. Both of my breasts will be removed," I said without even blinking an eye. He was silent and the bitter feeling instantly caved in. He removed his head from leaning on my shoulder and he also let go of my hand. My eyes immediately stung. When he faced me, I was quick to lower my
Last Updated : 2022-05-18I See You, Rockstar One Year Ago
One year ago …"Congrats, Edith. A year has passed. I don't think you should worry anymore. Everything is going to be okay from here.”I looked at Bailey because of what she said. I nudged her side before getting off of the car's passenger seat. I turned around at the driver's seat and then peeked at the window. "Five years, Bailey. Eian said— I mean Dr. Baller, I have to be healthy for five years straight to say I don't really have cancer anymore," I reminded her before sighing a deep breath."One year was still a long time," she replied to me before patting my forehead. "It's not because the standards are five years to say you're cancer free, you're invalidating the one year you're healthy. You should be thankful for that."I frowned at her before playfully swatting her hand away which was patting me like a kid. "One year is only twenty percent of the five years. A lot more can happen. I still can't figure it out. My cancer can still come back.""Stop your negativity. You're ruining
Last Updated : 2022-05-19I See You, Rockstar Choosing to Live
I looked at Rupert who was sitting on the front seat of the audience area. Next to him were Bailey, Sir Romeo and Ma'am Juliet. On his lap was a large handbag full of my things; my lunch, some extra t-shirts, and medicines. He was in an unusually clean casual today— neat white polo with casual jeans and rubber shoes. His curly brown hair was put in a fixed brush up style.So I was no longer surprised that every woman we met entering the venue was attracted to him."Are you ready, Meredith?" Cherry asked me, holding my right arm to assist me.I chuckled before I freed myself from her hold. "I'm okay, Che. You don't have to worry.""But you had a nose bleed earlier. If you don't want Cherry to support you, let me," Minzy argued.I immediately shook my head. "Please don't treat me like a weak patient. I don't want to remember my condition on this important day."Cherry and Minzy were stunned. David put his arm around Minzy and ruffled her hair. "Let's focus on the competition. We have to
Last Updated : 2022-05-20I See You, Rockstar Sleep and Rest
Everyone was here. Everyone who was important to me came. My dad, Aunt Bernadeth, Bailey, Eian, Uncle Greg, Gelo and my debate team, my coaches and Rupert’s father. I was wearing a simple white dress reaching just above my knees. My long hair was falling freely behind my back. Rupert was wearing a simple all-white suit and I know he looked good in it. I looked at Rupert who was holding my hand. I smiled at him while tears were welling up in my eyes. I couldn't clearly see his face aside from the shiny metal ring on his lips. It's frustrating and ever since the wedding ceremony started, I keep wishing to see his face on this special moment. "Meredith Kaye Santiago," he slid the wedding ring on my finger, "you're so beautiful." I giggled. He was supposed to say his vow but here he was, complimenting me for the nth time. "Proceed to your vow, Mr. Santos. I'm quite tired," I murmured before winking at him. That's the truth. After the debate, I couldn’t deny how weak I was feeling n
Last Updated : 2022-05-21
Latest chapter
I See You, Rockstar Epilogue
"Rupert?" I was stunned to see Rupert entering our bedroom. My eyebrows went up as soon as he finished closing the door, he next took off his necktie. "Aren't you on duty now in the emergency room, Dr. Santos?" I got up from lying down and sat on the end of the bed. It's already eight PM and my husband is in his second year residency— and he told me he was on duty in the emergency room of their hospital tonight. "I miss you, my dear wife." He then took off his long sleeves and dropped his hands on the button of his pants. "Emergency room isn't busy. Someone relieved me. Can you believe how lucky I am?" I chuckled, realizing how my husband never really wasted any time. I could hear the playfulness in his voice. The way he was walking slowly— very very slowly— towards me as if he was strip-teasing in front of me made me laugh so hard. "We’re too old to do that, Rupert!" I got up from the bed and approached him. I grinned when he cussed under his breath. I immediately knelt down in
I See You, Rockstar Ever After
"How are you? I hope you're doing fine there. Please, be happy wherever you are." I was standing beside Rupert as he talked to Ava. He was sitting on the grass opposite its tomb. After finding out that he was the same man I called an asshole a year ago, he asked me to stay for a while— because he was supposed to talk to Ava. And so, here we are. I was watching him as he talked to his first love. In my hand, I was holding a bunch of roses. "I want you to meet her." Rupert turned to look at me. I was not sure if he's grinning or what. But when he stood next to me and held my hand tightly, I couldn't help but smile. "She's Meredith Kaye Santiago, the woman I will marry and will spend the rest of my life with. Isn't she beautiful? She's also an inspiring woman and she's a fighter. I'm actually proud of her. I love her so much , Ava. " My mouth dropped open at what Rupert was saying. When he raised my hand and pointed at the ring on my finger as if showing it off to his first love mad
I See You, Rockstar Vulnerability of Humans
"Loving someone is a manifestation of human's vulnerability; the risk of hurting someone and being hurt by another person." I smiled before my eyes searched for Rupert's seat in the audience area. "We lost, we burned and we got hurt ... But we can't deny the fact that this abstract thing called love is the connection we need as a social being. Without love, this life will be meaningless. Without love, this world will be cruel. Without love, I wouldn't be able to stand on this stage and carry on in this debate. My love for debate is what kept me going and the love of the people around me is what motivated me to not surrender. " Love is being vulnerable. And although many of us get hurt after loving someone, "The important thing is the lessons we learned and the memories we had with the person who made us happy. So, it is still better to love even though you might lose. Because a quitter will never be a winner but a loser can eventually win. Same goes with love, to be brave is the only
I See You, Rockstar Sleep and Rest
Everyone was here. Everyone who was important to me came. My dad, Aunt Bernadeth, Bailey, Eian, Uncle Greg, Gelo and my debate team, my coaches and Rupert’s father. I was wearing a simple white dress reaching just above my knees. My long hair was falling freely behind my back. Rupert was wearing a simple all-white suit and I know he looked good in it. I looked at Rupert who was holding my hand. I smiled at him while tears were welling up in my eyes. I couldn't clearly see his face aside from the shiny metal ring on his lips. It's frustrating and ever since the wedding ceremony started, I keep wishing to see his face on this special moment. "Meredith Kaye Santiago," he slid the wedding ring on my finger, "you're so beautiful." I giggled. He was supposed to say his vow but here he was, complimenting me for the nth time. "Proceed to your vow, Mr. Santos. I'm quite tired," I murmured before winking at him. That's the truth. After the debate, I couldn’t deny how weak I was feeling n
I See You, Rockstar Choosing to Live
I looked at Rupert who was sitting on the front seat of the audience area. Next to him were Bailey, Sir Romeo and Ma'am Juliet. On his lap was a large handbag full of my things; my lunch, some extra t-shirts, and medicines. He was in an unusually clean casual today— neat white polo with casual jeans and rubber shoes. His curly brown hair was put in a fixed brush up style.So I was no longer surprised that every woman we met entering the venue was attracted to him."Are you ready, Meredith?" Cherry asked me, holding my right arm to assist me.I chuckled before I freed myself from her hold. "I'm okay, Che. You don't have to worry.""But you had a nose bleed earlier. If you don't want Cherry to support you, let me," Minzy argued.I immediately shook my head. "Please don't treat me like a weak patient. I don't want to remember my condition on this important day."Cherry and Minzy were stunned. David put his arm around Minzy and ruffled her hair. "Let's focus on the competition. We have to
I See You, Rockstar One Year Ago
One year ago …"Congrats, Edith. A year has passed. I don't think you should worry anymore. Everything is going to be okay from here.”I looked at Bailey because of what she said. I nudged her side before getting off of the car's passenger seat. I turned around at the driver's seat and then peeked at the window. "Five years, Bailey. Eian said— I mean Dr. Baller, I have to be healthy for five years straight to say I don't really have cancer anymore," I reminded her before sighing a deep breath."One year was still a long time," she replied to me before patting my forehead. "It's not because the standards are five years to say you're cancer free, you're invalidating the one year you're healthy. You should be thankful for that."I frowned at her before playfully swatting her hand away which was patting me like a kid. "One year is only twenty percent of the five years. A lot more can happen. I still can't figure it out. My cancer can still come back.""Stop your negativity. You're ruining
I See You, Rockstar Plot twist
"I have to undergo chemo and then surgery to remove my tumor. Then, I have to undergo radiotherapy after the surgery." "I will hold your hand throughout those treatments, Meredith. I will always be waiting for you outside the therapy room and the surgery room," he said, making me immediately smile even more. He interlaced our fingers together and then kissed the back of my hand. "After your treatment, we will have our church wedding." I took a deep breath. I needed to tell him. "My doctor suggested mastectomy." He stiffened. And that scared me. "My doctor said I am susceptible to the recurrence of my cancer because of my genes. He thinks mastectomy can be a help to free myself from the curse of cancer. Both of my breasts will be removed," I said without even blinking an eye. He was silent and the bitter feeling instantly caved in. He removed his head from leaning on my shoulder and he also let go of my hand. My eyes immediately stung. When he faced me, I was quick to lower my
I See You, Rockstar Sacrifices
"This is more emotionally and mentally difficult than what I thought. I cried a lot last night. It's hard to accept it. It's hard to believe it." I chuckled, placing my hand on top of the white marble. I traced her etched name on the surface as if I was touching her face. "Mom, do you think I can handle it again? Can I survive for the second time around? I am hurting Papa again."I sighed before a small smile returned to my lips. I was sitting on the grass, across from my mother’s grave. Yesterday, my biopsy result revealed that my cancer came back and I had to deal with it again. Rupert was there with me to receive the bad news. But I asked him to leave and give me my 'me' time to process everything."I met a guy, Ma. His name is Rupert. I've done a lot of crazy things with him and I'm sure you're going to scold me big time if you’re still here," I laughed at my own story. The first day I met Rupert came back. He was my definition of living freely back then. I took the risk with him
I See You, Rockstar Acceptance
I slowly walked into the hospital church. I expected it but it still hurts. My biopsy results stated it was malignant and the stage of my cancer was in grade two or three. Further tests would be conducted to assess my cancer's grade. Eian suggested mastectomy again as my only way to free myself from the curse of cancer. I think that's what bugs me the most. Wasn’t it enough that I would go through the fight against cancer again? Why did I even have to remove my breasts? When I was in the first row of seats, my cellphone in my pocket vibrated. I checked it and my heart ached to see my Dad's name on the caller ID. "I'm sorry, Pa." I turned off my phone. Right now, I wanted to be alone first. I wanted to deal with the turmoil in my mind and the heavy pain in my heart by my own. I just wanted a time to accept my biopsy results. I sat on the empty pew in the second row and turned my gaze at the big cross in the middle of the church's altar. The hands on my lap turned into fists whi
