I can’t stand being alone at home anymore and because of that I'm already missing Sophia's games and laughter around me, taking care of me as if I were a baby. Thanking the most for this current hot sun, as I couldn't stand the cold of Barcelona anymore, I put on shorts and a tank top and head towards what I most wanted to see.The sea I remember was not as gray as this today and yet it makes me feel at home but not completely at home as I wanted it to be. Deep down inside, something was missing.Sitting here makes me think that I rushed into my life in Barcelona. I want to pretend my life there isn't my reality, but seeing my parents separated is not a normal thing for me either. I watch the tourists, especially Europeans at this time of year, making the biggest fuss on the beach and acting as though their problems have been forgotten for that period of time.When the late-afternoon wind starts to blow, I get up and start walking idly down the street, looking like an aimless person
I dream of the man leaning over me again and leaving me in a bottomless void. I look at the time on my cellphone and its past noon. I think I flip over because of the jet leg. My body hasn’t gotten used to the local Panama time. A handwritten note from my mother informs me that I have my car keys and blows me a kiss.I take my cellphone out of my pocket and type my dad's number. The electronic voice tells me the number doesn't exist and then it just comes to my mind that my dad could have changed the number since living here three years earlier.I call my mother, who is at a meeting, and ask for my father's number. She gives it to me as soon as possible.“Hello.” My dad answers on the third ring.“Hi Dad, it's me.” I put my hand in the pocket of my shorts, not knowing what to do.“Hi daughter, I miss you, how is Barcelona?”“Dad, I'm at home.”He hesitates a moment and finally understands what I mean. “Of course, you are. And how are you feeling?”I sit on the sofa and look out over
“Ricardo,” I greet him, smiling. This irritating voice could only be of one person.“Hello babe.” He kisses my hand. “You brought him, didn't you?”I look at Katrina, confused.“He means Hunter,” my friend clarifies.“Sorry, we're not together anymore,” I reveal to him.His smile drops along with mine. “Every time I see you, you are not together anymore. This is a plot against me, not getting to know that magic. You must be afraid he'll fall in love with me, it’s quite possible he could.” He rolls his eyes.“I guarantee you that's not it.” I smile.“Never mind, I don't talk about bad things. What's your shoe size?” He looks at my feet.“Thirty.” I replyHe writes it down in a small notebook. “Let's go to the car and choose a pair of espadrilles as a gift for you. Katrina already has hers.”I glance at Katrina, who has her face resting in her palm, smiling.“I cannot accept,” I say.“Don't give me this talk. Then you choose,” Ricardo says.“Only if you customize one for me to buy and I
“Hello,” I speak, realizing that he certainly knows me.“Jonathan.” He seems to read my mind. “From the dance classes at the community center.”“Oh.” My best response in a while.“You scared everyone in the studio with your accident. Glad that nothing serious happened. I was very worried about you.”I notice the tribal tattoos on his right arm but try not to stare. I focus on the ground as he chatters beside me while I walk onwards.“How often did we meet up?”He gets confused and thinks about it. “When you took stiletto class and almost every day here on the beach to run,” he reports to me.“Okay. Jonathan, right?” He nods. “I lost my memory in the accident.” I drop the news like a bomb, being direct, realising it is no longer a bother.“I'm sorry. I kind of noticed something different.” I thought he was going to pull away with the sudden revelation, but it is quite the opposite.“In my mind I'm twenty years old and I'd be grateful if you didn't tell anyone.” I make a pleading face.
I choose a tight black dress with sheer rips. I’m not sure where I got the dress. I add nude heels to the outfit. I look at the clock on my cellphone and see that my salon time is almost ready. I give my mom a kiss and take the elevator.I am more than needing to revamp everything, starting with my hair, which I am particularly loving for being long. I start with the nails and lean back to enjoy as I get my toenails and fingernails done. Next is the hair and I decide not to make drastic changes so I opt for Californian locks, which turns out to be a golden and light tone. My side bangs that have grown just below the chin are cut just below the nose While my hairdresser, Ana, finishes brushing my hair, I enter the Instagram application which I learned to use over the phone with Katrina. Who would have thought I would be so faithful to my passwords?I roll the touchscreen down with my thumb, revealing photos of celebrity actors and artists that I understand I'm following. My thumb freez
"Never mind, I'll find someone like you." Adele- “Someone Like You”It is a tender kiss, just lips to lips, no bad intentions and no ringing bells, head spinning and feet still perched on the ground. I open my eyes in awe and my reaction scares him, making me scared too.“I should apologize, but I don't regret it.” He goes back to driving. We sit in silence for several minutes. “It would be nice if you said something.”“Would it be strange to say that the last kiss I remember was three years ago?” He laughs. “I need to go home.”“You love him, don't you?” he blurts. I look confused at him. “The player,” he clarifies.“It's complicated. I don't know who he is or how he kisses.” I try to say it with humor but it doesn't turn out as I planned.“I hope that doesn't change our friendship,” Jonathan says when I press the button to unbuckle my seatbelt.“All right.”I walk out on shaky legs and wave to him right after I type in the building password and the door is unlocked.*Stella Castell
He continued, “The first time was just a few days before the betrayal with Samantha and the other the end of the sting was when you caught me having sex with another woman” I couldn’t imagine this ever happening in my life. His slap in my face was so hard I almost couldn't get up.I open my eyes and put my hand to my temples. They are burning like I was just punched in the face. My eyes water with sudden tears.“Y-you hit me. Twice.” I stare at the granite table, humiliated.“I was on drugs and wasn’t thinking right,” is his excuse.“I don’t know if you remember but you slapped me back and kicked me twice in my balls” he claimed sheepishly as I almost cried and laughed out loud at the same time. This was absolutely ridiculous!“I hope your conscience will weigh you down for the rest of your life,” I repeat to him what I told him before I left. I remember everything. I speak out to myself, scared.“My conscience is heavy,” he admits. “You didn't deserve someone like me back then. You w
I open another e-mail that corresponds to Spanish Vogue, signed to me by Stella Castellano, Chief Director of the magazine. More details and more names appear in the office, besides the confirmed luxury hotel in Paris and my goals in the show. I will have to get an exclusive interview with some stylist. I look at the date and remember that the event will take place in just six days.I walk out onto the balcony and watch the movement five floors below me. People are coming and going, with their yellow smiles, their kids with bad hair and cars in a huge line because of the congestion of so many cars that passed by the famous Hilton at the end of February. As much as I love the heat and the sun and the yellow hue of life it gives each day, I am gray inside. As if a cloud came down inside me, leaving my own sun hidden and refusing to do its job: make me smile.I sit on the couch alone again like every afternoon, looking around as if I have nothing to do but look like a pot. I look at the
One year later...You've been married for just over a year, and your children will complete one year. How has your life changed from then?I fiddle with my fingers that are resting on my now finely crossed legs.“I discovered myself as a woman,” I answer, facing Alice as she interviews me. “I found that I can really take care of someone, since I didn't even know how to take care of myself. And now I take care of four!”“How is the atmosphere in your house with your children?”I smile. “My house is the biggest mess ever. It's a minefield of toys everywhere. Every time I get home, my kids start waving their arms frantically and laughing nonstop to see me.”“And your husband, Hunter Blanco, is at home with his children?”I look at the camera nervously photographing me and then back at Alice.“He is an amazing father, and whenever he can, he is with his children and family.” I end it there and Alice tilts her head and looks at me.“Selena!” she scolds me. “This is a personal interview, so
I let him enter the dimly lit room. The quiet and peaceful environment, together with the image of Hunter kissing our children's foreheads, fascinates me. He cares about them fifteen thousand times more than he cares about me. Before, I didn't understand the reason for this exaggeration, but now I would watch over them as they sleep twenty-four hours a day if I could.“How did they spend these last few days?”My heart sinks, remembering. It’s been five days since we've seen each other, way too long!“The pediatrician said that Valeria should start taking half a dose of the medication,” I inform and he sighs. “The boys are missing iron. Did you see the size of Pedro's fat little hand and Liam's thick thigh?” I say, laughing.“There was no way not to notice it, it makes you want to bite it.”I feel like crying to see him so happy. I want to hug him and hold him so much that I have to hold back. I need him to keep me strong, and I like it better when I have more time, but now it doesn't
Hunter:"I know I'm stubbornBut I changed when I looked at youYou made me wiserAs much as I try to run awayI'm always led in your directionIt seems like I let go everythingAs I held your hand."“I Forgot to Forget You – Mr SantanaThe plane lands on the ground as the intense Madrid sun helps ease the short winter days it has been having lately. I smooth out my suit, ready to get off the plane. I become twice as nervous.I'm coming back from Germany after another game for the Champions League*. It was quite a game. I’m bringing another victory and two more goals in my career. Today I feel like no one can beat me. Nobody can beat me as the best player, as the best husband and as the best father, and that's why I feel powerful, having my family around.I quicken my pace, leaving my team behind. I hear protests, but I don't give a damn. I'm missing my family. It’s been two months since my two little surprises have been at home with my little princess ValeriaI get into my custom bla
I try to get comfortable in my hospital bed, but it's impossible. My stitches are sore, and my belly never seems to want to deflate. I want my tiny waist back and not get saggy!My two boys have just had their last hospital feed as tomorrow we are finally going home. After almost four days, we can go to our new house which I still haven't seen after the last details of the renovation. The hard part will be leaving my little one with the pink bow in her hair at the hospital. It won't be easy. After all, I have to feed three babies, and one of them will be far from me in that damn incubator.Hunter is hesitant after I mention Christiano's name, constantly dodging the conversation. Still, every time I look at him, I see his watery eyes for our daughter, who hasn't shown any improvement. I can't hide my crying spells. After all, I want my family back home and healthy. I can't believe that as soon as he learned more about the subject, he didn't think straight about his brother, who is too
“We have tested everyone in our family,” Hunter takes the lead. “Even Alice, Joanna, Stella, Fernando and Sophia volunteered. I realised that Sophia was on the list since she is not your blood sister. But none of them are a match,” he says, unsatisfied.I spend more time with my daughter, my beautiful little princess with blue eyes. She swallows stiffly every time she moves inside that warm bubble. She is so small, so white and almost bald.I head back to the bedroom, and soon they bring me my two boys. When I hold them one by one in my lap, already lying on the gurney, I almost fear I am going to drop them. Like their sister, they are so tiny, also white and bald. I can barely distinguish them from one another.First, I cuddle Pedro, who keeps moving his hands and making faces. And then it is Liam's turn, who keeps wiggling and blinking lazily. So beautiful.For the first time, I am going to breastfeed my children. The nurses watch me all the time to see if I am doing it wrong. And f
Life is sometimes so unfair but objectively correct. There are no pains that cannot be healed, no bonds that cannot be joined, people that do not come back—the concept of life and death. Widely known as the eminent pain after a person, who is deliberately said to set out on a better journey. Maybe not. Since no one has yet discovered what occurs after death, there are only scientific and religious theories to go by.I can say that experiencing death is neither painful nor sad. I don't feel like running out of the light and back to life. Peace. Perhaps the peace that everyone seeks is not in life itself. Never, ever, no matter how hard you try, you will never have any rest. As much as something is resolved well, another factor comes and shakes everything again. That may be the meaning of life. It’s not just you opening your eyes and feeling that your heart is still beating. It's a vicious cycle, where love and disagreement will always be present as a challenge, a challenge you face eve
I feel my eyelids getting heavier. It's too hard to keep my eyes alert. The doctors and nurses keep encouraging me to stay awake as I drift off. Sleeping at a time like this would complicate their work much more.They get to work with the scalpel. A rush takes place behind the door, and I am aware of what is happening. Hunter, my Hunter is in sterilised blue suits to match his blue eyes.My head starts to ache, and I close my eyes due to the sudden pain."Our first appearance together. There will be a lot of people.“If you get nervous and want to leave that's fine.""Let's see you soon, my beautiful. Just don't forget what we had together."More pressure in my head settles, and every time I open my eyes and blink, there’s a flash of memory.“I promise to never forget you,” I speak hoarsely, repeating what I told him on the day of the benefit ball.He takes my hand, and we both cry, and then he understands everything. Despite the rush to move my belly that occurs around us, we are obl
Losing him was something I've never imaginedMissing you was like the dark grey skies, I am here all aloneForgetting you was like trying to find out about somebodythat I never sawBut loving him was all redTouching him again was me realising that everything I ever wantedwas right in front of meRemembering it was as easy as knowing all the lyricsfrom your favourite songFighting with you was like trying to solve difficult crossword puzzlesAnd realise that there is no right answerMy regret for you was as though you wishedthat you had never discoveredThat maybe love could be this strong – Tay Swift – “Red”Contractions increase with every nanosecond of my breathing. I look at the car's dashboard and realise that Fernando is driving at 110 km/h on one of Madrid's busiest avenues. I let out one scream after another in pain, and with each one that is echoed by the car, I see the expression of agony on Sophia's face.I can't feel my hands or feet. My hair is plastered to my forehea
SelenaAfter our last fight at the end of last month it is like a burst of guilt. Guilt is now stuck between us and our relationship. He for talking to me about pessimism, and I admit that I'm pessimistic, but I didn't say that, and that's precisely my percentage of the blame.Despite what the doctor said, I was determined to fight the obvious consequence at all odds. I had to be positive, believe there was a calming light at the end of a tunnel, that it wasn’t a train which will crush me under it’s wheels of destiny.Snap! Someone makes a click with their fingers to bring me back to reality.“Stop thinking so much!” It was Sophia, my best friend soulmate.“I think the third baby's name is Theo,” I tell Sophia as she came to me to confirm that she chose her baby's name too. “And we'll have one more family man.”When we speak together, the same name is spelt out in our voices, making us laugh like crazy until she says I could put it on the third baby since I'm going to win first. It wa