7: Mother's Illness

          Yuna kept wondering about her mother’s whereabouts. The only time she met her was when she was named and that was the day she was born. It seemed that both her mother and father neglected her at such a young age. Yuna was raised by the live-in nannies and maids.

She only recalled her father’s cold personality in her previous life. She always believed it was because of her mother’s death. Yuna never found out how her mother passed away because her father refused to mention anything about her. Her mother didn’t seem to hate her because she held her affectionately on occasion. It just didn’t make sense to her.

Why would a loving mother neglect her child? On many occasions, Yuna would try her best to investigate on her mother, but the maids always got in the way. She was always locked up in the nursery with a maid watching her at all times.

The maids were always attentive towards her and never allowed her to leave the nursery. She finally got a chance to go investigate on her mother when a new maid was hired. The maid that usually took care of her got sick, so they found a replacement maid temporarily.

The new maid heard rumors that the General and his wife didn’t favor this girl and so she chose to be neglectful of her duties. She spent her days lavishly stealing from Yuna and ignoring her. Yuna didn’t even bother to cry nor did she need someone to take care of her.

All her muscles weren’t fully developed at this age and so she had a difficult time changing her own diapers. She wondered how she even survived her infant years in her previous life. Wouldn’t she have been dead by now? The maid refused to change her diaper and she didn’t even lift a finger. The only times she pretended to take care of me was when her father and mother came to visit, but that was hardly ever.

          While the maid was distracted, Yuna struggled immensely to get to her mother’s bedroom, because of the undeveloped muscles. She crawled slowly to her mother’s room door. She remembered how to get there by observing the maids and her surroundings after birth. Her mother’s bedroom was close to the nursery so it wouldn’t be too difficult to get there.

Yuna got to the sliding screen doors that led to her mother’s bedroom. She used her tiny hands with all her might. Luckily, the sliding screen doors were extremely light and thin. She easily pushed the door open. She crawled in through the cracks between the sliding doors and entered the bedroom.

Her mother laid in her luxurious bed covered with beautifully embroidered fabric. Colorful drapes hung down from the sides of the ceiling where the bed was. She lay motionless on the bed with a pale face. Her health had deteriorated significantly during the time that she hadn’t seen her.

Her collarbones protruded out prominently and her fingers were so thin and bony. Her lips were dry, and the plushness of her beautiful face had all but vanished. She no longer looked like her beautiful self from just days ago.

While observing her mother, she heard footsteps that approached the bedroom. She rushed to the bunched-up curtains behind the bed. The maids announced, “Miss may we enter? It is just us.”

Her mother didn’t respond to their question. The maids decided to enter after a long silence. They came in with a tray of steaming food that would normally be considered lavish compared to the poor families that struggled to eat proper meals.

The tray contained all food groups including a tasty looking grilled salmon. Yuna had been starved for the last couple days and so the food looked very appetizing.

The maids gently woke her up and got her into a sitting position. One of the maids placed a spoon in her right hand and tried to get her to eat. Her mother immediately slapped her hands away and shouted, “I told you all to leave me alone! I don’t have an appetite.” The Head Maid sternly declared, “I know that you are grieving the loss of Miss Yuna, but you cannot be this way. You have a daughter to take care of. Please don’t do this.”

Yuna became confused at the situation unfolding before her. She was right here. Why did her mother need to grieve for her? She didn’t find out the whole truth until another maid agreed, “Miss Sena, she’s correct. You mustn’t refuse to eat just because your sister passed away.”

Her mother began sobbing into her hands, “You don’t know what its like. I can’t control how I feel. I don’t feel like eating and I just don’t have the energy to go anywhere anymore. She’s not here any longer, what am I supposed to do?” The maids began whaling in sorrow as they watched their master grieve her sister.

How could she have not known? No wonder her mother named her after her aunt. It became obvious to her in this lifetime because she was able to remember and understand everything from day one. Her mother must have passed away from depression. It was kind of similar to how her father had passed away shortly after her mother in modern Korea.

Yuna discovered the reason behind her mother’s negligence towards her. It was because she was struggling from depression. Yuna wasn’t a psychologist in her previous life, but she sure knew a lot about psychology. She spent a lot of time learning random things from random books. She even had a psychologist that worked with her depression in her previous lifetime.

She lived her last moments without a single soul to take care of her. She chose to live the life of loneliness, but it affected her later on in life. She grew extremely depressed and so she decided to meet with a psychologist to work on her depression. She had overcome the depression when she did 3 things. Those three things were exercising, eating spicy foods, and enjoying the little things in life.

Exercising would help her mother’s muscles that were deteriorating slowly from lack of movement for long periods of time. This was proven by the countless people that had recovered from comas. Her mother wasn’t a coma patient, but she remained in the bed for months. Exercise would do nothing but good in this situation. Yuna planned on getting her to slowly move her body in small increments.

It would be too challenging to get her to take a walk in the garden or go shopping because Yuna was too young to go on walks. It would be better if she could get her mother to move even a little bit even if its in the bedroom.

Yuna found that eating spicy foods helped her when she was depressed. She was an unusual person. Not many people would find spicy food as a remedy for depression, but she believed it. The reason she enjoyed spicy food is because it almost feels like she’s getting a taste of harsh reality when she takes a bite. It hurts, but it brings flavor to her tastebuds.

It reminded her of all the struggles and hardships she dealt with. In the end, all of it was required for her to get to where she was then. Spicy food served as a reminder to live on in hopes of tasting the flavor. Her depression made life seem bland and all food tasted bland to her. Her parents weren’t fond of spicy food, so she grew up never eating much spicy food until she decided to dine out alone at a Chinese Restaurant.

The last thing she needed her mother to do was realize that the little things in life can help her slowly move on from the loss of her sister. It’s okay to grieve, but if it affects her health to this point, she needs to find a way to accept her sister’s death. It wasn’t healthy to think the way her mother did. If she could enjoy what she had and not who she had lost, she wouldn’t be so keen on leaving.

Yuna didn’t know her mother very well, but she still wanted a chance to grow up with a mother. It reminded her of her mother and her last moments. Yuna decided that she would save her mother from dying in this lifetime.