Professor Oakley drives a black Silverado. He doesn't strike me as the type to drive a truck. But I hardly know anything about him.I sit still in the car and listen to the quiet jazz music playing softly in the background. My heart's a mess but it shouldn't be. Students are not supposed to be attracted to their professors. He's made so many passes at me, it's hard not to remember them all by name.Professor Oakley wasn't planning on having me ride in his car tonight. We didn't know we would run into each other. It was a meeting by chance. I'm not sure where Professor Oakley is planning on taking me, it either needs to be far away or we need to go to his house.The idea of going to Professor Oakley's house and being alone with him makes me want to panic. The way I feel right now is how I used to feel when I dated Spencer. In a word, Giddy. My phone buzzed earlier and I still haven't checked it. I check it now in the silence of the car. It's Spencer checking in on me to see how colleg
Did last night really happen? It's getting hard to distinguish fact from fiction. It's all a blur now. I wake up early and find an impatient Evie waiting for me at the end of my bed."What the hell happened last night? Where did you go? How did you get back here?" Evie taps her fingers on my desk with her bright nail polish.Now what am I supposed to do? I did text Dante that I wasn't feeling well. I could just roll with that story and be done with it."I got sick. I think some one spiked my drink and I got a ride home with a girl from my English class. It's fine. I text Dante. I feel bad about it. But my stomach was fire and you and Benjamin were enjoying each other's faces too much. I didn't want to bother you."I'm not a habitual liar or a pathological one, but lying to Evie is getting easier. I don't want to make a habit of lying to her, but until I know how I feel about Blake and if it's worth it my lips need to remain shut. He and I have an understanding about that.This is a ne
Professor Oakley has me grinning from ear to ear. If I'm not careful Evie will catch on. I never thought a college professor would notice the likes of me. But he has and now what do I do? Maybe if we agree to only see each other a few times a month then it would be easier to keep it a secret. Our texts to each other tell another story. We flirt a lot, and he wants to push it further.He wants me to go to his house this weekend around the same time as my next forced double date with Dante. Ugh. Dante still wants that study coffee date. I don't think Blake would appreciate me partnering up with another man who also has an attraction toward me. But I do need to study and his tests aren't exactly the easiest to master.So I guess I'm just going to have to partner up with Dante anyway and study. Dante isn't exactly the sexiest man on this campus. Not sure how to keep Evie out of my romance life. She's so nosy and at some point I'm sure she'll brownnose this out of me. Evie wants to be a jo
I bring my sketch book to my date. Dante doesn't have anything fancy planned. But still hanging out with him is better than being broken by Spencer or having my heart crushed by a tall blonde woman waltzing into my professor's office. I shouldn't even care who my teacher fraternizes with and yet I do."Is something wrong? You seem distracted?" Dante asks as he holds a pair of drum sticks in his hands and begins striking the table loudly. His drumming annoys the coffee shop staff enough they come over and tell him to put them away or he will need to leave."I am distracted. That darn history test. I won't pass. And I'm annoyed with Professor Oakley."Fuck that last part was not supposed to slip. My mouth has run away with me again."What did he do? Make us study? Maybe college isn't your thing."Maybe Dante is to preoccupied with his drumming to notice. I almost want to talk about history so I can be mad at Blake. We aren't dating, but why did he rub me in places no one else has. Am I
"Oh my God, Cora. Oh my God. Why didn't you tell me?" Evie says as she slurps her water loudly while returning from her run. I hate it when she exercises. My best friend smells like a rancid goat when she gets back from her morning runs. I don't understand why people run, it hurts my knees and makes my ankles ache."What are you talking about?" I really hope this isn't about Dante I'm not in the mood."Benjamin told me that you drew another sketch for Dante. And that Dante put it up on his wall. At this rate you both will be dating and your v-card issue will be solved."It's not Evie's fault that she doesn't know I find Dante unattractive. It's not her fault that I don't want to actually date him. I just keep him around just in case things with Professor Oakley don't work out. They probably won't because of that blonde woman, his Helen of Troy, will claim his heart."Yeah, it's great we are hanging out." That much is true. I do appreciate Dante as a friend, but I never plan to date h
Professor Oakley rescheduled the test. I skip anyway. I can't study after being called Stacey. I can't sit next to Dante and have him cheat off me, cause he thinks I know all the answers.I don't eat. I don't drink. How do I breathe again? Even that feels like a chore these days. It's time I do the only sensible thing there is left to do, I pack up my shit and prepare to leave my dorm room. Hopefully undetected by Evie. I need to go home for a few days and skipping classes for the rest of the week is worth it if it gets me away from him... Professor Blake Oakley.Evie comes into the room with the same flavor of coffee she drinks every fall. Pumpkin spice something from Biggby or Star Bucks."What are you doing? It's almost midterms. You can't just bail on me. Why is your suitcase packed? Did you fight with Dante? I can have Ben talk to him if you'd like. There are no guarantees of course that it will help. Here let me text, Ben."She gets out her large pink phone case and sets it in h
Coming home was a bad idea. When I told Jessica Evans, I lived nearby what I meant was an hour away. It's not an uncommon practice for college students to move an hour away. Close to home but far enough away that being an adult feels real. I'm not sure I will ever feel like a real adult with the way my mom takes care of me.When I texted her that something happened she jumped right into action. Mom's always had my back, even as a small child she would snuggle me so tightly to keep my innocence a little longer. But now as a young woman, we have an understanding that I will tell her something is wrong and she won't pry. I don't like people prying and interrogating me, Evie is still learning this with me. But not mom, mom's got me figured out like a science. Mom knows I will tell her eventually. I need a few days to process and then I come out of my shell like a sly little turtle emerging for the first time. Evie pokes the turtle in me with a stick, but not this time. This time she is b
I manage to sneak past Jessica Evans hall director apartment undetected. I have a feeling I will be hearing about her date and that she will rub Blake Oakley down all the dormitory women's throats.I don't want to be the jealous type. Being jealous is not a place anyone should be in. I don't even know where jealousy comes from or where it's origin story began. I imagine some Greek god concocted jealousy and now us mere mortals are forced to live with this consequence. Jealousy is born from chaos, chaos lives in the hearts of those who are in love. I can't say I'm in love with Blake Oakley. But I do admire him. I admire the way he still cares about his wife Stacy even though she's dead. I admire the way he cares about his students even if things don't work out between them in their personal lives.But it is time to grow up and move on. I've had my fling with Blake Oakley. And my mom doesn't need to know that he is my college professor. I wish I didn't lie to my mom about him being a m
Winter is the time of year when the snow falls and the bleakness and dry air force my skin to expand and my pours to crack. Fires bring on the warm and heat that defeats the snow and forces it to melt off my skin. As a child snow and sledding brought out a joy in me. Making snow angels with mom was a great comfort in the grand scheme of the world. We would both wear our infamous snow gear and glide together through the snow on sleds or throw snowballs at each other.When it came to snow forts we weren't the best at designing igloos. My mother's lack of building skills didn't include a roof. Her designs for a snow structure were more like a wall and was more often than not used as a defense mechanism against another snowball fight. At the end of all our snow play, I could always count and rely on mom to make cookies and hot chocolate. She would melt dark chocolate on a stove and add milk and all kinds of spices like a potions master and within five minutes heaven was created. Heaven
My appetite comes and goes. I'm craving weird things. It's like I'm a new and different person than I've ever been before. Being pregnant is a weird feeling, it's an out of body experience. Something or someone rather is growing inside of me and I have no say or control over how their development will affect my body. It's Christmas break and all the festivities are starting. I haven't bought my mom or Evie anything for Christmas. Me: Would you like to go Christmas shopping with me? Isaac: Sure. It's a bit unexpected but I'm not doing anything right now. Want me to pick you up? Me: Sure, I really need to talk to you. Isaac: Okay. I will be there in ten minutes. Isaac is true to his word, in less than ten minutes he and his car pull into my driveway. Mom knows why I am going out. It's time to confess to at least one of the Oakley brothers. I don't have the heart to tell Blake without Isaac's support. Isaac gets out of the car and opens the door for me. His car is full of booster
Mom and Evie accompany me to my baby appointment. The waiting room smells like toddler poop, latex gloves, and baby vomit. Other mothers with varying sizes of belly bumps fill the room. Some are glowing and some look defeated. Two women are crying and one is nursing. Being a mother looks sacrificial and confusing, maybe this is a bad idea. I don't have to be a mom. Someone else could raise it and Blake would never need to know. Perhaps Blake being out of my life is for the best."Cora Wellington." A nurse calls my name and Evie and mom follow behind me."Well, this is it. We are going to find out the gender.""Actually today you will get an ultrasound and hear the heartbeat. As for the gender it's probably to early to tell. We will have to see."The truth is I haven't had a period in two months but I haven't put much thought into it. I just figured stress and being bullied changed my body chemistry. I never considered pregnancy, not once. I suppose most women my age wouldn't consider
A week goes by, finals have come and gone. That little place on campus where Professor Oakley once had an office is now empty. The professor he filled in for has agreed to return. Finals week was hard to get through and everyone found out of course.The double date got cancelled. Isaac texts me from time to time to see if I'm alright. Little does he know that we really are going to be family soon. He will be the uncle of the child inside me. He's been like a big brother to me for awhile now, and I'm happy to say it has been most comforting.The two pink lines have been terrifying and I haven't had the courage to tell my mom about it. She'd be happy and disappointed. I know she wouldn't turn me away. I'm her only family. Everyone in my family has left or died. We only have each other for every holiday. A baby would brighten her world and I know she'd be a wonderful grandma.My car is still full of my university boxes and suitcases. I've been too lazy to lift them and too concerned the
Packing my belongings is hard. Although, President McIntyre has given me his permission to live on campus through finals week, I prefer to commute regardless of the long drive. I haven't told Evie about Blake and our double date. Isaac sprung that on him, and he truly didn't seem interested in pursuing us. My hopes of having what we once had together has diminished. I'm the reminder of the biggest mistake of his life.He made it known that I'm a reminder of his downfall. His career ending falls on my lips and ends at my feet. His biggest regret is bumping into me that first day, when all his papers went flying. I didn't know it then, but it was the beginning of the end.My stomach aches and churns. I go to the bathroom and throw up. It's not like me to get sick. When I'm ill it's usually colds and migraines. Stomach illnesses are for other people who don't wash their hands prior to eating. Perhaps the emotional roller coaster I'm facing has triggered the vomit response within me. It's
Walking away from Cora isn't exactly what I wanted. But it's necessary if I am to ever move on from here. Nordstrom University is my low point, following the death of my Stacey."You bastard. You bloody coward. Cora did everything for you and you turned her back on her. You rat bastard. She was going to fuck someone else to save your job. She came clean because I found out about Dante. And you turn her down now. Now after President McIntyre knows. What has gotten into you?" Isaac asks as he helps me clean up my office."I knew you'd say something like that. I don't expect you to understand. You have the perfect life. I'm a mess." I start placing my photos and memories of Stacey that are hidden in my office closet into the boxes that President McIntyre had sent up for me."You don't know what you're talking about," Isaac says."Sure, I do. You have the perfect family and a loyal wife. She's alive. She's breathing."Isaac takes a large cardboard box and slams it down on my desk."No, s
The meeting with President McIntyre has ended. He listened intently to Cora's stories about Dante."Is that everything then? Is there any more you both would like to share? It is a lot of information to take in, I can assure you of that. As for both of you, Cora I accept your transfer to another university after this semester. And Blake, as for you I think your resignation is for the best. Please start packing your office immediately, and I will personally teach your remaining classes for the remainder of the year. Give me any and all lesson plans you may have. If you have a final exam written please email it to me, even if it's a rough draft. Never in my forty-two years of teaching have I experienced anything like this. Of all the shenanigans, of all the scandals, this is probably the cherry on top of my academic career. You will never teach again Blake Oakley. I can assure you of that, and as for you Cora. I will see to it personally that this Dante character is dealt with. I can as
After delaying Dante for as long as I can, my time to decide is upon me. It's not an easy place to be in. Do I try to be with Dante or do I confess and get kicked out of the university? I was never college material to begin with. My mother paid for tutoring all way through high school. She can deny it all she wants but I'm convinced I have a learning disability of some kind. It took me years to learn how to read and I confuse letters sometimes. Mother never got me tested for anything. I can't hold a bad decision against mom, but it didn't make studying any easier.If I were college material perhaps I would be sad at the prospect of possibly being kicked out. But right now I don't care. The pressure to study and memorize is just daunting to me. Writing papers makes my anxiety high. I think I would be better suited to something else, but what that is I'm not sure. I just want to go home and become a barista for a year or two. Having a gap year or two might have been a better choice for
Dante pulls a chair up to me. His eyes tell a story of jealous, hurt, and anger. I hand him a cup of coffee and prepare to listen to whatever story he wishes to tell. Some stories are important to listen to and if I want to not get fired I had better listen this time. I suspect that no matter what happens I will not be teaching at Nordstrom University for very long. If Dante knows about Cora and I, and what transpired between us before the break up, then my job has already been on egg shells from the beginning. I always knew this would be the case.There was always the possibility of this relationship ruining me. It was always a likelihood. I knew it right from the start, but I kissed her anyway. I could have been fired and yet I loved her anyway. I love her still. I love her as Cora Worthington and not as Stacey Oakley. I always knew she compared herself to Stacey, but I ignored it for the most part. Perhaps I shouldn't have done that to her. Perhaps I shouldn't have let our paths