I sniffled. I couldn’t tell Barnett the truth. He would think I was weak for not being able to handle everything myself. “Anna, I can hear you crying.” The softness in his tone broke something inside me. Tears started to flow down my cheeks again. “I-I don’t know what to do,” I sobbed. “It’s all too much.” “What’s too much?” “The commercial, the styling, the vlogs. I’ve only spent a little over a week doing this, and I can’t keep up. I screwed up so badly today.” “Hey, it’s okay. Just take a deep breath and explain everything that happened.” I followed Barnett’s instructions. I took a deep breath and then told him everything, from being worn down by the commercial to having to improvise StarRise’s look and her reaction to it.&nb
“Who-who are you?” I asked. “What are you doing here?” “I’m Tom,” the man said. “I’m here to see you.” The man stepped out of the darkness. He was surprisingly well-kept with short dark hair and a well-trimmed beard. His eyes, though—his eyes bore into me with a fire straight from the depths of Hell. I knew I should run, but I was frozen to the spot. I tried to scream, but no sound would come out of my throat. All I could do was stand with tears streaming down my cheeks. “No, no, I won’t hurt you,” Tom said. He held his hands up, as if to placate me, and I flinched. “I would never hurt you.” Tom stepped towards me. Whatever had frozen me in place finally broke, and I stepped backwards. “Stay away from me,” I said as loudly as I could manage. &nbs
I transferred the rent to Barnett and moved out the next day. Since he had helped me before when my old apartment didn’t work out, I asked Barnett if he could help me move my stuff into the new house. He just said he was busy and hastily closed his apartment door on me. I got Lily to help me instead, but I couldn’t keep my mind off Barnett the entire day. As we moved boxes and bags, my mind drifted to Barnett helping me with the back support belt, his strong arms wrapped around me as he strapped on the Velcro. I couldn’t help but think about his perfect form as he lifted the boxes, and I wondered why he didn’t want to help this time. After all, we did seem to have such fun moving me in to the other apartment… “Hello? Earth to Anna!” Lily said as she waved her hand in front of my face. I shook my head. I hadn’t realized that I had spaced out thinking about Barnett. I blushed. “What were you saying?” I asked. “I was asking where yo
I tried to get that dream out of my mind. I tried to get Barnett out of my mind. Neither worked. I relived the sex, the pleasure it had brought me, over and over. I contemplated Barnett’s disappearance after the labor and what it meant. But mostly, I thought about that baby boy. I knew he wasn’t real, and yet the fact that I could not hold him again brought me great sadness. He represented everything I didn’t get to have before and everything I still would not be able to have. Even if there were some way to get past the infertility Bob always said I had, I had months—weeks—left to live and could never carry a healthy baby to full term. The only way I could force these thoughts from my mind was through exercise. Unfortunately, I was finding it harder and harder to get to Stand Up. The distance from my new home was a struggle, and the fans—oh, the fans!
I froze and listened to the night. For a minute, there was nothing. Then the screaming started again. “No! No!” My heart pounding, I cautiously reached under my bed. I grasped for the bat that I started keeping near me since the incident with Tom. Its hard, grainy surface gave me a sense of security and confidence as I gripped it tightly. Bat in hand, I slipped out of bed and snuck out of my room. As I approached the end of the hall, I peeked around the corner. Nothing appeared out of order. The door was still locked and closed, the TV was off and stayed mounted on the wall, and all the furniture still stood in place. Even Arthur remained on the couch, fast asleep. I was about to search the kitchen when the screaming started again from the living room. “No! Pleas
I turned to face the young woman I had accidentally hit. She was holding her cheek and eye, part of which I could see had started to turn pink. “Oh my God!” I exclaimed. “I’m so sorry!” I reached out to touch the woman’s arm, but she shrunk away from me. “Please, let me help you,” I continued. “Let me get you inside. We can get you some ice—” “No!” the woman said, shaking her head. Her hand never left the side of her face. “No.” “Please, I insist…” I reached out for her again, but she stepped away from me. The woman kept shaking her head and muttering “no” as she back away through the crowd. I thought I saw tears on the uncovered side of her face. My heart broke. All eyes were suddenly on me. I had no
“Come over here,” Arthur said as he sat me down in the closest chair. “There you go.” I slumped forward and put my face in my hands. My head swam. Tears trickled from the corners of my eyes. “Anna, are you okay?” Arthur’s hands on my shoulders grounded me. I took deep breaths, inhaling his cologne. My head slowly steadied itself. I wiped my tears and forced a smile for him. “I’m all right. It’s just that…some of what’s in that article is tough for me.” “So, some of it is true?” “The facts are true, but what they read between the lines are not.” Arthur tilted his head. “Meaning…?” “Meaning, I had nothing to do with my brothers’ deaths. I was
I ran to the bathroom and locked myself in one of the stalls. Crouching beside the toilet, I cried and dry-heaved. My hands shook uncontrollably, and my breaths came in and out raggedly. I knew I had to do something about my diagnosis, but what? Telling anyone about it was out of the question. Going back to the doctor was useless, too; it was terminal, after all. Yet there was so much to do regarding my…death. Funeral arrangements. A will. There just wasn’t enough time—but I had an idea of where to start.
“Please tell me that you’re not wearing that,” Lily said as soon as I entered her bedroom on the yacht.I rolled my eyes and waved my dress bag at her.“Yes, it is. I just brought this incredible dress that my best friend bought me as a backup in case I got my modest wear filthy.”Lily stuck her tongue out at me.“What were you even doing that required such morbid attire?”