I missed you

Estonia

I WAS woken up by a hand caressing my cheek, I didn't realize that I had fallen asleep on the couch while drinking my beer. I suddenly remembered where I was and who was I with. I was at a small hotel that Travis' rented for a night, He's here to talk to me about moving back to his house because of Grandma P I didn't know if I should open my eyes or just pretend to be sleeping.

But how could I do that if his touch sent turmoil to my being? My body still reacted to him like it was yesterday. I didn't know what should I do. I was torn between waking up and face him or pretend to be asleep and enjoy the soothing feeling of his hand against my cheek.

"Wake up, sleepyhead," I heard him say when he finally stopped touching my cheek. I slowly opened my eyes and the first thing that greeted me was his gold shiny eyes that reached to the depth of my soul. I remembered how I was so mesmerized the first time i got the chance to stare directly into his eyes He greeted me with a sweet smile showing his perfectly white teeth. I cleared my throat before finally speaking

"A-Are you done?" l asked him while trying to avoid his gaze. it was still awkward since I was in between both of his hands that were now leaning on the couch and our faces were just inches away from each other. I tried to put a distance between us without making it awkward.

"Yes, I'm done". he said. I could smell his minty breath and Wanted to grab his nape and pull him towards me so l could finaly claim and taste of that sweet lips again

"What am i thinking?" I whispered to myself.

"Thinking what?" he asked with a wrinkle in his forehead.

"Did l just say that out loud? F'ck!".

"Thinking about.. ." Fck! l'm shot of words. Think, Estonia, quick!

"I'm t-thinking-"I stuttered.

"Why are you blushing? Did I caught you off guard? Are you daydreaming about me, my sweet ex-wife?" he teased me.I wanted to wipe that smirk out of his face.

"Of course not! You wish!" I denied it. I used all my strength to push him out of my sight and quickly stood up and finally put a distance between us. I couldn't believe that I was thinking about kissing my ex-husband.

He hurt you, Estonia. He cheated on you. Stop, fantasizing about him! I kept reminding my sell of the reason why we ended up in this situation today

"Since, you're done with your meeting, can we now start talking? I need to go back home now." I started.

"Grandma P will be arriving next week. I need you to come with me to Lagos now. I won't be available on the following days. I have a lot of hearings this weèk," he said.

"I didn't hear anything about you asking for my help. It's more like you are ordering me," I told him while raising my eyebrow, He was staring me with an intense gaze. I knew he didn't like what I was saying I can clearly see it in his face. He was not used to being opposed.

"Didn't you hear me the first time? I told you Grandma P is coming back in Nigeria and she's not doing well,;" he said irritably.

"l heard you, but I don't see that to be my problem. You're the one who forgot to tell her about our annulment. I can see her if you want to, but I don't think we need to pretend in front of her."

"She already suffered a heart attack a couple of times back in the UK. I don't want to take chances." His dark face changed and became soft.

I remembered how Travis was very fond of his grandmother. l also cared about grandma and l didn't want to be the reason for her suffering. She was the only person in my whole marriage life who thought and cared about what I wanted and what would make me happy.

"what do you propose?"

"Well just going to pretend in front of her while she's at my house," he said.

"Until when?"

"Until she's here", he plainly answered Without giving any details.

"And that's until when? I reiterated my Question to him I needed to know how long I would be staying with him. Being with him just reminded me of the saddest part of my life. I didn't want to visit that memory for too long.

"l actually don't know. Grandma P didn't tell me how long will she be staying here," he answered.

"l already have a life here, Travis. You can't expect me to drop everything just because you asked me to. Don't get me wrong. I love Grandma P and I would never try anything that will hurt her but we can't pretend forever," I explained to him.

Though the news of Grandma P not doing well put a toll on him. He was not the kind of person who went into something without a concrete plan. I thought, this decision of him was impulsive and out of the blue

"Did you really think of this through, Travis?" I asked him. He took a deep breath before he slowly sat on the couch where I was sleeping a while ago. He slumped his back on the couch, closed his eyes and leaned his head towards the backrest while massaging his temple. Now that I could freely look at him, I could see how tired he was.

Unlike what I first thought when I saw him, I could clearly see now that he quite aged a bit. He looked overworked.

"You're right. I'm sory. I haven't really thought this through. It is rude of me to just involve you in my personal problem," he said while his eyes were still close and continued massaging his temple.

"I need to know every single thing about your plan beforel decide if I want to help you or not" I calmly said. I didn't know but I felt some pity towards him.I knew how much he loved his Grandmother and I was sure that this was not easy for him.

" I didn't want to shock her with the news of our annulment. I'm planning on taking care of her health while she's here. I'll have doc personally take care of her while she's here. When she recovers, I'll tell her about our divorce," he explained.

"How many months?" I asked him. I didn't like the idea of living with him again but Grandma P wàs also close to my heart and I didn't want to be the reašon why she was going to be ill.

"Six months."

"What?! That's too long! Let's say, three months,"I insisted.

"Why? Are you afraid to be with me in one roof? Don't tell me you still have feelings for me?". he teased me

"In your dreams, Travis. You wish I just don't think I can live with you that long. I'm giving you three months to tell Grandma P about our divorce," I firmly told him

"Don't worry, I don't think I could also live with you that long," he said upon raising his head from the couch and then look at me directly in the eye.

I shouldn't be feeling disappointed with his statement, but I couldn't help it. It was already clear since the beginning that none of us wanted this to happen but we both cared about grandma's heat that's why I was considering what he was offering. I brushed off the sudden pang in my heart because of what he said and tried to focus my attention on what would be our setup.

"How do you proposed our set up would be?" I curiously asked him.

"As I said, we'll be pretending to be happily married couple in front of her, but other than that we wouldn't meddle in anyone's business," he started.

" want to set some limitations," I told him

"Go on, I'm all eas," he said, then leaned forward and laid his elbow on top of his legs.

I walked towards the single couch that was beside the long couch where he was sitting, I like to maintain my distance with him.

"I'm fine with us pretending in front of Grandma but I want to put limitations. First, of course, no kissing. Sécond-"he cut me off before l even finished my sentence.

"What are we? Teenagers, Estonia ? Where can you see a married couple who don't kiss?" he said with a smirk on his face. I rolled my eyes at him. As much as it pained me, he had a point.

"Okay, fine. I'll allow a kiss on the cheeks but that's it," I told him. He just raised his eyebrow at me.I didn't notice that I was actually holding my breath with the anticipation of what he was going to say.

Stonia it's just a kiss. Don't make it too serious. Just take it like it's a play and we're the leads," he said calmly before leaning his back to the couch and spreading both of his arms to the backrest. I tapped my foot nervously on the floor while thinking about it.

The thought of his lips touching mine made me nervous and excited at the same time. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath before agreeing with him. There was no use in arguing with him because he had a point.

It would just make us look awkward if we didn't act like the way we used to do. I remembered when we were still in the UK. We couldn't get our hands off with each other

"Fine". I gave up There was no use in arguing with him

"l want to know what will be our sleeping arrangements? Obviously, we can't sleep in the same bed."

"Why not?" he said teasingly to me which made my blood boil

"Are you toying with me, Travis?"I Snapped at him He's obviously enjoying this torture.

"l'm not. You are just making a big deal out of this. Just act like how we used to be, Don't put too much meaning on it. We need to sleep in one room, if not she will wonder why we are not sharing a room. Besides, my bed is huge enough for four people," he explained.

What was up with him? It was as if he was okay with the setup and it didit bother him that we needed to act as if we're still together. Didn't he think about what his girlfriend would feel like? Of course! How could I forget that small detail? needed to clear this up. I did't want any woman to accuse me of anything

"And what's your girlfriend's take on this?" I didn't want to ask him directly if he has a girlfriend or not.I didn't want to give him the notion that I was interested in his personal life

"She understands it. You don't need to worry about that," he said I suddenly felt a pang of jealousy. I was actually hoping that he would say that he didn't have a girlfriend, but what do I expect? He was a chick magnet even before.

"That's good. At least, I don't have to worry about someone attacking me while l'm pretending to be your wife,"| said, hiding the feeling of disappointment that I was actually feeling at the moment.

"Will you stop that?!" he shouted at me. I was taken aback by his sudden outburst.

"Stop what?" l answered him with the same intensity. I didn't know what was got him and why suddenly, he was shouting at me

"Stop acting like pretending to be my wife again is the worst thing that could ever happen to you". he said with his dark face

"Because it is!" I couldn't help but answer. We both fell into deep silence. He stood up and walked out the door, leaving me behind. I couldn't understand what I'm feeling right now It seemed like I hurt him with what i said, but what did he expect me to say? The hurtful memories of our failed miarriage still lingered in my mind like it was yesterday.

The last thing that i wanted to be right now was to be back into his arms again. The memories of him kissing that woman still haunted me every day. It always made me think about what I did wrong and what was lacking in me. The feeling of not being enough for Someone you love the most was the worst feeling ever. I was thinking if I should just leave or should I wait for him here and finished what we needed to talk about.