4. Don't fcking touch me

I don't want to forget and forgive. Those two things don't go well with the pain of my broken heart. ~ A. Gupta

VIOLET

THE Air vibrated with every shift and every glance from him. I could literally feel his presence on my skin and it only made me angry to the point that all I wanted was to stand up and stalk out of here. Be anywhere but here. My heart refused to settle down as it raced when all the memories started to filter through my mind, making me feel the echo of the pain I had done my best to overcome. But still I managed to sit there, pretending to eat with sheer force of my will despite the diagnosis of sleeping in his arms, the warmth of his embrace, the pleasure of his touches. I managed to keep my face blank and my eyes on my food because Alex was right, I couldn't let him know that he still affected me.

As the dishes were passed around, I tried to keep my thoughts away from him, determined not to acknowledge him. I heard him clear his throat a few times, clearly trying to get my attention, but I refused to give him the satisfaction. Mom asked me about Hayley and I signed my replies. “Why? Where did the words go?” Alex whispered in my ear and I hosted at him. He smiled, his eyes darting across the table and I knew who he was looking, I could feel the weight of his gaze on me.

After sometime Alex nudged me with his elbow and I turned to look at him with exasperation, thinking he was ready to feed me another taunt but was surprised when I found him holding up a raspberry in front of my mouth. My eyes widened and his green eyes glinted wickedly as he demanded, “Open up.”

My mouth fell open in shock more than anything and he slipped the fruit inside my mouth. I heard a loud clang of utensils from my left and without turning to look at him, I knew it was him, the man with sherry eyes. I carefully chewed the berry and murmured a thank you as I turned back to my food but couldn't help a sneaky glance at the man who thrummed with so much energy it permeated the air.

Mrs Carter, the mother I was lucky to have now, broke the charged silence as she asked, “Cole, how is your family?”

I felt the weight of his gaze disappear from me and my coiled muscles relaxed as he answered, “They are fine. I had to look after some important business but now I think I shouldn't have left.”

Alex cleared his throat and said, “Why do you think that? Personally, I think you shouldn't have come back.”

Maddox joined his brother as he added, “Copy that. I had almost forgotten that there was someone we should miss.”

“Mad!” Bree admonished him.

But he only responded with, “Yes, sweetness.”

Dad ordered his sons to not start trouble at the dinner table. But Mom seemed to be too curious as she asked, “What are they like, you never told us anything about them?”

I picked up my glass and before I could think twice of it, I said, “It must've been such a bother to share details of his life so he probably preferred to keep them a secret, Mom. And he's so good at keeping secrets.” Involuntarily my eyes went to him and met those sherry eyes that I used to find comfort in.

I quickly looked away, took a few sips of my water and then stood up. “I am going to stay the night at my studio.”

Dad began, “Violet—”

I knew what he would say so I grabbed the back of Alex’s shirt as I said, “He will drop me.”

Alex was two step ahead of me as he slipped his arm around my shoulder and added, “Or, I’ll stay the night with her.”

As I walked out of the house, I couldn’t help but feel a sense of satisfaction at the glance I got of his shocked face. I took it as a small victory, despite the way my heart was fluttering inside my chest as if ready to soar high. “Seriously, we are leaving?” Alex asked, sounding put out. “I’d have liked to see more of that drama unfold.”

“Alex.” I hissed at him.

And then another set of footsteps sounded behind me, followed by my name as we made our way down the front porch. “Violet.”

Alex whistled by my side. “I guess I’ll have my wish after all.”

I closed my eyes. I didn’t want to face him but knowing Alex probably won’t let me hide in his car like I wanted to, I took a deep breath and finally turned around to face him. And once again I was gripped with all the intense emotions I was fighting. He looked so handsome, his beautiful sherry eyes regarding me with the same warmth that I had missed all this time. But I told myself it wasn’t really what it seemed. He was a liar, full of deceit not someone who deserved my pain. He was made a hero by me when the truth was he wasn’t really one.

But still my heart jolted as if electrocuted as he came closer and grabbed my arm. I looked down at his big, tanned hand on mine. His long, thick fingers wrapped around my pale skin. And my emotions overwhelmed, the longing that I was keeping in check resurfaced as if woken up after a long deep sleep, almost rendered me into a mess that I had sworn I won't turn into.

Another warm presence crowded me from behind, this one I leaned into to hold myself up as I wrenched my hand free of his hold. “Don’t fucking touch me.”

I took some solace in the way his eyes widened at my words and how hurt shined in them. “Violet—” He broke off, seeming to gather himself as he swallowed and tried again, “I know I have hurt you. But I want to explain everything to you if you’ll just listen to me.”

A half choked laugh and half astonished scoff left my lips as I stared at him. How dare he! I glared at him and gritted out, “You think you can come back here and tell me more of your lies to explain your absence, the way you left without any fucking explanation?” My voice shook as the fragile control on my emotions broke and I slapped my palms flat on his chest, making him stumble back with the force. “You think that if we talk, if you give me any explanation of your deceit, I’ll just forgive you and everything would be back to as it was two years ago?”

“I know it's not that easy, and I’m so sorry for what I did,” he replied, his eyes filled with remorse. “But you’ll understand if—”

“I don't want to understand.” I said, my voice cold like Mad’s turn when he's really angry. “I don't want to hear your apologies or your reasons for why you did what you did. Why I woke up to an empty bed and empty bedroom? Why there were no explanations given to me when they mattered the most? Now, now I just don't fucking care.” With that I turned away from him, ignored his calls and made my way around the car to lock myself inside it.

Fortunately, Alex didn’t torture me as he unlocked the car, allowing me my escape so I could get better control on my emotions and the way my whole body trembled.

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A. Gupta