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Author’s POV

Ryan plopped down on his king sized bed, as soon as he got inside his bedroom.

It was a long day for him, he had to rush for meetings one after another. He’s exhausted but also relieved that his business is progressing a little each day.

seven years ago, if someone asked him about starting up a business, he would have definitely laughed at it because at that time even paying the rent of the house was a big deal for him. Then how would he even think about starting a business ?

But he did it, it took seven whole years for him to mould himself into a business while he built his own company as well. For any outsider, seven years may seem like a big number of days passed but only Ryan knows what these seven years taught him, and made him what he’s now.

He has been through every thick and thin of life, and yet he never complains about it because for him everythings is a lesson and experience in life. At least till now.

They say, scorpio men are one of the hardest workers in the zodiac. And Ryan is not different, he’s ambitious, intelligent and confident in his knowledge. Once he sets a goal for himself, he will never give up. He will put all his effort into achieving whatever he set out to accomplish. Of course, the first step was hard and he faced failure but what made him stand strong is he never stepped back after facing the failures. Maybe, sometimes not stepping back is all we have to do in order to reach where we want.

Stretching his arms Ryan got up from bed and went to his closet to get changed.

Pulling out a grey sweat pants and white t-shirt Ryan was about to step inside the bathroom to shower but he stopped when his phone rang.

Grabbing the phone out from his pants pocket Ryan rolled his eyes before answering the call “ didn’t i tell you that i don’t like to repeat myself but it seems like you’re hell bent on making me do that…“ he growled running his palm on his hairs.

“ Ryan, you can’t leave the treatment in the middle and “ came a soft yet confident voice from the other side of the call. It’s his therapist Aaron Gilbert. who called him to convince to continue the treatment that he left in the middle.

Ryan didn’t let him complete as he spoke “ ohh yes i can and i will, what’s the point of continuing the treatment when i’m not seeing any changes in me“

“ it takes time man… “ Aaron protested

“ I already spent three months Aaron, and that’s a lot of time for me, “ countered Ryan , glancing at the wall clock.

“ You need to understand your condition first and it’s not something that can be cured in a day or two. It takes time Man…don’t quit in the middle…you need treatment otherwise ….” again Ryan cut in the middle saying “ thank you so much for your concern but I'm still not convinced, I've wasted my three months with you, but not anymore….” Ryan was about to hang up but he suddenly remembered something. “ And don’t panic, I've paid your fees for three months”. With that he hung up the call not paying attention to what Aron was saying and he left to take a shower.

The gentle pitter-patter of water ran through his skin when he stood under shower relaxing his muscles. Running his fingers through his hairs, Ryan closed his eyes taking long breaths.

It was his thirteenth birthday, when it all started.

“ Ryan go to sleep, i’ll wake you up once your dad comes back from his work “ said Ryan’s mother ruffling his hair softly.

Biting his nails Ryan glanced at the wall clock every two minutes hoping for the time to pass sooner than usual.

“ Not at all, i’ll wait till he returns “ he was stubborn, and didn’t want to sleep because the excitement in him was too much to handle for him. It’s his thirteenth birthday in the next two hours and his dad had promised him a hero ranger cycle as a gift this time.

Despite the family financial situation Ryan’s father had promised him a hero ranger cycle which is the coolest stuff any school student would have, and Ryan was happy and excited to be the one of the coolest guys in his school.

Being a son of a salesman, Ryan has always known of his limits and situation. He would not make many wishes, he would simply accept what his parents got him. Compromise and adjustment was grown within him at such a young age, yet when he sees his other classmates having and showing off their cool and expensive gadgets little did he would feel bad for not being able to buy them.

Ryan’s father is a sales man and his mother runs a small grocery store which helps them to pay their rants and bills. But their income isn’t enough to fulfil their child’s every dream and wish thus Ryan would not bother them with such high demands. But, when this morning he overheard his father talking to his mother about getting him a hero ranger cycle Ryan couldn’t contain his happiness. Because, it was his long time wish to have that cycle and watching his parents making efforts to give him something that he always wanted is like them sacrificing their sleep and food for the next few weeks to work harder to manage the money-only for him, for their son.

The clock struck 11pm, and Ryan’s impetiance grew more. Because usually his father would return from his work before 10:30pm but today he’s later than ever and it felt strange to Ryan.

Few more minutes passed, and Ryan’s eyes felt heavy. A wild ywan left his mouth as he leaned back on the couch feeling tired. Slowly, he falls asleep on the couch unknowingly.

It was nearly midnight when he opened his eyes hearing slight disturbful voices.and the view in front of him made him stare alert.

It was his father, who wasn’t in his best sense and state.

He saw his mother struggling to carry his drunk father to their bedroom, who was blabbering something that made no sense. He couldn't even open his eyes and walk properly because of the high alcohol toll on him.

Ryan rubbed his eyes as he sat on the couch trying to regain his consciousness.

“ Happy birthday Ryan “ it was his mother, who walked out of the bedroom with an apologetic smile.

Ryan looked up at her mother and then glanced at the wall clock, it was 12:45Am.

His thirteenth birthday.

“ thanks mom “ he said without failing to smile back at her.

“ Love you sweetly, and I'm sorry for… “

He didn’t let her mother apologise and said “ it’s okay mom, I'm used to this now “ he said with an assuring smile that didn’t reach his eyes at all.

Drinking is the only thing that he hates in his father. It’s not the first time he came back drunk from his work, but today Ryan hoped that his father would consider this special day and wouldn’t drink but his expectation was crushed under his father’s addiction.

Above that, he felt stupid for expecting such a gifts that he would never get. Not until the time his father stops spending all the money in bars. Seeing the glossy eyes of his mother, Ryan knew that his father had spent all the money in the bar which they had saved up for his cycle.

“ i guess, i should sleep….it’s late” with that Ryan walked towards his room trying to hold back his tears, which almost betrayed him.

The disappointment of not getting what he always imagined to be having was eating him up, he felt cheated by his father. Yet he couldn’t complain because that’s how he has been all this while. He wouldn’t complain about anything that hurts him, he would just accept it and try to live with it. He would never complain.

Wetting his large pillow Ryan cried to sleep, and his already exhausted eyes now we're irritable as well. He was whimpering, hugging his pillow in the darkness of his room.

It was 2:10Am, and he was still crying. What an amazing start to his thirteenth birthday he thought and snivelled more.

Gradually he was pulled back to his slumber in a few minutes, yet again he felt some strange movements around him and he opened his eyes only to see his father standing near his bed.

“ I'm sorry my son, I couldn't get you…your favourite cycle “ he said, bending down as he gently stroked Ryan's cheek. He smelled like alcohol, which made Ryan annecy.

“ it’s okay dad “ Ryan mumbled in his half sleeping state, he was having trouble opening his eyes fully.

“ How can you take it so easily ? i feel so guilty Ryan '' his dad husked while his hands slowly went further and roamed on his chest and stomach. Ryan’s eyes wide opened when he felt sudden nervousness rushing through his body with his dad’s every small touch on his skin. Ryan was instantly uncomfortable with the way of his dad’s hands moving around his lower stomach.

With a jerk he got up and sat on his bed “ it…itt..s okay….da…ed “ he merely uttered those words looking down not knowing how to react to the unknown fear building inside him.

He still felt his dad’s constant gaze on him, and it made him more comfortable. His heart was thumping rapidly and he silently prayed for his dad to leave his room as soon as possible.

“ i…uh…need to ss….sleep….” gulping down his unknown fear Ryan got hold of his shivering hands when he spoke, hardly. The room was dark, yet an uncanny feeling that he was being watched by his dad made him anxious.

“ Ohh sure but let me first wish you on your birthday, “ he said with a peculiar smile playing in the corner of his lips.

He doesn’t remember what happened then or during the next few days, he told nobody about it. He doesn’t even remember having any reactions to the incidents which happened with him following after the first time.

Ryan turned off the shower and grabbed a towel from the hanger, breathing unevenly he wrapped the towel around his waist while he stepped out of shower.

He took another towel and dried his wet dripping hairs. It’s been years and he still can’t get over those horrible incidents that happened to him. He thought taking therapy sessions will help him to get rid of his traumas but he stopped going for therapy when he realised that he needed to open up and talk everything out that has been buried deep inside of him.

He wasn’t ready to let anybody see his vulnerability, not even the therapist Aron. Ryan was having difficulty in opening up, the process was taking such a toll on him that he felt ashamed of describing every single bit of his dad’s doing on him. He was ashamed of enduring everything and not standing up for himself, but mostly it was his inner fear of being judged by the Therapist, or his assistants. He knows Aron would not judge him yet he was scared and uncomfortable to share his past with anyone.

In a way, the society has made us believe that more then the assulter or rapist, the people who gets raped or assults are at fault. No matter how hard one would try to come out of this box of humiliation and self pity, people still find a way to put them back in the box itself. To encourage and support peoples who went though traumas and harassing assaults, there should be a healthy and welcoming environment.

Ryan was against recalling his blocked out and hazy memories of the incidents which kept happening with him till he turned seventeen. Besides, he found the therapy quite risky for him as well.

He knew what he did to stop the abuse, and he knew that if told the therapist about it he would be behind the bars for sure.

Whatever happens, he can’t let anybody know what he did to stop his father from assaulting him anymore.

Ryan dressed up in black sweat pants and white hoodie while he fought against his urge of recalling anything further from his past.

To divert his mind from going on a guilt trip Ryan took his laptop and sat on the couch to resume his work. A sudden wave of breeze hit his freshly washed skin.

Feeling cold he looked around and found the large window of his room left open. Marching towards the window he was about to pull the curtains but stopped when his eyes fell on the beautiful moon.

He has seen the moon before, but today it looked different for him. Different from what he has been seeing all these days. Leaning on the window Ryan’s pupils delighted when he looked at the moon with all his attention.

The glowing moon loomed large and was surrounded by an ethereal glow. Dozens of stars were sprinkled behind it, few were large but mostly a multitude of little white pin pricks. Even though the moon was surrounded by many sparkling stars, what caught his attention was the dim yellowy white moon.

“ so captivating and eyes pleasing, just like her “he said to himself, and instantly regretted saying that.