CARA
Of course I am not alright.I feel like I am about to experience a full blown panic attack.How can I be alright when there are plenty chances of me stumbling into Dane in here of all fucking people and of all fucking places!?But I do not want to trouble Rhia with my anxiety. So, she does not need to know the truth.“I am fine. I just need to use the restroom.” I smile, being careful not to make my fake expression look exaggerated. Rhia has this invisible dexterity of sniffing out exaggerations.“Alright. Take your time. Meanwhile….” she suddenly appears to my front, winking mischievously at me. “Don’t fuck around in there.”I laugh. Rhia's brazen mouth never lacks the nastiest statements. I am still surprised that her V card still exists after all these years.“I am coming.” I turn around, heading straight for the exit. The restroom is the least place I want to be in right now….I need to go somewhere far away from here. Somewhere I do not want to see him.Why the hell is he back!? He should have fucking stayed in that White Moon pack where he ran off to.I finally reach outside. With the fading sun hanging low in the orange purple clouded sky, I decide to escape to the rose garden just behind the banquet hall.Everyone is busy enjoying themselves inside. No one will notice me gone. And I really want to be alone right now.I begin to make my way to the garden.The nearer I get, the more I feel at ease with the tantalizing scents of the roses and the little chirpings of the garden birds preventing my mind a bit from wandering around too much.There is this large marble water fountain right in the center of the rose garden that I love so much. Just a few paces ahead.Watching the reflection of the dusky evening sky on the spouting water has always been my lovely sight to behold.A mesmerizing sight I pray will help distract me from my haunting thoughts today.I hurry my footsteps and round the corner leading to the fountain.Just as I enter the wide open space where the fountain is, I gasp, shock rattling my bones from my head down to my very toes.He is right there.Alone.Sitting on a bench near the water fountain with his back turned to me, his face bent towards his knees.I must have gasped out loudly earlier, because he lifts up his head and slowly turns around.Immediately, our eyes lock, and the entire garden feels like it is suspended in time. Like we are in some sort of dreamscape where only the two of us exist.A dreamscape I want to burn to ashes.My entire body feels like it is paralyzed, and yet, pain and anger surges up my veins. My throat. My eyes.And it burns me without mercy.I think of taking a step back. To run away from here…But wait a minute…. do I have to? Why should I?I scoff at myself. Between the both of us, Dane is the expert at running away. The expert in treating people's feelings like trash.Between the both of us, he is the stranger here. He should be the wretched one to leave this beautiful garden. Not me.“What are you doing here?” I spit out the question bitterly at him as I begin to walk towards the water fountain, my anger fueling me.He rises from the bench, his eyes never leaving me all the while. There is something about his body language. Something about his reaction to my fuming presence now standing before him.“Cara….” He says my name slowly. Quietly. For the first time in two years, like he is caught up in some hazy maze.Hazy maze my fucking foot.“Wow, I really can't believe this.” I fold my arms. “Is this really you, Dane, or am I staring at an illusion right now?”I am fighting not to rake. Not to lash out my annoyance. He does not say anything, which only irritates me the more.“Can't you speak? Or did they teach you in White Moon not to speak to the people you so callously abandoned?”A fiery glare sparks instantly in his eyes like I just struck a chord I shouldn't have.He raises his chin, jaw clenched, his forest green orbs glowering and searing into me like fire. “They are good people, Cara. Watch what you say about them.”Even his voice sounds deeper now. Hearing it this clearly and closely after all these years sends a ripple thrumming through my veins. I ignore the feeling.“I know they are good people Dane. It is you that I don't know anymore.”And I really, really feel like I do not know him anymore.His glare at me disappears from his gaze, replaced with something a little bit warm.“Why are you back?” I ask. My question resurfaces that glare again.“It is none of your concern.”My chest tightens painfully at his emotionless words. “Really? Please Dane, do enlighten me on why it is none of my concern, because if I can remember correctly, which I still do, I was there that night, right in front of you. I was there when you ran away from me. I was the only one you shut out for years like I meant nothing to you!”“Why are you still like this?”“And why the hell did you have to come back!? You should have stayed and languished in White Moon for all I care!” I lash out, unable to hold it in anymore, my anger rocking my muscles with tremors.He sighs, closing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose.He opens his eyes. That glare is still there. “My mother forced me to come back.” He says, tone devoid of any emotion. His rigid frame shows no sign of empathy from being bothered by my outburst.I was right.Two years was more than enough to change him. And it changed him into this total stranger that I do not know anymore.Even the aura around him is different. Cold. Harsh. Guarded.I take a step closer to his face, and I allow my eyes to assess him. The whole of him. From face to neck to chest to torso, down to his feet and then back up to his face again.“You really changed a lot, Dane.” I chuckle sadly. “ I never thought you’d be the one to hurt me.”“Cara, stop this.”“Why should I? You cut me out of your mind for years. Out of everything that existed between us. Did you even stop, for a single moment, to even think how fucked up that made me feel? I was torn apart, and I felt so fucking betrayed when Al and the others told me the lies you cooked up through the mind link messages you responded to each and everyone of them just to cover up the reason behind your absence.”“There was no other option, Cara. I had to give them something when they asked. I had to say those lies to protect you. I suspected there would be tons of questions—”“Fuck you Dane!” I cry out. “Even if you had to lie, does that also explain why you ignored all my mind link messages all these years!? I know you received all of them. I felt it. But you never responded. Not even for once!”“I wouldn’t have been able to resist the urge to come back to you if I had responded!”“So where did all that running get you!?” I blast back at him, fighting with all my willpower not to punch him in the chest. “Huh? Tell me! Because from what I am seeing right now, you are standing right in my very presence.”His eyes twitch at my words, and his body stills for a moment.“Yes. I am right in your presence,” he says quietly, “but I do not regret not responding to your messages. I do not regret what I did that night. It was….” his throat bobs hard as he swallows. “It was the right thing to do.”The merciless strike of his words chokes me harder than the cold silence that settles between us.The pain from that night two years ago that I have struggled to keep buried climbs up to the surface. And it wrecks every cell and muscle in my body.The originator of that pain is standing in front of me. Heartless. Unremorseful as I silently fight with my mind to keep the pain locked down.Pain is like a lethal migraine. It twists, bites, and tries to do everything in its wicked power to suck out the life force from anything it touches.But the pain caused by someone you love, someone you thought loved you…. the lethal impact of that kind of pain is way beyond words.Dane caused my pain. And now, he is back. And he does not even feel a little shred of guilt towards what he did to me. To us.There is no piece—of the Dane that I used to know—left to hold onto. The Dane that I fell in love with died that night two years ago.I gather some strength within my weak bones as I back away slowly from the stranger before me. “Well, I guess you are right. Now that you are back, kindly do me a favour…”My eyes sink their claws into his, my tone venomous with all my rage, “Stay away from me.”________Enjoy the super long chapter darlings! ♡DANEHell.Hell is staying away from her. Hell is not being able to touch her again. Hell is not being able to finally hold her in my arms after all these years that I have lived like an exiled, untamed animal without her.She stood before me. I felt her breaths on my face. I felt the heat of her supple skin merely inches apart from mine.And yet, I could not bring myself to risk even a slight graze. Not even a touch.The stunning sunset bathes the garden in sultry, soft colourful hues around me.But my eyes only linger at the long, wavy golden blonde locks of Cara's hair shimmering in the sunset as she walks away from me.Every step she takes as she drifts farther away steals that divine sight of her hair from me. Bit by bit…Until there is nothing left but an empty garden pathway staring back at me.Unable to bear the pain and pretense any longer, I drop down to my knees on the ground, and succumb to the agony that has shrouded my soul in its complete darkness for two whole years.A
DANENow back home, I ignore the tension hanging in the air of my mother's study office, which is almost suffocating.The warrior stands with her back to the bookshelf, arms folded. Her pixie hair cut is dyed green black, a colour I think suits her gloomy, heartless demeanor very well.She even has a large eagle wing tat on her right arm now, adding to the collection of the rest of her tats existing on almost half of her back and stomach.Carmden Morgan never loved tats. But after dad's death, she began swimming in tons of them.I relax comfortably into the plush soft sofa facing her desk, playing with the plain silver ring around my index finger and not caring that fire embers are shooting from her eyes directed at me.Why is she still silent!? Can we get on with this conversation already?“Julian told me you want to be allocated to the packhouse.” She finally spits out the words like they are bitter medicine she needs to get rid off her tongue.“You are acting like I didn't tell you
CARAThe Martial Base is bigger than any establishment I have ever seen in Greenwood.I have been here with my dad. Countless times since I was a kid. But every new time I step my feet onto these grounds, I feel like I am being sucked up into its harsh but mesmerizing beauty.I slowly drive my car forward towards the giant gates guarding the entrance of the base. Their onyx colour is a darker sync to the deep ash color of the high, barbed wired four walls guarding the base perimeter.As I approach the gates, I lower my car window and poke out my head just in time to hear a familiar baritone voice ringing out from the left watchtower stationed on the left high side of the gates.That's fucking Jasper. I can recognize his aquaman voice anywhere.“Cara!” He looks down at me with a smile.I give him a bright one in return. “Open the damn gates Jasper.”“Easy princess.” He drawls out with a smirk, and disappears back into the watchtower.Seconds later, the gates open wide, and I drive thro
CARAI take a huge bite.Dear goddess…. It feels like all my taste buds just got electricifed to life.Kian has really mastered this baking stuff superpower.“Hmmm,” I moan, taking another bite. “Maybe this cake is also one of the reasons why that girl followed you here, Kian. It tastes so damn good.”“Thanks.” He says with a corky smile.Rhia swiftly steals a cake chunk from Kian and tucks it inside her jacket, eyeing him. “If you end up not teaching me how you made these—”“Calm down tigress,” he shoves his floppy onyx hair off his forehead with a chuckle. “You know I don't go back on my word.”“You better not. You are too handsome for me to chop and mash you into dog food for Silver.”Silver is Rhia's German Shepherd. Huge with fluffy silver fur with sparses of faint black strands. That pet of hers can smell a fading scent as far as six hundred paces away from a single spot.“Silver loves me.” Kian defends. “She would never eat me even if I am processed into dog food.”These two….
CARAI was wrong back there in the briefing room. Everything about this job looks like it will be so damn hard.Thanks to Dane, it took me a full whole minute before I could finally breathe properly again after I climbed down that podium and left the briefing room.But now, once again, I am finding it hard to breathe, thanks to the mountain piles of paperwork I am currently staring at right here in my new office.They look like tall skyscrapers, and they seem to be waiting comfortably and patiently for their new mistress right there on the floor beside the corners of my desk.“Garrick really left a shit ton of work before he got sacked.” Sienna, my subordinate in charge of weapon maintenance, hisses as she joins me too in staring at the piles. “I am here if you need any help, and to be honest, you will be needing tons of it.”I sigh. She is right, and I am instantly in love with her trait of not mincing words with me. I love working with people who are honest, open, and straightforwar
CARAI gasp. Damn…Using raw silver in battle!? That will be one hell of a deadly machination against the vicious rogues now dwelling in the Wastelands if they ever dream of laying ambush on our pack.To be honest, I hate war drums and battle fields, but just like my mum always says, so long as good and bad exist in this world, there will always be a border line and power tussle between the two.My ears spike up in full attention as Sienna continues speaking. “My idea was just about melting silver ore into its molten form, its liquid form. Next, that liquid is poured into a weapon, like a handy plasma gun, but a handy plasma gun that is lightweight but can also bear the heat temperature of the molten silver.”“Whoah. Tell me more.” I press on.“Imagine condensing millions of tiny silver particles into its fluid nature and delivering it straight to the enemy in full capacity, like shooting lethal liquid bullets off from a rifle. It will just hit past the skin and muscles, and diffuse d
CARAThe sparring gym is filled already with all fifty of us by the time I arrive. And surely, I am definitely screwed….My prediction was right. Dane is here.My heartbeat skyrockets the instant my eyes lock on him.He is dressed in dark green combat trousers and a tight-fitted short-sleeve black shirt that only seem to accentuate his muscled arms and broad chest, making no effort to hide how fucking sexy his body is.My pulse races in my veins. He sure as hell definitely works out a lot….Standing right there in the spacious center of the large bi-circular sitting formation created by the others, he is whispering to my brother Al, who smiles afterwards and ruffles Dane's hair.“Cara, join the others.” I am ripped out of my staring trance when I realize that it is Gamma Carmden’s voice talking to me from the back of the circle.Damn, she is here. And she is now striding boldly through the circle's path as she makes her way towards the center where Dane stands….I instantly avert my
CARAMy heart is still slamming hard against my chest, each new beat more paralyzing than the last.All my emotions right now are like a mighty tsunami—a thick, wickedly entwined rollercoaster mix of pain, longing, anger, and desire—all twisting and whipping violently within me like stormy waves. All at once.And it only happens with him in the room. In my space. In my head.I can't stop feeling this way whenever I am around him, no matter how much I try to. Dane is really, really fucking with my mind. My heart.My everything. “Everyone, also assess yourselves as you watch them and learn.” Gamma Carmden says to the other forty eight watching Dane and I before she turns to the sparring ring.“You both may begin.”That statement of her sounds like a fucking timer just got tapped on. I take in a deep breath, hold it in, and let it out.This sparring shit is about to get real. Worse, I am about to do it with an opponent that is now rendering me breathless again just with his fucking sexy
DANECara is my addiction.Right now, my mind is completely consumed only with thoughts of her, her lips, and the intoxicating sensation of how fucking good and perfect her soft ass feels in my hand….I give it a soft squeeze before moving up to explore her back. My tongue slides against the plump of her lips, coaxing and seeking permission into her mouth.She moans, her lips parting to grant me the access I’m craving into her mouth, and I grab the opportunity and slide my tongue in.This is….I can't even form the words now.She tastes warm and wet and perfect. Like sunrise and bliss and freedom. She is everything I know I should not crave for, but I still can't stop myself from wanting more.Despite needing to stop, especially considering this high temperature of intoxication between us, I grip her hips and pull her closer to my body as I move to relax back on the headboard.She follows me, her hips moving with me, our mouths still exploring each other. Her thighs straddle my sides as
CARAI stay mute, saying nothing to that.I feel like I am trying to play a guessing game here with Dane. A guessing game that I may never know its outcome.But something inside me wants me to push. And push, and push.Maybe I will stop if I somehow manage to settle this longing that is now growing inside me and making my heart thump so fast in my chest. A longing that is also ringing an alarm of dread inside my head.An alarm of dread to warn me that I may just end up with no answers and more confusions and questions…..“Cara?” he whispers, drawing me out of my thoughts, his eyes searching my face. When I don't respond, his hand leaves the space between us and brushes over my fingers holding tight onto my pillow, like he is trying to check if I am still fully present with him.The simple touch alone sends tingles rushing up my arm. I clutch tighter to my pillow. He notices and pulls his hand away.But I don't want him to….“Are you alright?” he asks.“Yeah I am.” I exhale, adjusting m
CARAA soft, sleepy groan near my ear wakes me up.I yawn, my hand covering my mouth as my eyes peel open next. Dane's sleeping face comes into view…..And I feel like my entire lungs just stopped functioning.He is lying on his side, facing me, eyes closed, his long eyelashes nestled on top of his cheeks as he continues sleeping soundly. Peacefully.Like nothing chaotic ever happened to him last night.This sight of him feels surreal and so beautiful that it causes my body to relax more into the bed.Suddenly, I am glad that I stayed back. That I didn't leave him here all alone after what happened.I continue watching him, unable to take my eyes off him. My face tingles every time he exhales, his hot breaths fanning all over my eyes and cheeks. My fingers holding onto the pillow underneath my head digs deeper into the soft foam as I try to control my own breathing.My heart is beating so fast just by staring at him like this, with the gentle rise and fall of his shoulder as he breath
CARAI return.Gently, I bend and start to clean up the mess.It takes a while, but I finally get all the glass shards and the remaining unmelted pills into the trash bag.Then, I go back and retrieve the cleaning mop from the open box to use it in wiping off the pool of whiskey on the floor.The door of the bathroom opens, and I turn around. Dane comes out, fully clothed in a light sleeveless gray shirt and deep burgundy jogger pants.His hair is damp, with some water droplets falling onto his shirt from the strands. Like sugar moths helplessly drawn to sweet honey, my eyes follow the trails of the droplets.They soak their paths down and down towards his chest….“Give me the mop.” His deep voice startles me back to my senses. I tear my eyes away from him and pin them on the mopstick in my hand.Dear Selene, thank you for not letting him catch me trying to gawk at him—“Cara?” He calls again. “The mop?”Oh yeah! He told me to give him the mop….I stride towards him and hand over the
CARAThe silence in the room is thick. Very thick. Almost palpable.Dane rubs his hand down his face, clearly frustrated with me.I do not bloody care.“Damn Cara,” he groans into his palm, “you just don't know when to let things go—”“No I don't!” I yell, finally fed up with him and his evasive lies. “When it comes to you, I start to think and behave like a total freak! I lose all my control! My sanity! Everything! You really know how to scare the shit out of me, and I hate it! I hate how I could not stop myself from crashing apart when I stumbled in here and saw you lying on this bloody, miserable floor! I hate you! I fucking hate you! I hate how you still make me feel so attached and so hooked up on you like some fucking parasite!”“Cara—”“Fuck you!” I know I am just rambling, but I can't seem to stop. “Fuck you Dane! because I can't believe that you just had the nerve to wave me off so casually like nothing happened in here. Am I some kind of joke to you!?“Cara you are taking t
CARA.The bowl fills up to the middle, and I quickly turn off the rushing water.I sniff as I wipe my tears away from my face. I need to get a grip over myself. I need to be strong now and act fast.My hands fly to the medicine cabinet, opening it. I grab the medicine kit in there. Next, I drape the white towel over my shoulder, carry the water filled bowl and the medicine kit, and then, I exit the bathroom.Immediately I enter the room, I see Dane trying to crawl his way up to the bed.“Stop. You are going to stain the sheets with your bloody mess!” My voice increases as I hurry over to him.He stops moving and groans as he relaxes back on the floor.Getting to him, I kneel by his side and keep the water bowl and the kit on a clean spot on the ground near me. I take a moment to check out his healed wounds.They are pretty closed up now, but judging from how grisly they were before, I am sure they will ache his body internally if they are not massaged with rose oil.“Stay still,” I sa
CARAA very loud noise startles me awake.I sit up straight in an instant, my body going completely still. I listen, trying to make out what the hell just disturbed my peaceful sleep.For a moment, I hear nothing.The second I choose to succumb to the idea that the sound must have been my imagination, I hear another loud crash.The noise is coming from the room next door.Dane’s room.“Seriously?” I huff in annoyance, wiping my eyes before turning to look at the low beeping digital clock on my nightstand.It is just a couple minutes past 2am in the morning!“Ugh!” I can't believe Dane is already messing with my sleep just hours after moving in here.I am really going to be so fucked up if this is any indication that my future night rests will always be meddled with.Right now, I am really tempted by my sleepy muscles to lie back on my bed, to ignore the crashes and continue enjoying my peaceful sleep.But those crashes were loud, too jarring, and they happened twice.Twice. At fucking
DANEI also want… I also want to scream that despite how much I try to stop myself, that I still want to be close to her.Even if it is just once or twice a day.But we do not always get everything we want in life, do we?I sigh, my hands disappearing into my pockets. I am suddenly tired, weak, but I also think that my aim to distract her from crying for a while has been achieved.“I know you hate me Cara, and you have every reason to. But your dad allowed me to live here. Your mum too. I promise not to get in your way, and I will try as much as I can to stay away from you, since that is all you need from me, right?”“Absolutely.” She says back emotionlessly. And it hurts. It hurts to hear her agree so fast, so nonchalantly. Like she is really dying with the need to get rid of me.It also hurts to even think that there is an existence of the possibility of staying away from her, despite living just a door away from her.But clearly, she does not want me, and I have to keep the promise
DANEI am still a fucking coward.That night two years ago. This night two years after.I am right here, standing at her door with my fist raised towards it to knock. I keep trying to connect my fist to the door, to fucking knock, but the more I hear her sobs, the harder and clearer the truth keeps hitting down on me.A truth that keeps stabbing me like a cruel knife to the chest.It is all my fault. I am the cause of the pain she is going through. And I must be really stupid to think that I can take that pain away by coming here and… and trying to know if I can….“Damn you Dane,” I curse to myself as I step away from the door and lean on the wall near it, closing my eyes.What the hell am I fucking doing? I think I am going mad. Was I expecting her to just open the door for me after I knock?Even if she does open the door, what then? What the fucking hell I am going to say?Sorry?I chuckle sadly at my miserable, stupid self. I might not even get the chance to even say that pathetic