BABE, ARE YOU READY?”I was putting around my necktie when Kachina appeared behind me in the mirror. She was leaning on the door with her elegant gold gown. Nagkatagpo ang mga titig namin. Itanggi ko man ay magsisisi ako kung hindi ko sasabihing maganda siya. Her make up was too much, but it blended well, so it looked quite majestic. Nginitian ko siya.Simula noong naipatayo ang bahay ko, dito na tumitira si Kachina. It’s a huge house with a rooftop. It’s not sensible to live in this wide space without a company. And so I decided to offer a house for her. Noong una ay tumanggi siya. Ngunit hindi naglaon ay pumayag at tumira kasama ko. She didn’t even have a choice because their mansion was a collateral for all their debts. Two years ago, their company was declared bankrupt by the government.Although I was mad at her for playing a huge role in my past relationship’s separation, I saw how she regretted it. Linggo-linggo, nakikita ko siya sa isla kung saan hinagis ang abo ng pinsan niya
WHAT I ONCE THOUGHT would be a hell, a lifetime of chaos and misery, turns into something that I did not expect it to be. Dalawang taong nakakaraan, akala ko doon na nagtatapos ang buhay ko. I thought it would only revolve around blaming myself and grieving for Shanta’s death. Pero akala ko lang pala lahat ng iyon. Because it turns out… there is more to it. There is more to life than staying in the dark for a longer time. Hindi panghabambuhay ang lungkot. Happiness chooses no person, no place nor right time. Tayo mismo ang pumipili niyon para sa sarili natin. I walked out to the balcony and left the door open and the curtains flying. We just arrived from the thanksgiving party. Kachina’s inside, taking a hot shower habang ako, kakatapos lang. My hair is still damp. Sumandal ako sa barandilyang nasa harap ko. I gently wiped my hair with a clean towel while I stared below where the lit garden lays and our sleeping neighborhood. Iniisip ko may itatahimik pa pala ang buhay ko. I though
AS I STARED AT the woman figure near the bonfire, everything seemed to mute. Hindi ko marinig ang pagtama ng alon sa malalaking bato, pero gumagalaw ang mga ito sa kanyang likod. Hindi ko rin marinig ang simoy ng hangin, pero nakikita ako ang epekto nito sa mga punong sumasayaw. Ramdam ko ang panginginig ng katawan ko habang pinagmamasdan ang babae. It was dark. But the fire was enough to light her beautiful face, painting her skin golden brown like her exotic eyes. Parang ibinalik ako sa mga panahong natutula ako sa kanya. The woman was wearing a white dress that’s flying in the air, together with her long, straight hair with streaks of blonde. My jaw slowly dropped and I was almost teary-eyed. Hindi ko alam kung dahil ba sa hindi ako makapaniwala o dahil ang ganda niya. Para siyang diwata ng tubig, na umahon sa lupa para hanapin ang kanyang prinsipe. And that was me. I am her prince. Was this a fucking amazing dream? Tulog pa ba ako? Napakurap-kurap ako bahagya dahil hindi ko ala
Kachina’s POVI CLOSED KAGAN’S DIARY when there’s nothing left but a freaking blank page. Everyday, everynight, I am reading this cursed journal. At sa tuwing matatapos ako, mas lalo lang namumuo ang galit sa loob-loob ko. Kagan, my boyfriend, only gave me a chance because he was pitying me! And he was still fucking in love with his ex, my cousin, who’s already dead!Huminga ako nang malalim saka pinagmasdan ang makapal na libro. How dare this piece of literature trick me into thinking there’s really something about it. Puro lang pala paglalandi ni Kagan at Shanta ang nabasa ko. Wala talaga ang impormasyong hinahanap ko. Truly, Kagan hasn’t come to his senses yet when he told me someone took his diary and wrote something important in it. It turns out there was nothing at all.He was surely hallucinating when he wrote the last part. Imposibleng buhay pa si Dalshanta. Nakita mismo ng mga mata ko kung papaano siya sinunog at ginawang abo. I was very sure she’s dead. And I made sure of it
NAKATINGALA PA RIN AKO sa kisame habang inaalala lahat ng kalapastanganan at pagtatryador na ginawa sa akin ni Dalmi. I clenched my fist and pounded the armrest in gritted teeth. Hindi lang niya inagaw ang atensyon na nararapat para sa akin, inagaw niya rin si Kagan, ang tanging taong umintindi at namahanga sa lahat ng ginagawa ko. Kaya sobra na lang ang galit ko nang mas pinili niyang yakapin si Dalmi kaysa sa akin. As I watched her and Kagan from afar, hindi ko mapigilang maiyak. Ngunit hindi iyon hagulgol. It was the kind of cry that’s only flowing once when extremely mad. Tig-isang patak dala ang matinding bigat ng loob. Sa sobrang galit at sakit na nararamdaman ko, I walked out of the shore and headed to Kagan’s room. My mind was clouded and the moment I entered, I hysterically wailed and pulled the bed covers and threw the vases. “Ahhh!” I screamed, stomping my feet against the hard tiles. “Mga walang hiya kayo! Mga wala kayong kwenta! Ahhhh!” Luminga ako sa paligid matapos ko
Kagan’s POV AYAN, KAGAN…” The psychiatric nurse said in utter softness after I obediently drank the medicine she prepared for me. “You are doing well these days and Doc Kachina must be so proud of you. Let’s just wait for her, okay? It’s past ten and she’s not yet here. But don’t worry. Papasok iyon.” I nodded and grinned just a little bit to make her believe Kachina is my calming pill, even when I don’t care whether she comes to work today or not. I then looked away and stared at the barred window the mental care had just built for me. Kung alam lang ng nars, I lost interest in her doctor the night she’s involved in ruining my life. Makalipas ng ilang sandali, narinig ko ang nars sa gilid ko, nagpapaalam para sa susunod na pasyente niya. I didn’t respond or what, then the door creaked open. Mabilis akong tumingin sa kanya, at nang makitang hindi siya nakalingon, I swiftly barfed the medicine I didn’t swallow and the bitter thing fell on my palm. I clenched my fist as soon as I fel
KAGE, DELIKADO ‘yang plano mo…” pagtutol ni Shanta. Nakaupo siya sa kabisera ng lamesa ng kanyang opisina sa mansion. “I’m not liking it. Masyadong mapanganib at… nagmumukha tayong mas masama kaysa sa kanila. Ayaw ko ng ganoon. We’re stooping down to their level… and as you said, violence should never be a choice. So, this one… It’s a no for me.” I bit my lower lip because she has a point. Well, it’s obvious that my ultimate plan is too risky… and brutal. Katabi ni Shanta si Benida, na nakaupo sa kanyang kanan. They were both looking at me with a hint of hesitation in their faces. Bahagya akong nakaramdam ng pagkapahiya. Shanta is right. We’re no different from the people who attempted to kill us. Tulad ni Tito Kadam, I am resorting to violence to get what I want. But this is the only way we could penetrate the Coolidge Mental Care. Kung totoo man, naroon ang mga karagdagang ebidensya para magiit ang tatay ni Kachina. Dahil hindi lang niya kami tinangkang patayin, he was even the ma
I GRINNED AT my reflection in the mirror surface. Our plan is working and just a little more time, this chaos they started would end. I then reached for the clean towel beside my laundry, then wiped my face. This is the only place where I can be myself besides being in Shanta’s arms. No nurse to watch over my every move. No Kachina to observe me and ask leading questions. Just me and myself, staring at each other. After I wiped my face, I spent my fifteen minutes taking a bath. Hindi man ako komportable sa klase ng banyo na meron sila dito, sinubukan kong hindi madiri. Well, I have lived an ordinary life before with a small toilet and a hand pump. I’d be immune to this, I guess. Pero sana… sana hindi magtagal ang pamamalagi ko dito. I can’t take the owner of this place. Pagkatapos kong maligo, I changed into a more comfy clothing. I didn’t wear my usual asylum gown. I don’t need it anyway because I am done with my mission. This is the day I am finally leaving this hell. Besides, nas