Chapter 5

MIA

Oh, God! What am I doing? He is married and yet I let him kiss me. Hell, if we were somewhere else, I think I might have slept with him, and then his wife called. He was so loving on the phone that it made me feel even more guilty for what we have done, am not sure if he feels guilty or maybe he is just used to doing this and I am an accomplice. Getting to the hotel I couldn’t even look at him, I went straight to the elevator going up to my room.

Talia and Sam were playing cars on the floor when I got in. “Well, that was a long breakfast.” She gets up all smiles and I can’t help but cringe. “What is wrong Mia, what did he do to you?” I shook my head, and she comes and hugs me. “Whatever it is we will get through it.” She tells me and I can’t help but feel terrible. “He is married Talia, and I kissed. It felt so right being with him and I don’t regret it. I feel so guilty that I enjoyed kissing him and want to do it again even though he is married. I am such a horrible person.” I cried; I don’t know what I am crying for.

Well, I know what I am crying for; I am crying because the man that makes me feel something in years belongs to someone else; I am crying because he will never be mine; I am crying because that kiss is probably the last, I will ever get from him and I am crying because I can’t have him. It’s selfish, I know, but that is how I feel, I know we have only met two times but, in those times, I have felt more alive than I have in the last two years.

Hell, not even Jason the father of my child has made me feel this way, well, to the fair I don’t remember much of how he made me feel but I know that at some point we were happy and in love. But what I feel for Liam is something I can’t describe; I can’t say it’s love because I don’t believe in love at first sight but what I feel for him is something that makes me want to be with him. Something that makes me want to stay in his arms forever.

“You are not a horrible person Mia, you are just human, the guy is attractive, and he is the first guy you have been attracted to since your breakup. That doesn’t make you a horrible person it makes you human and I am glad that you feel again. That means you are ready for a relationship but it has to be with someone else, this one is married and belongs to another. Nothing good will come out from being with him.” I know she is right; I do but given a chance I will kiss him again.

God! I have never been a selfish person but right about now I am. “You are right, he offered to invest in my business though and I accepted.” She looks at me concerned. “Don’t worry, it will only be business between us, I will probably work with his project coordinator Lisa anyway so I won’t see him.” She sighs and I see how relieved she is. As much I said all that I wish to see him again, I want to see if what happened means something for him or I was just like any other woman he has been with on his many business trips.

There is a knock on the door and we both look in the direction. “I will get it.” I nod then go join my son on the floor and play with him. Talia comes back with white roses and I wish they are from Liam. “Well, I don’t know if this guy’s other profession is cheating on his wife but these flowers are from him.” She hands me the flowers, and I tried very hard not to smile. I open the card and read it. ‘Am sorry and I would like to make up to you if you would let me. B’

My heart skips a beat when I read that, he cares, this was not just a random kiss, he feels something for me. “Oh, Mia, please don’t tell me you are considering this, he is married.” Talia reminds me. “I know he is married Talia but can’t I just meet him and hear what he has to say?” right now I am looking for confirmation to do what I want to do, it’s wrong but if I could get some kind of confirmation from my friend, I feel like doing it would be justified.

“Mia, what if you are just one of many women that he cheats with?” I won’t lie I have thought about It and the thought doesn’t make me feel better but I still want to do it. “I have thought about it, but Talia, how long will I deprive myself of happiness? I know he doesn’t belong to me and that I might be one of many but.” I sighed and look at Talia. “You are right T, what I want to do is wrong and I will stay away from Liam Brown. Now can we go to the park? I want to spend time with Sam before tonight.” She looks at me then takes my hands in hers.

“You are doing the right thing, one day it will be you who has a husband like that, and I hope that someone will be as thoughtful as you are right now and way away.” I don’t know if I will ever get married but it would hurt to find out that my husband is cheating on me every time, he is on a business trip and that is exactly how I would feel if I do this. I will end up ruining my marriage because of my insecurities, because of something I had done in the past and I would feel like he is doing the same thing with a woman he meets at some business conference just because I did the same now.

“That would suck, if he is this kind of person then I feel sorry for his wife,” I tell her then went to change into jeans and sneakers. Then change Sam while Talia changes as well, we go to the park and buy some sandwiches on the way. We spend the day playing with Liam playing at the park, I see a couple with their two children, and I can’t help but picture Liam, Sam, and I together at the park-like that.

“It will be us someday, we will have our husbands and kids. We will go to parks just like this one with our kids, having fun and enjoying our married life.” Talia daydreams and I can’t help but daydream with her. But in my dream my husband is Liam, how stupid can I be though? He is already married! What I am dreaming of, he already has. “It would be nice to have that, at some point I thought that Jason and I would have that with Sam. But he left, I wish I knew why he just left like that.” Jason just up and left one day. He didn’t give me any explanations nothing, he just left, and I never heard from him.

I don’t even know if he is dead or alive wherever he is and I am worried that Sam is growing up and would one day ask about his father. What will I tell him? “I think something must have happened, Jason was a good guy, and he loved you. He loved Sam and was always there for you. I also wish I knew what happened to him to just disappear like that, if we had seen him over the years with someone else then maybe I would understand that he left you for someone else but we never saw him. It’s like he vanished.” Talia and Jason were like brother and sister.

Always teasing each other but they had one thing in common, taking care of me and loving me. Both acting like my older siblings taking care of me and when he disappeared Talia broke up with her boyfriend saying that she would rather be hurt now than him just disappearing on her and leave her wondering what happened. Her boyfriend and I both tried to convince her that her life will not be the same as mine and that Mike is not Jason but she wouldn’t hear any of it.

She is the type that looks at other people’s lives and puts herself in their shoes like literally then acts. We went back to the hotel and when we got there, the front desk gave me a gift box with a card on top and I know who it’s from. I look at Talia and found her already looking at me. “I won’t say anything besides that today you have gotten more gifts than you have in the past two years.” We laughed as we got into the elevator.

When we got into our room, she went to put Sam to sleep and I opened the box. There sat the most beautiful dress I have ever seen; its black am not sure how long it is, but it looks exquisite. I opened the card and read it. ‘Please be my date tonight, be there at nine, am sorry for this morning. B’ I close the card and picked up the dress. “Wow, that is breathtaking,” Talia says coming in.

“It is, he asked me to be his date tonight, he will be here at nine to pick me up,” I tell her and he shakes her head. “These things are crawling with media and if you are his date tonight, it will be in the paper tomorrow and his wife will see it. What then?” he knows that this will be on the paper tomorrow so why would he risk it? “I think he knows all that and yet he asked me, anyway. You know what, we don’t have to overthink it, he is my investor and we are going together as business partners nothing more. Am sure he has the same thoughts in mind not what we are thinking.” It would hurt if he has the same thought but what can I do?

“If you say so, but please keep it professional, we don’t want you on the front page as some home wrecker.” That would suck. “I don’t want that either, don’t worry I know how to be professional; I am a businesswoman after all.” She smiles at me approving and I sighed before going to shower and get ready for the night.