19— Deep wounds. 

19— Deep wounds.

“Knowledge comes with a price that not each one of us is willing to pay as it takes courage to change the perspective one has known since they have been born and brought into the world with morals varying from society to society.”

— Saumya Tripathi

“Accept it.”

It was easier said than done!

“How can I just accept it? Trust him? Hm?”

With sadness in my eyes and a clog in my throat, I mustered up the courage to ask the question myself loudly. I was terrified. It was an understatement.

“Why wouldn't I be?”

I remembered his words as he spoke in his deep, throaty voice about the past that I had no memory of. I shuddered while recalling it. Each word made my nerves go haywire.

"You had an accident when you were little, causing the memories to be interlocked in a certain part of your brain, letting you form a wall over it.”

I could still even remember what he said to me. It was as if a dam of cold water had been broken on me.

“We had a bond.”

The hauntingly certain confidence in his tone had me blanketed in goosebumps and chills. The way the truth appeared to have swirled in the large orbs when his piercing gaze met my eyes made my heart race with anticipation. I couldn't find any malice in his eyes or his voice.

Was he really telling me the truth? I was crushed between believing him and wanting to stay away from his created web of lies. Or both, maybe?

The thin film of tears blurred my vivid memory of him telling me about the past I had—our past, with him in it—that we supposedly shared.

“How could it possibly be true?”

His supposed truth inflicted more pain and wounds than I could count on in my mind. It inflicted deep gushes over my conscience about not remembering any of the things he had declared to me. About my past. If by any chance it were true, why wouldn't I have been told about it?”

The settlement of the emotion was slow at first, but then it all came eventually. The feeling was torturous, knowing fully well that I had known him somewhere in the past and that I was finding it hard to believe the words he had enunciated, each word spoken slowly to me. Those unspoken emotions churned mutely inside me; not even realising how to process everything I had been told to believe by him, I broke down.

Unknowingly, he had caught me off guard about almost everything since he had entered my life, creating nothing but havoc in the process. I did not get time to process the already-happening mishaps when he bombarded me with more anguish and more misdeed than I could take.

How was I supposed to know if what he said was true? I didn't have anyone to confirm if that was the case.

Terror was what I had always been feeling since the day my parents left me. And I could have done nothing but accept the fact that I was totally alone with the conscience of taking care of my own little brother, who knew nothing about what had been happening. He was too young for that.

“Only God knows what has been stored for us.”

I closed my eyes, sensing the impending danger that was yet to come. I had a feeling about it in my chest. I was trying to brace myself for what was coming up next or how long I would be able to bear whatever had been stored for me. Or us. I took a shaky breath. I don't know if I could survive it any longer.

I was too deep in my thoughts to hear the frequent knocks on the door. I blinked. Another loud knock had me coming out of my inward reverie. My eyes veered in that direction instantly.

Who could it be? On cue, it was answered as the question came into my mind.

"It's Sabba, Radhika. Can I come in?" The voice I now knew very well asked.

I said nothing.

How could I? What was the point when I already knew I wanted it or not? She was going to come in anyway.

A movement later, the door opened itself.

Sighing through her mouth, she came inside with an odd expression of guilt written all over her face.

"How are you doing, Radhika?" I grimaced at her without saying anything.

"I am sorry, my dear!" Taking my hand from my side, she pressed it lightly. “Are you doing okay?”

I had no answer to it. What could I have possibly told her?

"I don't want to beat around the bush, but I really want to know: Why did you leave, Radhika?" She inquired, blinking twice.

It almost sounded unsecured.

"We would not have ever thought you could do it— t-this! It was so unforeseen. What if you both have gotten hurt, or more than just getting hurt, what if you both were—" she stopped, her eyes appearing to have enlarged at the certain thought. It was as if something terrified her.

“Why would you do something like that, Radhika?” Her voice turned soft at the end. “How could you even think about being so reckless?”

I sat there with a pounding heart at her clear concern for me. For us.

“We were so scared,” she shuddered. “I was so afraid for you,” she breathed sharply. “Did you even think for a second about your brother before taking such a big, dangerous step?”

I bit my lower lip in anxiety.

“Do you have any slight idea about how dangerous it really is to be out there alone at those ungodly hours?”

I turned my face away.

"We have to stay within the confines of security. Why do you think there are more bodyguards on the patrols than our own family members? Our family has rivalries not just in the city we are living in but everywhere. From where we've lived in the past to where we will be staying in the future, there is a reason for it! They all want something in return if, by chance, we get caught in their web of plotting.” Shuddering, she tried to sound calm.

“Why?” I had to ask.

"They are all the bad guys, as you can say,” she deflated as she told me. "I won't disclose more than I already had, but trust me, Radhika, staying here is for your own good and his." She smiled softly, rubbing her thumb over my hand as she nodded at my brother.

I stared at her numbly, not knowing how or what to reply to that. Was she serious?

“If your family had bad guys hovering over you trying to hurt you all with any slight chance they get, why are we getting punished by being taken here?” My voice was so low, but a single gasp made me know she heard me. “Shouldn't we be staying away from here, on the contrary?"

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