Nervously, I swallowed the fear down and curled up at her side. She wrapped her arm around me and slid down, so we were face to face. I couldn't recall a time I'd ever been this close to a woman, and I could feel my heart pounding, but the excitement that normally filled me and overrode my anxiety when I was body deep with a man wasn't there. Staring into her eyes, I witnessed her admiration. I'd observed that same gaze time after time just before hooking up with a guy. And when she leaned in, she hesitated for a fraction of a second, and I closed my eyes. Her lips met mine, they were soft and supple. Without sight, the kiss was no different than hundreds of others I'd experienced in my adult life. She gently turned and gradually opened her mouth. I followed her lead, and our tongues met in a gentle exchange. With each swipe, my mind drifted further from the reality that I was French kissing a woman and focused on the sensation alone. My hands drifted from the safety of her jean-cla
Even though I'd managed to salvage a friendship with Roxie, I hadn't been able to get the sight of her Little Debbie out of my mind. The whole way home, I kept having labia flashbacks. I had a new respect for anyone who loved to taste test the fish in tuna town. I'd never studied my tunnel of love, but by the time I pulled into the garage, I was on a mission.My feet beelined for the bedroom, where I quickly divested myself of my clothing and hauled ass into the bathroom. I climbed onto the vanity, between the two sinks, and brought my feet up onto the counter. There wasn't a lot of space with my crap in the way, so one foot pushed stuff to the left, and the other foot moved junk to the right, leaving me spread eagle on the granite. All I had to do was lift my line of sight, and Pandora's box would be wide open. I counted down in my head from three, determined to look on one, but failed. I tried to psych myself into it, pump myself up, generate excitement about having knowledge of my
One of the guys I'd met the day before, whose name I couldn't remember, greeted us at the door. "Hey, Giselle." He smiled warmly at me before noticing the two bombshells behind me. "Who are your friends?""Veronica and Trish." Before he could remind me of his name, or I had to admit I couldn't remember it, Beck came bounding into the foyer in nothing other than a skimpy, string bikini. She would have done just as well to wear pasties and a pad, it would have provided more coverage."Giselle! You brought friends." Beck was a ray of sunshine today. I could only assume it meant things were going well with Stella. She stopped just in front of the guy, but close enough to lean in for a friendly side kiss on the cheek.With the introductions completed-thankfully Beck introduced Mark-we made our way out back. There was music playing through the speakers, the outdoor kitchen had a chef working in front of it, and people mingled around the edge with drinks. I felt sorry for the hired h
His need to protect me from the ball grew tiresome. Even his friends told him to give it a rest. But when his role-playing as big brother continued, Parker dragged me under the net to join his team. Just before I'd switched sides, a massive hand wrapped around my ankle, tugging backward, and my body became a rope in a game of tug-o-war. What neither side seemed to realize was in the midst of their back and forth, I wasn't getting air, and water filled my mouth faster than I could get rid of it. My feet and arms flailed in an effort to escape, and when my foot made contact with something hard, Collier's hold on my leg released. I jerked out of Parker's hands and coughed my way over to the side of the pool. I hoisted myself out and sat by the side, trying to catch a full breath, but I was pissed. This whole thing had been a bad idea, and I should have stayed home. I ignored the guys in the pool and told them I was fine before stomping over to my friends and plopping down in the cha
None of them had been better than either of my previous dates. Arielle-pronounced Airy-Elle, not Ariel, which she had to remind me no less than fifteen times in twelve minutes-didn't make it past coffee. We'd met at a locally owned café after work on Wednesday. My day had been boring, but I would have welcomed the monotony back in a heartbeat to escape that girl's crazy. Within minutes, she had pulled two little pink, bear-shaped pills from her pocket and offered me a good time. I wasn't stupid enough to try ecstasy in my twenties, I sure as hell wasn't doing it in my late-thirties-I didn't care how desperate I was or how "great it made the sex." Airy-Elle wouldn't be making the friend zone, she was lucky I didn't have her committed. But no matter how hard I tried to close down the conversation, end the date, she wasn't having it. I managed to escape to the bathroom but couldn't bring myself to listen to Ronnie's "I told you so" if I called her to rescue me. Instead, I opted to push
The next day when I showed up at Beck's, I pulled in behind Collier's Porsche. He answered the door in nothing but a pair of shorts hung low on his hips. "What are you doing here?" he asked."I'm meeting Beck here at two." I glanced at my watch, realizing I was a couple minutes early."She's not here yet. Come on in. I was just watching TV.""Why do you park in the driveway?" My mind hopped from rabbit trail to rabbit trail if it wasn't occupied.He shrugged. "It's easier to get to there.""Aren't you worried about it getting damaged by the weather? Someone stealing it? Egging it?" I gave him an evil grin at that last suggestion."It's just a car, but if I find egg shells, I'll know who to question.""That car costs more than most people's houses." I followed him inside."Meaning what?""That you should care more about what happens to it.""Why? It's not like I'm going to get rid of it if it gets scratched or has a ding."I couldn't figure out his angle. "So wh
My dating debacles seemed to bring all the women in my life together. Somehow, through no fault of my own, Veronica, Trish, Beck, Stella, and Roxie had all formed an alliance against my sexuality. One would think lesbians would welcome other women into their tribe, encourage them to explore the nether lips, embrace the love of estrogen-not my friends. The more time I spent with them, the closer we all became, which was great, except they'd united in a plight to return me to the heterosexual dating pool. I felt cheated, unwanted. I threatened to call the LGBTQ Human Alliance about their discrimination, to which they all found great humor. As the weeks went by, I quit discussing my dating gaffes with any of them. There was no point-they just made fun of me. It hadn't mattered who I'd gone out with-and at this point, there had been a plethora of female companions-I couldn't get past the first kiss. The instant the foreplay got to be too much, I totally flaked out. I couldn't get past t
My heart shouldn't have sunk. My shoulders had no reason to slump. My stomach had no right to revolt. Jealousy was a twisted bitch, but I couldn't figure out why I was envious. I didn't want my friends to be single, and I had no interest in any of them romantically, but that green-eyed monster reared its head just the same, and I had to fight against it being visible to anyone else. "Nice to meet you. How'd you and Roxie meet?" I didn't wait for her to respond before lowering my dark glasses onto my nose to hide my emotions and settled onto my back in the sun. "Roller derby."Sucker punch to the gut. That was our thing. Not our thing, but our thing. I couldn't believe Roxie had gone without me. I tried to think back through the schedule but couldn't remember a single bout I'd missed since Roxie had taken me on our second date. Which meant, Roxie had met her with me there. It shouldn't matter. Roxie and I were friends-friends could pick up dates when they were out together-so it
We spent seven glorious days in Maui before returning home to our lives that were forever changed. When I'd gone to work the following week, my boss had made a wise crack about my being off the market and getting married because I was pregnant. Maybe I shouldn't have told Collier, but in hindsight, it was the best thing I ever did. He insisted I quit and that led me to be a stay-at-home wife until the baby came. I spent time helping Collier out at work, menial tasks like putting packages together or stuffing envelopes, but it gave me something to do, and I got to see my sister-in-law all the time-and my husband wasn't a bad consolation prize, either. Six months later, we welcomed Garrett Collier West to the world. I didn't have a clue what to do with a little boy and was completely lost with the parts that made him different from me. But together, Collier and I figured it out-even if it took us a couple years. Our friends adored him, and as the only child in the group, he was spoiled
It might have been an hour or thirty seconds, I didn't know, but when the song changed, my feet moved. I didn't know where I was going or what I was doing, I just knew that silver runner ended at my future. A cloud hid the sun perfectly, still providing a gorgeous day but shielding our guests from the heat of midday. I couldn't take in all the details in the short walk, but our friends were all gathered near the pergola to the side of the pool. There were so many flowers I wondered where they'd all come from, but then Collier came into view. And nothing else mattered. He stood in a black tux at the side of the minister with his hands clasped in front of him. The smile on his face radiated happiness, and I almost took off running to meet him, but I thought he might frown upon my wrapping my legs around his waist in a full-body hug at this particular moment. Everything about him was sheer perfection for me. I'd waited over thirty-nine years, but the man of my dreams had been well wor
Collier had been all kinds of secretive Friday night, and Saturday morning, he shipped me off to a spa for a couple of hours of pampering. I took my new bottle of OPI with me and enjoyed the royal treatment-manicure, pedicure, massage, hair, and makeup. As the girl finished setting my face with some mist to hold her work in place, my nerves set in. Or maybe it was morning sickness. Whichever it was sent me flying to the bathroom to empty my stomach. I wiped my mouth and dreaded looking in the mirror for fear of what my retching had done to the paint on my face. To my surprise, every bit of it held, including the mascara when my eyes watered. The only thing that needed a touch-up was my lips. This girl was good.She fixed my lipstick and seemed as pleased as I was. I'd opted for a more casual up-do and added fresh flowers to make it special. But with the natural appearance of my makeup, the high ponytail with large curls fit perfectly. I hadn't wanted to break the bank on a dress I'd w
"Hey, whore." Ronnie had been trying to catch me by phone for days, but I'd successfully managed to avoid her and pacified her with the occasional text message. She'd know instantly if I lied to her, and I couldn't risk her asking questions. She'd finally caught me and showed up just before lunch on Friday."What are you doing here?" Shit. Shit. Shit. I couldn't keep anything from her. She'd know just by looking at me that I didn't have just one secret but two. That was the problem with having a friend who knows you better than you knew yourself. And then there was the whole eye twitch thing she swore by."Playing detective." Her smirk reached her eyes, and they glimmered with mischief."I don't know what you're talking about." I tried to play coy, act like I had no clue what she referred to. At this rate, she'd have every bit of intel I had to offer in a matter of minutes. It was a good thing no one had ever given me a key to Fort Knox."What are you hiding, Gizzy?""I hate you."
Oddly, I hadn't been the one who'd had a difficult time keeping her mouth shut. Collier almost slipped just about every time we were with any of our friends. I'd made him agree not to share our news until after I'd made it past the first trimester. I was older, and there were more risks. I didn't want to have to break that news, too, so he had agreed to wait. Except that every time I turned around, he was gawking at a dad with a baby, or commenting on how cute a family was. And when he cut off pool time, our friends thought he was certifiably insane."They're going to know something's up...or think we hate them, West. You can't cut off the pool. They all live in our backyard.""Giselle, you said yourself that Ronnie has suspicions, and she and I both commented on the fact your body had already changed some. I know you don't want to hear this, but your tummy is a little rounded. It wouldn't be noticeable except you're normally flat as can be. You have better abs than most men I know.
Twenty-six. That's the number of pregnancy tests I took the following day when I called in to work after Collier left for the office. After three trips to three different drug stores to buy other brands, I'd ended up with twenty-six inaccurate sticks lying on our bathroom counter. Each arranged in neat rows and columns, and all screaming at me. I hurt for women who bought into the lies these companies propagated to hopeful mothers-to-be. There should be laws against faulty products.I rubbed my temples and closed my eyes, not wanting to acknowledge what was before me. Ignorance was bliss, and I could lie to myself for ages...or at least nine months until the pains of labor started. "Fuck, fuck, fuck." In my haste to repeat a string of explicative words under my breath, I apparently tuned out the house around me. And the man who'd entered our bedroom."Babe?"The sound of Collier's voice brought me out of my chant, and I waited to see if I'd really heard him or if it was my imagina
The driver remained silent, didn't leave me with instructions on what to do, nothing. He abandoned me amongst the headstones and mausoleums. Collier hadn't turned around, but I was sure he'd heard the limo pull up. There wasn't a car around, and the only sounds in the air were the birds chirping. The grass went on for miles, a thick, lush green I thought would be a perfect OPI color for St. Patrick's Day, and flowers dotted the markers with splashes of life. I took a deep breath and started on the path to Collier hoping I was meant to join him. My heels marked the walkway in time with my steps, and I worried foolishly about how loud I was being. It wasn't like I was in a library, these people were dead-the sound of my footsteps wasn't going to bother them. Just before I reached his side, Collier turned around.My breath hitched at the sight of the man I loved in a tuxedo holding two red roses in one hand and the other stuffed in his pocket. I had not a clue what was going on or why
The next day, I went back to my mind-numbing job where I spent another eight hours staring at the walls hoping someone would come in to entertain me...or possibly shoot me. When that hadn't happened by ten, I started messaging my friends, none of which responded because they all had jobs that required them to actually do something. I surfed Facebook but quickly grew tired of that as well. A girl can only read so many posts about politics and how great other peoples' lives are before wanting to clobber herself in the head with the heel of her shoe. I tried never to bother Collier at work. I still wasn't sure I fully understood what he did, but I knew he ran a huge company that required his attention, and if I sent him a text, he would stop to respond.Me: Are you busy?Collier: Never too busy for you, Elle. What's up?Me: I'm bored.Collier: Haha. I can hear your whining from here. Me: Not funny.Collier: Babe, why don't you find a job you actually enjoy? I didn't know how to s
I stole her flip-flops to keep from scalding my feet again-only Ronnie would have heels on pool shoes. Collier had gotten in the water, and his skin glistened when he broke the surface. Once I reached the steps, I kicked off my borrowed shoes and stepped into the shallow end. The cool feel of the water against my skin was refreshing and washed away the unease the discussion of money brought. I took a deep breath before going under and swimming between West and the wall. He stepped back to allow me room to maneuver my body into the narrow space, and his smile welcomed me when I stood in front of him."Hey, babe."The feel of his chest beneath my fingers spurred me on. His nipples were firm and masculine as my palms grazed them. While my touch continued north, he snaked his arms around my lower back. The moment I laced my fingers behind his neck, he took my mouth with his in an inappropriate kiss. My legs crawled up his like a monkey on a tree before settling around his waist."Get a