I couldn’t fucking believe my life right now. Everything seemed to go from bad to worse in a flash and I knew that it was my fault. I couldn’t fucking deny it. I should have banged down the door and told Adele to let me in, instead of running away like a chicken. The thing that I was good at doing all the fucking time. I took a deep breath thinking about the fact that I let Chanel do my dirty work. A ride on the bike. A sip of Dad’s beer in the fridge didn’t get rid of the nerves. And the last thing I wanted to do was talk to Dwayne. I knew what he would say about it. That I was an idiot and had a way of taking everything for fucking granted. I knew that, I just didn’t feel like being told the obvious. Not today. Not the way that I was feeling. “What the fuck?” Dwayne spat out as I was just about to hop on my bike. I gathered that Dad was with Laurie, which was the best thing, because then I would stand up like a man and tell them all the truth at the same time.I wasn’t really in
I made up my mind, which didn’t mean that things were going to be easy.I rode my bike over to Adele’s place. I thought about what to tell her the whole ride. If the way hadn't been so well lit by street lights, with few cars on the road, I might have crashed because I was so fucking distracted. A small corner of my mind even thought it would be a relief, because it would be some escape out of the situation.But I’m not escaping anymore. I can't keep being a fucking coward. I’m going to face this head on, and I need to get Adele to listen to me.I knew it wouldn’t be easy. She’d been really mad at me, and I couldn’t even blame her.Not too long later, I stood at Adele’s door. I didn’t knock, or ring the bell right away, because I was frozen on her doorstep. I’d arrived, but fuck it, I still didn’t know what I was going to say to her! I turned away from her door and paced down the short driveway, looking up and down the street. I wasn’t leaving, just…taking deep breaths to calm myself
After standing in front of her door for too long, I went back home, and went to my room, leaving the lights off. I just lay on my side on the bed, staring off into space. I wasn’t sure when I fell asleep, but the next thing I knew, I was opening my eyes and my room was brightly lit. The first thing I thought of, was what happened when I went to see Adele.I haven’t resolved anything.Why did I even bother going to her place if I was going to give up that easily? I should have been more insistent. I’d made up my mind, damn it! So why did I suddenly shut down when she said she could do it on her own without me? It was the fate I’d left her to, but it wasn’t something I could allow, was it?Get off your ass and go over there, then!But, my body wouldn’t move. I felt exhausted myself. I’d fallen asleep in my jeans, t-shirt and jacket. I’d at least taken off my shoes, but I didn’t have the comforter on me. I shifted around the bed, just enough to get the covers over me, then I closed my ey
I didn’t want to go back to my room. I was still wearing yesterday’s clothes, I hadn’t taken a shower or brushed my teeth. But I went outside, got on my bike, and just rode. I stopped by a store to buy something to eat, not sure how long I’d be staying out before I headed home. I just knew I didn’t want to see my dad.The spot was usually empty, almost no one ever went there. I was at this empty lot that gave way into a grassy field and some trees off in the distance. I parked my bike on the gravel, then walked all the way to the tree cover. There weren’t that many anyway, but I stopped by the closest one and plopped down at its base, the bag with my snacks beside me.For a moment, I just sat there, staring off into space and actually trying to think. I gave up eventually, sighing and leaning my head back against the tree.Fuck. How many days has it been since everything went to shit? I thought.I reached for the bag beside me and demolish the few snacks I’d bought, just some cookies
I don’t know how long we sat there, but it was done in companionable silence. I didn’t know what else to say, and Adele was nice enough to just sit there with me after what I’d done to her.I don’t deserve someone this wonderful, I thought to myself.“Liam?”I looked up, a little startled when Adele called my name out of nowhere. She was staring straight ahead with her lips pursed and this distracted expression on her face. She didn’t say anything for a long moment, but then she turned to me.“Are you serious about looking for the surrogate?” she asked.Her expression was completely serious, and I decided I wouldn’t take the question lightly. I thought about it, seriously.What good could come of knowing who it was? Probably nothing. They’d obviously moved on, if they hadn't tried to at least get to meet me. For all I knew, it could have happened at some point and Dad just hadn't mentioned that part, but that was probably just wishful thinking. I shouldn’t be raising my own hopes so c
We checked into the hotel. I picked up the keys to our room, and Adele and I went over to the elevator. I pressed on one of the buttons to bring the elevator down, then looked down at Adele.“Are you still with me?” I asked, tentative.She looked up at me with a smile, though it looked a little strained around the edges.“I’m not changing my mind,” she said, and it almost sounded like a Promise.We both looked up as one of the elevator doors opened. A few people got out, and Adele and I got inside, alone. Adele and I had space separating us, but as soon as the doors closed, I was hyperaware that I wasn’t alone in the elevator. My heart was beating so fast and hard, I could swear I heard it in my ears, and she probably did, too. I peeked at her out the corner of my eye, and she was standing there with her arms wrapped tight around herself. I would have thought she was uncomfortable, but I noticed how she kept throwing looks at my body that would have had me smirking any other time, bu
I wasn’t sure how long we lay there, both of us silent. I’d gone completely soft, and we’d shifted around enough that I’d pulled out of her. But she was still lying in my arms, only with me on my back and her half on top of my chest. I held her to me, with one hand carding through her soft hair.“I’m sorry,” I said, once I couldn’t stand the silence anymore.She hummed, then shifted on my chest, folding her hands on top of me, then resting her chin on them as she smiled up at me.“You said that before,” she reminded me. “When we were getting on your bike.”I grimaced. “Yeah, but that was a pathetic attempt at an apology. It doesn’t really count. I just really need you to know how fucking sorry I am…”I didn’t get far, before she was stopping me with her fingers on my mouth. She moved so she was a bit above me, bracing her body with her elbow. Her smile went from teasing to sweet, and she pecked a quick kiss on my jaw before meeting my eyes again.“Liam, you really don’t need to explai
I woke up unusually early today, and the moment I remembered what day it was, I couldn’t go back to sleep.Graduation day.Finally, the big day had come, for me, Liam, and my friends. Liam had managed to last the week, going to school with me every day, even though I was pretty sure he mostly just slept through his classes. Not that it mattered. As long as he attended, he was in the clear. Considering what a bad boy he usually was, I wouldn’t have been surprised if he was at risk of not graduating because of poor attendance. It wasn’t the only factor, but it was a problem he created himself, and could only fix by himself.Whatever. As long as we crossed this hurdle. Everything wouldn’t be magically fixed, but… It’s another step.I rolled to my side and pressed my hands to my stomach, a faint smile on my lips. While the thought of being a mother so young was still foreign to me, I was no longer as scared as I had been when I initially found out, only to have Liam practically abandon me
I sat down with my friend in her room, helping her do up her make-up. We had friends and family running around, helping get ready for the wedding.“This brings back memories,” Chanel said, her eyes twinkling at me.I sighed. “I remember. My wedding that I ended up sharing with my mom. Honestly, I don’t know if I’m jealous of you or not because I didn’t exactly mind how things turned out that day…”Chanel had been there for me, but she’d been too busy to stick with me the entire time, and I’d had Mom there to help me out. Chanel’s mom was around, but she was acting more as a supervisor than anything.“Mom!”I looked up at my baby’s call and gasped. “Oh, honey, you look so pretty!”“Pretty,” Chanel said, sounding just as awed as I did.“Thanks for inviting me to your wedding, Aunt Chanel,” Harmony said, before running away to join the other kids, not waiting for a reply.Chanel sighed. “Adele, your kid is such a sweetheart. And she’s already so big! When Dwayne and I have our kids, they
“How the hell are we supposed to find a parking spot here?” I grumbled.“Watch your mouth,” Adele reprimanded lightly.I rolled my eyes, but looked in the rearview mirror at Harmony, in the backseat and held down by a seatbelt. She looked to be paying full attention to her juice box, though.“Shouldn’t we have waited to get here before giving her anything to drink?” I asked, still looking for a space to park.“It’s fine. I figured we could find a bathroom before we go in or something.”I just hummed. A moment later, I finally found somewhere to park the car, and it wasn’t too far away from the stadium. I pulled into space, and the three of us got out of the car.“Give me your hand, honey,” Adele said, holding her hand out to Harmony.Our little girl pouted. “Mom, I think I’m old enough now that we can go around without you holding my hand.”I sighed and rolled my eyes, seeing Adele pout as well. Three years had gone by, and Harmony was seven years old now. She also seemed to be going
I sat on the couch, holding Harmony in my arms. I felt a little bad for taking so long, but when we’d woken up and started getting ready for Liam’s departure, I figured it had been about time to let our little girl know that her dad would be going away for a while.She hadn't cried, but she was being pouty about it, and not speaking. I knew, sometime after he left, she’d come to me and cry, and when she did, I would cry with her. Sometimes, things just seemed to hit her late, and when they did, they hit hard. It reminded me a little of myself at times.Liam brought down the last of his suitcases and set it at the base of the stairs, then glanced over at us. He arched an eyebrow at me, but all I could do was sigh.“Harmony?” I said slowly, pulling her away from my chest so I could look at her face. She kept her head ducked down, but I tilted it up by the chin, and she finally met my eyes. “I know you’re sad that Daddy is going away, but he has to leave soon, so why don’t you say goodby
I was seated in my bedroom, on top of the bed with my laptop on in front of me. It was about time for me to go to school, and I was doing last minute checks to be sure I didn't forget something before I had to leave. I would be leaving for the city tomorrow morning, taking a few things with me to my new apartment that was closer to the school and my job. I would be coming back when I had to time off, but it killed me that I had to move away from my wife and daughter like I knew it bothered Adele.Shit, we hadn't even explained it to Harmony right that I wouldn’t be around all the time anymore. There were phone calls and video calls, but it was hardly the same.“Are you done?”I looked up to see Adele just walking out of the bathroom with a bathrobe around her and a towel around her neck as she wiped at her hair.“I can do whatever’s left once I get there,” I said, closing the laptop and setting it aside without taking my eyes off her.“I’m going to miss you when you leave,” she said w
It was getting closer and closer to the fall, and with it, nearer to the time Liam had to go off to law school. As summer was winding down, Liam had to get a bunch of stuff in order before he could leave. The one thing I hated most, though, was when he was looking for a place to stay. I knew he wasn’t leaving me, but I still hated that he had to move out of the house.I woke up one day, too anxious to sleep longer, and both Liam and Harmony came down to find me on the couch, and breakfast nowhere in sight.“I’m so sorry, honey,” I said, referring to both of them, but looking at my pouting daughter. “I haven’t cooked anything, but we still have cereal would you like that?”Immediately, she perked up. “Yay, cereal!”She shot toward the kitchen, and Liam grinned at me. I didn’t usually like her having cereal, so I tried to lessen how many times in a week she could have any, and she’d already had it twice. She preferred the extremely sweet types, and the sugar rush always had her bouncing
We had a late night, but I still woke up early. My body was too used to getting up at a certain time in the morning every day, I was up before the alarm even rang, and I reached over to shut it off before it got too annoying. Then, I turned to the woman sleeping in my arms.I hadn't moved yet, and already I could feel the aches all over my body that pretty much meant we’d had a really fun night last night. After how that disastrous dinner had been, and then the day of circling each other while I thought of how best to cure Adele of her disappointment, I couldn’t have asked for a better end to our long streak of no sex.There was still school, and I sighed as I wondered how I was going to work both that and my job into my family life. If Harmony did start going to school at the same time…it would be so much more convenient for everybody.After leaving a peck on her forehead, I slid out of Adele’s arms and went to the bathroom. The area around my upper arms and back stung from all the s
It had been a whole day since the dinner fiasco. I’d stopped crying a while back, but I was still pretty bummed out about it. Liam noticed, and he’d left me alone since then. I hated that he had, though, because he didn’t even come to the bedroom to sleep last night. I must have cried myself to sleep, and when I woke, I found him sleeping on the couch in the same outfit from yesterday with his jacket thrown over him.Since he’d ignored me first, I’d done the same to him throughout most of the day. We didn’t eat the food from yesterday, but at least I’d left it all covered, so all it needed was some warming. In fact, last night’s dinner was pretty much all we had throughout the day; I warmed separate portions for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. We ate separately and stayed in different rooms of the house.I hated how it felt like we were in a fight when the reason I was in such a mood wasn’t even because of him.Is he just going to let things stay like this? I mused to myself as I lay in
It was evening already. Adele had spent most of the afternoon cooking, and I could smell all sorts of amazing scents wafting from the kitchen. I’d kept my ass on the couch and my focus on the TV, though, so I wouldn’t bother her. I could have helped, but… I was feeling a little lazy. And I was kind of uneasy over what Adele planned to do. So I left her alone. She wouldn’t give me a plate before our guests were present, but my mouth was practically watering, and my stomach kept growling in hunger.To hurry things along, I got up to head for the kitchen, and see if she at least needed help with something.“Is there anything I can do to help?” I asked while leaning against the door. Hoping that her answer would be no.She glanced at me over her shoulder, paused with her arms raised where she was reaching for plates from the cupboard. I walked across the room and reached for the same plates, glancing down at her. She was just standing there, staring at me with wide eyes.“How many do you
My mom and Liam’s dad were going to spend the day with Harmony; Liam’s birth mother was even going to join them in spoiling her, and then she was going to spend the night over with them. She was four-years-old already and didn’t exactly mind the attention, taking after her dad in one more thing, among others, including her pretty looks.She should be starting school soon…and the idea of it scared me, the fact that she's grown up so fast.Where did the time go?It was something I had to talk to Liam about at some point. For the moment, she was still going to daycare, but it would probably be better to get her into kindergarten already instead of waiting too long, or she’d end up older than the other kids in her class.I was pretty much a stay at home mom, even though I’d gone through college and gotten my degree. It wasn’t something I couldn’t put to use while staying at home, anyway. Considering how far the world had advanced already, it wouldn’t be so difficult to get a job online wi