On Cliff Edge

And suddenly the world comes crashing down. “Shit.” I push Trevor away from me, buttoning up my pants as fast as I can. That didn’t just happen. I didn’t just let that happen. My son could have come down the stairs and seen his best friend coming onto me. What would he think about me then? I straighten my clothing and answer the door at the same time that Brad comes clattering down the stairs.

“Uncle B!” Brad says. “How are you?” He envelops my brother in a hug, and ushers him and his wife inside. I see one of my sisters pulling up into the driveway and wave, closing the door to keep out the cold.

Shit. I haven’t even started heating up the food yet. It’s all cooked, but right now it’s completely cold. When I turn, everyone has gone to the kitchen except for Trevor, still staring at me with that smile on his face. The smile that says he knows exactly what he does to me, and he likes it. “Umm…thank you for the help,” I say.

“Anytime.” I know he means it, too.

Damn it. I have a problem.

I let my embarrassment fade as my family arrives and I throw myself into making sure everyone’s food is in the right place and everything is being heated and that there’s enough place settings. With the addition of Trevor, it’s definitely a full table, but we’ll make do. Plus, we’ve done this so often that it falls into an easy routine, even with the addition of a tenth person.

My brother, Bradley, and his wife, June, make sure that everyone has a drink at the table, and make sure their twin sons, Daniel and Mason, are setting the table perfectly. My sisters help me in the kitchen, though Annalise is excused due to the fact that she’s seven months pregnant. Instead we give her a stool and just listen as Maria regales us with her most recent post-divorce escapades.

Anna’s husband Richard is always on rush duty. The nickname we’ve given to frantically driving to the store to pick up whatever we’ve forgotten. This time it’s ice. He takes Trevor with him, and I’m relieved. I can’t seem to think straight when he’s in the same room.

Exhibit A being the fact that I almost let him get me off in my living room. I should have made up a reason for Richard to buy batteries, because I’m going to need them. I get the feeling that my vibrator and I are going to be very good friends this winter break.

Brad does whatever else we need, bringing dishes to and from the kitchen, washing a pan I forgot we needed, and being a good sport about it in spite of it being his first day home. I tap him on the shoulder. “I promise I’ll let you do nothing for at least two days.”

“It’s all right, Mom, really. I don’t mind.”

How I got a kid as good as this one, I’ll never know.

The front door opens and I feel the blast of cold air even from the kitchen. Richard comes in followed by Trevor, who’s carrying the ice. I can’t help but notice the way he’s handling giant bags of ice as if they weigh nothing. His eyes find mine, and I look away. I have to stop. I focus on Maria, who’s in the middle of telling a story about her date last week.

“—I swear to god he had his credit cards alphabetized.”

Anna laughs. “Maria, how could you possibly know that?”

“He was an accountant. He was practically wearing a pocket protector. Hell, I’d be willing to put a lot of money on the fact that that man alphabetized his wallet.”

“So you don’t actually know?” I ask.

“Well, no,” Maria says. “But if you’d been there and seen him you’d say it too.”

I shove a cucumber and a peeler into her hands. “So no second date?”

“Yeah, no,” she says, attacking the cucumber. My sister has always been a master peeler. I think she can peel a cucumber in fifteen seconds. We may have had competitions when we were younger.

“What about you?” Anna says, and I feel the dread settle in my stomach.

“Yes,” Maria says, handing me back the peeled cucumber to slice. “How is your romantic life?”

In the corner of my eye I see Trevor’s head snap up, suddenly far more interested in our conversation than putting ice in the coolers. I force my eyes down and focus on cutting the cucumber. I will not look at him. I will not. “It’s fine.”

Anna snorts. “Right. ‘Fine.’ Does fine mean that you actually went on a date?”

I look at her and pointedly roll my eyes. “It means, Anna, that I’m perfectly content with my life the way it is.”

“When was the last time you actually went on a date?” Maria asks. Her voice is light, playful, but I’ve been through this with them before.

Sweeping the cucumbers off the cutting board into the salad, I clear my throat. “None of your business.” It’s been more than six months, and that date was terrible, but if I tell them they’ll never leave me alone.

“You know we’re only joking with you, right?” Anna says. “You’re our baby sister. It’s our job to pester, and after Jackson—”

“Right,” I say, swallowing the embarrassment that’s building in my gut. If they knew how much their joking stuck with me after they left…

“Speaking of baby,” Anna says. “Come with me, Stella. I brought you a skirt. It won’t fit me anymore, and it’s more your style than mine.”

Maria leans past me and grabs the salad bowl. “Go ahead,” she says softly. “I’ll finish in here.” We both know that if I don’t go with her and try on the skirt, we risk upsetting her. I love my sister, but pregnancy has put her on edge.