Chapter 12

I was woken up by a heat flash, so I threw the sheets away from my body. I felt hot even though I could see goosebumps all over my arms and legs through my copper-coloured lashes.

I tried to focus on my breathing and slowing down my heartbeat. At the rate it was pumping, I’d probably go into shock again.

I was still too hot, so I clawed at my nightshirt. I needed to take it off quickly before I combusted.

I sensed someone swatting away my fumbling hands and placing an arm behind my back and under my knees to lift me up. Then I was weightless, floating toward another dimly lit room.

I felt faint from the insane heat pulsing through me, and after a moment, something wrapped me in a cold envelope. I didn’t think I had a fever anymore. It was simply me swimming in the cool darkness.

My lungs had slowly returned to a normal breathing rhythm, and my limbs felt slightly numb from the cold. But I didn’t mind the sudden temperature change. I welcomed it.

Soft fingers brushed my cheek, pushing a strand of wet hair behind my ear. The touch set fire coursing underneath my skin again, but the icy coldness quickly doused it. The gesture was delicate, and I felt cold water running over my head toward the back. Once more, the soft fingers returned and caressed my jaw and neck. The effect was calming me, calming my nerves.

There was a sweet, comforting scent of lavender, and I felt my scalp getting massaged. I hummed at the touch and sank lower into the coldness.

I slowly opened my eyes and searched for the person helping me.

I was greeted by the soft, pale gray eyes of Xander. I had never seen them so clearly. They had gold specs, almost swirling around the gray, but after a second, they darkened to their usual dark black-gray colour I always saw in them.

 “How are you feeling, Ida?” Xander asked in a hushed voice.

He had dark circles under his eyes, which confused me. Had he been missing sleep?

I groaned in reply, trying to raise myself. I was lying in a bathtub filled with iced water. That’s why I cooled down immediately.

My head rested on the tub rim, and I peeked down to see if I was naked. I exhaled when I noticed I was still wearing the nightshirt. It stuck wetly on the curves of my body.

“W-what happened?” my voice was rough like I hadn’t drunk water in days.

“You’ve been in and out of consciousness for about two days,” Xander replied, placing his hands over me to help me out of the water. “I heard something fall loudly in your room when I returned from work and tried to get in, but the door was locked. So, I broke in and found you lying on the ground with bloody cuts all over your arms.”

I gazed at my arms, and deep gashes were visible. I must have cut myself with the broken oil lamp.

I let Xander lift me out of the water and stabilize me between his strong arms. I pressed my back to his chest. He didn’t seem to mind that his shirt was getting completely wet.

I lifted my feet out of the tub and stilled when I saw that the water had turned a dark brown. Xander had wet and cleaned my hair, and it had returned to its fiery glory. I quickly drained the bath and hoped that the room's dimness was enough to cover my hair's wet, brown redness.

“Sorry,” he nonchalantly replied when he saw me fussing over my hair. “You were drenched in sweat, so I thought I’d scrub your head to help you feel better once you woke up.” Xander shrugged and helped me to the bed, not caring that I was still wearing the soaked nightshirt.

Nothing in the room was familiar.

Through the soft glow of the oil lamps, I noticed a big oak dresser in front of the four-poster bed where I was sitting. An arched way to the right of the room seemed to lead to a study; I assumed as much since I saw bookshelves lining the window sidewall and the corner of a desk. And a medium-sized table in the middle of the bedroom was littered with stacks of papers and charts. Not much decoration was visible. The walls were bottom half dark wood and the top half painted hunter green.

My fingers ran over the silky soft material of the bedcovers. They also had a green sheen to them.

Was I in his room?

Xander fluffed a pillow and propped me on it, leaning my back on the headboard.

His hand went to his face and rubbed his fingers on his forehead; he exhaled and opened his mouth to say something but quickly closed it and searched my face.

Xander sighed and dropped his hand on mine.

“These last few weeks have been… difficult for me,” he gently squeezed my fingers. “I can only imagine it has been the same for you?”

I nodded. The weeks had been excruciating. Then I remembered the book and took a long breath before asking Xander the question burning my lips.

“What am I to you?”

Xander closed his eyes and sank lower on the bed. He had also backed himself upon the headboard next to me.

“Mate.” He simply stated.

“Mate,” I repeated the word.

I felt the definiteness of it. I knew the truth of that simple word deep inside my bones.

“So, you’re a….”

Xander chuckled. “I am a Lycan,” a smile spreading on his soft face. All the worry I had seen in him seemed to have vanished. “I’m happy that this is your reaction. I thought you would have run away.”

I still could, I thought. But being next to Xander seemed right. It resembled the same feeling I had when I started reusing my magic—like a piece of me was reattached, although unknowing it had been missing in the first place.

I still didn’t understand how he could be a Lycan.

Xander saw me worrying at my bottom lip and offered an explanation. “My father isn’t Duke Kestrel.” His tone was calm. “My mother found her Lycan mate while her father was about to marry her off to Kestrel. It perfectly aligned the timing of my conception with their wedding, so she could pass me off as his son and heir.” Xander’s smile turned sour. “When my grandfather heard a Lycan had claimed his daughter as his mate, he ordered my father’s execution and kept the whole thing a secret. I never met the man.”

My heart ached, knowing he had to live with this lie. Hiding his true self from his “father.”

Maybe we weren’t so different after all?

“I’ve been roaming the country for years trying to find you,” his gaze returned to my face and softened. “When I first smelled your scent, it was coming from girls who I later learned were sharing a room with you.”

I unconsciously trailed my fingers along his arm, inviting tingles that danced under my skin.

“When I brought them up to my floor and smelled them more, I noticed the smell was faint. So, I paid off their indentures for the scare I gave them and sent them off.”

I observed the hairs on his arms raised by my touch and kept stroking him lightly.

“I think it annoyed your head maid that I kept freeing her workers, so she eventually stopped putting girls in your room and made you stop cleaning areas that I frequented until you happened to work my quarters, and I smelled you.”

Xander moved his head near my neck and breathed deeply through his nose.

“I didn’t know how you’d react, so I went to my mother, who proposed this arrangement. It was like I had fireworks under my skin when I first touched you, and I knew I had to make you mine. But I didn’t know my presence on this floor would affect you so much.”

He gestured to the surrounding air, and I gathered he was referring to the supposed “pheromones” described in the book I read.

“So,” I tempted. “When you appeared in my bathroom….”

“My Lycan smelled your arousal and went crazy,” his voice had returned to a husky growl, and his eyes were swirling in blackness. “Sorry, it’s not always easy holding him on a tight leash, especially after we found you.”

“And the eyes?” I placed my hand at the side of his temple, curling my finger on a strand of his messy black hair.

“They become black when my Lycan surfaces. It’s hard to control the beast whenever you’re near me,” was all Xander had time to say before I pulled his face and crashed my lips against his.

I was desperate to finally feel and touch and taste all of him.

Xander welcomed my tongue as I parted his lips with it. Savouring the sweet taste of his mouth on mine. My kiss was demanding, but our need for one another was even more so. It’s like I didn’t have control over my mind and body. Xander was the only thing I could focus on.

I curled my hands behind his neck, moving my legs over him to each side, straddling him, and deepened our kiss.

I slowed when I felt his rigid arousal under me and teasingly ground my hips along his delicious length.

“Fuck, Ida.” Xander’s eyes were wide with excitement as he grabbed my butt and pressed my bottom even closer to him.

The tightness of his pants seemed uncomfortable. I removed one hand from his neck and slipped it under his shirt, sliding it over his muscular stomach until I placed it over his heart. It was hammering underneath my fingertips.

We both stopped and looked at each other, panting.

“If we don’t stop now,” Xander sucked in a breath, almost as if hurting, “I don’t think I’ll be able to stop myself.”

“Then don’t,” I replied breathlessly, pulling his shirt over his head.