97. I Don't Know What I Feel

I woke up in the middle of the night, shivering. The cold from being out in the rain hadn’t left me, and no amount of hot tea seemed to be enough. But it wasn’t just the cold, it was Ivan. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t push him out of my mind. The way he had looked at me, the way he had begged me not to leave him… it was all too much.

I pulled myself out of bed, my body still aching from the exhaustion, and walked quietly down the hall to Kelly’s room. The door creaked softly as I opened it. She was asleep, curled up under her blanket, her small frame rising and falling with each peaceful breath.

I leaned against the doorframe, watching her sleep. Kelly looked so much like Ivan. It was in the curve of her face, the way her dark hair splayed across the pillow, even the way she sometimes furrowed her brow when she was lost in thought. Every time I looked at her, it was like seeing him all over again. And with that came all the memories, both the good and the bad.

I stepped clos