Four

“I can’t believe you have a room in a million-dollar mansion but choose to live in a two-bedroom apartment while occasionally moonlighting as a barista,” I note as I take in Ben’s room. It’s huge—it can fit his friend’s apartment in it—and has a balcony overlooking the backyard.

It’s been about an hour since we got here, and he offered to show me his room. To be honest, I was more than willing to get away from the crowd and be alone with him.

“My brother isn’t my favourite person to live with,” he says as he walks over and joins me on the balcony. “Plus, do you see how huge it is? Wait until the crowd leaves and you’ll get a taste of how much it feels like a ghost town with just a couple of people in here.”

“So, what’s the story between you, your brother, and his girlfriend?”

When he gives me a raised brow, I shift to the edge of the balcony and lean on the railing. I swear I wasn’t going to ask that. Not out loud, anyway, because it has been jumping around my mind since we met the latter two in the kitchen.

He follows, leaning against the railing right next to me. “Wendy is our childhood friend. She has been in love with that idiot for most of her life. And all he knows to do is hurt her.”

“You love her?” I ask, not bothering to contemplate whether that’s a question I should be asking. Or whether the answer is one I want.

Ben faces me, one corner of his mouth slightly turned up. “Why would you ask that?”

I shrug. “That’s how that kind of story goes. Two brothers. One girl. She settles for the wrong one.”

He arches an eyebrow. “Yeah?”

I nod. “Uh-huh.”

“And how does this story go?”

“What story?”

“Good boy. Bad boy who is stupid for him.”

I chuckle and look away from him. He just has a way of bringing back the conversation to the elephant in the room, doesn’t he?

I clear my throat and open the beer can I brought with me. “I don’t think that story happens.”

“No?”

I nod and take a gulp of my beer.

“Why not?”

Are we having a serious conversation right now, or are we roleplaying? I risk a look at him. “We are not gonna see each other after tonight.”

“It’s not like you are moving to Mars.”

This time, I don’t look away. Because I’m really curious about where he is going with this. “I guess I’m not.”

He holds my gaze for a while longer, then exhales through his mouth and looks away, tilting his head back. “Fuck, what am I doing?”

Okay. Looks like I’m not the only one who is clueless about what’s going on.

He finally straightens and steps away from the railing. “You know what? This is all a bad idea. I should get you back to your place.”

Okay, now I’m the only clueless party here. After everything he has said and done tonight, he ends it all by claiming it was a bad idea?

“What exactly is going on in your brain, Ben?” I ask.

He shakes his head. “You don’t wanna know.”

I shake my head back at him. “No, I do.”

“I’m thinking that I really, really want to kiss you right now. Take you to my bed, make love to you all night. Then ask you to be my boyfriend. But you know what? This is bad timing. This is like the worst timing for that.”

“Why? Why is it bad timing?”

“Are you saying that you would agree? To be my boyfriend?” Before I can utter a word, he shakes his head. “Don’t answer that. I don’t wanna know. Not right now. I’ll ask after six months.”

“Why six months?”

“Because I’m going on tour with my brother, and that’s about the last thing I want to do. It’s impossible to stay sane around him. He brings out the worst in me. I might just turn into the kind of person you don’t wanna be with.”

What does he mean by that? That he’d fuck around on me or something?

“So why are you going with him?”

“Because if I don’t, only God knows what sort of trouble he’ll find himself in. Mum literally begged me to keep an eye on him. He’s an asshat and all but he’s still my little brother. I couldn’t say no. This is going to be the band’s biggest tour yet. Which means more pressure. And that creates a recipe for a whole lot of trouble.”

I nod. “Okay.”

“Okay as in okay I can come look for you after the tour is done?”

I bite down on my bottom lip and nod. You know what? This is perfect for both of us. He is going to be I-don’t-know-where dealing with whatever happens on a tour with a popular band, and I’m going to be busy with as many jobs as I can hold down to try and get as much money as I can for Daisy’s eye surgery. Doesn’t sound like the best time to get into a new relationship.

He nods back. “Okay, that’s good. So, um, can I give you that ride back now?”

“Yeah, thanks.”

***

When we get to my apartment building and I alight from behind him, Ben stays in his seat. While I remove my helmet, my mind churns.

I’ve thought about it on the ride over. Inviting him up. I mean, the night is still young…

“We’ll talk,” he says as I hand him the extra helmet. Then he arches an eyebrow. “You still have my number, right?”

I nod, hooking my thumbs in my jeans pockets and rocking on my sneakers. “Do you have to get back? Right away?”

“Good question,” he says, reaching up to remove his helmet. “Why, Isaac. Do you want me to come up?”

“We could have a beer or something…” I suggest.

“I guess we could,” he says, his gaze focused on my face. He slaps the passenger seat behind him. “Hop on, let’s leave this baby in parking.”

I’m aware of my thudding heart as I get on behind him again. A part of my brain is telling me that this is a bad idea. But it’s a very small part.

I know what this looks like. It’s like when you go on a date with someone, and you either say goodnight at the door or invite them in for a nightcap. The latter could as well be code for ‘I’m down for more’.

Ben must know…back at his brother’s house, he had a couple of beers and said he can’t have more because he’ll be riding. So there’s no way he’s really going to have another beer with me unless he’s not riding again tonight.

Yeah, my brain is getting away from me.

“So, what happens to your band while you go touring with your brother?” I ask as we walk up the stairs.

Ben is part of a rock band—nowhere near as popular as his brother’s band, but still there.

“We are taking a break,” he tells me. “Our lead singer is focusing on his studies for the next few months. He is always missing tests because of gigs. He needs to graduate at some point, you know.”

“Michael, right?” I ask as I reach into my pocket for my key.

“How do you know his name?” Ben asks, and I can feel his gaze on me as we leave the staircase and walk down the hallway to my apartment.

“You mentioned him back then,” I fib as I stick the key in my lock.

“No, I didn’t.”

I twist the key, push the door open. “You did. How else would I know?” I lead the way into the apartment and he follows.

“Oh, I don’t know, maybe you are one of those one hundred thousand subscribers we have on our youtube channel,” he says, taking off his shoes alongside me and slipping his feet into a pair of slippers.

“You have a youtube channel?”

“No, we don’t, our videos are only available on VHS tapes.”

I bite down my smile and walk into the living room. What does he expect? Me to admit that yes, I’ve watched every video with him on it an unhealthy number of times? Where else was I supposed to see his face when I wanted to see him so bad but had to be smart about it?

“Make yourself comfortable,” I tell him as I head over to the kitchen to check for drinks in the refrigerator.

I get back to him a few seconds later with a couple of energy drinks in hand. “I didn’t realise I was out of beer,” I tell him.

He looks up at me from where he is sitting on the couch. “All good,” he says, reaching for the can. “I wasn’t going to drink anyway.”

I settle next to him, leaving a few inches between us. I pop my can and take a sip. I’m not looking at him, but I can swear his eyes are stuck on my face. I risk a sideways glance and sure enough, he is staring. Rather openly.

“What?” I mumble.

“You really aren’t going to tell me, are you?”

I look at him. “Tell you what?”

“What your ex did.”

“He isn’t my ex.”

He frowns. “No?”

I shrug and look away. “I mean…” Was it ever a relationship, really? Did he ever consider me his boyfriend? Back then, I was stupid enough to think he was my boyfriend. Then he showed me that I was deluded. Didn’t stop my stupid heart from letting him fool me twice. “It doesn’t matter.”

“Did he cheat?”

Yeah, he did. But so did I. With him. It’s funny.

When I don’t say anything, Ben adds, “Because you know even so-called good boys cheat.”

My cheeks heat. Is this what guilt feels like? Guilt mixed with embarrassment. “It’s not that.”

“No? Was he abusive?”

Does emotional manipulation count?

“Why do you want to know?”

“Well, besides the reason I said earlier, I’m having a hard time reconciling with the fact that someone can have someone like you and treat you anything less than a treasure.”

“Someone like me? Do you know me enough to figure what kind of person I am?”

“Yes.”

“And what kind of person is that?”

“Someone who just wants to be treated well.”

“Doesn’t everybody want to be treated well?”

He shakes his head. “Maybe. But for some, not badly enough. Not everybody creates walls around themselves to keep out people who could hurt them. I’ve seen people jump from one heartbreak to another while ignoring all the red flags. Some don’t care. You care. A lot.”

I look at him. “Do you?”

He nods. “I’ve been heartbroken once. I do what I can to keep it from happening again.”

“Do you think that I can’t break your heart?”

“You already did.”

“So why are you pursuing me?”

“Because the only reason you were breaking it is because I care enough. I haven’t in a long while. And that’s what you want, right? Someone who cares. We already established that you’re physically attracted to me. So not pursuing you would be a big mistake.”

No wonder he is a songwriter. He just knows what to say. And now he has me wondering exactly what kind of boyfriend he would be. I’m also beginning to question whether I deserve a guy like him. Funny, given what I’ve spent the last eight months thinking.

“I’m not an angel, you know.”

“Nobody is perfect.”

“I can be insecure and needy.”

“You’re not going to scare me away, Isaac. Stop trying.”

I purse my lips and nod, leaning back into the couch. At least I tried to warn him.