I don't remember the last time I felt this empty. Back when he used to tease me and roll his eyes, this emptiness wasn't there. Now, all I sense is a kind of void. I can't go on without him. I did this to myself, but it was the right decision. I do care about him, and every time he walks into a room, I feel that pull in my chest that's been there for months. But I'll always be firm about what I won't tolerate. I can't concentrate on this research opportunity with Kent, and I just had another fight. If I want to attend graduate school next year, I need to be wise about my choices. Kent can re-enter my life after I've had some time to sort out my feelings. Most of my packing is done. I got a dorm room at Northwestern for this, which was more affordable than renting a place for a month, so I only had to bring my clothes and personal items. Today, I had to go back to the apartment to retrieve the rest of my stuff. I didn't text Kent, thinking he was still in New York. It's been three
It's probably Mark or Kyle; they might be back early for the new term. I'm unsure how to explain it to them – "Hey, your best friend and I broke up just when you were getting used to us dating. It's probably going to ruin the apartment vibe for a while. Sorry." "Hello?" A pleasant, warm, deep voice echoes, and my heart skips a beat. It's him, not Kyle or Mark. Stay calm, Juls. You can handle this. You'll only be in the apartment for a few hours, and then you'll have a month to clear your head. "Who's here?" he inquires as he approaches down the hall, and I take a deep breath. When he sees that my room's door is open with light spilling out into the corridor, he halts. I hear him slowly and hesitantly moving closer to the door, and my heart races. Even though we haven't seen each other in days, I can't seem to control my infatuation. I stammer, "H-hi," and he clears his throat. "I-I thought you were leaving today," he says, exhaling in a way that almost pushes him against the hall
It has been quiet for a long time. We've just been lying here in bed sheets and staring at the ceiling. I've been trying not to roll onto his chest and fall asleep. I can't decide what to do because I don't want to leave, but I also don't want to talk first. I hear him ask quietly, "Are you okay?" and I nod. I whisper, "Yeah," and fidget with the bed sheets. The more I think about how good that was, the harder it is for me to be objective. A lot of thoughts are swirling through my mind. I wish I hadn't done that, but I'm still glad I did. There are many questions about what to do next, and even more about him and his thoughts. I mumble, "I...I need to finish packing." "Then I need to go home and pack the car." I slowly get up. My body aches, but I try to ignore it as much as possible. I gasp when I feel a hand grasp my arm. He whispers as he sits next to me, "Don't go. Please don't go." "Kent, I need to." "Juls, don't run away from this. Stop running away from me. Half the time
"When Cali turned twelve, she went to school in London, and I stayed in the city and went to a private school there. We didn't see each other much as kids because we all wanted to be far apart," he said, as I rested my cheek on his chest. "When I was fourteen, my dad told me to join a club or talk to the dean at Dartmouth. At the time, I didn't even know if I wanted to go to college." I asked, "Did you ever apply?" He shook his head. "Never," he said softly. "Really, never," I replied. "Did you consider it?" He whispered, "No, I never wanted to be like my dad. That was my biggest fear. When I was a senior, I applied to a few schools. Brown and Michigan were two of them. All I cared about was football, and it was all mine. I didn't do it for my parents; I did it for myself." I whispered, "I'm sorry," and he nodded. "I had to choose Brown, but I was in a wheelchair for months. Once school started in the fall, I was fine, but I had to go to physical therapy all the time," he reminde
"You should head home, Juls," I hear a voice, and when I look up from my work, Adrian stands over me. "I will, but first I need to finish my paragraph," I reply with a smile. One of the few places at Northwestern with a microform reader is the Early Modern department, where I've been working on this project for a while. Our team is pretty small. Doctor Elliot and his Master's student Alyssa are leading the project, with five of us assisting. We all attended prestigious schools and were chosen to help. I was there, along with Bianca from Harvard, Miles from Stanford, and Adrian and Pike, both from Northwestern. Most of the time, it's a good mix of people. Doctor Elliot wanted a diverse team to assist with this project. We all studied Early Modern Studies, History, or Anthropology, but we come from different backgrounds and have different experiences. I must admit, though, that it seems like everyone else's past and life have more wealth than mine. Most of them are renting accommod
I hear a knock on Kent's bedroom door at his end, and he yells for the person to come in. I'm puzzled when I see Abby entering; those two don't usually hang out. Kent also appears confused. "Sorry to bother you, Kent. Kyle mentioned you took my intro to business course in your first year, and I was wondering if you still had your notes?" she asks, and he clears his throat. "They're on my laptop," he tells her, and she nods, her gaze drifting toward me. I push the dinosaur out of the frame. Her face transforms, and her eyes widen as she walks up to what seems to be Kent's desk. "Is that Juls?" she exclaims. "Hey, Abby," I say, feeling a bit shy, and she nearly has a heart attack on the other end. "Why are you and Kent FaceTiming? You've been too busy to call me more than once a week!" she says, looking perplexed. "Kent, I thought you were calling home every night. You said there was a family emergency, and... What's going on?" "Calm down," Kent urges, noticing her increasing agita
I hate going to social events. I'm so bad at talking to new people, and I always mess up my words when I'm around people I don't know well. It's not a big deal in crowded frats or dark bars, but it's killing me at a school social. I really thought about making up some lame excuse for why I couldn't go, because I keep making a fool of myself over and over again. I'm way too shy to talk to anyone, and if someone does try to talk to me, they leave looking like they wish they hadn't. I wish there was something to drink at this. I look around the small event room in the historical society's wing that we've reserved. There are high ceilings and a fireplace, and a long table with finger foods runs through the middle. Around the edges, there are chairs strewn about, and I run my hands down the front of my modest black dress. It has short sleeves, a longer skirt that hangs loosely, and a tie at the hip. It's the most businesslike thing I brought with me. I see my coworkers move around the
"We didn't have to go somewhere this nice," I mumble as Kent sends his credit card back for our tab. He'd chosen a new steakhouse he'd heard about through a family friend. It was delicious, but quite expensive. I would have been happy doing anything with him; it didn't have to be this fancy. "Juls, let me treat you." He sighs. "It's a special night. We've done diners and chain restaurants before. This is special, and I wanted to do something nice. I didn't want our fancy clothes to go to waste." "Well, I really appreciate it," I mumble, and he smiles, reaching out for my hands. "You keep showing up when I miss you," I whisper, and he chews the inside of his cheek, suppressing a smile. "That's my job," he sighs. "I'm trying to be there for you more when you need me and keep you updated." "I'm happy about that," I shrug, feeling his thumb brushing my knuckles. Kent's card is returned to our table, and he puts it away, motioning for the two of us to leave. I put on my coat and lean i