Chapter 9 : There Has to be Something More

Astrid

Focusing on class was more difficult than I wanted to admit. I ended up staring at the textbook most of the time so that I wasn’t looking at Lilian or Tristan. I could still feel her eyes on me every so often, and every time I looked at Tristan, I sensed her tense. The last thing I needed was trouble with a pack member.

Either that, or I found myself daydreaming—and that was not something that I could allow myself to do.

When Tristan started to talk, the entire room fell silent. The only sounds were pens scratching against paper and the hum of the overhead projector.

His introduction to this class was very similar to yesterday’s. We went over the syllabus, he took questions, then he gave us a breakdown of what to expect from the course.

Soon enough, I found I couldn’t take my eyes off of him, no matter how hard I tried.

He rolled his sleeves up when he turned to write on the board and I found myself admiring his forearms.

I remembered what it felt like when he wrapped them around me. The memory of his firm, protective grip on me made my heart beat frantically.

I cursed under my breath as my mind started to drift to decidedly unprofessional thoughts.

He turned suddenly and our eyes locked. I felt my face turning red in embarrassment. For a split second, I was convinced he had heard my thoughts. Then, his eyes moved around the rest of the room.

“If this doesn’t make sense, please ask for clarification. I don’t want to go over this again. You’ll find that these classes are fast paced. You’ll need to maintain your focus if you’re going to keep up. I won’t slow down for anyone.”

‘That includes us,’ I thought firmly to my wolf. I heard her snarl in the back of my mind, but I ignored her.

I couldn’t keep letting my mind wander. The fact that I was attending these classes on my dad’s dime was all the more reason that I had to take this seriously. I was basically throwing away my promotion if I didn’t. I couldn’t let myself fail just because the professor was attractive.

Tristan turned his attention back to the board and continued to write. I copied down every word he wrote into my notes. I wasn’t absorbing much right now, but at least I would be able to look back at them later and try to make some sense out of it.

Between the notes and the assigned reading in the textbook, I should have no problem. I have the advantage of being a quick reader with good retention. I’m sure that will make up for my daydreaming in class.

Tristan turned from the board and walked around the front of the podium. He glanced at me, then away quickly.

I bit my lower lip. Was he looking at me more than the other students or was that wishful thinking on my part? I couldn’t tell.

I watched the way he leaned back against the podium. There was nothing inherently sexy about the way he dressed. He wore slacks, dress shirts, and jackets, much like most other professors. Still, I couldn’t help but notice how the white button up he was wearing accentuated his muscular shoulders and chest.

His eyes flicked to mine again as he went over the materials and a smirk pulled at the corner of his mouth. I quickly looked down at my notes.

‘He definitely knows I’m checking him out,’ I thought in a panic, making sure to use my hand as a face shield. ‘God, he must think I’m so pathetic.’

‘Mate,’ my wolf said insistently in response.

‘No,’ I argued. ‘Not mate.’

The pressure in my chest was probably just a reaction to all of the stress I’ve been under. It wasn’t the pull… even if it was, I would not give in to it.

‘I’m not controlled by my animal side,’ I said in irritation. ‘That still hasn’t changed.’

My wolf whined and I felt her pouting. I didn’t mean to insult her, but it was true. I never let my wolf be the deciding factor in my life. I took her instincts seriously and respected her input, but my own logic was always in control. I wouldn’t let that change just because I was back in pack territory.

I was in control of my own life. Besides, Tristan had shown absolutely no interest in me.

He was being kind when he walked me to class—that was all. I didn’t believe for a second that he would become involved with a student, and there was no way that I was going to get involved with my professor.

We both valued our careers too much to jeopardize them.

***

It felt like an eternity before class came to an end. I quickly gathered up my things as soon as Tristan released us. I had another class to get to and I needed some fresh air to clear my head.

“Astrid,” an excited voice called out.

I looked up to find Lilian walking towards me. I was confused. The way she glared at me yesterday and all through class today made me think that I’d upset her somehow. Why was she smiling at me now?

“Hey…” I greeted hesitantly.

“I just wanted to say that it’s really good to have you back home,” she noted somewhat brightly.

“Uhm, yeah, thanks,” I said with a little uncertainty. “I won’t be staying for long, but it's nice to see that the pack is doing well.”

Her grin widened at my words. “That’s a shame,” she said. “You know, everyone has been just so broken up about the Luna. Everyone really loved her. She was beautiful, intelligent, confident, and generous…”

I bit the inside of my cheek and nodded. “Thank you,” I replied. “I really loved her too.”

I knew that the pack viewed mom that way because of all of the work that she did for them, but it was weird to hear a stranger talk about her that way.

Lilian cocked her hip and looked me up and down. “Yeah,” she said with amusement. “You know, you’re nothing like her, are you?”

I opened my mouth to respond, but didn’t know what to say. The insult was so subtle and unexpected that I thought that I must have misheard her. My wolf’s hackles rose and she growled softly. Her reaction unbalanced me even more.

‘Not a threat,’ I scolded her. She just growled louder.

Before I could gather myself and respond, Lilian smirked at me. “I’ll see you around, yeah?” She winked, and turned on her heels.

I watched as she walked up to Tristan and flashed him a bright smile. He smiled back at her and my heart dropped.

‘It’s not your problem,’ I thought to myself. ‘He’s not your problem.’

I tried not to stare at them as I gathered up the rest of my things. I couldn’t stand seeing her look at him like that. The anger I had felt yesterday was bubbling up again.

I heard Lilian giggle and the jealous feeling threatened to overcome me. What was her deal? I was used to people being outright mean to me—but this was different. It felt more…personal. I threw my bag over my shoulder and hurried out of the room.

It didn’t matter if he did flirt with Lilian. It’s not like he and I were together. What the hell did I have to feel jealous over?

I shook my head. I was disgusted with myself.

I already made up my mind that I wasn’t going to get involved with him. Why wouldn’t my stupid heart get on board with the plan?

‘Mate,’ my wolf whined.

I shook my head vehemently. ‘No mate!’

I argued with my wolf all the way to my next class which was a little more crowded than the last. I took a seat near the back and focused my attention on the syllabus. The professor for this class was listed as G. Sanchez. At least it wasn’t Tristan again.

I started going over the calendar in the syllabus.

I had no intention of being here long enough to finish the class, but I might make it to midterms. I started highlighting the important due dates leading up to that point.

As I did, Lilian’s words about mom kept echoing in my head.

Mom was kind, intelligent, and generous. The pack was lucky to have her, though they always seemed to take it for granted. She worked so hard to live up to their expectations of her.

If I ever woke up in the middle of the night due to bad dreams or anything else, I could always find mom up in her study. It seemed like she never slept. Maybe that had something to do with her sickness…

It’s not good for a person to be so stressed out all the time. It can weaken the immune system.

When I was a kid, it seemed normal to me for her to work so much. She was the Luna, that’s just how it was. She was like a mother to the entire pack. She had to make sure that everyone had a warm bed and a full stomach—at least, that’s how she explained it to me.

It made sense then. Now, as an adult, I realize how weird it was that the pack fully accepted a human as the Luna. I didn’t know of any other packs in the territory that had a human in a high ranking position. It wasn’t normal.

I was considered weak and overall inferior because I wasn’t fully a shifter. It wasn’t true. I realized that when I turned 18 and my wolf emerged.

I’m actually very strong for my size. I had to be careful that I didn’t lift anything too heavy when I was in the human world or people would think something strange was going on.

Mom was fully human, so the pack must have thought that she was weak, too. No one ever said it, but it only made sense. And with how I was treated, despite being half-wolf, it made me wonder even more…why was she so accepted when I wasn’t?

I wondered if that could have something to do with her illness. Maybe whatever mom came down with was more dangerous to humans? Or the healers didn’t know how to properly treat her…

It was hard not knowing what happened to her. No one had given me any straight answers about exactly what happened to her and I was honestly afraid to ask.

I already didn’t like it here—but if I found something out, something they didn’t want me to know, well, then…I don’t know how much more resentment I could hold in my heart.

But the thought itched in my brain and wouldn’t let go of its hold on me. Mom was young, far too young to die like that…

‘It isn’t fair,’ I thought bitterly.

Every time I thought about her lying in her bed and slowly succumbing to an illness that no one seemed to understand, a cold chill ran through me. It just felt wrong that she would die that way.

There had to be something more to it.

I tried to force the dark thoughts away, but I couldn’t shake off the thought that what happened to mom wasn’t as simple as an illness.