Chapter 3 : A Thousand Gazes

Astrid

The room was quickly descending into chaos. People had turned in their chairs to stare at me and their voices were steadily increasing in volume.

I glanced towards the door. I could be out of the room before anyone registered that I was moving. If I left now and never came back, maybe I could avoid the rumors and the judgment. My heart rate was increasing rapidly. I had to make a choice.

Tristan cleared his throat and the whispering of the students around me quieted, but didn’t stop. He slammed his hand down on the podium and the resounding thud that it created was enough to cause everyone to snap their heads forward, including me.

There was a warning in his eyes as he glared at each of the students one by one. A few mumbled apologies, but most just fell silent.

“Can I finish?” he asked with irritation clear in his voice.

“Yes, sir,” a few students said in unison.

Their immediate reactions and deference spoke volumes about the reputation Tristan had on campus. No one wanted to get on his bad side.

Tristan’s eyes met mine for a moment, and I felt a flutter in my stomach in response. I was more grateful than he could know for his intervention. All these years later, he was still looking out for me. He looked back at his screen and picked up where he’d left off on attendance.

“Oh my god,” Lilian said softly. “I should have recognized your name!”

I shot her a look and she held her hands up in surrender, then turned to focus on Tristan.

“We’re going to go over what you can expect from this semester,” he continued as he walked from behind the podium and leaned against the side of it. “It’s going to be a tough one. Most of you are just starting your graduate work. This is a required class, so I see a lot of students starting here, and not all of them finish the program.”

I smiled a little. That line drew more attention towards him and I watched as the other students shuffled their materials around and pulled out textbooks.

“If you aren’t going to take this class seriously, leave now,” he said firmly. “I don’t appreciate having my time wasted.”

I hummed to myself. He was serious about his work. Good. That meant that we would be able to keep things professional.

“We won’t be doing any ice breakers or any of that nonsense,” he explained. “We don’t have time for that. So, let’s get right into it. What can you expect from this class?”

I breathed a sigh of relief. I hated those kinds of activities at the best of times. I didn’t want to have to introduce myself to the people that just lost their cool over hearing my name. I just knew there would be a million questions about where I’ve been, why I left, all of that… or worse. They’d offer condolences.

Tristan started in on a well rehearsed overview of the class. It sounded like it was going to be enjoyable, at least for me. That was, if I could stand to be around Tristan without losing my mind.

I wanted to listen to his words, but his voice was having too much of an impact on me. I could feel goosebumps rising on my arms as his eyes flicked to mine again. I had to tear my gaze away. I was blushing, I could feel it.

Lilian had propped her elbow on the table and was leaning heavily on her arm as she stared at him openly. I could feel anger building in my gut and grumbled to myself at the sensation.

How was I going to get through an entire semester like this? Tristan was my mate. It was so ridiculous that it wasn’t even funny. I wished the ground would just open up and swallow me whole.

It was possible that I was wrong about this. My anxiety, stress, and attraction for Tristan might be fooling me into thinking this was the pull. Honestly, I was convinced that I was incapable of feeling the pull because of my human half.

I hadn’t slept much lately, maybe that was it?

His eyes rose to mine again and my treacherous heart fluttered.

No, this was the pull. I could try to deny it all I want, but it wouldn’t do me any good.

I looked down at my notebook and started to write down the information that Tristan had scrawled on the board in messy, large letters.

Just because I was feeling the pull, didn’t mean I had to act on it. This wasn’t my world, not really. I wasn’t staying, so starting a romantic relationship was the dumbest move I could make. I would just ignore it.

How hard could it be?

I managed to contain my shifter half well enough when I was in the human world, there was no reason I couldn’t control it now that I was home.

I could feel a nagging protest at the back of my mind. My wolf didn’t like this decision.

‘What choice do I have? It’s not like Tristan would come back to the human world just to be with me. This is the only way it can go,” I explained to her.

She huffed in protest.

‘Plus, Tristan is my professor. Pursuing a relationship with him would be the biggest mistake of my life. I would be jeopardizing my degree, my job, and my reputation. I wouldn’t do that for any man, no matter how good looking he is…’

She whined at my words. Obviously, her mind was already made up.

‘The goddess got this one wrong. I can’t be fated to be with any shifter. I don’t belong in the pack, that much is very clear,’ I told her firmly.

‘Mom fit in just fine and she was completely human…’ her faint voice pointed out.

I glared down at my notebook. Over the years, my wolf had gotten used to hiding. She rarely piped up unless I was in trouble or I was doing something exceptionally stupid.

It wasn’t that I didn’t love her, it was just difficult to come across as a normal person when you’re having a conversation with yourself. I ran the risk of ending up in a mental hospital if I didn’t learn to hide her.

I went out to a nearby forest every full moon and let her run free. I found that when I didn’t give her the chance to take control once in a while, I fell into a deep depression that was difficult to pull myself out of.

When I was young, my grandparents had a cabin in the woods that I had free access to. I smiled as I thought of it. It was my absolute favorite place in the world, but when they died, I chose to sell the property to pay for my education. I didn’t regret the decision, but I missed the cabin and so did my wolf.

She was excited to be back here. I couldn’t blame her. She could be more present here and it wouldn’t cause any issues. I was happy to let her loose as soon as I got the chance. As angry and upset as I had been the last few weeks, I knew that it would be good for me to blow off some steam with my wolf.

‘I promise, you’ll get to come out soon, just please let me focus,’ I said.

I tried to keep my eyes on my paper throughout class, but the feeling of being watched kept drawing my attention. For the next 45 minutes, every time I lifted my head, either Lilian was staring at me over her shoulder, or Tristan was looking directly at me.

By the end of class, I was incredibly uncomfortable for a few different reasons.

Tristan gave us the all clear to leave at exactly the time listed on the schedule. Murmuring started up immediately as everyone gathered their belongings and headed towards the door.

I stayed right where I was. I didn’t want to give anyone the impression that it was okay to approach me or try to start up a conversation.

“That was awkward,” Lilian said brightly from beside me as she gathered her items. “But you handled it, like, really well. You were so cool about everyone freaking out. You’re like a celebrity in a way!”

“Not at all,” I mumbled.

Things fell quiet. I wasn’t sure if she was acting nice to lure me in and make her trust her, or if she really wanted to get to know me. So, until I knew, I was going to try to keep a distance.

“Do you have a night class today?” Lillian asked as she slung her bag over her shoulder. “We can get dinner in the student center.”

I shook my head. “I actually need to leave right after this, but thanks.”

“Ah, well maybe next time,” she replied with a smile. She handed my pen back to me and walked towards the door. She tossed her sheet of doodles in the trash as she went.

I watched as she passed the door and approached Tristan. He smiled politely and spoke to her. It was a change from how strict he had seemed at the beginning of class. Was he really that angry about everyone talking and interrupting him?

She cocked her hip to the side and put her hand on her waist. Her head tilted to one side and she swayed slightly from side to side as she talked to him.

I couldn’t hear what she was saying, but it was clear that she was flirting with him. He kept the same friendly expression on his face, but nothing about his body language changed.

He didn’t seem to be responding to her advances.

That did nothing to cool the sudden anger that flared up within me. My wolf growled softly and I had to close my eyes and take a moment to calm myself down.

Seeing her bat her eyelashes at him like that made my blood boil. I wasn’t a jealous person. People hit on Charles in front of me from time to time and it never made me angry, just self conscious.

This anger, however, was alien to me and I wasn’t sure what to do about it. I gathered my things quickly and headed towards the door. I didn’t want to talk to Tristan right now anyway. I wasn’t sure what I could possibly say to him.

All she was doing was talking to him. This was completely irrational. If nothing else, this anger confirmed that what I was feeling was the mate pull. Nothing else could make me feel so enraged like this.

As I approached the door, I felt him looking at me. I couldn’t help but look back.

Those bright green eyes of his locked onto mine and my heart stuttered at the attention. I tore my gaze away from him. It was a mistake to come here. I would just have to tell my dad that I couldn’t do this. I could be home by morning.

I hurried out the door. As I went, I couldn’t help but look up at Tristan again. There was concern in his eyes, which filled me with shame.

Lilian was looking at me, too. There was a knowing smirk on her face that brought my anger back full force.

I rushed into the hallway before I could do or say anything that I would regret.