"She's always alone. She says she's waiting for the right time to go home. She never stays with anyone. Always alone."
"On a late night like this? Did the girl mention her reason?" Alex muttered to himself again. What kind of parents let their daughter wander around until late at night? Ahh... parents these days, I just don't understand.
The Captain shrugged as he opened the car door for Alex, "I don't know. Maybe there's an issue at her home. When the time comes, she always walks home alone."
"Is her home nearby?" Alex got into his car in the passenger seat, leaving his wheelchair outside.
"It's about six kilometers from here. At least half an hour to an hour's walk," the Captain folded Alex's wheelchair and lifted it. He walked to the back of the car to put the wheelchair in the trunk and then moved to the driver's seat.
"Why doesn't she take public transportation?"
"Maybe it's a money issue," the Captain explained lightly as he started the car's engine. He quickly pulled the car out of the university parking lot. "I never asked her."
That night, Alex couldn't stop thinking about the girl. There was something about the student that bothered him. Maybe it was the sense of loneliness and solitude emanating from her. Alex ran his hand through his hair. He truly didn't know why he suddenly felt drawn to the student. All he knew was that the girl's face kept haunting him even in his dreams.
Even in the morning when he opened his eyes, the image of the white-skinned girl in the west corridor lingered in his mind. An unfamiliar feeling had grown within him, and he couldn't do anything about it. Frustrated, Alex turned on a radio that he rarely listened to. Just to have something distract his mind from the image of the student.
"I didn't choose her, but love chose her for me, and I'm powerless..." a voice from the radio drama responded. Alex fell silent, staring at the object, pondering whether he should throw this stuff away or not.
***
Around 1950.
Harrison Bolton, the father of Jackson and Alex, was an active government official in the judiciary field and also a prominent politician in the capital city. Their family has been actively involved in government and politics for generations.
A few years after his birth, Alex Bolton was affected by polio, which left both of his legs paralyzed forever. His grandfather added the name "Alexander" to him, taken from Alexander the Great, the ruler of the Macedonian kingdom.
"You must be strong and brave like that king," his grandfather comforted him. "Never give up just because you lost both of your legs. As long as you have a strong heart, you can still become anything you dream of."
Alex, as he was always called afterward, was forced by his grandfather to attend public school just like normal people his age. The difference was that he always had to be in a wheelchair. What always annoyed him was when his school friends mocked his paralyzed and small legs.
"We won't be friends with someone whose legs are small and can't run."
“I never needed you all either! Who needs friends?” Alex replied in anger.
Another frustrating thing was during school holiday seasons. He would always see his older brother, Jackson, and his friend, Michael, playing in the front yard and running around. Sometimes they played with Lily, their youngest sister. Meanwhile, he could only stay in his room and watch it all from his second-floor window.
"Mom, I want to go out and run with them."
His mother could only look at him meaningfully.
One day, when he was 11 years old, his mother bought a set of chemicals wrapped in a package complete with instructions for making simple bath soap. It was a science kit that his mother bought because it had a special discount and was half-heartedly pushed by the seller—who dedicated his life to his work.
Since it was school holiday at that time, Alex felt bored and had nothing to do. He saw the chemical package lying on the kitchen table and took it to start making his first soap. He followed the mixing instructions carefully and added the small packages inside the package with great care. The result was amazing.
"Did you make this soap?" his father asked, looking at a poorly made soap and trying to praise it. "Mom, we should stop buying soap and use Alex's homemade soap."
"Right, Alex's homemade soap is very good. I'm so lucky to have a child who can make soap. I don't need to buy soap anymore."
Alex felt proud. Although the soap wasn't as good as the usual ones they used, his parents praised it to the sky. Suddenly, he felt like doing more. Of course, his parents didn't really stop buying bath soap. However, Alex's interest in chemistry grew even bigger, and he finally found something to do during the school holiday season.
In the following months, he was often seen reading the chemical ingredient notes on every household product they used, such as laundry soap, cleaning fluids, chemical fertilizers, drinks, and so on.
If he couldn't find a list of chemicals from a product label that caught his interest, Alex would force Jackson to take him to the public library or force his father to buy chemistry books on similar products. His grandfather who lived abroad often brought chemistry books for Alex when visiting. Alex somewhat forced him through his letters.
Alex has his own notebook containing descriptions of the chemical ingredients of every household product he managed to break down. He finds it extremely enjoyable to describe the chemicals contained in each product. It's all a game for him and becomes even more captivating after he successfully makes each product from chemical basics.
At that moment, he realized that making chemical products was not difficult at all. The key was knowing the chemicals needed, the right proportions, and with careful mixing, those substances would produce the right product. Just like cooking. He just needed to mix them because chemical stores sold every chemical he needed. And his mother was always ready to buy any chemicals he requested.
The only thing that could hinder his progress was himself.
His experiments progressed to a higher level when Alex obtained permission to use a small warehouse next to their house as a simple laboratory. This was after he pleaded with his grandfather, who eventually convinced his mother. His grandfather himself bought him a dozen gloves, protective goggles, and a lab coat, just to ensure that Alex wouldn't lack these protective items.
Alex's mother always felt strange whenever she received orders with chemical names written on them that she had to buy from the chemical store in the city center. She often asked the seller, "Are these substances not dangerous? Not toxic? Won't they explode?"
Meanwhile, Jackson always felt annoyed when he had to accompany Alex to the local library. Lily, who was only six years old, always enjoyed following them wherever they went. Regardless of whether she was invited or not, she would continue to tag along.
The first commercial product created by Alex was a type of floor and bathroom cleaner. His product cleaned faster and better than other cleaning products sold in stores. Praised by his mother and family, Alex became too excited and made many bottles of cleaning products, so his mother had to tell Jackson and Lily to bottle the liquids and distribute them for free to the neighbours. This was just to get rid of the strong-smelling liquids.The product instantly became famous as the Bolton Family Floor Cleaner. Lily received candies and cakes every time she distributed the product, and Jackson, along with Michael, started quietly collecting money for every repeat request for their cleaning liquid.Since then, Alex began creating various other products and never forgot to add other ingredients he believed would improve his products. He called it improvisation. Alex made cleaning liquids, shampoo, bath soap, and other products. Some products completely failed and had to be dumped into a sp
The first commercial product created by Alex was a type of floor and bathroom cleaner. His product cleaned faster and better than other cleaning products sold in stores.Praised by his mother and family, Alex became too excited and made many bottles of cleaning products, so his mother had to tell Jackson and Lily to bottle the liquids and distribute them for free to the neighbours. This was just to get rid of the strong-smelling liquids.The product instantly became famous as the Bolton Family Floor Cleaner. Lily received candies and cakes every time she distributed the product, and Jackson, along with Michael, started quietly collecting money for every repeat request for their cleaning liquid.Since then, Alex began creating various other products and never forgot to add other ingredients he believed would improve his products. He called it improvisation.Alex made cleaning liquids, shampoo, bath soap, and other products. Some products completely failed and had to be dumped into a sp
Claire tried to concentrate her vision on a reading book under the dim light of the garden lamp.She stared at the hanging lamps above the dimly lit corridor of the west wing, some of which were broken or never turned on for cost-saving purposes. It would have been better for her not to be in this place.The main building in the middle or the east wing should have been her best options. However, the main building always had a lot of people passing through.She never liked crowds. As for the east wing, it required a small fee to enter the cafeteria there. Thinking back and forth, she decided that the quiet west wing was the most suitable place for her, despite being a bit dark.At nine o'clock in the evening, she began to pack all her books into a cloth bag and started walking out of the university into the deserted streets.Some public transport vehicles passed by, and she could only watch them go. It had been a long time since she could enjoy that luxury.Every coin she saved for tra
The university became the only place for her to be alone.There, she could also study and work on her assignments, which was much more comforting than at home. Tonight, Claire found something that caught her attention in the west wing corridor.Among the dark hallway and the rarely opened room doors, her eyes spotted a new announcement paper stuck on the big wooden door of a room in the west wing."Old LibraryOpen 17:00 – 22:00"Claire stared at the announcement paper for a long time and tried to read the writing inside it once again.She knew the university library was located in the main building and always closed at 17:00. How could there be two libraries in one university?Curiously, Claire pushed the heavy door in front of her.Bright light immediately flooded in, and she entered a large room with neatly lined wooden tables. At the back of the room, there were tightly packed bookshelves leaving very little space.A fat old woman sat at the reception desk near the entrance.The w
That evening, the rain was pouring heavily outside the library.The air felt very cold outside, Claire felt so hungry and found it difficult to leave the warm library room just to enter the cold hallway to eat a small piece of her leftover lunch burger.Her eyes were fixed on Alex, who was busy working on sheets of paper on the table.Summoning her courage, she quietly took out a worn plastic package containing a cold, slightly crushed burger from her bag. Claire always took her lunch burger and cut it in half. One half for lunch and one half for dinner. She brought the food under the table.With her eyes still on Alex, her other hand slowly unwrapped the paper and plastic wrapping very slowly to avoid making any loud noise.She was sure the professor wouldn't notice her. Her heart was pounding, her stomach growling, and her mouth watering.She quickly raised her hand and slightly lowered her head to take a bite of the burger. Her eyes glanced at Alex, who still didn't notice her, an
Claire glanced at the table where Alex had been sitting earlier, noticing a neatly wrapped burger package and then looking at Alex, who had just walked out of the library door."Isn't the trash bin right next to the entrance and exit? Why ask for my help?"***That night, Alex couldn't sleep peacefully and half-cursed his own foolishness. Unfortunately, his realization came too late, very, very late.The next day, Alex arrived early to meet the library guard, Captain's wife named Dyah. He wanted to know if Claire had taken it or thrown it away.Dyah looked at Alex's arrival and before the professor could ask, "She threw it away."Alex was surprised. "What?""She took it and immediately threw it away as you instructed."Alex felt disappointed and started to move to leave the library. However, he paused for a moment and turned back to look at Dyah, "How did you know?""That you wanted to feed her?" Dyah looked at Alex understandingly. "She's been getting thinner lately. I've been worrie
In the evening, Alex headed to the old library faster than usual. He seemed in a hurry and went straight to Dyah."Where's my and Claire's dinner?" he asked quickly.Dyah pointed to two lunch boxes on the table, and Alex immediately took both of them to put in his bag. In return, he placed a large package containing six plastic boxes inside."Let's make this our dinner.""What about the lunch I made with effort?" Dyah protested with a disappointed look."I'll finish it myself," Alex replied quickly and went to his table.Somewhat annoyed, Dyah took a plastic box containing food. She opened it and tried a bite. Just one bite, and she immediately looked at Alex. She understood why Alex wanted Claire to try it.Right at that moment, Claire entered, and Dyah called her. She gave Claire four plastic boxes of food and said, "My friend who's in love gave me this food. Since there's too much, you have to help me finish it. Take two boxes and give two boxes to that quiet lecturer.""Thank you,
Alex glanced at each student in his classroom for the umpteenth time. With a heavy heart, he had to admit Claire was not among them. Alex resumed his explanation about chemistry to the students in front of him, no longer with the same enthusiasm.He couldn't understand why his feelings were so easily swayed. Hadn't he met Claire almost every day in the library? Why did the days when Claire attended his class once a week always hold a special meaning for him?That evening, Alex entered the library and didn't find Claire. He looked at Dyah, who nodded and gestured towards a corner between the bookshelves. A little confused, Alex wheeled his chair as quietly as possible past row after row of books. In a narrow corner between the bookshelves, he heard stifled sobs.Alex's heart pounded hard, and as his wheelchair arrived in front of the aisle, he saw Claire sitting on the floor, leaning against the bookshelf. She covered her face with both hands, crying quietly.Among her fingers and the
That morning I received a phone call. The loud ringtone voice woke me up."Hello?" I answered, picking up my cellphone."It's Claire," came the voice on the other end of the phone. "I've read the book you left behind.""Really?" I asked as I sat up in bed. "Did you like it?""I'm afraid you forgot to include something," Claire said with a slightly choked voice, sounding like she was holding back tears. "Would you come to my place to finalize it?"I glanced at the clock, still showing eight in the morning."Okay," I replied. "I can catch the 11 o'clock flight.""I'll be waiting for you here." Claire hung up the phone.Around three in the afternoon, I arrived at Claire's clinic with Chrisna in a rental car. The nurses who knew me let us find Claire's office on our own. I let Chrisna explore the beautiful garden at the clinic as Claire seemed to want to talk privately."Are you looking for me?" I asked as I saw Claire. I could see her eyes were swollen, and she seemed to be carrying a he
In the final meeting with Claire, I asked her, "Is there any meaning behind Alex taking off the engagement ring?" Claire shook her head and looked sad. I wasn't sure if Claire didn't want to answer or didn't want to think about it. But finally, she whispered softly with wet eyes and trembling lips, "Maybe he hates me," Claire replied softly. "Because I didn't come back to him immediately. I was the one who left him alone and let him die. If I had married him, he wouldn't have died."Claire's tears flowed more heavily, "I've helped so many people, why can't I help the one who helped me so much. The most precious person to me." Claire's sadness was evident in her tone.I could only stay silent and sigh. Perhaps only Alex knows why he took off the ring.Could Alex be angry and hate her in his final moments?"Weren't you married after that?"Claire tried to stop her tears and forced a gentle smile on me, "From the start, love was never in my favor. Besides, I'm too busy with all this and
In the fourth year of Claire's departure, Alex's life felt increasingly burdensome and torturous. His weight had significantly decreased compared to four years ago. He smiled less often and was more engrossed in all his work. Some people said Alex had become more easily angered, and even Jackson and Michael couldn't persuade him to come out of his hiding place. In his spare time, Alex continuously reread Claire's letters multiple times. He always tried to convince himself that after Claire had satisfied her wanderlust, they would soon live together and have many children. Children who would run in their house's yard...Tears streamed down Alex's face. He truly wanted to see Claire return as soon as possible and be with her. Only one year remained from their agreement. After that, Claire would never leave him again. Alex often wanted to write a letter asking Claire to return immediately. However, he quickly abandoned the idea.That morning, two soldiers knocked on Alex's door in unifor
Jean looked confused."Claire is currently sure about marrying me. But sometimes I see her sitting with eyes staring into the distance. As if she wants to spread her wings and fly high, trying to reach something greater than her current life," Alex added. "I know her, and I know she has a dream inside her that she's reluctant to share with me and everyone else.""A dream?"Alex sighed. "I'm not so sure, maybe her desire to see the wider world and seek meaning in her own life. I want the Doctor's help.""What's that?" Jean asked, guessing if Alex would ask her to advise Claire."I want the Doctor to invite her as a volunteer nurse to see the world. In return, I'll make an annual donation to the Doctor."Jean became more confused, "Don't you want to marry her?""Indeed, my desire to marry her is very strong. But my biggest wish has always been for her to be happy. I want to fulfill her dreams." Alex's eyes looked moist. "She is everything to me.""I'm not sure about that," Jean replied,
Alex closed his eyes and sighed, "Go to France." The words that came out of his mouth ultimately pierced his own heart, causing immense pain.Claire looked at Alex with a hurt feeling, "But what about us? What about our marriage? What about my feelings?""You don't love me. You're just too afraid of losing a place to return to. Besides, going to France and working won't take this place away from you," Alex said. "Claire... This is your home and will always be your place to return. Nothing will change."Claire wiped her tears, "What about our wedding invitations that have been sent out?""I'll take care of it." Alex's hand took the wedding documents and crumpled them into a ball of paper before throwing them into the trash, "From the beginning, all of this was too fast and rushed. You haven't even seen the world when I forced you to marry me. I asked you to marry me because I was too afraid of losing you. I knew someday you would soon leave this place, especially after you graduate and
Alex has been sitting in his office since early morning. It's rare for him to get lost in deep and prolonged thoughts that end up with a resolution that's entirely disadvantageous. Usually, no matter how bad the situation he faces, he should still get something beneficial, even if it's just a little.Even in the worst investments, he would at least try to exit with half of the invested capital. He wouldn't be so reckless as to come out empty-handed and suffer huge losses. Alex finally let out a long sigh.There's always a first time for everything.Claire knocked on his open door, "Alex, do you have a moment? There's something I want to discuss."Alex silently stared at Claire for a long time, before finally saying, "Sit down, I've been waiting for you since earlier.""Really?" Claire entered and sat on a chair in front of Alex's desk.Alex sighed again and interlocked his fingers on the table, leaning back on the chair, "Claire, sometimes it feels scary when I can understand you as i
About twenty-four years ago, Jean had just become a volunteer doctor in that town. One night, she was suddenly awakened by a nurse to go immediately to a red-light district. The area looked rundown with houses built of wood, tripleks, cardboard, and old corrugated iron scattered without order. Jean thought she would treat someone injured, sick, or anything until she saw a pregnant woman about to give birth. She was truly surprised because until that moment, she had never assisted in childbirth."I can't..."The nurse, named Margie, looked at the doctor with a slightly patronizing look and said, "Doctor, there's always a first time for everything."Jean reluctantly suppressed her reluctance and proceeded with the delivery process. She was completely at a loss when the pregnant woman started screaming hysterically and the baby's head was about to appear.Nevertheless, Margie continued to provide support in limited Indonesian, using only a few words. "Push, push, push..."Jean tried to h
After that day, Alex and Claire were hardly ever apart. It was easy for anyone to see that they had a special relationship. Alex and Claire didn't hide their relationship. A few weeks later, Alex experienced many new things.For the first time in his life, Alex could sleep leaning on a woman's thigh. And for the first time as well, Alex let someone touch his small feet.For Claire, the happiness felt so sweet and enjoyable. For the first time in her life, she was sure there was someone who truly loved her and made her feel meaningful. For the first time as well, she truly felt at peace with her life.On top of a hill, a pair of human beings could be seen sleeping in the afternoon on a mat facing the sky. Their hands were clasped, and their faces looked peaceful and happy. A disabled man and a young girl."Will you marry me?" Alex asked Claire one day while she was in the kitchen."Clangg...!" The empty pan in Claire's hand fell and made a loud noise."Sorry," Claire quickly said, bend
"Who is it for?" Keaton asked."I'm planning to move. Please help me find a place.""Alright, I'll provide the information as soon as possible."Alex hung up the phone and sank into his thoughts. He wouldn't be able to give Claire complete freedom if he wasn't far from her. It would be better if he found a new place and let Claire stay here. Maybe over time, he could forget about Claire and accept if she's with someone else.For now, I still love her too much.That night, Claire went to a party, leaving Alex in his office. Alex secretly watched Claire leave through the window. Feeling helpless and resigned. He was the one who started this, distancing himself from Claire, and he had to accept the consequences.Several hours later as the night grew late, the sound of a car stopping in front of the house could be heard, followed shortly by the sound of the front door being slammed very loudly. The sound startled Alex, who had been staring at his work papers. The same papers that had been