Walking In Circles

Susan

The clinking of cutlery against porcelain plates was the only sound between us. It echoed faintly in the grand private dining room, where a crystal chandelier cast a soft glow over the table. The dinner I hadn’t wanted to attend felt like a trap, a gilded cage where his gaze became the bars that held me in.

I couldn’t even taste the food, though I knew it was exquisite. Each dish was plated to perfection, the kind of meal that would’ve impressed anyone else. But not me. Not tonight.

I was suffocating under the weight of his stare. Every time I dared to glance up, Elliot’s eyes were on me...intense, searching, like he was trying to peel back the layers I had carefully built over the years.

I focused on my plate, cutting into the delicate filet of fish, though I had no appetite. The silence between us wasn’t comfortable...it was heavy, loaded with the unspoken words that hung in the air. Words I didn’t want to hear.

“Is everything to your liking?” he asked finally, his deep voice breaking through the tension.

I nodded curtly. “It’s fine.”

Fine. That was the safest word I could muster. It wasn’t a lie, but it wasn’t the truth either. The truth was that I wanted this dinner to end. I wanted to get up, walk out, and leave this suffocating room behind.

“Fine,” he repeated, his tone tinged with disappointment. “I was hoping for a little more than ‘fine.’”

I placed my fork down and met his gaze, determined not to let him see how much he unnerved me. “What do you want me to say, Elliot? That this is the best dinner I’ve ever had? That I’m swept off my feet?”

He didn’t flinch, but his lips pressed into a thin line. “No, Susan. I just want you to be honest.”

Honest. The irony wasn’t lost on me.

I leaned back in my chair, crossing my arms. “Honestly? I feel like I’m being ambushed. You invite me to this over-the-top dinner, in this ridiculously fancy place, and then you just… stare at me like I’m some kind of puzzle you’re trying to solve.”

His jaw tightened, and for a moment, I thought he might argue. But instead, he leaned forward, resting his elbows on the table as his eyes locked onto mine.

“You’re not a puzzle, Susan,” he said, his voice low and steady. “I already know you. I know what I lost. And I know what I want now.”

I laughed, though it came out harsher than I intended. “Do you, Elliot? Do you really know what you want, or are you just chasing something you can’t have?”

His expression didn’t waver. “I want you.”

The words hung in the air, heavy and undeniable. My chest tightened, and I had to remind myself to breathe.

“You don’t get to say that,” I said, my voice shaking despite my best efforts. “Not after everything. Not after the way you left.”

His gaze softened, but it didn’t lessen the intensity. “I’m not the same man I was back then, Susan. I’ve changed.”

“Good for you,” I shot back, my defenses rising like an impenetrable wall. “But I haven’t forgotten. I haven’t forgotten how you made me feel like I was disposable, like I wasn’t enough.”

“You were always enough,” he said, his tone fierce. “More than enough. I was the one who wasn’t. I was a coward, Susan. I let my family dictate my life, and I made the biggest mistake of my life walking away from you.”

I blinked, stunned by his admission. But I refused to let his words sway me.

“That’s your problem, Elliot,” I said, standing my ground. “You can’t just walk back into my life and expect me to forget everything. It doesn’t work that way.”

“I’m not asking you to forget,” he said softly. “I’m asking for a chance to make it right.”

I looked away, unable to bear the intensity in his eyes any longer. The walls I had built around my heart were trembling, but I couldn’t let them fall. Not yet.

We finished the rest of the meal in silence, the air between us heavy with tension. I focused on the intricate patterns of the tablecloth, counting the seconds until this dinner...this ordeal...would be over.

When the server cleared our plates and offered dessert, I shook my head. “No, thank you,” I said quickly.

Elliot hesitated before doing the same. “We’ll take the check,” he said, his voice calm but laced with something deeper.

The server nodded and disappeared, leaving us alone once again.

Elliot leaned back in his chair, watching me with an unreadable expression. “I know you don’t believe me, Susan. And I know I have a lot to prove. But I meant what I said...I’m not giving up.”

I clenched my fists under the table, willing myself not to let his words sink in.

“Do whatever you want, Elliot,” I said, standing up and grabbing my bag. “But don’t expect me to make it easy for you.”

He stood as well, towering over me as I turned to leave. “I wouldn’t expect anything less,” he said, his voice low and determined.

As I walked out of the dining room, my heart pounding in my chest, I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was walking away from more than just a dinner. I was walking away from the past, from the hurt, from the man who had once meant everything to me.

But why did it feel like I was walking in circles, right back to where it all began?