The city had grown into a melting pot that had its residents groaning and growing antsy. I had begun to grow more conscious of the evils lurking on my radar and I had no real grasp on where to begin. The things that mattered had begun to change by then and my priorities mostly revolved around the child growing inside me that I found myself speaking to. After going for my first doctor's appointment with Eva the first real sign, the first real flicker of life on the screen had me bursting into tears especially when I heard the heartbeat. The occasion till now is marked as one of glee but sheer sadness at Nicholas' absence. But I had a stable support system. By then sleep was returning to me bit by bit. I still found myself waking up sporadically in the course of the night. Instead of wandering around the quiet house I forced myself to grab a warm glass of milk to usher my soul to rest. I couldn't waste the chances to get a full nights sleep with an infant about to arrive to steal that
The most notorious activities occur at night. There's something about the veil darkness offers that allows most to step out of the lines drawn by law and religion. I once read a quote by Mark Twain who claimed we were all moons with a dark side to us which we never show which I once doubted. But maybe on that particular night where there was hardly a soul in sight I believe that I truly tapped into the dark side that had been dormant. Stepping out of the vehicle, the distinct clicking of my heels on the cement dancing in the atmosphere along with the soles of the men's shoes drew the attention of the demons lurking in the air. But even they were wise enough not to interfere with us and slinked away or chose to remain hidden in the shadows just watching us. Keeping a file tucked under my arm with my pistol concealed in my dress I took slow steady breaths when the door to the old abandoned building swung open. The smell of rotting wood and stale piss nearly made me gag at the place th
Promises had been broken, feelings still alive with two lovers determined above the turbulent waters to survive. There was a clearing in the skyline, a flower springing forth from the ground that made the fighting and strain worth it. Nicky and I had been through a lot more than most but we held on. I had made a vow to him that I'll stay when he gave me the chance to leave. And he had made a vow to me that he not only meant but kept. The gates of the prison flung open and ignoring the temptation to break out into a full sprint proved challenging. I fought the urge and opted to bounce on the balls of my feet whilst holding Eva's hand squeezing it tightly. He walked towards us and though there were bags around his eyes they did nothing to chase away the light in them that influenced the tears to form in mine. Eva flung her arms around him, though she was a short woman he bent down meeting his mother halfway. Aunt Elle followed slapping his cheek in an affectionate manner that made him
As much as I loved my parents I respected their views. In all I did, in the manner I carried myself I aimed to implement the lessons they taught me. They were the kind of people who believed that being genuine was best over blindly following the ways of the world. My mother in particular planted the idea in my head never to just spread my legs for just anyone. She took care of the flowers budding in my mind by telling me within my skin was gold and that I give parts of who I was to those who earned it. I had been apprehensive from the time I stepped on Nicky's plane already trying to conjure up excuses to avoid leaving. Truth was I was afraid my parents would be disappointed. However, I had to do it, I owed them that much to tell them they'd be grandparents. Though I knew they'd be there for my child I feared they'd handle me differently. However, when I caught sight of my father waiting for me once I landed I was excited to be back to the very place my life began. As we caught up in
Nothing could have prepared us for the words splattered across each page detailing a life that once existed. It's tragic how fragile our souls are despite being encased by flesh that has vulnerabilities of its own. There is truly nothing we can do to control how we die. As I watched the little innocence left in Nicky reduce further in size as he read that file I knew he wished he could have controlled what happened to his father. He withdrew himself as a way to cope to the discoveries of the boogeyman hiding in plain sight. What to do or where to go were the questions seeping into every space of our home that turned cold. It wasn't easy watching him in a state of unease; it seemed nothing would pacify him. Leo and Daniel told me to give him time, to allow him a moment to process the massive change in his life. Stuck in a grey state I opted to stay busy with my book. I would be there opted to be there whenever he needed to speak. And that state had lasted for days such that I was app
The scenarios we often conjure up in our heads deeming them impossible can be thrown into our paths transforming them into a reality. When I imagined Nicholas in the same room as Lucien when a feud between them began I expected bullets to be flying, screams, yelling and blood. Nothing could have prepared me for the sight of the gang leader lounging in a seat of the living-room looking completely relaxed despite being in enemy territory. No one had said a word; I was too anxious to go quietly into the night so I took a seat and watched him. Equally taking him in as much as he had been. The piercing look he directed my way would've made me squirm in discomfort but the last thing I wanted was to ever let him see how much of my feathers he ruffled. "Does she have to be here?" he frowned not bothered in the least to voice out his issue with me being there but I didn't care. After all the troubles we had overcome due to his insistence on ridding us I can't stress this enough even now how
You never forget the moment you experience something for the first time. In a way it plays a part in constructing aspects that become who you are. It can oftentimes determine what your life would be. I will never forget the first book I read, the first poem I wrote, the first time I left home alone nor the first time I felt the baby kick. No doubt there are more firsts waiting on some bridge for me to cross. It was only a matter of time before I would come across some firsts that would haunt me. By the time Lucien left I had already gone off to bed too tired to hear any more of the discussion. I was stuck in a euphoric state after Nicky told me he loved me but before I could say it back he scurried off. The next day had started off on a normal note. With us having breakfast together but unlike most days where he'd disappear for the rest of the day only to reappear out of thin air for dinner we had an appointment. It was exciting going to see the many features our child had acquired
All it took was the sound of clatter to ring throughout the air to disrupt my sleep. There has been so much I've seen that has lodged into my mind unable to be deleted or blocked. Sitting upright in the bed rubbing my eyes perplexed by what I heard I looked to the side to find a cold, empty space greeting me. After spending my part of the day with Aunt Elle I had tried to remain calm when he hadn't returned. As if sensing the concern he called assuring me that he was fine and that he would be home soon which at first had been sufficient enough but I wasn't so sure anymore. Staring at the clock on the bedside table, it was nearing four in the morning. When I heard another crash to the ground followed by a string of curses that flew out of the person's mouth I bolted out of bed once realization dawned upon me at who it could be. Throwing on a robe I did all I could to ignore the eerie feeling. I walked briskly across the room or at least as quick as my body would allow me to towards t
So much had taken place. Despite the conflicts I can safely say I would go through all I went through again – minus the fake death part to be sitting in front of this vanity mirror. After learning about all that had happened without my knowledge, I can't help but laugh at the twisted sense of humour life seemed to have. Just when I was set on choosing to just survive, love came in to revive me once more. Nicky had made good on his aim to make it up to David and I. I was pretty sure all his enemies would be shocked to see the dangerous man turn into a ball of mush anytime his son was near. With a level of serenity in our lives, each day we spent never had to feel like our last. Without the pressures of having to look over our shoulders it was a relief never having to feel the need to carry a gun around with me again. "Ali," turning around in my seat at the sound of my name being called I found my mother standing by the door. Her hands were clasped tightly as tears swelled in her eyes
I had been dying to see him one last time. There had been so many time I spent stuck between sanity and insanity. Truly there had been so much I wanted to still say to him, so much I wanted to still show him. I had been willing to negotiate with fate to speak to his ghost if that was the only option available for me. And yet... when I heard a voice speak behind me in the foyer of that house I began telling myself it couldn't be. I kept telling myself my mind must have been playing tricks upon me but sure enough as I turned around there he stood smiling at me. His blue eyes clear in their inspection of me. Shaking like a leaf facing the harsh winds with no shield I shook my head numerous times as I blinked numerous times in the hopes he'd disappear only to see him still there. Dressed in a simple white shirt and denim jeans he pushed himself off the wall he was leaning on. He moved towards us only to have me take a step back in fear clutching David tighter to my chest. Seeing the act
For weeks the silver urn sat atop the shelf in the living room. I continued on with life navigating between the role of a mother and building a career for myself as a writer. The day my book was finally published, it was marked with mild joy knowing that someone important was missing to celebrate the moment with me. Each day David grew I was hit with periods of immense sadness knowing that Nicky wasn't there to see him smile in the same manner he did. However, I grew to believe that somewhere in the lining of the clouds in the sky he was there watching. My parents had been a great help offering me support. I insisted they go back home and assured them multiple times that I would stay in touch with them. With Eva along with even Marcie and Aunt Elle there I could breathe easily knowing that should anything happen David was in good hands. Even Joseph, Daniel and Leo would be there to break anyone's neck should anyone try hurt him. Though I spent most of my days keeping to myself a nu
I had learnt a lot on the day I spent with Eva. It was true that every crack and crevice, every street corner holds small memories that exist to make up a crucial aspect of our lives especially when we least expected it. That afternoon I watched her eyes beam with life as she recalled certain places which she and her husband used to go. Those were the days where time was truly of the essence. They existed at a time where all it ever took was one glance to be exchanged between them to be a conversation. When you find a love like that, for however long you have it, cherish it. Soon enough after a lot of apprehension on my part I eventually gave in and returned home if I could still even call it that. Fortunately all the women decided it would be a good idea to have an impromptu sleepover. I was happy to see them all growing comfortable clad in their pyjamas sipping wine and conversing. I knew it would take a while to adjust to my own company. After putting David to bed for the night af
Eva Friedman had been a rock throughout this journey I had embarked on. In all the times I struggled to cope with him being in prison to his death, she was there. All throughout my life I had been surrounded by amazing women who were resilient in this life. From cousins to my mother up to Nicky's own family I confess I had been blessed. With her close to me, the second we stepped out of the building into the world once again I didn't feel like cowering away. We navigated towards the vehicle where Leo stood; he gave us a gentle smile and helped place the baby's stroller in the back whilst I placed David securely into the car seat leaning forward briefly to peck his chubby cheek. I hadn't said much to Leo and Daniel who had been equally hurt by the loss of their friend. Though I was grateful at some point whilst I was still in hospital that they came by I could tell it was a struggle to find an appropriate thing to say. I too struggled when I had people in my life who suffered loss. I
. He had walked out of the door and I should've told him to stay. No matter how many times I try to replay that last moment I can't help but throw pennies into a wishing well to have time rewind to that moment. The spicy scent, the deep rumble of his voice that caused the deaf to blush, I couldn't believe that he was really... gone. After he left the building the drive to the meeting seemed normal. Unfortunately on that night he just had to collide with a reckless driver and he died. When I asked to see his body Joseph had insisted it was not for the best as the body had been burned beyond recognition such that it was best I remember him how he was, alive. Leo was the only other individual who had been in the car along with a few other men and he had sustained multiple injuries whilst Daniel who occupied the other vehicle managed to avoid getting scathed. The days stretched on to an agonizing pace the more I struggled to function. If I wasn't taking care of the baby I was usually c
I came to realize no matter how many parenting books you read or videos you watch all that training nearly flies out the window when the child is about to arrive. The arrival came at what I could only describe as the worst possible time. I was panicking at the fact my amniotic sac had made a home for itself on the bed covers. Eva helped put on sweatpants and shoes. With her running around I truly wished the child had waited until the due date which was in two months instead of coming at a time where we were both losing our minds over Nicky. But as much as I did not want to stop worrying I had to focus on the fact my child needed me. Once Eva grabbed the hospital bag Nicky and I had prepared in case anything should happen, we bolted for the door. Marcie who had been in the living room with her father jumped to their feet once they were alerted of my predicament. With everyone yelling and looking alarmed I was trying to take deep calming breaths because I was the type of person who fe
How exactly can I put into words the cruel mistress that is life? Maybe if I tried to draw a picture and placed it on a paper for you, you'd grasp it but I really can't. I don't know if I ever would be able to when the constant bombs thrown are bound to destroy our world. Nicholas had given me the opportunity to walk away before but I had chosen to remain through thick and thin because that was what love involved. It wasn't always this beautiful thing, it could be messy, frustrating and bound to tempt you to pull your hair out. On the night of the meeting, it was nearing ten in the evening. For most of the time Nicky and I spent together on that dreadful day I struggled to relax. It didn't help that he was spending hours on end on the phone talking lowly in the corner or excused himself to go to another room to ensure I didn't hear. Nothing would stop me from getting worried. The child had been kicking a lot more than usual as if it could sense something was coming. The only thing
Death, on its own holds a daunting aspect that is inescapable for all humanity. We've tried to fight it off in any way such as through improving medicine, whereas others have given up the fight and have chosen to seek comfort in the afterlife. Depending on which religion one belongs there's this belief that although our bodies are dead our souls remain intact existing between Heaven or Hell. The death of Sonny Giovanni rocked the city that never slept. To most Sonny was seen as a member of the upper class. His donations saw the prosperity of some politician's careers and others businesses. In the underworld Sonny was a boss, a comrade to some. Considering how the families had been operating in an aim for more peace and legitimacy the fact a boss of his stature was killed made the others nervous. Thus there was a demand for a culprit to be brought forward to receive punishment after Sonny's body was found located on the street in front of Rao's. It was a public gesture on the part of