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The scenarios we often conjure up in our heads deeming them impossible can be thrown into our paths transforming them into a reality. When I imagined Nicholas in the same room as Lucien when a feud between them began I expected bullets to be flying, screams, yelling and blood. Nothing could have prepared me for the sight of the gang leader lounging in a seat of the living-room looking completely relaxed despite being in enemy territory. No one had said a word; I was too anxious to go quietly into the night so I took a seat and watched him. Equally taking him in as much as he had been. The piercing look he directed my way would've made me squirm in discomfort but the last thing I wanted was to ever let him see how much of my feathers he ruffled. "Does she have to be here?" he frowned not bothered in the least to voice out his issue with me being there but I didn't care. After all the troubles we had overcome due to his insistence on ridding us I can't stress this enough even now how
You never forget the moment you experience something for the first time. In a way it plays a part in constructing aspects that become who you are. It can oftentimes determine what your life would be. I will never forget the first book I read, the first poem I wrote, the first time I left home alone nor the first time I felt the baby kick. No doubt there are more firsts waiting on some bridge for me to cross. It was only a matter of time before I would come across some firsts that would haunt me. By the time Lucien left I had already gone off to bed too tired to hear any more of the discussion. I was stuck in a euphoric state after Nicky told me he loved me but before I could say it back he scurried off. The next day had started off on a normal note. With us having breakfast together but unlike most days where he'd disappear for the rest of the day only to reappear out of thin air for dinner we had an appointment. It was exciting going to see the many features our child had acquired
All it took was the sound of clatter to ring throughout the air to disrupt my sleep. There has been so much I've seen that has lodged into my mind unable to be deleted or blocked. Sitting upright in the bed rubbing my eyes perplexed by what I heard I looked to the side to find a cold, empty space greeting me. After spending my part of the day with Aunt Elle I had tried to remain calm when he hadn't returned. As if sensing the concern he called assuring me that he was fine and that he would be home soon which at first had been sufficient enough but I wasn't so sure anymore. Staring at the clock on the bedside table, it was nearing four in the morning. When I heard another crash to the ground followed by a string of curses that flew out of the person's mouth I bolted out of bed once realization dawned upon me at who it could be. Throwing on a robe I did all I could to ignore the eerie feeling. I walked briskly across the room or at least as quick as my body would allow me to towards t
It all seemed to pass by in a blur. The days blended into one continuous foggy cloud I desperately sought a break from. Though no one wanted to bluntly say it there was tension brewing amongst the individuals whom we had to smile at. Nicky had been in another planet dealing with Damian and Lucien. With the truth out the call to bring the culprits to justice was high but what I didn't anticipate was how it came in the shape and form of me having a front row seat to it... The day began like any other with Fall upon us the weather was a lot more welcoming. I would have probably spent another day working with the team on the publishing process or spent the day with the ladies if it weren't for the fact Marcie was returning home. Considering I was about seven months along it was exciting having her back at a time when she would not only get back on track but be able to meet the baby. It was sweet watching Aunt Elle move around baking some treats for her child to munch on when she came ba
New York, how much you've shown to me will remain with me for as long as I live. You've proven to be an experienced lover whose only task it seems is to hurt yet keep us wanting more. With your bright lights your siren song lures travelers from afar with the promise to allow our imaginations to know no limit. You allowed us be greedy in your land filled with milk and honey. Yet there's a side to you, a side where you leave your lovers tossed out and spent on the streets with running mascara and a broken heel. I admit you never really did that to me; you were easy in your approach. Tender in how you loved me until you changed your tune slightly making me grow weary to remain loyal to you. That night your sky was upset, rumbling every which way to make the drive all the more long and difficult on those roads... No one had yet to say a thing. Knowing he was tense made me tense not knowing what was going on. I wish I could give a detailed account of what happened. Everything seemed
Posed with the question of what fuels most to be the way they are, Sonny remained routed in his spot silent. He looked away breaking the intense stare off only to blow out a harsh breath out of a stubborn side he's always had to not answer and instead said, "Shoot me." I had tried my best to just watch and be a spectator but even that wasn't enough. Something burst inside me when I saw Nicky's finger twitch against the trigger. Stepping out of the vehicle all eyes shifted onto me in confusion. The alarm flashed across Nicky's face before a frown emerged, "Go back in the car, Aaliyah," I froze in my pursuit to move towards him at the use of my full name coming out of his lips. It was one of the rare occasions he had ever used it but I quickly recovered my composure and replied, "And watch you kill him. No." "Just liste –" "No you listen!" I interjected widening my stance to stand my ground," Killing him won't fix anything." "She's right," Joseph replied stepping closer towards Nic
Death, on its own holds a daunting aspect that is inescapable for all humanity. We've tried to fight it off in any way such as through improving medicine, whereas others have given up the fight and have chosen to seek comfort in the afterlife. Depending on which religion one belongs there's this belief that although our bodies are dead our souls remain intact existing between Heaven or Hell. The death of Sonny Giovanni rocked the city that never slept. To most Sonny was seen as a member of the upper class. His donations saw the prosperity of some politician's careers and others businesses. In the underworld Sonny was a boss, a comrade to some. Considering how the families had been operating in an aim for more peace and legitimacy the fact a boss of his stature was killed made the others nervous. Thus there was a demand for a culprit to be brought forward to receive punishment after Sonny's body was found located on the street in front of Rao's. It was a public gesture on the part of
How exactly can I put into words the cruel mistress that is life? Maybe if I tried to draw a picture and placed it on a paper for you, you'd grasp it but I really can't. I don't know if I ever would be able to when the constant bombs thrown are bound to destroy our world. Nicholas had given me the opportunity to walk away before but I had chosen to remain through thick and thin because that was what love involved. It wasn't always this beautiful thing, it could be messy, frustrating and bound to tempt you to pull your hair out. On the night of the meeting, it was nearing ten in the evening. For most of the time Nicky and I spent together on that dreadful day I struggled to relax. It didn't help that he was spending hours on end on the phone talking lowly in the corner or excused himself to go to another room to ensure I didn't hear. Nothing would stop me from getting worried. The child had been kicking a lot more than usual as if it could sense something was coming. The only thing
So much had taken place. Despite the conflicts I can safely say I would go through all I went through again – minus the fake death part to be sitting in front of this vanity mirror. After learning about all that had happened without my knowledge, I can't help but laugh at the twisted sense of humour life seemed to have. Just when I was set on choosing to just survive, love came in to revive me once more. Nicky had made good on his aim to make it up to David and I. I was pretty sure all his enemies would be shocked to see the dangerous man turn into a ball of mush anytime his son was near. With a level of serenity in our lives, each day we spent never had to feel like our last. Without the pressures of having to look over our shoulders it was a relief never having to feel the need to carry a gun around with me again. "Ali," turning around in my seat at the sound of my name being called I found my mother standing by the door. Her hands were clasped tightly as tears swelled in her eyes
I had been dying to see him one last time. There had been so many time I spent stuck between sanity and insanity. Truly there had been so much I wanted to still say to him, so much I wanted to still show him. I had been willing to negotiate with fate to speak to his ghost if that was the only option available for me. And yet... when I heard a voice speak behind me in the foyer of that house I began telling myself it couldn't be. I kept telling myself my mind must have been playing tricks upon me but sure enough as I turned around there he stood smiling at me. His blue eyes clear in their inspection of me. Shaking like a leaf facing the harsh winds with no shield I shook my head numerous times as I blinked numerous times in the hopes he'd disappear only to see him still there. Dressed in a simple white shirt and denim jeans he pushed himself off the wall he was leaning on. He moved towards us only to have me take a step back in fear clutching David tighter to my chest. Seeing the act
For weeks the silver urn sat atop the shelf in the living room. I continued on with life navigating between the role of a mother and building a career for myself as a writer. The day my book was finally published, it was marked with mild joy knowing that someone important was missing to celebrate the moment with me. Each day David grew I was hit with periods of immense sadness knowing that Nicky wasn't there to see him smile in the same manner he did. However, I grew to believe that somewhere in the lining of the clouds in the sky he was there watching. My parents had been a great help offering me support. I insisted they go back home and assured them multiple times that I would stay in touch with them. With Eva along with even Marcie and Aunt Elle there I could breathe easily knowing that should anything happen David was in good hands. Even Joseph, Daniel and Leo would be there to break anyone's neck should anyone try hurt him. Though I spent most of my days keeping to myself a nu
I had learnt a lot on the day I spent with Eva. It was true that every crack and crevice, every street corner holds small memories that exist to make up a crucial aspect of our lives especially when we least expected it. That afternoon I watched her eyes beam with life as she recalled certain places which she and her husband used to go. Those were the days where time was truly of the essence. They existed at a time where all it ever took was one glance to be exchanged between them to be a conversation. When you find a love like that, for however long you have it, cherish it. Soon enough after a lot of apprehension on my part I eventually gave in and returned home if I could still even call it that. Fortunately all the women decided it would be a good idea to have an impromptu sleepover. I was happy to see them all growing comfortable clad in their pyjamas sipping wine and conversing. I knew it would take a while to adjust to my own company. After putting David to bed for the night af
Eva Friedman had been a rock throughout this journey I had embarked on. In all the times I struggled to cope with him being in prison to his death, she was there. All throughout my life I had been surrounded by amazing women who were resilient in this life. From cousins to my mother up to Nicky's own family I confess I had been blessed. With her close to me, the second we stepped out of the building into the world once again I didn't feel like cowering away. We navigated towards the vehicle where Leo stood; he gave us a gentle smile and helped place the baby's stroller in the back whilst I placed David securely into the car seat leaning forward briefly to peck his chubby cheek. I hadn't said much to Leo and Daniel who had been equally hurt by the loss of their friend. Though I was grateful at some point whilst I was still in hospital that they came by I could tell it was a struggle to find an appropriate thing to say. I too struggled when I had people in my life who suffered loss. I
. He had walked out of the door and I should've told him to stay. No matter how many times I try to replay that last moment I can't help but throw pennies into a wishing well to have time rewind to that moment. The spicy scent, the deep rumble of his voice that caused the deaf to blush, I couldn't believe that he was really... gone. After he left the building the drive to the meeting seemed normal. Unfortunately on that night he just had to collide with a reckless driver and he died. When I asked to see his body Joseph had insisted it was not for the best as the body had been burned beyond recognition such that it was best I remember him how he was, alive. Leo was the only other individual who had been in the car along with a few other men and he had sustained multiple injuries whilst Daniel who occupied the other vehicle managed to avoid getting scathed. The days stretched on to an agonizing pace the more I struggled to function. If I wasn't taking care of the baby I was usually c
I came to realize no matter how many parenting books you read or videos you watch all that training nearly flies out the window when the child is about to arrive. The arrival came at what I could only describe as the worst possible time. I was panicking at the fact my amniotic sac had made a home for itself on the bed covers. Eva helped put on sweatpants and shoes. With her running around I truly wished the child had waited until the due date which was in two months instead of coming at a time where we were both losing our minds over Nicky. But as much as I did not want to stop worrying I had to focus on the fact my child needed me. Once Eva grabbed the hospital bag Nicky and I had prepared in case anything should happen, we bolted for the door. Marcie who had been in the living room with her father jumped to their feet once they were alerted of my predicament. With everyone yelling and looking alarmed I was trying to take deep calming breaths because I was the type of person who fe
How exactly can I put into words the cruel mistress that is life? Maybe if I tried to draw a picture and placed it on a paper for you, you'd grasp it but I really can't. I don't know if I ever would be able to when the constant bombs thrown are bound to destroy our world. Nicholas had given me the opportunity to walk away before but I had chosen to remain through thick and thin because that was what love involved. It wasn't always this beautiful thing, it could be messy, frustrating and bound to tempt you to pull your hair out. On the night of the meeting, it was nearing ten in the evening. For most of the time Nicky and I spent together on that dreadful day I struggled to relax. It didn't help that he was spending hours on end on the phone talking lowly in the corner or excused himself to go to another room to ensure I didn't hear. Nothing would stop me from getting worried. The child had been kicking a lot more than usual as if it could sense something was coming. The only thing
Death, on its own holds a daunting aspect that is inescapable for all humanity. We've tried to fight it off in any way such as through improving medicine, whereas others have given up the fight and have chosen to seek comfort in the afterlife. Depending on which religion one belongs there's this belief that although our bodies are dead our souls remain intact existing between Heaven or Hell. The death of Sonny Giovanni rocked the city that never slept. To most Sonny was seen as a member of the upper class. His donations saw the prosperity of some politician's careers and others businesses. In the underworld Sonny was a boss, a comrade to some. Considering how the families had been operating in an aim for more peace and legitimacy the fact a boss of his stature was killed made the others nervous. Thus there was a demand for a culprit to be brought forward to receive punishment after Sonny's body was found located on the street in front of Rao's. It was a public gesture on the part of