64 — What should I do now?

Honestly, I couldn't catch a minute of sleep. All I could think about was that day, seven years ago, when I met Julian and my father. It was winter, and I had just lost my mother. Alone in the world, I thought there was nothing left for me anywhere. But like a light, they appeared in my life and illuminated the darkness I was in.

Remembering this brings up conflicting feelings that are hard to ignore.

In a way, overthinking about it again and again has saved me from thinking about how my heart is aching. Julian was my first crush, my first love. But of course, in his eyes, I was nothing more than a brat he pitied… until my nineteenth birthday.

However, what does it matter? Julian doesn't remember that night. He doesn't remember the reasons that made me give up these one-sided feelings of mine and move on.

Although, I didn't really move on. My feelings for him stayed hidden, disguised, tucked away in a dusty drawer deep in my heart. They didn't die. They