Alex leads me to a small room, simply furnished with a bed, a small chest of drawers, and mirror. If you expect homes in a pack base to be rustic, they’re not. In fact, this furniture looks antique and much nicer than what I have at home.He sets my overstuffed backpack down against the wall and looks around the room. He puts his hands in his back pockets and begins rocking on his heels. “It’s not much, but it’s clean.”“It’sss perfect.”I sit down on the bed and bounce a few times to test it. Alex takes this as an invitation and sits
It’s a long three days waiting for Alex’s birthday. I don’t leave the house much. Most of our meals are taken with just the family, and Alex disappears frequently to either sit with his brother or take care of pack business in his brother’s stead.His parents are also out most of the day, and Rita is gone to meet with the Malkeye pack, so I’m often left with my thoughts. Which is not good.But the first thing I do each morning is talk to my mom, to continually reassure her I’m okay. But to be honest, these talks also reassure me of the same. I need to know she’s not in danger, and when I ask her if she’s seen or hear
The next morning, the air in the house feels cool. I should have taken that as another sign. I wake up early with the anticipation of telling Alex happy birthday.I know his parents are planning a small, intimate breakfast celebration in spite of his wishes to be left alone. I helped them put up a few balloons the night before, and I hope this will lighten his mood a little.Honestly, I was surprised they thought to ask me to help, especially Mr. Hewlett. It made me feel included, like maybe they don’t disapprove of me being here after all.I was surprised to see Rita in the k
Rita and I haven’t spoken about it. She told me what happened with Ryan, the Malkeye Alpha, which is discouraging enough. If none of the Malkeye members have been attacked, then the rogues are exclusively after the Ayzena.And Cynthia. My heart aches just thinking about her, my damsel in distress. If there has ever been anyone—human or otherwise—I’ve felt the need to protect, it’s Cynthia.But I felt something stronger this morning. My body hummed with…adrenaline? Hell…I’m not sure. I was amped up, is all I know, which may explain the temper tantrum I threw. In hindsight, I think I may have overreacted.That’s embarrassing enough, but Rita? That my body so unmistakably reacted to her was not something I expected at all. I’m not sure I even like her as a friend, much less a mate. I’d even started to imagine myself with Cynthia. Living with her, being with her…I shake it off. I knew better. I only allowed those thoughts to make myself feel better in this shit show of a predicament I’m
What Alex doesn’t know, is that I made him—well, a card, yes—but also a birthday cupcake. Not a full cake, because I don’t know how he would react after his display this morning. But something sweet to show him that I care for him, no matter what.Because it’s true. I can’t just stop loving Alex because I know he’s mated to someone else, anymore than I could stop when I found out he isn’t exactly human.We walk, hands clasped, in silence toward the stream. We both know what’s going on, and what each one of us will have to give up. Even if we haven’t spoken about it.When we enter the clearing, Alex smells his treat before he sees the blanket and the unlit candles.The sky still hasn’t cleared, and the stars and moon are hidden beyond dark clouds that have been threatening rain since yesterday.I can’t see him in the dark, but his scent changes. The tanginess that tinged it is now gone; he smells…clean.“What did you do, Cynthia?”I pull him over to the blanket and sit down, feeling ar
I didn’t sleep well last night. My heavy heart and scattered mind kept her awake with fitful dreams of being chased and of getting separated from Alex.I send my mother a good morning text, as I’ve done every day since I arrived here, then climb out of bed.Alex’s words last night weigh on me. No one has ever spoken the words “I love you” to me except my mother. Even now it makes me want to hug the pillow and cry.Only I can’t cry now. I need to be strong for Alex. It isn’t fair to make him regret the inevitable more than he already does. He can’t help his fate anymore than I can, and I can’t make him feel guilty for choosing to follow the path set before him. It’s not like he has a choice, anyway.But I don’t have to like it all the same…or Rita.Speak of the devil, as soon as I walk into the kitchen to get a glass of milk, I see Rita is seated at the table, drumming her fingers. Her scowl sets me on alert. If looks could kill… I try not to make eye contact, picking up my pace and be
We run for hours, barely stopping, when I finally collapse from exhaustion. Rita reluctantly slows, then stops, and backtracks to where I’m seated on the ground, my arms pretzeled over my head to open up my chest so my lungs can take in more oxygen.Rita folds her arms over her chest and cocks her hip to one side. “This is why you needed to stay behind. We can’t afford to stop.”And I can’t afford the breath to argue with her. I lift my head and close my eyes, willing my body to stop hurting.Rita releases a long sigh and sits down beside me. At first, she doesn’t say anything, just scans the area with her eyes.Finally, she says, “Look…I know you really care about Alex and that’s why you stubbornly insisted on coming along.” She emphasized the word stubbornly. But before I could argue, she added, “I think it’s brave—especially knowing that dangerous werewolves are waiting to tear you limb from limb.”Was this her way of intimidating me or apologizing? I don’t know exactly how to take
With the assailant down, I’m able to get to Rita. She can’t stand in her present form, despite several efforts at getting to her feet.“I don’t know what. To do,” I admit to her. “I—I can’t. Help you. Too big!”With great effort and a lot of pain, Rita shifts back to human. It’s a slow process, and hard to watch. I have to turn my head because of the nature of the process and how coarse it really is. They’ve always changed so quickly that I never noticed the details.The details. Are. Gross. So is the wolf who is barely alive. He isn’t shifting, and his large body twitches sporadically. I wonder if he’s going to die here.After Rita has finally taken human form, I hear her ragged breathing. She sits up, gasping and trying to calm herself.Then she turns to me, and for the first time, I see real concern in her eyes. “Are you okay?”“I—yyy-yeah,” I say giving my body a glance over again. Amazed as I am at my fortune, I’m still too shocked to be grateful. “How are you? Your leg?”I kneel
The house is a mess because I’ve been in town visiting my mom for a few days. I knew it would be, which is why I returned early in the morning, so I could clean up before I had to begin my day.Things aren’t exactly how I expected when I walk in. Yes, the house is a mess, but Alex is scrambling to clean up the kitchen. I drop my bag and look around at the array of clothes and shoes thrown around the living room.“Hey, babe… I really was going to have this cleaned up before you got home.”“I see that.”He smiles at me and I can’t help but forgive him. The problem is that he knows that, and someday that charm might run out. Except with my luck it won’t.“When are you leaving?”“I’m going to hang around a couple more days.”“That’ll be nice,” I say as I give him a hello kiss.We’ve been married for almost two years now, and even with our duties, I feel like we’re in our honeymoon stage. I’m every bit as in love with him now as I was when we first mated, and I wouldn’t change any part of
My senior year is a whirlwind. I’m in all advanced classes and spend a lot of time studying. When I graduate, I will have a Bachelor’s of Creative Arts and Writing. That was my Epiphone. Just because I’ll be required to love among and lead my pack, doesn’t mean I can’t still express my creativity.In fact, my senior project is the play I began writing as a 17-year-old human with intense complexes and assassins on her heals. The story follows my own, sometimes a little too closely, but it seems like the perfect way to blend my two lives together.Alex is supportive. So is my pack. When I approach the Council with the idea of working on the side as a freelance writer, they are supportive so long as the pack and our home remains anonymous. I tell them I will work under a pen name, and when I release my first play, Furry Butterfly, I do so under a pseudonym.It turns out to be a success, and the money I receive allows me to conquer my first project as Luna.That summer, I officially join
Right before finals my freshman year, I receive the dreaded call. “It’s Michael,” Alex says. His breathing is loud, erratic. “He passed away last night.”Of course, there’s nothing I can do over the phone. I borrow Hailey’s car and leave that very night.When I get there, it is after dark and Alex is at Michael’s house, sitting in the kitchen with Rita. When I walk in, it’s quiet. They’re not talking or doing anything aside from staring at the table.They look up at me and I see their sorrow. I run over to Alex and wrap my arms around him, absorbing his sobs of mourning as I cry into his shoulder.I hear Rita sniffle, and I let go long enough to cross the table and give her a hug. “I’m so sorry!” I whisper into her ear. “I’m so sorry…”That night is when Alex and I take our physical relationship to another level. I wanted to make him feel better, if only for a little while.When we get back to his house, I follow him into his room and lock the door behind us. I don’t care if his paren
I plan on visiting during my fall break. Mom thinks I have a trip for drama, so she’s not expecting me. I hate lying to her, but it really is for her own good.The following week leading up to our opening night is stressful. The play only runs for two weekends, but everything has to be perfect for the first show. I scramble to make last-minute changes to costumes and learn a few lines that just don’t seem to be sticking.Which is what makes opening night more stressful when Alex and Mom both show up with flowers. Talk about feeling loved…and feeling the pressure to perform!Alex plants a big kiss on me and Hailey, who plays another one of the teens, ooh’s and ah’s over us. So does Mom, and I’m starting to wonder which one of us she likes more.Alex and Mom sit with Lenard through the show. I peek out from the back curtain to find their seats, so I know not to look there. I can’t risk catching one of them smile at me and throwing me off. Tonight has to be perfect because I’ve worked so
The next day really is my birthday. Mom makes me a cake and we celebrate in the morning over coffee. Then we spend the day in Marona, a nearby hippie town with awesome shopping, and Mom splurges on a few new outfits for me to take to school.I’ve realized I’m grateful for every moment. When I was at the Ayzena base I was grateful for their hospitality, when I’m with Alex I’m grateful for his love and attention—not to mention his body! Now that I’m with Mom, I’m grateful I ended up with her. In spite of our hardships, I’ve realized she endured everything for my sake. There’s no greater love than that.And today is a great day. We share food and laughs in a way we’ve never been able to before. It makes me determined to help take care of her when I’m able, so we can spend more time like this when we’re together. Away from drama, having fun.Alex comes by later that day and brings me a present. He was sweet to give me the day alone with my mother, though it helps that I reminded him he’ll
Over the next couple of days, things go back to normal. At least as normal as they can be now. I’m not able to hide my appetite or my newfound desire for meat. I tell Mom it must be my hormones.The stutter is becoming difficult to hide, mostly because I don’t want it anymore. I’m finally free of the one thing that placed the wrong kind of spotlight on me and when I finally get the chance to be free of it, I have to fake it again.I just have to remind myself that it’s temporary.Alex and I meet Hailey and Lenard for a double date, and it’s like nothing has changed.Except Alex isn’t shy about public displays of affection, though I wonder how much of it is a put-on for shock value. It works.We meet at the diner down the street from the school. As soon as I walk in, I can smell grease and meat, and my stomach starts to rumble. “I have to hide my appetite at home so Mom doesn’t get suspicious,” I whisper to Alex, who can’t help but cackle.I nudge him in his rock-hard belly. “It’s not
The ring of the doorbell startles me, rattling my nerves even though I’m the one who rang it. The chime doesn’t make it through two rounds before the door is open and Mom is gaping at us from inside.We stare at each other for a few seconds before either one of us moves, while Alex waits awkwardly behind me. I can smell fresh-baked cookies and cinnamon.Finally, Mom rushes through the door and wraps her arms around me. “Oh my god!”Her body begins shaking with sobs, and I can’t help but start crying. We stand there, holding each other and crying, for what feels like several minutes.When we finally break apart, Mom grabs my hand and pulls me in, using her other hand to wipe her face.Alex stands on the doorstep, not sure what to do. “No—come in Alex, please,” Mom says, ushering him in.Once she closes the door, Mom looks us over with a curious eye. “You two look…good.”She takes my hands again and grips them in hers. “You look…older.”She noticed! My mom doesn’t disappoint. “I mean, I
With so much resolved, my time to leave finally arrives the following morning. I have to say, I’m sad to go. I feel like I’ve found a place here…and with the Malkeye pack. I never thought my life would turn out like this, but I’m grateful for the turn of events.Alex decides to escort me back, so the most difficult goodbyes are with Michael and Rita. I feel like I’ve come to understand Rita and hope our connection can last the distance until I return. But I know I may never see Michael again.I hug Rita, who holds on a little longer and a little tighter than I expected. “You know where to find me,” she says with a smile, but I know that I may not see her for a long time.I turn to Michael, unsure of what to say. “I am so glad my brother found his future with you,” Michael says as he embraces me. “You are a strong female and I pray to the Great One that your union is blessed,” he adds after a light squeeze.I try really hard not to cry, but this moment feels so final.If Michael passes
Once I decide to hold a meeting—my “Unification Council”—with both packs to discuss the future, I clear the idea with Michael. It takes a little explaining, not necessarily because of prior distrust between the packs, but because packs are private.“Traditionally, when members of different packs mate, one member leaves their pack to join the other,” Michael explains. “They may see other members of their family, but they are no longer members of their family’s pack.”Rita, who hasn’t left Michael’s side since his meeting with Alex, knows where I’m going with my request. “They won’t be able to do that,” she observes.I explain to Michael that this is exactly what our packs can’t expect if Alex is going to inherit the Ayzena pack and I am the only remaining descendant of the Malkeye’s Alpha. “We will have to find a way to lead them both—together.”He immediately understands the issue and the need to get both packs on board. I discuss with him and Rita what Alex and I have in mind, Michae