7 - Marianne

My son and I have had a lot of communication issues recently. Ever since we’ve been together for such a long time, we didn’t argue nor treat each other as if we were strangers. But now, he’s been treating me differently. It goes without saying that this is the very first time that I have become aware of his strange behavior. I have no idea why I felt this, but recently I started to think he was trying to hide something from me.

It could be about himself or something going on in his life; either way, the question is: what could it be? And why did he need to hide such matters from me – his mother?

On the very final evening of our stay at the resort, he suddenly disappeared without a word. I remember, that time, a client of mine who was interested in purchasing a condominium unit and I were having a conversation over the phone. Right after I finished speaking with the person on the other end of the line, I hung up the phone and turned to see if Jack was still there. To my surprise, though, he was gone.

At that time, all I could think was that he had planned to meet with a few of his college friends who were also at the resort and had forgotten to tell me about it.

It was easy to get along with Jack because of his outgoing and friendly nature. Since he was a young boy, he has always had a large circle of friends. When he entered high school and later college, he was still surrounded by friends. Among those friendly faces, there was Crista.

Actually, I think Crista would be a good match for my son. She’s a good kid, and I can tell that she has a lot of admiration and love for my child. However, when I went out that night while searching for Jack, I was shocked to see him and Crista out together, side by side, with skin-to-skin contact. I had no idea they were together. From what I recall, Jack said he wasn’t interested in Crista. He said they were just friends... Didn't he?

To this day, I was still unsure how I felt. I mean, I was supposed to be happy, right? Because my son has finally found a partner for himself and that alone was good news for a parent like me.

But then, when I saw them head into a room together, I couldn’t help but feel as if there was a thorn in my throat. Their bodies were pressed up against one another, and they were whispering to one another while being extremely close and overly intimate.

I stood there and watched them leave before going back to our room by myself. I told myself it wasn't unusual for a couple to sleep in the same bed. Furthermore, I am a person who prefers to respect other people’s personal methods and decisions.

Although Jack said he didn’t have a girlfriend, the two of them were actually in a relationship. Perhaps, I began to think, he was just too embarrassed to tell me about it? Yeah, that must be it.

But then again, I’m his mother. A little information about his relationship and who he dates would be nice...

The thought of it made me let out a bitter laugh. Why was I feeling this upset and anxious? Whatever he decides about his life, and whether he tells me about his relationship or not, is entirely up to him. He’s now an adult. It is not necessary for him to consult his mother before acting of his own volition or making decisions. So what if he brought a girl home with him? What’s the big deal if he wants to spend the night with his lover?

He was still young, had a lot of freedom, and was in the process of entering the adult world. It was only natural for him to figure out things on his own and learn to find his own definition of happiness.

And, of course, as his family, Jack’s happiness should also be my happiness.

I had been thinking too much for sure. Yes, I was overthinking it. While I was trying to comfort myself with what I was thinking, I fell asleep. When I finally opened my eyes, Jack was still not around. I felt the anxious feeling inside me continued to deepen and further rise with his disappearance. Without thinking further, I found myself reaching for my phone and calling him.

Thankfully, he picked up the phone quickly. “Mom?”

“Where are you right now? Are you okay? Why don’t you return here first?” I could hold it in no longer, so I brought it up hurriedly. My heart was racing against my chest, and I had forgotten how to process the situation well. I just spoke out what was in my heart without thinking.

“I’m fine. Yes, I’ll be there shortly, “Jack immediately responded to my relief, but his tone conveyed a tinge of guilt and shame... something I didn’t expect at all.

Why does he sound like he was doing something bad behind my back and had now been caught and scolded by me? Did I really sound like a nagging mother in our call?

Come on, Marianne, get a grip. Your son is now a fully grown man. Is it really necessary for you to scold him like a child and order him to come back over to where you are?

I couldn’t help but sigh in disappointment at myself. When did I act so illogically? And of all people, it was with my child, who was many years younger than me.

Jack arrived a few minutes later. After seeing his face, all the worries looming inside me washed away completely. I breathed out a sigh of relief as soon as I saw him. 

“Aki,” I called my son.

When Jack turned his attention to me, he immediately said, “Mom, I’m sorry.”