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The sound of the water hitting the ground sent me back into waves of memories I never thought water could trigger. The funny thing about trauma and abuse was that it wasn’t until someone attacked you that you remember. It wasn’t until someone said it word for word or taunted you.

It was in those little things and little moments. The way the breeze moved, the sound of the trees, the sound of glass breaking, muffling, loud sounds, quarrels, scents, or the way someone walked or looked. The worst part is that your biggest trigger could be you.

It could be looking in the mirror and seeing someone who is so broken it makes you wonder how and why she even kept going. Sometimes I ask myself; Why had I not slit my wrists earlier? Why had I never taken that initiative? People say that the easiest way out of pain is death.

Why had I chosen to stay with Alice all along? What was my purpose? Why was I even doing all of this? Revenge, money, power, influence. Of what use was it, if ever since the t