Chapter 7

The yes from her lips nearly brought him to his knees, but Noah forced his body to slow down and take her mouth with the time he wanted to give the rest of her body.

Brushing his lips across hers, he smiled when her sigh mingled with his. Applying more pressure, he licked the seam of her mouth and coaxed entry. Hesitant at first, as if she'd never kissed before, she trembled against him. After a brief moment, she softened and opened. The second their tongues met, sanity was a memory.

He dove in, exploring her in ways he'd only fantasized. She met him match for match, warring for possession of the kiss. The taste of the wine she drank hit his tongue, the scent of rain floated in his head. Fuck. He knew she'd be his downfall. He pressed his hips to hers, pinning her to the balcony door and sliding his hands under her sweater, up her sides to brush his thumbs over her bra. Soft satin against his rough, callused hands.

She moaned, arching into his touch and fisting her fingers in his hair.

Much as he wanted to strip her bare and do this up against the glass, he needed her horizontal and needed it now. Or yesterday. Or, hell, for years.

Grabbing the backs of her thighs, he lifted her. Without breaking the kiss, she wrapped her legs around his hips and ground her heat into his erection through their clothing. The sensation brought new meaning to seeing stars.

Blind, he stumbled across the living room floor, debated whether to give up and lay her out right there, and climbed the step leading to his master bedroom. Feet dragging on the carpet, he pulled his mouth from hers to breathe and shoved his face into the crook of her neck.

Smells so good.

They fell sideways onto the bed, him on top, and her black as midnight hair spread over his white duvet. The sight brought a lump to his throat. He wanted his camera almost as much as he wanted her. He leaned down to kiss her again when she stilled under him, brown eyes wide in-

Fear? What could he possibly have done to put panic in her eyes?

"Raven?"

She made a sound of duress and scrambled out from under him, to the headboard and off the bed, backing herself against the wall. Though her hands trembled, she fisted them in an apparent attempt to stop. It wasn't working.

On his knees, he froze with his palms raised in the universal gesture for I give.

Seconds ticked by. Painful, confusing seconds. The blood roaring through his veins and his still hard erection made thought obsolete. But as time passed, his brain started clicking. Desire melded into worry and morphed into rage.

"I'm sorry," she whispered and pressed a palm to her forehead, avoiding his gaze.

"Don't be sorry. Explain." Because if she didn't start talking soon, he was going on a rampage of epic proportions. Starting with every man she ever fucked, until he found the one who'd done this to her. Women didn't go from white hot need to blinding terror without a reason.

Closing her eyes, she blew out a breath. "Wait here a minute. I'll be right back."

When his jaw dropped, she stepped from the room. He sat back on his haunches, trying but failing to process. When she came back, she clutched her purse to her chest. Shifting position, he sat on the edge of the bed and glanced around.

Yeah, everything looked the same, so why did it feel like he'd stepped in an alternate version of reality? It had to be the fact that he'd finally had his hands on her only to be yanked up short. Or just seeing her standing in his intimate space, where no other woman had ever been, could be the culprit.

"You asked if I was a dom. I'm not, but I do have to have-control. I can't have sex without it. What just happened is the result if I try."

She still wouldn't meet his gaze and her cheeks had turned molten. In embarrassment? With him? He'd known her-

A set of handcuffs landed on the bed next to him. He stared. And here he thought nothing could surprise him anymore.

She set her purse aside and bit her lip. "Now you know. I'm a freak."

She was not a-

Just to be sure he was on the same page-"You want to handcuff me?" Her gaze landed on the headboard, and he realized the depth of her depravity. "You want me handcuffed to the bed, immobile."

If it was possible, her cheeks reddened more. Her gaze darted to the floor in answer.

Shaking his head, he considered this. His furniture style was a sleigh design. There was nothing to restrain him to, even if he thought he could comply. And honestly, he didn't think he was capable. He had his own control issues. Sure, he played with toys, sometimes cuffs, but he was never the one in them.

With his heart pounding, he rubbed the back of his neck. This was not how this played out in his head. Not one iota. "I want to touch you." Badly. She had no fucking idea how much.

Defeat settled on her face, her shoulders sagging. Grabbing her purse, she turned.

She was halfway to the door before he called out, "Stop." A quiet command which she blessedly heeded. "You're not a freak. But I need to know who did this to you." Because he'd rip the bastard limb from limb. Twice.

Facing him once more, she lifted her brows in question. "What do you mean? No one did anything to me."

He swallowed hard and barely reined in his temper. "Something had to make you need this. We're talking you and me here, Raven. You can't trust even me not to hurt you. I want to know. Now."

"I don't-" She rubbed her forehead and tossed her purse on a nearby ottoman. "When I lost my virginity, I panicked during. At the time, I thought it was because of the pain and it just being my first time."

She bit her lip and stared over his shoulder, not seeing the balcony or the view, he was sure, but that time long ago which made her face twist in discomfort.

Sighing, she met his gaze. "The next guy played out the same way. Instead of bailing, he tied himself to the headboard and let me-take over. When we were done, he took me to this bar on the other side of Anchorage. It has a small private clientele list that caters to BDSM."

She waved her hand when he stood. "It wasn't the lifestyle he was showing me. He wanted me to know I wasn't alone in my needs. It was easier to find partners there that were willing to be restrained than in the real world."

He tried to picture beautiful, fragile Raven in such a place, and nausea swirled in his gut. No. Fragile wasn't the right word. She was stronger than anyone he knew, but her stature, though average in height, was thinner than most. She could've been hurt. One of those pricks could've mistaken her for a sub and-

"Fuck." He raked a hand through his hair.

"When I need release, I go back. I watch in the shadows to find the right person and we have sex in one of the private rooms upstairs."

Fuck again. She still went? He looked at her, torn between emotions he couldn't begin to put a name to. "Something had to trigger the first episode."

She shook her head. "I'm not a rape victim. I've never been abused. I'm just-a freak."

"Enough," he ground through clenched teeth. "Don't make me repeat myself. You are not a freak." But there was something else there, something she wasn't saying or possibly didn't even understand herself.

He wanted her. Always had. If it were possible, he wanted her more than ever. Understanding now why she'd been dissatisfied with her partners, the need grew to claim her and prove she was better than she envisioned. A fierce beast inside of him. More, he wanted her to experience every pleasure possible, which she couldn't do if he was immobile.

One step at a time. That was all. It would require him go at their fulfillment in stages until she trusted herself, trusted him. And to do that, he needed to relinquish control.

His shoulders knotted when he looked at the handcuffs. For her, only for her, would he even try. Because above everything else, she had his trust. He just hoped he didn't have a panic attack in the process.

Grabbing the hem of his T-shirt, he yanked it over his head. Her gaze took in his shoulders, his abs, until the mortification in her eyes disappeared and heat took its place. Unbuttoning his fly, he shoved his jeans and boxers down, kicking them away. His shaft swelled under her gaze.

She licked her bottom lip. "What are you doing?"

Never taking his eyes from her, he snapped the handcuffs around his wrists, leaving a small amount of wiggle room. "I'm giving you what you need."