Chapter 004: Everyone calls me Barren

Caroline

 I think it’s best if you leave now," she said quietly, glancing away. "I’m sorry, Caroline. I really am. But this is your mess to sort out."

My heart broke into a thousand pieces as I turned, stumbling down the steps of Maralyn’s porch. My entire world felt like it was crumbling around me, piece by agonizing piece. 

The one person I had trusted to help me pick up the pieces had slammed the door in my face. 

‘‘Barren?"

The accusation rang in my ears like a cruel bell.

I walked away from Maralyn’s house, the shock gave way to a rising tide of anger and despair.

My body moved in a weak way,my mind spinning with confusion. I had nothing left,no home, no husband, no friends. Everything I thought I could depend on was gone.

I reached the corner of the street and paused, feeling the last of my strength drain away. My body shook with silent sobs, the  grief and betrayal crashing down on me all at once. I wanted to scream, to cry out, but all I could do was stand there, trembling and broken.

I needed to get away, my mind flashed to the thousand dollars I had left in my purse, the money I’d withdrawn after Jeffrey had kicked me out. It wasn’t much, but maybe it was enough to get me somewhere.

I wiped my tears with the back of my hand, forcing myself to move. I didn’t know where I was going, but I needed to leave. I walked toward the main road, and soon, I found myself standing in front of the bus station. My legs felt heavy as I stepped inside, scanning the schedules. There was a flight leaving for Europe later that night.

I stared at the ticket booth for what felt like hours, the weight of the decision pressing down on me. Was this insane? Running away from everything, from everyone? But what other choice did I have? There was nothing left for me here. No one cared.

I pulled out the last of my money and bought the ticket.

An hour came quickly and i boarded the plane , my body exhausted and numb, I stared out the window, watching the city fade into the distance. A part of me wondered if I was making the worst decision of my life, but I had already crossed the point of no return.

Maybe, in the new place, I could start over. Maybe, just maybe, I could find a version of myself that was whole again.

Months later~

I had applied to a few positions, hoping to start over in a new career, but deep down, I wasn’t sure if that was what I wanted. The reality was, no matter how much I tried to distract myself, the emotional wounds hadn’t healed. They still bled, raw and aching beneath the surface.

It was during these walks that I first noticed that I was feeling weak.At first, it was just a persistent fatigue that I chalked up to jet lag.

Then, came the nausea. I assumed it was the stress catching up to me.

Every morning, I felt weaker. The fatigue was constant, like I was carrying an invisible weight. And my appetite, which had already been sparse, completely vanished.

On a particularly morning, I decided to make my way to the local clinic. It was a small hospital, tucked away on the outskirts of town, and I figured a quick checkup wouldn’t hurt. I convinced myself it was nothing serious.

Probably just the remnants of stress.  I sat in the waiting room, flipping through a magazine, I couldn’t shake the nagging feeling that something bigger was at play.

The nurse called my name, and I was led to a room where the doctor, a middle-aged man with kind eyes performed the usual checks.

He asked a series of routine questions, examining my blood pressure, taking a blood Maraple, and checking my vitals. I explained the symptoms: the nausea, the fatigue, the strange sensations I couldn’t quite explain.

I was sitting tirelessly at the doctor's office. He looked at me and asked, "Are you feeling tired? Maybe it's because of your normal routine. Like doing chores around the house."

I shrugged and said, "Maybe." 

 "Oh, you look like your husband takes good care of you! He must let you rest and take care of things." He said that with a beam .

My heart jumped. I don't even have a husband and he's talking like everything is fine.I panicked. My cheeks got hot and I felt like everyone was looking at me. 

 I tried to smile, but it felt fake. I sat up straight in my chair and said, "Yes, he's very nice." I was lying. 

The doctor nodded and said, "You seem like a strong person. Keep doing your best!" 

He smiled again, but I felt like he knew I was lying. He knew I wasn't okay. I wanted to tell him the truth, but I was scared. My life felt like a big mess and I didn't know how to fix it. 

"You’re probably just worn out from everything you’ve been through,” he said gently, offering a reassuring smile. “But let’s run some tests, just to be safe.”

"Worn out ?" I echoed, feeling a lump forming in my throat. 

He led me to a small room, filled with medical equipment. It felt cold and clinical, like the opposite of the warmth I craved. He began to ask me questions, about my sleep, my appetite, my mood. Each question was a tiny prick, reminding me of all the ways I was failing.

He moved to a table, placing a stethoscope on my chest. It felt like a foreign object, cold against my skin. The sound of my heart pounding in his ear was a symphony of fear, a rhythm I couldn't control. 

"Well, everything seems to be functioning properly," he said finally, removing the stethoscope. "But we'll just run a few blood tests to be sure. Just a formality."

"Formal," I thought, but the word tasted like dust in my mouth. This was far from formal. This was the moment I would finally find out what was wrong with me, what was draining my energy, why I felt so broken.

He led me to another room, with a small desk and a chair. He sat down, his gaze fixed on the door. A silence hung between us, filled with the hum of the hospital, the faint whispers of other patients.

"I have your results," he said finally, his voice losing its usual warmth. He opened a folder, his eyes skimming the papers. "There's something I need to talk to you about, something I'm not sure how to say. It's... complicated." 

He paused, looking up at me with a strange mixture of concern and regret. My stomach twisted. This was it. The moment my life would change forever. 

"Caroline," he began, his voice raspy, "I found something on your blood test. Something that could explain why you've been feeling so... drained." He hesitated, then continued, "I'm going to need to run some more tests, but I need to be honest with you. This could be serious. It could be..." 

He stopped, and I felt my breath catch in my throat. It could be what? What was he hiding from me? The silence stretched, agonizingly long.

"Chill, it's a good news."He said and a beam popped up.."Everything is going to be fine."

With a reassuring smile, he voiced out and walked to the other room as I seated to wait for the next results.