Chapter four.

DIANA

Can beauty be born from ashes?

How wasted do you have to be to see a rainbow in a casket?

Thankfully the bar wasn’t crowded. It was dimly lit, setting an ambiance I loved. There was a life band playing some soul music, faint chattering echoed in the atmosphere.

“What would you like to drink?” The bartender asked with a smile

 “something strong that can cause temporary amnesia” he laughed. I wasn’t even joking.

“Coming right up” and he starts mixing different poisons. This is going to be a long night.

“Make that two” his voice was so deep and smooth, I immediately had goosebumps- the good kind.

I turn to face him, and for a moment, I blacked out. I have never met a man so beautiful. His face was a divine work of art, and his eyes- lord those eyes, I would die in them if he let me.

“Here you go, I call it ‘One night stand’ just for you” the bartender handed us our drinks.

What kind of a name was that ?

“Are you planning on actually getting a one night stand?” His eyes gleamed

“Hell no. That’s not my thing. In fact, drinking is not my thing either- but desperate times call for desperate measures” I take a big sip, my eyebrows furrowed; damn it was strong. This bartender wasn’t playing.

“Getting over a breakup?” He sipped his like he was just drinking water, his eyes never leaving mine. I felt chills creep up my spine.

“I don’t think I can ever get over it, you know? And I don’t want to live with it either. I just don’t want to feel anything. Just float away or something” I take another sip.

“Ive been there” something darkened in his eyes, it was fleeting, but I saw it. He’s been hurt too, probably still hurting.

Does it make me a bad person that I feel some sort of happiness knowing there’s someone else feeling the same pain I do? Like I’m not alone in my suffering.

“Do you know what hurts more? It’s not even that fact that he left, but that I still hoped he’d come back. Why? This bastard abandoned me when I needed him the most, so why do I still love him?? Why do I still hold on to him??” I was so frustrated, throwing my hands in the air.

“Love has never been the smartest emotion. Completely impulsive with no common sense whatsoever. That alone is enough reason” he sounded so level headed, so calm and collected- it turned me on for some reason.

I thought I’d be offended. But all I could do was laugh, this drink is working.

He looked at me with amusement, he probably thinks I’m crazy.

“Well I guess we’re both fools for falling in love. Cheers to that” with that, I down the remainder of my drink.

He chuckles, damn he sounds so good. “You’re funny, but I’d like to believe it’s only because your drunk right now”

I gasped “I’m very offended! I’m the funniest woman you’d ever meet. My sense of humor is unmatched, sober or drunk; but recently, I just laugh at myself. It’s pitiful, almost comical you know?” 

“You’re too beautiful to be crying over an imbecile” He wiped my tears, I didn’t even notice I was crying. His touch was so soft, so delicate, like he was afraid if he put any more pressure, I’d break.

His grey eyes were filled with so much compassion, so much longing… or I might just be tripping.

“And Youre too handsome to be here at a bar all by yourself” I couldn’t believe those words came out of my mouth; this bartender did something with this drink. 

He let out a low laugh, god it was sexy “well I’m not exactly drinking by myself am I?” His smirk made my knees weak 

“Would you like to dance?” He didn’t even wait for my response, he took my hand and led me to the dance floor

“Disclaimer I have two left feet, no rhythm whatsoever.”

He chuckled, holding me on my waist and slowly pulled me closer, leaning in my ear he whispered “then I’ll teach you”

Why did it feel like we weren’t talking about dancing anymore? I felt something brewing in my lower belly, it was a foreign feeling- because Kevin isn’t the one triggering it.

He moved and I followed. His hands slowly moved to my hips and they swayed in his hands, gently pulling me closer to him. 

“Hold me” he softly commanded, and I did his bidding. I wrapped my arms around his neck and we locked eyes, searching for something other than our pain. My eyes defiantly went to his lips, they were pleading to be touched – and with the help of liquid courage, I dived into that sea like my life depended on it, like I have been starved for so long.

He returned the gesture, just as needy as I was, desperate, animalistic. For a moment I forgot I was standing in the midst of other people, in that moment all I felt, all I could see was him. I bit his lower lip, pulling his dirty blonde hair, he growled in response, it was low, instigating a wetness between my legs. His hands mischievously traveled to my hips, squeezing my ass - a moan escaped my lips. 

In response, he holds me tighter his broad chest, feasting on my tongue like it was oxygen, his teeth grazed my lips. 

I ached for him. I wanted climb him so bad, take him in ways I could only imagine, have him devour me without mercy –

And in an instant I pulled away. He held my waist beneath my shirt, he touched my scar.

Reality hit me like a brick - if he saw what I looked like underneath, he would hate me. He wouldn’t want to touch me.

Who would?

I saw the confusion in his eyes, I couldn’t stop the tears from falling, and I dashed out of the bar. I didn’t stop running till I got to the bus stop.

What was I even thinking?

I literally just left Kevin less than a month ago and I was here shoving my tongue down a stranger’s throat. 

Was I ready to be loved again? 

Love? Did Kevin even love me? Did he fake it all this time? 

I was grateful the stranger didn’t run after me, there were a lot of questions I didn’t want to answer, truths I didn’t want to confront. I’d rather spare myself the embarrassment.

It was only temporary, in the heat of the moment. A moment of weakness.

I could lie to myself that beauty can bloom from these ashes

.

But that’s all it will ever be.

A lie.