Afraid of loosing you,A Kiss of Regret

RAJ'S POV

I barely registered the words spilling from Alexa’s mouth—"Saira’s stuck in the elevator. There’s a blackout, and Sophia’s in there with her." That was all it took for panic to slice through me like a blade. I knew Saira’s fear of the dark, knew the way she fought to keep it hidden, the memories that resurfaced whenever she was trapped in enclosed, pitch-black spaces.

Dropping everything, I shot out of my office, not caring about the paperwork scattered across my desk. My mind raced with a thousand images of Saira alone in that dark, suffocating space, her fear clawing at her as she tried to hold herself together.

"Get them out of there. Now," I barked into the phone, trying to keep my voice steady even as frustration gnawed at me. The thought of her in there, helpless, brought up memories I’d tried to bury—the last time I’d seen her vulnerable, shattered. The last time I’d had the chance to be there for her, and failed.

When I reached the elevator, a handful of staff members were frantically working on prying open the doors. The faint sound of her voice—muffled and distant—reached me, and I felt the ground shift beneath me. I couldn’t stand this, couldn’t bear the thought of her trapped in there, reliving her worst fears.

I didn’t wait for them to finish. "Move," I ordered, stepping in to help force the doors open. Slowly, painfully, they began to give way. When I saw her through the narrow gap, her face pale and eyes wide with terror, my chest tightened painfully.

When her gaze locked onto mine, I reached out, my hand instinctively moving to hers. She gripped it as if it were her lifeline, and in that moment, I knew I’d do anything—everything—to protect her. I carefully helped her through the opening, never once letting go, even as we made our way down the hall to an empty room.

Once we were alone, I guided her to sit on the table, my thumb brushing gently over her cheek as I tried to gauge if she was okay. I’d seen her strong, I’d seen her determined—but right now, the vulnerable look in her eyes, the way her shoulders trembled slightly, broke something in me.

"Are you okay?" I asked quietly, the words barely concealing the fear and worry that had been eating away at me since Alexa's call. I handed her a glass of water, watching as she took a few slow sips, the color returning to her cheeks.

And then, as she set down the glass, something inside me unraveled. Every wall, every excuse I’d made to myself, crumbled in an instant. I leaned forward, my lips capturing hers in a kiss that held everything I’d been holding back—the worry, the longing, the helpless desire that had built up over time.

Her lips were soft, warm, and she tasted like comfort, like home. I poured everything into that kiss, and when her hands found my shoulders, pulling me closer, I felt like I was exactly where I was meant to be. Her response was hesitant at first, but then she melted into me, matching my passion, and for a brief, perfect moment, nothing else existed. Just us.

When we finally broke apart, she looked up at me, eyes wide, her cheeks flushed. I could tell she was trying to process what had just happened, and it took every ounce of restraint I had to stop myself from pulling her back in.

I couldn’t leave her hanging, not after everything we’d just shared. I took a deep breath, knowing that I was about to lay it all out, hoping that for once, she’d understand.

"This… this was something I’ve wanted to do for so long, Saira," I admitted, my voice hoarse with the intensity of the emotions coursing through me. "I’ve tried to push these feelings away, tried to convince myself that they’d disappear. But today, when I heard you were stuck in that lift, when I knew how afraid you must be... I couldn’t stand it."

I paused, watching the confusion and surprise in her gaze, but there was something else there too—something that gave me hope.

“I can’t lose you again, Saira,” I continued, the words spilling out before I could stop them. “Not after everything we’ve been through. Not after I’ve realized just how much you mean to me.”

Saira’s brows knitted in confusion, her voice trembling as she looked up at me. “You… you used to hate me, Raj. You bullied me—tormented me. Why? Why are you saying all this now?”

Her words hit me like a punch to the gut, dredging up memories I wasn’t proud of. The way I used to treat her back then—like some twisted way of masking my feelings—haunted me now more than ever. Seeing the disbelief in her eyes, knowing she couldn’t trust my intentions, made me realize just how deep the wounds I’d inflicted ran.

“Saira…” I began, swallowing hard, trying to find the right words. “I was… I was a stupid kid. Back then, I thought hiding my feelings would make them disappear. Hurting you was my way of trying to ignore what I felt.” I shook my head, ashamed of my younger self. “It was wrong, and I hate myself for it. But I swear to you, what I feel now—it’s real.”

But she only narrowed her eyes, her expression filled with skepticism. “So, what is this, then? Some new twisted way of torturing me?” Her words stung, sharp and cold, and for a moment, I was speechless. I felt the regret settle like a stone in my chest, heavier than anything I’d felt before.

I looked down, guilt tightening around my heart. I could feel her pulling away, the hurt in her gaze slicing through me. And just when I thought things couldn’t get worse, her next words stunned me.

“You stole my first kiss, Raj.” Her voice was barely a whisper, laced with both vulnerability and a hint of accusation. She looked away, her cheeks tinged with a flush that only made her look more beautiful, and my eyes widened, trying to process what she’d just said.

Her first kiss. That kiss we’d just shared… it had been her first. The realization left me speechless. All this time, I’d thought she’d shared that moment with someone else—a boyfriend, maybe. But here she was, confessing that it was me. I couldn’t help but feel a strange sense of awe and responsibility. I’d stolen something precious from her, something she’d never get back, and knowing that made my heart ache even more.

“That was… your first kiss?” I managed to say, my voice barely above a whisper, my gaze locked on hers.

She nodded, looking slightly embarrassed but still guarded. “I never got the chance with anyone else. And now, thanks to you, it’s gone. It doesn’t matter to you, I’m sure. Just another way to make me feel small, isn’t it?” Her words cut deep, and I saw the vulnerability in her eyes, the years of pain I’d caused her etched in every look.

But I shook my head, stepping closer, desperate to make her understand. “Saira, it wasn’t like that. I… I didn’t mean to take that from you, not in a way that would hurt you.” I reached out, hoping she’d let me explain. “If I could go back, I’d take back every cruel thing I ever said, every hurtful word, every prank. I just… I didn’t know how else to handle what I felt.”

She looked at me, still not convinced, and I could see the doubt in her eyes. “Raj, I’ve known you too long to believe that you’ve suddenly changed overnight. You made my life miserable back then—why would I believe you now?”

I felt desperation clawing at me, the guilt heavier than ever. “Because I’m trying, Saira,” I said, my voice breaking. “I can’t change the past, but I can spend every day trying to make up for it.” I looked into her eyes, hoping she could see the sincerity in mine. “I want to be someone who deserves that kiss, who deserves you. Not because it’s convenient or because I want to mess with you—but because I care.”

For a moment, she said nothing, her gaze flickering with uncertainty. And in that silence, I waited, hoping she’d see that this wasn’t some game. It was me, stripped bare, asking for her trust.