Chapter 4

04

The scene's familiar. A night with deafening silence, cold room and dogs howling from a distance—nothing, different. That includes West, laying on his bed. Tired. Exhausted. Drained.

He flinched that cause him to open his eyes when he was about to fell on his deep slumber. He's too tired, it is seen on his face. Pale skin, dark bags under his eyes and his slow movements.

West heaved a deep sigh before he sat on his bed, leaning on the headboard. He reached for his phone at the side. His eyes squinted because of the light but then immediately adjusted. He scanned through his contacts and stopped at the specific name.

Peter.

He got Peter's number few days ago while they're walking their way home. He gathered all his courage to ask for it with the thought that Peter might not give it. But in the end he gave his number without asking as to why.

Without much thought, he composed a message. It's past 12 midnight, even if he thought that Peter's probably sleeping already he still hit the send button and waited for an impossible reply.

West

12:45 am

[Hey still up?]

He waited for a couple of minutes but still he got no reply.

[Sorry. You're probably sleeping already. Good night Peter :)]

West let out a loud exhale and ran his palm on his face frustratingly. What am I doing?

He was about to toss his phone away when it suddenly lit up along with a beep sound. He was fast to bring it back in front of his face and opened the message the he received.

Peter

12:50 am

[I'm up. why?]

West didn’t know why a smile formed immediately on his lips after reading Peter's reply. Am I this eager to talk to him?

Pursing his lips, West composed a reply before sending it.

West

12:51 am

[Nothing rlly. Why r u up?]

Peter

12:52 am

[still not sleepy]

West

12:53 am

[Don't u have class tomorrow? It’s getting late]

Peter

12:55 am

[My class is on afternoon. I am used to staying late.]

[Y r u still up btw?]

West

12:57 am

[I don't sleep. As much I want to, I can't]

West stared at his own reply. Never had happened that he's open on telling someone the truth about him not sleeping at night or having trouble about it rather. But when it comes to Peter it is as if everything will follow and just come out. He can't bring himself to answer a lie about the innocent curiosity Peter shot him. As much as he want to, he doesn't want to tell Peter a lie—complete lie.

Peter

12:58 am

[Why?]

West

12:59 am

[Insomnia]

On the other side of the room, shocked was evident on Peter's face. He never once thought that West had that kind of...illness. It's not that he always think about the taller man, it just never crossed his mind.

Does that explain the visible darkness under his eyes?

Peter

1:01 am

[Oh, I don't know. Sorry]

West

1:02 am

[y are u apologising?]

Peter

1:03 am

[idk what to react or say. Feels like the good thing to say at least that's what I presumed]

West chuckled at Peter's reply. He don't know why he finds it adorable and cute. He's really out of his mind.

West

1:03 am

[Hahaha! No worries Peter :)]

Peter

1:04 am

[i don't want to be insensitive but I'm now sleepy]

West

1:05 am

[don't mind. Go to sleep, u have class tomorrow!]

Peter

1:06 am

[u r saying it like u don't have a class too. Goodnight]

West

1:07 am

[yeah right! Goodnight Peter! Sleepwell :)]

West didn't received a reply from Peter so he decided to toss his phone at the side. He still couldn't sleep but unlike other nights, he's staring at the ceiling with a smile on his face, thinking about the conversation he shared with Peter.

—

Peter's sitting on the cafeteria. He just had lunch with Rave before their first class will start. The cafeteria's pretty noisy so when Rave came back after disposing the plates they used, they walked out from the place to free themselves from the noise.

"Here," Rave took out a canned coffee drink and gave it to Peter which the latter gladly received.

"Thanks." Peter opened the can then immediately drink from it. Rave also have his own share of drink.

"You sleep late again?" Rave asked. Peter gulped to his coffee then nodded his head. They sat on one of the shed to pass time. "Nightmares?"

"Yeah. Pretty bad," Peter answered with voice that lacks of emotion.

"But are you feeling well?"

"Yeah."

Rave just nodded his head. Peter might lack of emotions and expressions on his voice and face but one thing's for sure is that the words that came out on his mouth will always be the truth. He's that kind of man.

"Let me give you a ride home later," Rave offered.

Peter immediately shook his head. "I'm fine. West and I will go home together."

Rave's eyebrows knitted. "West you say?" Peter nodded. "You’ve been with him this past few days, huh?”

Peter halted. It is true that West and him often walked homed together, it's not often actually, it is always. Since the first day that they went home together.

"We’re neighbours," Peter answered in monotone.

"Are you slowly replacing me as your bestfriend?" Rave questioned in disbelief and hurt.

"Maybe," Peter smirked at him that gained a light punch from his bestfriend.

—

Peter had a practice after his class together with the other group. They've been planning on what to add on their performances. They have a current problem. They still need more people to perform.

"We should add another performer or someone who can do solo," said Pepper. They're all sitting on their places, listening attentively. Peter on the other side is holding his guitar, running his finger on the string horizontally, tracing it. He's just listening and didn't even bother to give opinion because he's not good at that.

"We're short of people, Peps. We can asked from other years to perform but we don’t have time anymore?" Train said.

"Maybe we should try at least?"

"Or maybe we can include Peter?"

A sound was produced by the string when Peter's finger slid on it, shocked of what he heard.

"I mean, we're all having our solo performance except him," said Dave. Everyone turned to Peter who's still silent, absorbing the situation. Please no.

"Peter, what do you think?" asked Pepper. Rave's standing beside Peter. He's looking at his friend with evident worry on his face. Rave's gaze dropped at Peter's hands.

He's shaking, Rave noticed.

"He'll think about it," Rave answered instead of his friend.

"But—

"Dude, give him some time," Rave said cutting Dave’s sentence. The latter nodded in response.

After they wrapped up the meeting, Peter walked out with Rave, trailing their way out the school. He's holding tight on the strap of his guitar and head's slightly down, more quiet than he already is.

"You don't have to do it if you don't want to. We can just tell them," Rave started. Of all people, he's the only person who knows about Peter's stage fright. Forcing him to perform solo on stage will not cause him good. He knows that and he knows better than letting him do it.

"It'll be unfair." At last, Peter talked. "Don't you think?" His voice's soft and monotone. His mind's wandering about accepting or declining the suggestion. He wanted to play fair yet he can't bring himself to it. What should he do then?

Rave tapped Peter's shoulder and with a smile he said, "Then think about it, okay?" the latter nodded, thankful for his friend's presence. He'll surely think about it though. He just needs time to do it.

Rave and Peter parted ways. When his friend’s already out of sight, Peter started walking towards the exit gate. He's still preoccupied reason why he didn't notice the taller man waiting for him beside the gate.

"Peter!" Peter halted from his place when a familiar voice called him. He turned his head and saw West walking towards him. "Didn’t you notice me?" West asked confusingly.

"Sorry, I didn’t notice you," Peter answered.

West squinted his eyes to the boy, staring at him, observing his movements. As for Peter, he don't know why he can't match West's gaze.

"It’s okay. Let’s go??" Peter nodded and they started walking together, side by side.

This is what they always do nowadays. West will wait for Peter outside the gate and the latter will meet him. They'll talk about random stuffs but mostly West will initiate and do the talking. Peter would just listen and response if needed. That doesn't bother the taller men as he finds it attractively adorable.

He’s contented to that. He can handle it. He can tolerate it. For him, Peter's fascinating. His every movement. His little gestures. His behaviour. The smaller boy's height which is shorter than him. His wavy black hair that covers his forehead but didn't covered the attractiveness of his eyes—West's favorite part of Peter. Whenever he look at Peter's eyes he's like spelled by it, pulling him to another world. Those pair of hazel brown orbs speak a thousands of words that his mouth couldn't utter. He's curious of Peter. Curious that later on leads to interest.

"Did you able to sleep last night?" West was caught off-guard when Peter opened a conversation first.

He glanced at him as they continued walking. "No. I just lie on my bed while enjoying my milk drink until sun showed up."

"You have visible bags on your eyes," Peter pointed at his eyes with so much innocence.

West unconsciously touched the bags under his eyes. "Do I look horrible?" he asked. Peter answered with a hard hummed sound as he shook his head.

He's so cute! West screamed internally.

"When did you last sleep?" West's eyebrows furrowed as he tried to remember the last time he sleep.

Was it four days ago? Five? Or a week?

"I don't really know..." He scratched his head. "Maybe a week?" he answered, unsure.

"That's hella long if you remember correctly," Peter commented. West couldn't see pity on Peter's eyes and that made him relax. One of the reason why only few knows about his situation is that because he doesn’t want to be pitied. But with Peter, it was different. West doesn’t know if Peter just doesn’t care about him or he’s just supressing his true reactions inside. But whatever it is, West’s fine with it.

"Yeah, I know. Anyways, let's grab dinner before we go home," West suggested.

"Where?"

"It's a diner along the way."