68. Never Told You

[LIZZY]

My heartbeat picks up exponentially the moment I place my hand on the doorknob, trying to swallow down the dread that seemed to have clutched my ribs tight in its fist. I don’t know what this fear is, or why I’m suddenly so hesitant, all I know is that I want this light year of distance between us to snap and disappear.

Zarina was right. Vector and I are so complicated, and not because anyone else is responsible for this, but because the two of us have done this to ourselves. We never really were completely honest with each other. We were loyal—I know for sure I was, and he was too, after he admitted himself—but we never talked about what we really wanted, we never talked about how we wanted our future to be. We were so busy screwing each other, nothing else ever mattered.

I wish we hadn’t wasted so much time being ignorant.

I wish I hadn’t been so reckless.

Not that I didn’t pay enough for it. The brother for whom I left Vector didn’t even spare me a second glance, it was as