Chapter 4

JADELYNN

Pauline had been avoiding me like the plague since Monday. It was now a glorious Wednesday, and I felt great about it. She realized that she was treading dangerous waters with me. Perhaps others would not fall underneath her boots anymore. It was too much to hope for, but who knew what the future held. Pauline used the same tactics to get others to follow her rules: intimidation, fear, and bullying. I became the voice for those who were too afraid to speak up against her, and I would never give up being the voice for those who needed it in life. 

“World peace,” Thad said with the best Miss America voice and a smirk.

The past hour was spent on interview prep, but I felt no closer to being prepared for it. You would think that I would feel more prepared but nope.

We were nestled on the couch at the Java Javs since I was not scheduled to work until Monday. My head was in his lap while he played with my hair. It was something he knew relaxed me which I needed right now with this prep.

“Yes, because that totally explains why I want to go to Dayla,” I deadpanned.

My interview with Dayla was on Monday, and I had to get accepted. Their waitlists were incredibly long. It was one of the best universities in the state. Also, it was Thad’s top choice. We had been extremely close since the day we met, so we applied to the same schools as well. It had the great pre-law track for him, and a great Speech Pathology track for me.

“It does,” he agreed with a nod and smirk. “You need to loosen up, Jae. What’s the worst that could happen?”

Did he truly ask that? Of course, he did because my boyfriend was the absolute worst at times. I shot him an incredulous look. His chocolate orbs just looked back at me, unfazed by my reaction.

“Oh, I don’t know. I could not get in, be forced to go to college where Dad’s prying eyes see everything, have no actual life, be separated from you, and die in the same town that I grew up in,” I said, ticking off each point in the air.

“A bit dramatic,” he said.

“But accurate.”

He shrugged at that comment because he did understand that while it was indeed dramatic, it was also accurate. Well, some of it was.

My parents were the best. I loved them with everything that I was. However, they could be a bit overbearing at times. Sometimes I felt like they were hiding something. For example, I went to grab a snack, and overheard a conversation of theirs. They had been discussing Louisiana and how a lead turned up. We left there ten years ago in a rush. I did not really remember much about our departure other than it was hurried. What was this lead? What did it have to do with us? All I heard after that was a single term, ‘Drechen’. I wanted to question them about it, but I did not even know where to begin. I made my presence known, and the conversation dropped entirely. Odd, but it happened.

“Possibly. Look, you are intelligent, motivated, and Dayla would be lucky to have you. Plus, you never have to worry about being separated from me, Jae. I would follow you wherever you went. You’re stuck with me for better or worse.”

I sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose. I knew he was right. I overreacted at times, and this was one of those times. He was the only one who could break through my overreactive tirades and help me find a calmed center again.

“What if I forget how to speak or the points that I’ve been practicing?”

He held my eyes and reached for my hand in a gesture of sincerity. “You’re sometimes funny. You could try that,” he said.

I glared at him and swatted his hand away. However, a smile found its way to my lips. He always knew how to calm me down. He was the only one who could talk me away from the ledge of pure anger, the depths of despair, and the tears of sadness. He was my person.

He left to grab us some refills, so I put my notes away. He was right. I was overthinking this. No amount of preparation would calm the overthinking, so I would just remove the trigger and come back to this over the weekend. That was something that I could do.

My ringtone sounded, so I checked to see who was calling but did not recognize the name or phone number.

“Hello?”

“Hello. I am looking for Ms. Jadelynn Murphy,” a cheery female voice chirped.

“This is she,” I responded.

I looked again at the caller ID again. My parents always hammered into me that I had to be vigilant in all things. This was certainly one of those things. It was not every day when someone was seeking me out without me knowing who they were.

“Ms. Murphy, my name is Caroline Sampy. I am calling on behalf of Dayla University,” she explained. Just like that, my worries fell by the wayside.

“Oh, yes. How may I help you?”

Hopefully this was good news. I could not handle bad news about Dayla. I really was serious about the fear of me not getting in. Thad said that he would follow me wherever I went, and he really meant that. He would, but I would hate to be the reason why he had to change his plans. Dayla was the best option for us both.

“Your interviewer had a last-minute emergency, so we need to reschedule you with another interviewer if that is alright with you.”

I breathed a silent sigh of relief that it was not cancelled. This was good news indeed. I told her that it was fine.

“Perfect. The only interviewer that has anything available that would align with our deadlines will be Mr. Cordona at 155 East Tamline Rd., Suite 32 at 8:30 A.M. tomorrow. Will that work for you?” she inquired.

Shit. Shit. That was much sooner than I expected. I was not ready, but I was as ready as I could be. I had truly put a lot of thought and effort into preparation, so I had to trust myself.

“Absolutely. I will be there,” I told her with a cheerful voice even though I really just wanted to puke.

She gave me directions on what to do when I arrived before she hung up. I should have been ecstatic because this was great. They were still interested in me. Why did I feel off about it all though? Was it just my nerves kicking in? While I would love to agree that it was, part of me felt like it was a warning. That made no sense though. Also, last minute emergency when it was only Wednesday. That left four extra days. I would not consider that last minute.

I chewed on my thumb nail as I tried to work through what I was feeling. The call felt off like the other times when I felt like someone was watching me. Why would that be? I was a logical person. I needed to start thinking logically instead of emotionally. This would make it the eighteenth time that I had that feeling. That was not a coincidence. Did I even believe in coincidences? No, because that would be illogical. The first few times could have been nerves, but eighteen times was a pattern.

Thad reappeared with two coffees in hand. Whatever look I had on my face must have been concerning.

“What’s wrong, Jae?” he asked.

What was wrong indeed? No idea. Perhaps I was going crazy. That would be more logical than coincidences. Fuck.

“That was Dayla rescheduling my interview for in the morning. I am probably going to sound insane, but I didn’t get a great feeling when I was speaking with her. I don’t know, it’s probably just nerves…” I said even though I knew in my heart and gut that it was not nerves.

He sat down next to me and scooted me closer to him until our knees were touching. He laced our fingers together which gave me something to focus on.

“Have you gotten these feelings before?” he asked softly. Something in his voice was telling me that he was being serious about this question.

I thought back over past couple of months when I had become unsettled for no reason. Every time I thought about telling Thad about it, I chickened out because I felt like I was just being childish. Now it seemed that he would not have faulted me for it.

“It started a couple of months ago. The day you left for Myrtle Beach actually. I could have sworn I felt like I was being watched, but I never saw anyone. I just chalked it up to nerves, stress, and too much alone time.” I tried to joke, but he was not laughing.

Thad was trying to wear a nonchalant expression, but he sucked at it this time. That chilled me to the bone because it reaffirmed what my heart and gut was telling me. They were not my imagination.

“Why didn’t you call me and tell me?” he asked.

I hated to hear the hurt in his voice. It was going to be date night when I came clean with him about everything, but now I could not wait. My heart clenched and hated that I put that hurt there. I fucked things up before, and I was still fucking them up. He deserved better than I was currently doing.

“Can we have this discussion where we can be alone?” I asked while my traitorous blush decided to make an appearance.

He could tell that it definitely needed to be a private conversation, so he led me out to his car and headed back to his place. I loved his car. It was a Camaro that he fixed up with his dad. It was a very sexy car.

“So, how was your summer?” he asked to diffuse the awkwardness that I created at the coffee shop. Or it was to put me at ease because he saw how freaked out I was after that call.

“It was okay. Not the same without you, but my parents kept me busy. Dad let me sit in on some of his lectures. Mom got me a summer internship with the security division. I got to learn a lot with cyber threats and how to develop custom firewalls that would throw hackers off. My supervisor already offered me a slot for this coming summer if I want it.”

My parents pushed me to stay busy because they knew this was the first summer without Thad. Our parents all knew how lonely we got without our other half as they called us. It was kind of what it felt like this summer. I was missing something, and that was him.

“That’s awesome, Jae. You have the mind and brilliance for it. I’m proud of you,” he said and squeezed my hand.

Thad’s parents were still at work, so we would not be disturbed for this conversation. That made me happy because I was going to be opening my heart and bearing my soul to him. I just hoped that he would be able to look past the fact that I got trapped in Pauline’s web of trickery. Pauline wanted me out of the way, and I fell right for it. He got hurt in the process. I hoped that he could forgive me.

“C’mon. Mom made a new batch of tea,” he said and gestured for me to take a seat at the island.

While he poured us both a glass and found something to snack on, I took the time to formulate what I wanted to say to him. I would be truthful and honest because he deserved that. Also, we needed transparency for this relationship to work out, and we both wanted it to work out.

He slid the glass over to me and set the bowl of pretzels in between us. Then he waited patiently for me to begin. Thad never rushed me no matter what the topic or issue was. It was something I appreciated because I did not always have the easiest time opening up. I was okay with Thad seeing the real me, but I hated showing vulnerability to anyone else. Not even my parents really saw it. Thad had always been an except to my rules. He knew the Jadelynn that nobody else did. He knew my fears and pains. My hopes and dreams. He knew everything about me and still deemed me worthy regardless.

“I wanted to call you and tell you to get your opinion on it all. Every time I picked up the phone, I chickened out because I was embarrassed,” I said.

He was not expecting that and set his glass back down without taking a drink.

“You had nothing to be embarrassed about, Jae,” he said, giving my hand a squeeze.

He clearly thought I meant embarrassed about having the odd feelings. No, I was not embarrassed about those. Not at all. Those feelings disturbed the hell out of me.

“Yes I did. I was embarrassed at ending things with you when it wasn’t what I actually wanted to do at all. I was stupid and let my insecurities freak me out. Thad, you are the best boyfriend a girl could ever ask for. You’re romantic, thoughtful, and never once pressured me for more than I gave you. Things happened last year that made insecurities crop up. I absolutely hated holding you back from having a full-fledged relationship because I couldn’t woman up and own what I truly felt for you or what I actually desired.”

I could not even look at him after I admitted all that because he would see how cowardly I had been. I broke his heart and hurt him because I was stupid. It was a decision that I regretted instantly, but I could not bring myself to tell him that I let Pauline of all fucking people win and plant doubts in my head. He would have surely thought me weak for that when he never once thought me weak before.

His fingers tilted my chin back towards him. I saw relief in his eyes instead of anger. His hand held the back of my neck still as his warm lips descended onto mine with bruising force, as if he had been waiting to hear those words uttered from my lips. Had he known this entire time?

Just when I thought he was going to deepen the kiss, he pulled back and rested his forehead against mine.

“You knew,” I said breathlessly.

His chuckle was all the proof I needed. Thad gave me time to come to terms with my own feelings. I did not deserve someone like him in my life, but I was very thankful for him, nonetheless.

“I know you, Jae. Better than you know yourself apparently. I knew about Pauline. You needed to figure things out on your own so that you could realize that what she said was not true and would have no doubts about yourself or about me. I would have waited no matter how long that took. You’re my girl, Jae, and I always got your back,” he said as he tucked some hair behind my ear.

I diverted my flustered mind to drinking the delicious tea. Nobody made it quite like his mother did.

Of course, he knew. He was right though. I did need to figure it out on my own. There were no doubts now. I knew for a fact that we both desired one another. I also knew for a fact that we would both fight for each other. Neither of us would allow someone to come between the two of us again.

We got comfortable on the couch with his arm around my shoulder and me tucked into his side. It gave me the perfect opportunity to smell the cologne that I got him a couple of years ago. It smelled like sandalwood and perfectly complemented him. It pleased me that he was still wearing it after all this time. He wore it every day, so he must have bought more. It smelled amazing on him and always brought a smile to my face when I smelled it. It was like I claimed him even if I gave it to him before we ever started dating.

“Now. Tell me about these feelings of yours. When did they start exactly?” he asked.

So, I told him everything without sparing any details whether big or small. The fact that he believed me made me feel less paranoid and definitely not alone any longer.

The first time I felt like I was being watched was the first day of summer. It was the day he and his parents left for the summer. I was running laps around the track at school when I felt the hairs on the back of my neck stand up, and I experienced this odd pressure in my head. However, there was nothing around when I looked for it. Then I led him through the account of what I remembered. It was never in the same spot or time of day. The last time I felt like I was being watched was when I was walking to school on Monday, making it the seventeenth time. I explained that the same feeling was there when I got the call from Dayla.

I shivered remembering the way it made me feel, so he pulled me onto his lap with his arms protectively around me. Nothing could touch me while I was in these arms.

“My parents are keeping something from me as well. I don’t know what it is, or if it’s regarding this, but I’ve overheard a couple hushed conversations. The first one was about Binghamton, New York where I was born. They never talk about the place, but they did when I was supposed to be sleeping. They were on about their contacts. No idea what it was about.”

I pressed my forehead against his and sighed. His eyes looked at me with compassion and tenderness. The fact that he believed me was a huge weight off my shoulders.

“The last one I overheard the other day was them talking about Louisiana where I lived before coming here. I don’t really remember much of the reason we left or anything. It’s all kind of blurry. However, Dad said that a new lead had turned up. Also, he mentioned the term ‘Drechen’. No idea if it’s related to this or not though.”

Thad’s fingers rubbed circles on my lower back while he was thinking. It was soothing to me and helped calm the storm that admitting all of that caused. Giving voice to it all made it real. I could not just pretend that it was in my imagination any longer.

“Next time you feel this way I need you to call me or tell me immediately. Day or night. You’re not alone, Jae,” he said with a reassuring smile.

I could not help but mirror it. He always had a way of making me feel safe in life no matter the circumstances.