Chapter 4: The Panicked Emperor

Evanara

   I sat there for a long time,holding the remaining pieces of my shredded gown together. Tears rolled down my cheeks as I stared in front of me. He pulled on his clothes glancing back at me every once in a while,his face wearing an expression I refused to accept as remorse. I felt different.

   There was a sudden silence to my soul; I was like fallen leaves under frost. I felt the chill in my blood and coldness that brought the synapses of my brain to a stand still. Part of it was a pain, yet one I felt i could endure, one I felt i could sleep through night after night without the anaesthesia of false hope. I felt...void. Empty...Dead.

   All I could think about was Adrienne. What would he think of me? How would I ever face him after this? How would i break to him that his bride he considered pure was broken? That i defiled by the Emperor? Would he take my word for it? I looked down at my pretty blue gown that had blood stains on them. Adrienne had bought me this dress on my twenty first birthday. It was ruined now. My scarf had fallen and my blue long wavy hair was a mess. My ears were perfectly hidden under the mess. It was the least of my worries now. Whether or not he had seen my hair did not matter to me anymore.  Some things were worse than death.

   "I did not mean for this to happen. I will pay you well enough to heal you and get another dress." He finally said,breaking the silence in the brightly lit room with his  vile words.

   My eyes darted from my dress to his blue eyes. I dragged myself from the floor holding my gown together. What I felt at the very moment was what I had never felt for anyone in my entire life. Hate. Hate and enmity welled up in my heart, fury itself burning me up. It burned in so deep that it was ingrained in my tissues. Then disgust set in. When I looked at him, my insides curdled like milk with lemon. He was the acid in what otherwise would be so heavenly. He revolted me.

   "You know what this is?" I asked holding the part of my gown that had blood on it and bringing it higher for him to see. I ignored the upper part that fell apart and revealed my torn apart corset.    He looked at it without uttering a word.

   "I did not.. I..I did not..."He stuttered with guilt but I did not let him finish.

"This...,” I pointed at the dress, tears falling from my eyes. “This was my pride. You took it from me. Pay me? For entertaining you? Who do you think I am?! Some dim witted courtesan you could have fun with and throw a couple of coins at to buy a pretty dress?!" I screamed, surprising even myself. I never shouted. Or screamed. I did not think i had it in me.

   "Do not speak to me in that tone,Peasant! You will give me the respect I deserve! How much do you want? A thousand Gold coins? Surely you have not seen that much in your life but I will give it to you. After all,you are just a dancer. Not far from a courtesan. I do not seen why you are distraught about this!" He shouted and in a subconscious gesture of disgust my nose wrinkled and i drew my head backwards.  

  "Yes. You did not think of that before you planned on ruining my life. Even a million golden coins can not fix what has been broken. Being a dancer is no excuse for this sin you committed. Dancers have lives too you know. I was going to get married to the man of my dreams. Have a huge family. With my children running around the place. I was finally going to a family i would call my own but you just ruined all the chances i had. You have ruined my life and I will hate you for it until my last breath."

   I said and headed for the door,pulling myself together. I looked back once and my eyes landed on the tin that contained Kevan' fee. I sped to it at once and picked it up. Whatever happened would not get in the way of my Kevan' dream. I caressed it for a while before heading towards the door.

  I pulled it and it opened freely just as I expected. While I screamed a while ago it was locked. I gave him a glare one last time before exiting the Tavern. It was very dark outside but light reflected from somewhere beside me aiding my ability to see. We were certainly in the early hours of the morning. Something shifted at the corner and with the aid of the light that reflected from the inn beside the tavern,I was able to see that the Knights were there. I paused for a while and looked at both their faces that had shock on them with tears streaming down my face before I ran off.

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Gawain

"Sire, that is not helping." Knight Orien,my best friend said when I did not  stop pacing. Not that I could help it. I had rejected food all day and everyone was beginning to worry about me. I was in the throne room with my most trusted knights as i awaited her arrival. I could not even sit for a minute. I folded my hands behind me and kept walking as I felt if I did not,my head would explode.     "Where is she?!" I shouted.

    "Calm down Sire. She will be here soon." Orien said and I had my sit on the throne. Then I stood again.

   The fear in her golden eyes haunted me. Eyes widened, breaths ragged and harsh, she trembled when she looked at me. Her words pricked at me continuously and they were all I could think of.

   There was a knock in the door,disturbing my thoughts. I groaned.

    "It is I,your Imperial Majesty, Empress Katherine. I request your audience,my lord." I clenched my fist and rammed it into the wall in frustration. With a deep sigh I plastered a smile on my face.

   "Do come in." I said with faked delight and brightened my expression.

   The door opened slowly and Katherine walked in,her grey eyes scouring the throne room.   

"What might the problem be, my Empress?" I smiled and in her eyes, there was a glint of surprise which she soon hid perfectly with a submissive look as she bowed slightly.

   "Empress Dowager demands your presence at the women's court. The consorts await your speech. To welcome them here. It is of great importance."She said,raising her head slightly. I smiled and nodded.

   "Tell Empress Dowager I will be there in a few of minutes." She bowed again, her eyes showing skeptism in them and she turned around to leave. Her purple gown that had white embroideries on it dragged behind  her as she walked causing me to wonder if she would not trip on it. It was nothing to worry about since Katherine was a Queen of elegance herself. She walked rather carefully and yet with a wonderful poise.

   She shut the door behind her carefully and I was back to fidgeting. "T-Sire...I suggest you calm yourself. You did nothing deliberately. It was not your fault." Orien said again.  

  "That woman...she does not know that." I said as I resumed pacing again. "Sire..." I waved my right hand and he kept quiet. Nothing he said would save me from the guilt and anger i felt towards myself and that woman who felt she had the right to judge me without listening to my side of the story.  

  I heard heavy footsteps and I turned slightly. The door swung open as one of my men threw her at  my feet roughly and she cried.

   "Forgive me,Sire." She sobbed and hugged my feet. I bent over and held her shoulder. "Why did you drug me,Penelope?" I asked and she shook with fear in my hold, not speaking the words i wanted from her.

    "Speak to me!" I shouted as I felt my patience slip away. She sobbed even more when I shouted and I figured I had applied too much force.

   "Why did you do it?" I asked more calmly. "I-i-i assumed you wanted her. I-i simply wanted you to forget your worries... in doing so...you would surely pay more." She cried and my stomach felt like it was being squeezed. Nonetheless, I stayed calm.  

    "I always paid handsomely and I have never taken any of your dancers to bed before. What made you decide for me?" I asked.

   "I just thought you would want it... Your father does the same each time he comes over and is in a terrible mood. I just thought..."

   "Did you ask her consent? That woman...did you ask her?" I asked,still keeping my cool.  

"No...i-i...assumed she...There is not a woman in Astros that does not vye for your attention, your Majesty... i thought she wanted it."

  "You assumed?! Apparently, she did not share your opinions. You are a woman yourself Penelope! You have betrayed a woman like yourself Penelope! You do not deserve to live." I said and moved away from her.   

"S-s-sire...please...have mercy. I have two daughters..." She cried with her hands clasped together.

   "Yet, you did not think of that woman before you did that. You do not deserve to be a mother. Keep her in the dungeons until I come up with her punishment." "Yes sire!" "Please...Sire!" She shouted whilst she was dragged away.

   I clenched my fist as kept pacing. The woman’s words came words came to mind again and I tried to shut them out.

        "This was my pride. You took it from me. Pay me? Who the hell do you think I am?! Some courtesan you could have fun with and throw a couple of coins at to buy a pretty dress?!"

  Who was she anyway to speak to me like that? I was the Emperor. The Emperor. Anyone would want to be with me. Virgin or not. No one ever rejected me. Who was she? For me, my self-respect mattered more than anything. No one had disrespected me that much without being punished. Wherever or whoever she was she should be grateful that I was merciful. Still, i had to find her. I did not know how to. I did not know her name or family and a dozen women wore scarves and had their hair dyed to absurd colors. I did not know where to begin.

***********

Evanara

"Nara...is that you?" Kevan said lazily ,scratching his eyes with the back of his palm. Luckily he was asleep when I arrived at home. I had put on fresh clothes and had a new scarf.

   Swiftly, I wiped my eyes and pulled him into my arms. As i hugged him,I could not stop the tears from falling. My hands began trembling as I patted his back.

   "Nara...Are you crying?" Kevan asked and withdrew from me, gazing at me with wide sleepy eyes that looked very much like mother's. The resemblance between myself and Kevan was uncanny. His eyes were mine only a darker shade that made it look natural unlike mine that looked surreal. His lips were mine. The only difference between us two was the hair colour and the muscles he was beginning to grow. His hair was father's. Brown with blonde tips. Blonde. I blinked and suddenly, it wasn't Kevan's golden curls I was looking at. Emperor Gawain's looked down at me with his blue eyes sent shivers down my spine and I gasped slightly as I moved away from him. Adrenaline floods my system, pumping and beating like it was trying to escape. 

  "Nara?" How did he know my name? I shrank under his intense stare as I felt ashamed. I hugged myself to cover the opened parts from my shredded gown.

  He took a step closer and my breath hitched. "No...no...do not do this...please...do not..." I felt the panic begin like a cluster of spark plugs in her abdomen. Tension grew in my face and limbs, my mind replaying the incident again. He was going to hurt me again. I let out a scream that pierced my very own ears. He suddenly grabbed my shoulders and shook me vehemently.

   "Nara! What is wrong with you?" I looked at him as he shook me. Where I had seen blue, it was brown. Kevan. I gasped as I snapped out of it. It was Kevan, not Gawain. I was home, not at the Tavern.

   "Nara...are you alright. Do what?"Kevan questioned,caressing my cheeks.

  "I...had a bad dream. It...I have been really disturbed about it." I lied and though it made no sense, Kevan did not question it. "Will you share it with me?"Kevan asked and the softness in his gaze made me feel me again. I knew that regardless what happened, Kevan would always love me. He was the one good thing i had in my life. I nodded and began searching for the next lie to tell. I heard the crow of the bird,making it known that it was dawn.

   "Oh no. Go take a bath or else you will be late." I said,changing the topic entirely.

   Kevan arched a brow at me. "We still have an hour or two Nara. Why the rush? You want to get rid of me that easily?" He pouted.

  I shook my head. "No no Kevan. We will go to the market first. I want to get some clothes for you. That is why. Sorry Kevan." I said, having the sudden urge to hug him again. If I did, he would know something was wrong with me. That was the last thing I wanted.