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Chapter 49 : I'm the problem
Last Updated:
2024-10-29 19:42:56
Niharika NafisaFrom the next chapter, there will be a second phase of the book because I'll be taking you to a flashback of their teenage period and you'll get to know why Samuel actually left. And I don't wanna give away any spoilers but the major event of his life is yet to be disclosed which takes place after that. Just to tell you that, mental illness isn't something that's built from only one trauma. Sometimes it's a chain of events that happen over the years. There's a lot more in his backstory that led him to such a messed up situation. It'll be slowly unfolded. Thank you so much for all the comments you guys leave everyday. Each of them is precious to me and trust me I'm glad you feel all these emotions and share with me. Hugs❤️
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Dispute Marriage: No Terms and Conditions Chapter 50 : Flashback-1
Samuel I started distancing myself ever since I was young. It was when I was ten and I got the opportunity to get into one of the most renowned schools through a sports scholarship. Spending five years of my life alone as a child was difficult but I preferred it that way. Mom would come to visit me every month, driving more than two hundred miles to spend the weekend before I eventually moved to the UK for a whole year when I was fourteen. I hadn't seen Mom for a whole year. My scholarship could be renewed since the club didn't want to lose me. But I didn't take the opportunity after I was done with the last league I played in the UK. That was the year I turned fifteen, yet to finish the tenth grade. The new school year was about to start and I was torn between the two decisions to make. Either fill in the form and stick with my life as the way it had been, or get a ticket and fly back to Texas. To mom. To everyone. I did the only thing I always did when I needed an answer. I wen
Dispute Marriage: No Terms and Conditions Chapter 51 : Flashback 2 : Adorable Trouble
Samuel The thing happened that I feared the most. Mom said it would be best if I joined the school Chrisanna, Eric and Kylee were in because it was the best school in the city. However, she told me I wasn't forced to go to that school if I didn't want to. But St. Blufecent has been the only school in the city which had a professional soccer team and was associated with a huge club. At that point, if I prioritised anything, it was my passion for soccer. I wanted to be in the best team for the best opportunities in future since I left the club that could take me where I wanted to be in the next decade.But at the same time, it was like a risky action to make when I had a full-length distraction growing as a whole girl. The damn girl with whom I shared a brotherly relationship just a second before she crashed over me and all my old sentiments went out of the window. Maybe, that's what happens when you take a break from seeing each other and grow up from kids to teenagers being apart.
Dispute Marriage: No Terms and Conditions Chapter 52 : Flashback 3 : You are you
Chrisanna"Oh, girl. You're again in trouble. You know that?" Dr Vega says while treating the bruises under my eyes and jaw.I hiss a bit, cursing that whole gang of assholes inside of my head. I could have trashed each of them if Samuel didn't come my way. Now, I'm in the school doctor's room, still shaking in anger."Yeah", I scoff as Dr Vega shakes her head in disbelief. "You have sworn to visit every week, haven't you? Fighting and beating people isn't a solution"I roll my eyes at her overused lectures when my gaze abruptly locks with Samuel's piercing cold eyes. Something happens to me with that stare and I can't help but feel a little nervous under his intense gaze. I look away, trying to focus on the long speech of Dr Vega to avoid that thing that was making me unknowingly so nervous. I completely forgot that he literally lifted me and carried me like a potato sack and we were on a damn display from the classroom to the doctor's room. He didn't speak a word after that. And
Dispute Marriage: No Terms and Conditions Chapter 53 : Flashback 4 : Sleepover
Samuel Uncle Scott invited us for dinner at their place. I would have turned it down if the invitation came from someone else. Gatherings suffocate me. However, I was still battling with my mixed feelings for Chrisanna. I knew I had the very first crush of my life on her. And it was going to give me a tough time. I had to keep myself away from her— no— keep my feelings away from her because she was clingy and wouldn't let me stay away. And also because it had already been hard for me to do that. I regretted not having friends to talk to. I wish I could tell someone about the crazy things I was going through. Eric had been a good friend ever since and we used to talk once a month through the only social media I use rarely. But there was no way I could share that with Eric when he was her best friend.Google came to be the only friend I could share anything with. And I was so shocked when I typed half of the sentence and my question automatically was on the suggestion list. I guessed
Dispute Marriage: No Terms and Conditions Chapter 54 : Flashback 5 : I saw you first
Samuel I feel a sudden surge of chill through my blood. My hand clutches around the strap of my backpack as I scowl at him. I don't know if I'm irritated, pissed, or kinda hurt by that damn word!"Hey!" Chrisanna exclaims, laughing. "I don't want another rumour before it gets official"A kind of suffocation builds inside of me as they keep talking. It should not affect me. I don't expect anything from Chrisanna and her life isn't my business. "Bye", Chrisanna says as the guy walks past us. I hold the urge back to ask anything from her. But I wonder if the guy will be good enough for her. I have been protective of Chrisanna whenever we were together. It didn't matter to me before.But now, I fear that if I show my genuine protectiveness, she might think I'm jealous which I partially am, but not more than I'm worried.We walk slowly toward the class as Chrisanna clears her throat."He's not my boyfriend yet", she tells me. I wish there was no 'Yet'That means, there's a chance he ca
Dispute Marriage: No Terms and Conditions Chapter 55 : Flashback 6 : An intruder
Chrisanna"You're sure about this?" "I thought you never asked me if I was sure about something?" paa raises his left eyebrow while sipping from his coffee."Yeah. But when you don't like the idea of me dating right now I surely do have some doubts", I scoff, rolling my eyes."I surely don't like the idea but that doesn't mean I would find the guy suitable enough for you to date and still rush him off", he shrugs.It's weird to have such an open relationship with parents because it's just weird. Sometimes I feel like it would be much better if I had controlling parents and I could do anything behind their back and not feel bad about that. Now, I can stop informing them about anything that could be a big change to my life. Like my first boyfriend. Initially, paa didn't appreciate the idea of me having a boyfriend before twenty but he wouldn't stop me from having one. I ended up telling him about Marshall and he asked me not to answer Marshall until he asks me to. And he did what he h
Dispute Marriage: No Terms and Conditions Chapter 56 : Flashback 7 : Feelings of Fifteen
ChrisannaAs I enter the music room, I find Marshall facing the door straight, cross-armed, blank gaze. I walk inside, keeping the door open since I know Samuel is standing against the wall. I don't know why I agreed with him to be with me. It's not like something is gonna happen. It's school. The safest place ever. But I had a kind of gut feeling to have him by me. "What's up?" I ask casually walking inside."Would you close the door, please?" he says.I tilt my head towards the door. "No"He nods, not arguing over that."Why did you call me here? I thought I gave you the answer", I tell him.He exhales deeply, rubbing his forehead. "You did. But that's not the only answer I wanted", he looks up at me, slightly pissed."I wanna know the reason""Reason of?""Reason for rejecting me", he says. "You took ten damn days, Chrisanna. What were you thinking? I wanna know what made you reject me like that", he's clearly offended. I gulp down. "I don't think you should be asking that to so
Dispute Marriage: No Terms and Conditions Chapter 57 : Flashback 8 : Runway
Chrisanna "I'm going to Jenny's party. It's in her place. Who's coming with me?" I look at Samuel and Eric, hands on my waist, tight-eyed at the lunch table as they pass glances at each other. "Every time I was up to something with you, I got caught and had my PC seized by Dad as punishment", Eric seethes. I look at Samuel and he just looks here and there."What about you?" I gasp."Me?""Yes, kid. You. You're the only well-mannered one. No one is gonna doubt you", I say.He rolls his eyes. "Why do you both always try to screw me just because of that?"Eric laughs."What's this party about?" Samuel frowns. "Her sweet 16th birthday party. I wanna go. It'll be a full night party and I have to sneak out""You didn't get permission for that?" Samuel gasps."No all-night party", I groan. "Have you ever been to a party before? I don't think you went to one. At least, not in a whole year I have been here", Samuel says. "It can be my first time", I tap on the table. "Come on. You guys sh
Latest chapter
Dispute Marriage: No Terms and Conditions Announcement : 15th August, 2023
Hello, everyone. This month has been a really bad one. After I posted the previous chapter almost 10 days ago, I was doing pretty well. None of my family members nor I have ever suffered from Dengue before which is why I had no idea that after the fever decreases abruptly there is a higher chance to have a very bad fever after a couple of days. I wasn't fully recovered. Had to get admitted in the hospital. I really tried my best to use my free time to write something but it was next to impossible. It's been two days since I have come back home and doing pretty well. But due to a gap in writing, I'm unable to get motivated to write the next chapter. Must be an absurd request but please let me know in the comments how many of you are still with me, waiting for the rest of the chapters, so I can have some boost in motivation and push myself to finally get back on track. Thanks in advance for all the good wishes. Hugs?
Dispute Marriage: No Terms and Conditions Chapter 109 : Month— Nine
ChrisannaYou know what's the worst part of this phase? I know every bit of change happening in my body and my mind but people around me— who love me— are trying their best to hide those changes I may not see but feel. I snuggle into Samuel's arms after breaking the kiss and exhaling deeply as his grip tightens. I feel his heart racing, faster than ever.He thinks I didn't notice anything. But I did feel everything. I felt the sudden change in his voice which he tried to hide. I felt his hands suddenly moving more gently than ever as if he was scared to touch my hair, as if he feared the more he'll mess with them the more they'll come out. He thinks he can prevent them from falling anymore. Maybe. But he can't.I know everything. I feel everything.I feel him. He can't hide. He can't lie. "You're feeling well? We can cancel the date if you want to", he asks me, squeezing my shoulders gently. "No. I wanna go""You sure""Hmm", I lift my head and smile at him. *We spent the rest of
Dispute Marriage: No Terms and Conditions Chapter 108 : Month—Seven
Samuel"I'm sure I was born only to meet her", I say, smiling down, midway through my speech— among the group settling in a circle during the weekly meeting. "Every good thing that happened in my life— all revolved around her. I just don't know how that's possible. I believe that I was born for her. Just to meet her and love her. There's no damn purpose in my life. There haven't been any"My breath hitches as I look around at all the smiling faces."Do I look better to you all? Like better than how I was when I came to the first meeting?" A tinge of anticipation stirs me up. "I just don't want to go back to the worst phase of my life anymore. And I'm so fearful that it would happen if I keep watching her struggling. It's very painful—" I struggle to speak.Strangely, it didn't happen ever since I started coming to the meetings and I always talked fluently.As I struggle to speak, my phone rings. Even though it's not allowed to carry phones while in the meeting, I'm allowed as I discus
Dispute Marriage: No Terms and Conditions Chapter 107 : Month—Five : Four words
ChrisannaIt's like a script they have all memorized. "Line dance", Uncle Colton says, getting up and walking towards the music player. "Darn. I hate it!" Eric snarls. "All dancing like soldiers""It's fun. We do it every time in family gatherings", Judson says, flickering a smile. "Seriously! Are you a 50-year-old in the body of a 17-year-old?" Eric grimaces, making Judson silent."Stop bullying him, Eric", Kylee shoots him a glare."Opposite attracts— shit is real", Charlotte laughs her lungs out, taking sips from her drink."Okay, you all", Uncle Colton turns the music on. "Get into a line"As everyone takes place for a line dance, Samuel helps me to get up."You don't need to match and move that much, okay? Just enjoy", he says. "Don't stress" I nod and notice a few people from the park have also joined. The environment seems to come alive with the rhythm of the dance as I weakly copied Charlotte's steps who is standing before me and briefly look at Samuel beside me. He has a
Dispute Marriage: No Terms and Conditions Chapter 106 : Month Five : The celebration
ChrisannaThe sun-kissed park provides a picturesque setting as the sprawling green meadow unfolds in front of me. Towering trees with long branches surrounding us leaves gently rustling in the soft breeze. The vibrant colours of blooming flowers dot the landscape.I inhale deeply, swallowing the canvas before my eyes. It all seems so new and mesmerising. I haven't inhaled fresh air for months. More than half of the last five months were spent within the four walls of the hospital and I also didn't wanna step out.I miss my old life so much. I look yards away, taking every inch of the view, watching kids playing around, families conversing and groups of friends laughing aloud."It's really hot over here", Samuel comes beside me, blocking the sun rays straight hitting my face as how tall he is. I look up at him and smile, finding Zoey curled around his neck. "I missed this heat""In that case, I think you had enough of it", he slides his hand behind my back and I keep smiling at Zoey
Dispute Marriage: No Terms and Conditions Chapter 105 : Month—Five
Chrisanna Stage III. As hard as it is to accept, this is the reality. It's been weeks since I've been back to the hospital. Again.And it sucks. I'm going through radiation therapy now. Even though my breasts were removed, cancer spread beyond that area to nearby lymph nodes surrounding tissues, chest walls, and skin.My skin burns, itches, and aches most of the time. I feel tired even pushing my eyelids and sometimes it's even harder to breathe. Although my stitches are gone, leaving those lifelong scars, the soreness and fatigue still wake me up every night. But now I have learned not to cry out. I have learned how to live with this discomfort and pain. Among everything, my life is just standing still. It seems like I'm stuck in a loophole where the world is running at a fast pace and I'm just standing there. I don't feel the same anymore. I'm not the same. The changes haunt me. I find it hard to accept myself. And every time I try to speak my heart out, I can't. They don't
Dispute Marriage: No Terms and Conditions Chapter 104 : Month—Two (2)
SamuelChrisanna had to spend the next week in the hospital. As she preferred, Aunty Ivanna was there for her most of the time. I rarely got to spend time with her as the nurses and doctors had to check on her every half an hour. She might need a few weeks to recover from the surgery before the radiation therapy starts. According to the doctors, she'll need more than a year to get past all that and it depends on her recovery whether she'd need more therapy or not. However, I'm more concerned about the woman she's turning into— completely different from what she was. She barely speaks to me. She just stares at me whenever I am there as if she's talking to me through her eyes and I feel dumb and desperate when I can't bring myself to understand what she might want to say.I try to be there for her as much as I can but I wish I could do more. To ensure I'm in a better state of mind, I regularly attend my therapy sessions. Connor introduced me to a group and I have attended two meetings
Dispute Marriage: No Terms and Conditions Chapter 103 : Month–Two
ChrisannaNo amount of willpower, confidence, and support can prepare you for this— no matter how strong you try to be— it's never that easy. The day I was diagnosed with this disease again, I was so sure that I would overcome it— again. If a seven-year-old child can fight, then a twenty-five-year-old grown-ass woman can definitely fight and win. But little did I know that, it's not the same— and never that easy.The more I was sucked into this illness, the more I realized it's not the same. It's more painful than anything else. Either I lose something that defines my identity, or I lose myself. Either way, I have to lose. Spacing out of reality, I look down at my hands, clasping and unclasping them as my eyes dart to the wedding ring, glistening on my finger. My thoughts slip away from one direction to the other one as Samuel's face flashes in front of my eyes. I haven't seen him for two days— ever since I was admitted to the hospital for surgery. I met no one as I requested them
Dispute Marriage: No Terms and Conditions Chapter 102 : Month—One (2)
SamuelI wasn't honestly expecting something like that. There's barely any word I can form to speak when she stares straight into my eyes with a blank face. Her voice barely shakes and her gaze doesn't even flinch.This is not anything like Chrisanna. Chrisanna is all about expressing. She doesn't believe in being or looking emotionless— cold and rough. She should have been nervous, scared, or hurt while saying such a huge thing to me. At least— to me!I had seen changes in her behaviour lately but it's something painful to watch.She keeps staring at me, waiting for an answer when I was completely spaced out. I shrug, clearing my throat."Okay""It's awful", she doesn't blink— and her voice is ice cold. She should be flinching and groaning in frustration and maybe in anger. There's nothing!"It's not awful", I exclaim, immediately sliding my palm around her jaw. "It's a way to heal you""Yeah. Just throwing away a part of my body isn't awful", she groans, making me unsettled."No.
