Chrisanna I trace my fingers on the tattoo on his arm which has covered a good space of his biceps. I have always wanted to look at it from closer but I never got that chance. Most of the time when we were this close this close, we would either fight or my entire focus was on the hyperventilating Samuel. I couldn't see how fucking hot the tattoo looked on his skin."You don't wanna share?" my voice comes low as I keep caressing and staring at it, making countless assumptions about what it can be. He doesn't reply for a long moment before holding my wrist and sliding it down to his bare torso. My skin burns with his knuckles continuously tracing my bare shoulder. The intimacy we share is next to sheer perfection and I can't stop wanting him to leave a trace of his magical touch all over my body. However, I also know we're still not ready for it. "This—" he lets out a sigh, staring at the tattoo. His eyes slightly flinch. "What can you see?"I carefully stare at it, not really graspi
Chrisanna I wake up to the sun directly shining on my face. Squirming against the backseat, I struggle to open my eyes due to the lack of sleep. It was early morning when I dozed off and I exactly remember Samuel was still awake. He's not inside the car though. However, I don't panic or call him, knowing he wouldn't go anywhere, leaving me alone and naked in this car. Exhaling deeply, I can't help replaying the entire night inside of my head. My cheeks burn as I nibble my bottom lip to control that smile. It seems like the best night I have experienced in ages.That kiss. I never thought it would feel so good like a thread connecting us more intimately. And I can't get over the fact that it was his first kiss too. Yeah, he told me he got no girlfriend but you don't need a girlfriend or boyfriend to kiss someone. I have heard stories of people hooking up and it sounded so natural. I thought I was the only one who was weird, that I could never really hook up or get attracted to anyon
SamuelChrisanna doesn't wait for me to do anything. She grabs my arms and turns me around with so much confidence that she could flip my giant body three times bigger than her with a little bit of strength. It just makes me smile. "Oh, my God!" Chrisanna cries out as soon as she lifts my t-shirt. "This— how did this happen?" there's pure terror in her voice. "Samuel, how did you get this bru—" her voice freezes for a moment. "It happened last night?"I flip around and look into her unnerved eyes. "Why didn't you tell me? I asked you if you got hurt. And—" she groans. "I should have checked it properly""It's fine. I barely bled", I scoff."Yeah, right. You don't have to bleed to get hurt. Did you see your back properly? It looks miserable", her voice shivers. "It'll be fine. I'm gonna take a shower now and apply some ointment", I tell her. "You'll do it?" she asks."Yeah. Of course. You think these stupid scars hurt me?" I'm clearly bragging because it really hurts like shit!She
Chrisanna We reached the office within ten minutes and Samuel wouldn't tell me what the matter is. He just said he got some messages from Scarlett. He's walking faster, having completely forgotten that he has heavy bruises on his back. And I'm more focused on him than whatever is going on.As we reach inside, my eyes slightly widen in shock, discovering Rhys seated in the middle of the staff room while talking to some employees and turning pages of a file."What the hell is he doing here?" I mutter to Samuel and find the irk growing on his face.As all the eyes avert on us, the entire staff room becomes silent and Rhys looks at us, surprised, as if he didn't notice us coming inside. "Ah! Good afternoon, Samuel. Mind not calling you Mr Vance?" he grins."Not at all, Rhys. Good afternoon", Samuel husks. "May I know what you are doing in my office?""We had an appointment""That was not here. We were about to meet at yours", Samuel tucks his hands into his pocket as his body stiffens.
Chrisanna "You know you have been angry with me for like four times in the last three days", Samuel says, resting his arms on the door of the car as I come out, throwing him a cold glare. "I needed more than twelve hours to convince you""Did I tell you I'm angry?" I frown, slamming the door shut."And what about the cold treatment you're giving me?" he sounds frustrated as hell and deep down, I'm really enjoying that.Am I really evil to enjoy this?Of course, not. He owes me so much and he deserves to get frustrated by me once in a while."What cold treatment? What do you want me to do?" I roll my eyes and surge towards the clinic entrance. "You clearly understand what it's all about. We're in the clinic. I kept the promise", he says.I keep walking without giving a reply to him. His hand finds my hand and he laces his fingers with mine. The butterflies in my stomach live up, curling up inside me. I look at the side of my shoulder to hide my face from him because I know my face m
Samuel I walk into the prison. Chills rush through my body with every step I take inside. At some point, I want to turn back and leave, but I push myself through the decision I have taken after years. Two officers in charge block my way, dragging me out of my jumbled-up thoughts. "Are you here as a visitor?" one of them asks.I nod. "Yeah"I follow them to the prison warden."Who do you want to meet?" the warden asks. "Name of the prisoner?""Damien Porter", my throat throbs as I utter this name after years. The warden immediately looks up at me, frowning."Damien Porter?"I nod."Strange. No one comes to visit him. What's your name and what's your relationship with him?""It's Samuel Vance Gabriel. He's my— father", I utter. The warden nods. "Good for you that you don't carry such a person's name anymore. Anyway, the officers will show you the visitor's cell. Sign here"I complete the procedure and walk through the row of cells, following two officers. I'm waiting into the fade
Chrisanna "And Rhys is involving himself too much with the breast cancer research project. He wasn't even interested in it at first, then suddenly yesterday— he came to the office and started adding more investors we don't even need. He even tried to cut off a few of our old investors. Thankfully, Samuel immediately went to meet them in person and they didn't mind", I finish narrating the entire story to Emmy and Uncle Kane while making dinner."What's he up to?" Uncle Kane frowns, taking the baking tray with steak out of the microwave oven. "No clue. That's all Samuel told me", I mutter while stirring the creamy mashed potatoes on the stove."Are we talking about work now?" Emmy shrugs, nudging the cutting board aside."It's just for time-pass", Uncle Kane rolls his eyes. "Right, Chrissie?""Of course", I laugh."I think it's boring", Kylee mutters, popping marshmallows into her mouth, sitting on the kitchen counter."And what are you doing up there?" Emmy screeches. "Eating these
Chrisanna I don't know whether I should be freaked out at the way Samuel snapped or be stunned at the words he used. It's too much to process. I was definitely not expecting such a huge shock. Uncle Kane isn't Samuel's father? Did I mishear? It better not be true. Unless it is. "I want a damn answer", his voice is calm but clipped, a clear indication that he is seething with anger. The shock on Emmy and Uncle Kane's faces is palpable as their eyes dart back and forth in search of words.However, right now, I'm more focused on Samuel, knowing it'll only get worse. His body language, his reddening eyes and his stiff body say it all. Emmy and Uncle Kane might not have any idea of his issues. "Samuel", a whisper barely escapes my lips as I slip my arm around his torso to pull him backwards. "You're not feeling well. Come with me. Please"I try to keep my voice as low as possible so no one can hear me except him but it seems like he paid no attention to what I'm saying. Nonetheless, de
Hello, everyone. This month has been a really bad one. After I posted the previous chapter almost 10 days ago, I was doing pretty well. None of my family members nor I have ever suffered from Dengue before which is why I had no idea that after the fever decreases abruptly there is a higher chance to have a very bad fever after a couple of days. I wasn't fully recovered. Had to get admitted in the hospital. I really tried my best to use my free time to write something but it was next to impossible. It's been two days since I have come back home and doing pretty well. But due to a gap in writing, I'm unable to get motivated to write the next chapter. Must be an absurd request but please let me know in the comments how many of you are still with me, waiting for the rest of the chapters, so I can have some boost in motivation and push myself to finally get back on track. Thanks in advance for all the good wishes. Hugs?
ChrisannaYou know what's the worst part of this phase? I know every bit of change happening in my body and my mind but people around me— who love me— are trying their best to hide those changes I may not see but feel. I snuggle into Samuel's arms after breaking the kiss and exhaling deeply as his grip tightens. I feel his heart racing, faster than ever.He thinks I didn't notice anything. But I did feel everything. I felt the sudden change in his voice which he tried to hide. I felt his hands suddenly moving more gently than ever as if he was scared to touch my hair, as if he feared the more he'll mess with them the more they'll come out. He thinks he can prevent them from falling anymore. Maybe. But he can't.I know everything. I feel everything.I feel him. He can't hide. He can't lie. "You're feeling well? We can cancel the date if you want to", he asks me, squeezing my shoulders gently. "No. I wanna go""You sure""Hmm", I lift my head and smile at him. *We spent the rest of
Samuel"I'm sure I was born only to meet her", I say, smiling down, midway through my speech— among the group settling in a circle during the weekly meeting. "Every good thing that happened in my life— all revolved around her. I just don't know how that's possible. I believe that I was born for her. Just to meet her and love her. There's no damn purpose in my life. There haven't been any"My breath hitches as I look around at all the smiling faces."Do I look better to you all? Like better than how I was when I came to the first meeting?" A tinge of anticipation stirs me up. "I just don't want to go back to the worst phase of my life anymore. And I'm so fearful that it would happen if I keep watching her struggling. It's very painful—" I struggle to speak.Strangely, it didn't happen ever since I started coming to the meetings and I always talked fluently.As I struggle to speak, my phone rings. Even though it's not allowed to carry phones while in the meeting, I'm allowed as I discus
ChrisannaIt's like a script they have all memorized. "Line dance", Uncle Colton says, getting up and walking towards the music player. "Darn. I hate it!" Eric snarls. "All dancing like soldiers""It's fun. We do it every time in family gatherings", Judson says, flickering a smile. "Seriously! Are you a 50-year-old in the body of a 17-year-old?" Eric grimaces, making Judson silent."Stop bullying him, Eric", Kylee shoots him a glare."Opposite attracts— shit is real", Charlotte laughs her lungs out, taking sips from her drink."Okay, you all", Uncle Colton turns the music on. "Get into a line"As everyone takes place for a line dance, Samuel helps me to get up."You don't need to match and move that much, okay? Just enjoy", he says. "Don't stress" I nod and notice a few people from the park have also joined. The environment seems to come alive with the rhythm of the dance as I weakly copied Charlotte's steps who is standing before me and briefly look at Samuel beside me. He has a
ChrisannaThe sun-kissed park provides a picturesque setting as the sprawling green meadow unfolds in front of me. Towering trees with long branches surrounding us leaves gently rustling in the soft breeze. The vibrant colours of blooming flowers dot the landscape.I inhale deeply, swallowing the canvas before my eyes. It all seems so new and mesmerising. I haven't inhaled fresh air for months. More than half of the last five months were spent within the four walls of the hospital and I also didn't wanna step out.I miss my old life so much. I look yards away, taking every inch of the view, watching kids playing around, families conversing and groups of friends laughing aloud."It's really hot over here", Samuel comes beside me, blocking the sun rays straight hitting my face as how tall he is. I look up at him and smile, finding Zoey curled around his neck. "I missed this heat""In that case, I think you had enough of it", he slides his hand behind my back and I keep smiling at Zoey
Chrisanna Stage III. As hard as it is to accept, this is the reality. It's been weeks since I've been back to the hospital. Again.And it sucks. I'm going through radiation therapy now. Even though my breasts were removed, cancer spread beyond that area to nearby lymph nodes surrounding tissues, chest walls, and skin.My skin burns, itches, and aches most of the time. I feel tired even pushing my eyelids and sometimes it's even harder to breathe. Although my stitches are gone, leaving those lifelong scars, the soreness and fatigue still wake me up every night. But now I have learned not to cry out. I have learned how to live with this discomfort and pain. Among everything, my life is just standing still. It seems like I'm stuck in a loophole where the world is running at a fast pace and I'm just standing there. I don't feel the same anymore. I'm not the same. The changes haunt me. I find it hard to accept myself. And every time I try to speak my heart out, I can't. They don't
SamuelChrisanna had to spend the next week in the hospital. As she preferred, Aunty Ivanna was there for her most of the time. I rarely got to spend time with her as the nurses and doctors had to check on her every half an hour. She might need a few weeks to recover from the surgery before the radiation therapy starts. According to the doctors, she'll need more than a year to get past all that and it depends on her recovery whether she'd need more therapy or not. However, I'm more concerned about the woman she's turning into— completely different from what she was. She barely speaks to me. She just stares at me whenever I am there as if she's talking to me through her eyes and I feel dumb and desperate when I can't bring myself to understand what she might want to say.I try to be there for her as much as I can but I wish I could do more. To ensure I'm in a better state of mind, I regularly attend my therapy sessions. Connor introduced me to a group and I have attended two meetings
ChrisannaNo amount of willpower, confidence, and support can prepare you for this— no matter how strong you try to be— it's never that easy. The day I was diagnosed with this disease again, I was so sure that I would overcome it— again. If a seven-year-old child can fight, then a twenty-five-year-old grown-ass woman can definitely fight and win. But little did I know that, it's not the same— and never that easy.The more I was sucked into this illness, the more I realized it's not the same. It's more painful than anything else. Either I lose something that defines my identity, or I lose myself. Either way, I have to lose. Spacing out of reality, I look down at my hands, clasping and unclasping them as my eyes dart to the wedding ring, glistening on my finger. My thoughts slip away from one direction to the other one as Samuel's face flashes in front of my eyes. I haven't seen him for two days— ever since I was admitted to the hospital for surgery. I met no one as I requested them
SamuelI wasn't honestly expecting something like that. There's barely any word I can form to speak when she stares straight into my eyes with a blank face. Her voice barely shakes and her gaze doesn't even flinch.This is not anything like Chrisanna. Chrisanna is all about expressing. She doesn't believe in being or looking emotionless— cold and rough. She should have been nervous, scared, or hurt while saying such a huge thing to me. At least— to me!I had seen changes in her behaviour lately but it's something painful to watch.She keeps staring at me, waiting for an answer when I was completely spaced out. I shrug, clearing my throat."Okay""It's awful", she doesn't blink— and her voice is ice cold. She should be flinching and groaning in frustration and maybe in anger. There's nothing!"It's not awful", I exclaim, immediately sliding my palm around her jaw. "It's a way to heal you""Yeah. Just throwing away a part of my body isn't awful", she groans, making me unsettled."No.