Chapter 38

A concealed weapon. He made it sound as though she was planning an unexpected attack. Ava put the pistol and other stuffs inside the reticule quickly under his cautious inspection.

"I bring it anytime, anywhere since the night I almost... you know, the night you saved my life. We never know when we would meet some ... unexpected situation."

"You bring it in the morning? To the market?"

She nodded. It was a lie. Actually she just didn't bother to tidy up her reticule after her last visit to Madam Nora. But she didn't want to complicate things up.

"That's morbid."

He was still looking at her with the same expression.

"Can you use it?"

"Very well." That was the truth.

She was dangerous, literally, it never occurred to him that she was carrying that weapon all the time while she was with him. He had been unwary, heedless of his own safety. He was completely unguarded. He had underestimated her. But who would think a delicately-nurtured woman, who seemed to be sheltered in a safe and peaceful environment for all her life, who seemed utterly feminine and harmless, would go around carrying a killer weapon in her bag? He started to question did he really want to spend a week alone with her? He downed the wine impetuously in one long swallow, suddenly feeling the need to fortify himself.

She scurried back to the armless settee and glanced shortly at him. He seemed quite taken aback. She regretted her careless mistake. However, it made him forgetting about the uncomfortable break.

He made his way back to the stool and sat there, still feeling overwhelmed.

"You never stop making me jump out of my skin. If we keep seeing each other, I think before long I will get a heart attack."

And I will get a severe mental illness, she thought. If they were friends, she might very well enjoy to return his sarcastic hyperbole.

"I apologize." She murmured politely.

"How did you get that?" He asked with a cautious glance.

"It's a gift from my sister."

"Seriously?"

What the hell was wrong with these girls? Girls usually give ribbons, laces, and sort of things to one another.

"Yes."

"For what purpose?"

"Merely for survival, I suppose."

She didn't lie, and she didn't have that threatening aura about her. A menacing air that laced a dangerous person in one's presence. If she had, he would have sensed it from the first time.

"You are extremely short on words today." He wanted to know the reason behind her quietness.

"Am I?"

"Obviously. Seems like you simply don't want to talk more than a yes or a no."

"Isn't it good?"

"Good? For what?"

She struggled to find an appropriate answer.

"For... us."

The answer was rather confusing.

"Do explain precisely what you mean."

She sighed.

"It's better if I don't talk too much as it appears I always vex you when doing so."

He considered her answer for some time, then he said.

"I promise there will be no repetition of... the previous incident."

Although he never expressed guilt or regret explicitly, she found that he admitted his mistake in some way, in his own way. But she still felt uncertain. She didn't want to experience another explosion.

"Besides, I haven't the slightest intention to upset you knowing you are carrying that bloody weapon with you."

Slightly surprised by little humor in his lines, she replied playfully.

"That would be wise."

"Do you really know how to use that thing?"

"Quite so."

"Who taught you?"

"My sister. She said a woman must have some sort of self defense."

He suspected her sister was several times wilder and crazier than what the gossip said about her.

"I'm impressed."

He said and then added.

"Quite a feminine sort of self defense."

She reacted defensively at his comment.

"We only have a few choices. We don't have physical strength to fight in close combat and a gun will allow us to defend ourselves in a relatively safe distance from the attacker."

"Did you ever use it against somebody before?" He asked casually, but somehow she noticed a hint of vigilance.

"No. Never." She answered decisively.

"I'm afraid you've got the wrong impression on this. I've never shot anything but a target board. I'm carrying my gun with me only these past days after the incident. True, I considered it might be necessary to keep it when I decided to move to this town, because I suppose there would be risks of danger. After all, it's a perfectly unfamiliar place to me with no man's protection and no one to rely on. It's merely for survival."

She was explaining herself and it seemed like she was a little unguarded this time. A perfect time to venture further. He wanted to know about her.

"Why did you choose this path?"

"What?"

"Why do you choose to suffer a constant difficulty living in a hideaway? What could possibly be so terrible about being married to Roger Irving? He is reasonably decent and good looking. Everybody know he is a spendthrift and a compulsive gambler, but I don't see that it matters."

Because your father was richer than Croesus, and would be eager to provide you with a generous allowance. But Ashton decided to keep the last line to himself.

"I'd rather hang myself than being married to him. He is an insufferable cad."

Her answer implied that her betrothed had done something to her that infuriatingly molesting. It aroused an absurd curiosity. He wondered if she preserved her chastity. He studied her furtively. If she were just another peasant girl, he would believe that she was a virgin. Her whole appearance and gestures signified innocence. Yet her mother and sister were well known to have a debauched lifestyle, especially her sister who overtly showed her excessive sensual behavior in public. Her morality was questionable. This young woman might look as innocent and proper as a demure country miss, but it was impossible if she hadn't been tainted. Possibly both Magnus and Irving had gone all the way with her. He speculated about how many men she had been intimate with. Strangely, the wicked thought was arousing and irritating at the same time.

As though she could read his mind, she stared at him and said firmly.

"Whatever you might think of me right now, you've got the wrong idea."

His paintbrush halted at once. How could she know what he was thinking about?

"You must be thinking I spoke ill of him to justify myself, but I broke the betrothal for all the right reasons."

She would never understand how her adulterous cad of a fiancé could ever make it to be a society heartthrob. It seemed like she was the only one who thought that Roger was an incorrigible loser.

"As far as I know, the betrothal between you and your betrothed is an agreement under the law which is unbreakable, and can only be fortwith unto and non binding, according to His Majesty." He said nonchalantly.

So her father had exaggerated when he said that even the king himself couldn't break it. Unfortunately it didn't make a difference.

"Or it can be void if I'm already married to another man before they find me."

She said it rather to herself, trying to push away the fear that suddenly creeping into her mind.

"I see no reason why you put yourself into a troublesome situation like this. Essentially, Irving isn't a bad option."

"He tried to molest me, and he hit me in the process. Is it acceptable to your sensible standards of judgment?"

Her voice rose in pitch.

She said 'he tried to'. It meant he hadn't done it yet. It meant possibly she had not lost her innocence... He struggled to push away the nonsensical thoughts. What the hell was he thinking about? What made him desperate to know about her private matters? He didn't have any intention to go further than this, let alone to have an affair with her. It didn't matter if she was a virgin or a slut or anything in between.

"Then you'd prefer to live in a hideaway for an uncertain period of time over marrying your noble fiancé?"

"I'd prefer death over marrying him." She replied tartly.

"How did it feel to leave all the convenience you had been used to? It must be quite tough, isn't it?"

"I think I've already got used to it."

"Don't talk nonsense. You were raised in the lap of luxury. Perhaps you can endure this kind of life for a year or two, but you cannot live like this forever."

"I'm not that into luxuries, I found out living a simple life isn't that bad. If there's something more I'd rather to obtain, it is to build my own family."

If it ever happened, she would be free from the binding contract, and she would have a chance to see her family again.

"So, you're planning to build a family..."

From the look in his face, it seemed as if she had said something ludicrous. Feeling a bit irritated with his skepticism, she replied defensively.

"I know the prospect is quite impossible, but if there's a chance, it's preferable. Otherwise, I'll just have to go on by myself."

Suddenly a crackbrained impulse caught him. He wanted to know a little bit more. He wanted to know what sort of woman she was.

"I wouldn't consider it an option if I were you."

"What?"

"To go on by yourself. Eventually, it couldn't provide you the most essential need."

"I've been living by myself thus far, and I can make quite a sufficient living."

"I'm not talking about material well-being. A woman, alone in this world without a man's protection have become all too frequent victims of assaults and other violent crimes."

He chose his words carefully, he would make it as subtle as it possibly could. At the same time, he should make certain she understand what he meant.

"While marriage is impossible, sure a man can offer you a mutual solution for your situation."

He just wanted to put her to the test. He just needed to know, had she given an offer, would she take the chance? Moreover, would she take the chance if the offer was from him?

"What do you mean?"