Chapter 35

"I'm sorry."

Damn. She had seen the drawing of her in his sketchbook. She must be imagining she was something special to him now. She must be thinking he had been attracted to her. But he shouldn't care overmuch about it, he had asked her to be his muse. He said openly he wanted to paint her. She must have known he had some kind of interest to her.

"Sit over there!" He motioned to an armless settee, anger made his voice harsh. She obeyed in a rush, the next second she already settled herself there.

"You're not allowed to do anything here other than sitting there and staying perfectly still. Keep your hands away from my things."

She was still overwhelmed with the unexpected discovery, she barely felt fear or shock. She mused on him, wondering what was he thinking when making a sketch of her? Was she on his mind every second of it? Though, she shouldn't be too surprised about it. She had known it from yesterday that he wanted her as a muse.

"Before you got the wrong impression on your mind, let me be clear about this." He said as if he could hear her thoughts.

"I've been working in this project for a long time, but it hasn't finished yet because I cannot figure out a face for the elf. I've tried to draw it in every way I could think of, but none of them felt right... So it remained faceless... when I saw you lately, I found that you could portray it quite well. Amongst the other women in this small town, looked like you're the best I can get."

She remained silent for a moment before finally replied.

"I see."

He couldn't tell if she was content with the explanation or if he was satisfied with his own deception, but she didn't say anything else and sat still, waiting for him to begin. So he took the paintbrush and started to make a few basic lines.

"Where do I put my hands? Is it all right like this?" She settled her hands properly on her lap.

"Yes." Ashton murmured an approval idly. He didn't really care about her pose. Actually this was just an excuse to look at her as long as he pleased.

"I need to know, how long will it take for me to stay here?"

It didn't occur to her until this morning. Polly would be terribly worried about her if she didn't come home until nightfall.

"You can leave by midday."

And so did he. Selene and her family would be expecting him for lunch.

Ava felt a great relief. It didn't take as long as she thought. Midday was only less than four hours away. She would be free after this. It was easier than she thought. She had worried overmuch about this.

Time passed in silence. The only sound in the room was the soft cracking fire in the fireplace. She didn't know how long it had been when she finally said.

"Excuse me, can I speak? Or should I stay still like a statue?"

"Do whatever you please, just don't change your position." He answered as his eyes fixated on the canvas.

"How is your hand? Are you feeling better right now? Does the medicine work?"

"Miraculously. My hand is significantly getting better. It showed a great progress in recovery."

"Glad to hear that. Does it hurt when you're drawing or painting like now?"

"Just a bit. There's a slight pain, but it's nothing."

He moved his gaze from the canvas and met hers.

"I have to thank you."

"You saved my life. I can never pay what I owe you." She replied politely.

Seemed like he was in friendly mood now. Perhaps she could ask him some questions that haunted her for months. She stayed silent for a while before speaking carefully.

"May I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"How is he?"

Ashton felt an unreasonable prick in his chest. He knew instantly who 'he' was.

"He is doing fine. He could do well without you."

She said nothing in reply. His hand ceased moving and he glanced at her with growing curiousity.

"Do you still... care about him?"

He wasn't really certain why he switched the word 'love' in the last second. Love is a strong word, too strong, and for some unfathomable reason, he dreaded she would say something he didn't want to hear.

"I do..." She said it profoundly, and he could feel the words were coming from the heart.

"I hope you treat him kind."

And there were many, so many many questions she wanted to ask about him, but she knew she couldn't.

Did he ever smile and laugh again after the day they were apart? Did he ever mention her name? Did he think of her every second in every waking hours of the day as she did? Did he dream of her when he was sleeping? Did he awake in the darkest hours of night and the first thing he could think of was her? Did he miss her as much as she missed him? Did he really already forget her? Why did he never come to see her or send her a message? Well, they both knew there was a great risk if he did. She couldn't really blame him for that. But still, she wondered if she was feeling this way alone.

She prayed life treated him kind. She prayed he didn't suffer a great sorrow and loneliness as she did. She prayed he already moved on with his life and she prayed he was happy now. Time eventually healed everything and better times had come to her. She hoped they did for him.

There was a gleam of sorrow and longing in her eyes. Deep and intense. Strangely, a strong emotion stirred inside him like a maelstrom, fierce and unrestrained. He never experienced this sort of feeling before, perhaps he had, but definitely not this intense. Something like rage, an unreasonable one, overtook him beyond his senses.

"How bad is that?"

"What?"

"The pain of separation."

She stared idly at the fireplace, completely unaware of another increasing heat in the atmosphere.

"Very bad. I've never known such a devastating feeling before, like I have no reason to live another day..."

"Then you must hate me as hell for that."

How did she supposed to react to that statement?

"I don't."

"I doubt that very much." He said with obvious cynicism.

Ava glanced back at him and just realized his expression had turned cold and ruthless. She had no idea what possibly changed his mood in a matter of seconds.

"That's true."

"That's rot. I'm the one who forced you both into a devastating separation and you said you don't hate me for that? What are you? A saint?"

Blast it all! She did nothing and he acted like a wounded animal ready to kill its opponent.

"Well, if you're so convinced about it, then I suppose you find it reasonable."

She did it again. It was the second time she returned his remark. He thought it was time for her to learn that no one crossed him without consequences. No one. He eyed her and spoke in deceitful calmness.

"Are you trying to challenge me?"

Ava watched him in alert. She knew very well what was coming when he looked and sounded like that.

"I dare not."

"You are. You enjoyed your foolish little counter against me. I can sense your satisfaction in doing so."

She couldn't believe it. She was certain she did nothing, absolutely nothing and he was mad to bring her to heel. She pitied the poor Lady Selene Wyndham who would have this impossible peevish as a husband. She couldn't imagine how a woman could live with him everyday for the rest of her life.

She eyed him back and replied in the same manner.

"If you insist, Your Grace. Who can deny you?"

She stood up from her seat. She would no longer accept the barrage of insults and intimidation he always threw at her.

"I think I no longer serve the purpose of my presence here. I only provoke you to an unnecessary quarrel with me. It's better if I leave now."

She walked toward the door, not bothering about changing clothes.

"Don't you dare walk out that door before I dismiss you..."