Jealous God 8

Jax

Chicago went by without a hitch, and so did the next three stops on the American leg of our world tour. To anyone who looked at us, we were the old Dionysus Rising. Even Dion himself seemed to be back to normal. It was only behind the scenes that the cracks were noticeable. And they were mostly cracks I had put in us. My band mates were unquestionably loyal to me, and they always would be, but that didn’t mean that they wouldn’t chew me out if they thought I was in the wrong.

And they thought I was in the wrong with how I treated Elodie. 

It wasn’t even that I was openly hostile most of the time, although spending what seemed like every waking moment with her, I had snapped more than was normal for me. But there was a coldness between us. Although coldness might be putting it lightly. More like a nuclear winter. Elodie couldn’t even be in the same room as me without her lips thinning and curling, and personally I wanted to rip my own ears off every time she opened her prim and proper mouth. 

Not that either of us came right out and said we hated each other, though. We were nothing but professional. But our aloofness was putting a strain on the rest of the band. And it was beginning to show. 

Still, there were only two more weeks, that’s all. And then we would be flying home. Dion could check into rehab or whatever the plan was, and I wouldn’t have to see Elodie’s smug little face ever again. 

Two weeks and I could...

“God, Jax. Either go knock on her door and pin that girl down on the bed, or go elsewhere and get laid. Your constant moody fidgeting is starting to make me want to drink again.”

Guiltily, I tore my eyes from the back of the bus. From where she was. Bristling, I drummed my fingers on the table. Slowly, I raised my eyebrows to Dion, and instantly wanted to wipe the smug, knowing look from his face. “Not exactly a lot of opportunity to get laid here, unless you fancy it.” I raised an eyebrow suggestively and was rewarded by a small chuckle.

He sounded so much like his old self before all the shit with our old drummer Isla had gone down, before our newer drummer’s little sister had done some kind of number on his heart.

After a day, he had fallen for her, after a damn day, so it might have been a number on his ego and not his heart, because not even a hopeless romantic like Dion could fall in love that quickly. At least I hoped not. He sure as hell hadn’t acted like that over another woman in the entire time I had known him, which had been years. There had just been something about Lola, something that in his fragile state he had latched on to. Like he had told me, she was good, and he needed some of that in his life.

I had no idea if he still craved that light in his life. He hadn’t mentioned her for a while. But I suspected he did, and he was just playing it cool, trying his best to get clean, so maybe when we got back to the UK he would get a chance. 

Still couldn’t fucking believe he had asked her to marry him, though. The very thought didn’t sit right with me.

Except part of it did. Being loved was part and parcel with who we were. We were loved and adored the world over. But it wasn’t the same as having someone who actually loved us for us. Someone that actually wanted to be with us because of the men we were and not the rockstars the world saw. That’s what Dion had seen when he looked at Lola. A chance for someone to like him for him, not for his fame or his money. And I wanted that for him.

I wanted it for myself as well.

One day.

Without meaning to, my eyes wandered back to the closed door. Behind it, Elodie would no doubt be sleeping. Or whatever else it was she did when she locked herself away so she didn’t have to be in the same vicinity as me. If it had been just Dion out here, I had no doubt she would have been out here chatting, laughing, playing cards, which I had caught them doing several times over the weeks she had been with us. 

They were friends.

We weren’t.

“As tempting as that offer is, Jax, we both know I’m not the one you want to get naked with.”

I didn’t turn to him, mostly because I didn’t want him to see how true his words were. I didn’t know when it had started to occur to me that Elodie got under my skin because I wanted her. Sometime around the time I had pulled her on my lap and so much blood had rushed from my head and headed south that I thought I was going to pass out. Before that? I didn’t know, but it was starting to drive me and everyone around me insane. 

“I’ve seen you naked plenty of times. You’re hot,” I told him with a wink. Goofing around with him was easier than thinking about Elodie, and the fact that having loud, angry sex with her might be the only thing that would clear the air. Bad idea, but, God, it was tempting. “I’d do you.”

Dion threw back his head and laughed. “Yeah, I know you would, brother, but wouldn’t you rather do…” He didn’t finish the sentence, instead he nodded his head towards the closed door. His voice was loud, and it would carry. All I could do was hope she was asleep.

“No.”

His laughter grew louder, or at least it felt like it did. Angrily, I threw a look at him, warning him without talking that I needed him to shut up now. The last thing I needed was for her to be listening in. Because she would love it. Maybe not the fact that I wanted to fuck her until her eyes rolled back, but the fact she had gotten under my skin. 

“You’re going to go out fighting, huh?” Shaking his head, Dion reclined backwards. “Not even going to admit to me that you like her?”

“Not even going to admit it to myself, Dion, because it’s not true.”

“Sure, sure. Of course not.”

I frowned. Why did it sound like he didn’t believe me?

“So, this thing between you two isn’t pent up sexual attraction?”

“No.” Maybe, I added silently. Although there was no maybe about it. 

“And you’re not acting like a schoolboy pulling the pigtails of the girl he likes? You know she’s pretty awesome, right? You could just knock on her door and tell her that you fancy her.”

Staring at him, I felt my lips twist into a grin. “Is that what you did with Lola?” It was a low blow, and I knew it. Especially when I didn’t know everything that had gone on between the two of them. “How did that work out for you?”

“Kind of shitty to be honest, but,” he gave a shrug, “I don’t regret it. I’m pretty sure mine and Lola’s paths will cross again, and at a better time.”

“Not giving up on her, huh?” Leaning forward, I gave him my entire attention, and all thoughts of Elodie and what she might be doing behind that closed door were momentarily forgotten. 

“No, I don’t think so. There was something there, you know? She made me feel...” He waved his hand around for a second, not able to find the right words. 

“You fucked her, right?” But I already knew he had. I had caught them sneaking down from his hotel room together, hand in hand, acting and giggling like teens. I remembered the dark heat in my best friend’s eyes and the blush that had crept up Lola’s cheeks when seen together. He had been swept away by her after only a few hours. Crazy but true. 

Dion didn’t answer me. He didn’t need to.

“She that good?”

Levelling his eyes to me, Dion glared. “A gentleman doesn’t kiss and tell.”

“That’s a yes then…and Dion, you aren’t a fucking gentleman.” I meant it as a joke, but his lips thinned, almost disappearing under his teeth.

“For her, I kind of want to be. She makes me want to be a better man for her.”

I rolled my eyes. “Never pegged you for a romantic.” Although that wasn’t entirely true either. 

“You should try it sometime, you know, telling a girl how you feel. You might even like it, Jax.”

“I tell women how I feel all the time. I would show them as well if I ever got the chance of getting the bus to myself, or a dressing room or…” Waggling my eyebrows, I grinned, leaving him in no doubt what I was talking about. 

“Dude, you haven’t touched a woman since Eli got here. Are you really going to sit there and tell me it’s because you can’t get alone time?” He scoffed. “That’s never stopped you before, so why now?”

I opened my mouth and snapped it shut again. There was no way he would believe me if I told him that it was because I was trying to be respectful. I wasn’t even sure I believed my own bullshit anymore. 

“Fuck off.”

One dark eyebrow arched. “Hit a nerve, have I?”

“I’ll hit you in a minute if you don’t shut the fuck up.”

In answer, Dion just laughed more. “Are you gonna do something about it? Even Erik is getting fed up with the tension between you two now, so I doubt he would mind. “

“Let me spell it out for you, Dion, because it seems you’ve gone a little hard of hearing now you’re sober and shit.” I leant across the table. “I do not and will never want to bang Elodie.”

“Then you won’t mind if the rest of us give it a go, right?”

I froze. My knuckles turned white as I gripped the edge of the table. “Fuck off, Dion. Just fuck off.”

His laughter followed me to my bunk. It seemed to echo in my head as I dragged the curtain across. They could all fuck off.